To add another or a couple?

[Kelmar]

My SO and I have been talking about possibly having sex with another person(s) involved. We just aren't sure which would be the best way to do it as we were looking at either doing seperate MMF/MFF or just find a couple that is looking to do the same. My thought is a couple would provide some stability on that end of things hopefully (ie less risk of attachment). At the end of the day we both know we want to be with each other and are just looking to explore a little bit.

We are also a little unsure of where to start our search I was thinking if we went with people we didn't know we would start on the personals here. We both aren't big on the idea of going to bars etc in the hopes of finding people so. We are also curious about other peoples experiances with threesomes/foursomes how they started/ended and what things to watch out for etc...

We'd like to be as informed as we can before we jump into things and would like to start slow and work our way from there idealy exploring a bit of exhibitionism & voyeurism before jumping deeply into things. If it goes well moving on from there.

 

[SweetErika]

My SO and I have been talking about possibly having sex with another person(s) involved. We just aren't sure which would be the best way to do it as we were looking at either doing seperate MMF/MFF or just find a couple that is looking to do the same. My thought is a couple would provide some stability on that end of things hopefully (ie less risk of attachment).

I think it's easier to find couples for swinging. Couples are a little more difficult in the respect that they add one more person that you have to be attracted to into the mix, but that's not much of a problem for most people. I think you have the right idea about there being more stability with swinging couples, and it'll also help you avoid cheating and other issues (some people masquerade as single swingers, when they're really just doing it without their spouse's knowledge ).

We are also a little unsure of where to start our search I was thinking if we went with people we didn't know we would start on the personals here. We both aren't big on the idea of going to bars etc in the hopes of finding people so. We are also curious about other peoples experiances with threesomes/foursomes how they started/ended and what things to watch out for etc...

The personals here can work, though I'd put more stock in a site like http://www.swinglifestyle.com/ , which is all about connecting with other swingers. While we didn't go through with anything due to life happening, we had fine luck with SLS's free personals.

http://www.swingersboard.com is a great place to get familiar with the lifestyle, meet others, share experiences and learn, so I'd strongly suggest getting involved with that community (they're very nice and super helpful).

Would you be willing to go to a swingers club/party in your area, even just to observe? If so, that could be a very good way to meet people and have experiences in a safe environment, if you so choose.

We'd like to be as informed as we can before we jump into things and would like to start slow and work our way from there idealy exploring a bit of exhibitionism & voyeurism before jumping deeply into things. If it goes well moving on from there.

Well, you're definitely going about it the right way.

I'd strongly suggest doing an advanced search of thread titles for 'threesome*' and 'swinger/swinging' for any date in How To. There have been many fantastic threads that contain experiences and great advice on how to go about this in a way that won't harm your marriage and what you'll need to look out for. In fact, there have been several threads on threesomes right here in the past week!

 

[Kelmar]

I never really had thought about looking down the swinger path, as I guess I have always linked it with swapping more then anything else. Definately will have to do more research into it and see how it all works a bit more.

Thanks for the links as well though it looks like it is US only but I am sure I can find something similar that is canadian. As well as look into swinger clubs though I am not sure how the SO will be on that idea as she can be a bit on the shy side at times.

 

[SweetErika]

I never really had thought about looking down the swinger path, as I guess I have always linked it with swapping more then anything else. Definately will have to do more research into it and see how it all works a bit more.

Thanks for the links as well though it looks like it is US only but I am sure I can find something similar that is canadian. As well as look into swinger clubs though I am not sure how the SO will be on that idea as she can be a bit on the shy side at times.

If I'm understanding you correctly, it seems that swinging is exactly what you're looking for: sex with other people, no attachments. Like anything else, there are lots of variations and ways to swing. As long as you're seeking the basic concept, chances are you'll find a niche that suits your comfort levels and desires perfectly.

Especially if you're doing an ad here, I'd suggest at least putting your province in yhe location field of your profile. I'm sure Canada has clubs and sites as well, though location doesn't matter for sites like SwingersBoard.

Clubs, groups and private parties vary widely, but all of the ones I've looked into are VERY sensitive and welcoming to newbies. Clubs usually have a tour that covers rules, procedures, questions, facilities, etiquette, etc., and most encourage people to wear whatever they're comfortable in and do as little or much as they want to. There's no pressure or obligation to do anything -- everyone was an unsure newbie at one time, after all, and remembers how intimidating it can be!

That said, Hubby and I are most comfortable with meeting people one-on-one, and going from there. Whatever works for you as a couple is great.

 

[Kelmar]

I just fixed the location bit I am still a bit of a newbie when it comes to these things so lol.

And a big hug and kiss to you for helping me. I think I actually found a place which might work out very well. Not only do they even offer a introduction type course to give you a idea of how things work etc... Now to see what the SO thinks of it. Certainly can't knock a club with a clothing option hot tub, BSDM room, group rooms and private rooms. They even offer a bed and breakfast if things go to late.

 

[Trumpet39]

Hey, if this works out, be sure to post about it!

 

[Kelmar]

Well we sent the email away to attend their workshop to see what it is all about.

 

[SweetErika]

I just fixed the location bit I am still a bit of a newbie when it comes to these things so lol.

And a big hug and kiss to you for helping me. I think I actually found a place which might work out very well. Not only do they even offer a introduction type course to give you a idea of how things work etc... Now to see what the SO thinks of it. Certainly can't knock a club with a clothing option hot tub, BSDM room, group rooms and private rooms. They even offer a bed and breakfast if things go to late.

I was just in your gorgeous city a couple of weeks ago. I fall in love with it more and more every time I visit. Now if I could only convince Hubby to move up there!

The place you found sounds fantastic; very similar to the clubs I've looked at down here. I'm sure you won't have trouble finding couples via personals or groups should you decide the club scene isn't for you, too.

And you're very welcome. Like I said, swinging's not right for us (we want some type of commitment for safety reasons and like emotions/attachment), but we've gone through a lot of changes in the past two years, and I'm more than happy to share what I've learned with others because it can be a confusing, rocky, exciting path.

 

[Kelmar]

Yeah I love it here, the down side of being here atm is that everybody else wants to be here to so the housing market is way out of control atm. Of course it should settle down after the 2010 winter olmypics or at least I hope it will lol.

We are going to the workshop on Tuesday so will find out more then about it, should be interesting I am sure.

 

[Eilan]

I don't have anything to add to what's already been said, but I would like to make a comment.

It's kinda nice to see a thread about swinging, threesomes, etc in which some guy doesn't consider his SO's sole reason for existence to be for the realization of his fantasies.

Good luck.

 

[silverwhisper]

[jaw drops]

you mean...she isn't?!

:>

ed

 

[Eilan]

[jaw drops]

you mean...she isn't?!

:>

ed

Well, I can't speak for you. . .

 

[WestVaCouple]

good website for couples

www.swappernet.com

 

[WestVaCouple]

swappernet

It is free for 30 days. Just do not give your credit card number, and go back and log in. After 30 days, they will ask if you want to continue, if yes, pay (cheap), if not do nothing and your profile comes down.

 

[funergetic]

I think that it has to do with preference, I could see myself joining a couple for a threesome (although I wouldn't do it for respect to my wife). I could not even begin to think of bringing another man with my wife, maybe a woman (but I think that I still would not do it!).

 

[SweetErika]

Any updates, Kelmar? Did you go to the workshop? If so, what did you guys think?