Top or Bottom

[do_not_shiver]

I don't know. Never got there. Oral play has been it for me, so far.

Dom. Bottom?

I want to be in control, but make him "take me by force".

 

[simple cruise]

Top

Have only been top with toys,, Fantasise being top with real cock.

 

[fingermagic]

bi is best of all worlds

Bottom for the most part. I just like that role. What can I say, it feels good and is exciting.

 

[PredatorSmile]

My bf is bi...and a top, from what he tells me. which is really too bad. there are many things i'd love to do to his tush.

 

[badger9]

My bf is bi...and a top, from what he tells me. which is really too bad. there are many things i'd love to do to his tush.

You can borrow mine if you like.

 

[ezervet]

fantasizing about being a bottom to the right guy.. in the meantime, fingers will have to fill that role.

you know sometimes, i worry that being a guy like i am, 6'3", 200ish pounds and muscly, means guys will expect me to top all the time. realistically, i know that sounds stupid. looking for some confirmation?

 

[badger9]

...sometimes I worry that being a guy like i am, 6'3", 200ish pounds and muscly, means guys will expect me to top all the time. realistically, i know that sounds stupid. looking for some confirmation?

Nope, don't agree with you. I don't think height or size has anything to do with top or bottom or versatile. It's what you like, what you enjoy.

 

[RazorSplitClit]

Being new, i was curious as to how many of you guys bi or otherwise, consider yourselves to be top, bottom, or you just don't care during sex. Just some pros and cons maybe, i'm a bit curious, and in my bi experiences have done bottom. Any opinions?

Some people assume I'm a bottom because of the crossdressing, but I'm more comfortable topping.

 

[PredatorSmile]

You can borrow mine if you like.

lol ! thanks !

 

[PredatorSmile]

Oh, I wandered off-topic. I'm a girl so...of course I'm the bottom in our relationship !

 

[fingermagic]

Oh, I wandered off-topic. I'm a girl so...of course I'm the bottom in our relationship !

You don't always need to be. You do have a choice of course.

 

[badger9]

Oh, I wandered off-topic. I'm a girl so...of course I'm the bottom in our relationship !

Unless you have a strap-on...???

 

[none2_none2]

you know sometimes, i worry that being a guy like i am, 6'3", 200ish pounds and muscly, means guys will expect me to top all the time. realistically, i know that sounds stupid. looking for some confirmation?

Nope, don't agree with you. I don't think height or size has anything to do with top or bottom or versatile. It's what you like, what you enjoy.

Your absolutely correct badger9.

When I was first doing gay sex, the guys I encountered made it sound like top vs bottom had to do with cock size -- only well hung guys could be tops. I had an idea that I would like to top, but I felt that I was ruled out because I was just average. The attitude was that hung cocks glided in an ass where as average or less poked -- and thus uncomfortable to the bottom...

Anyway, I always hated bottom. It was hard enough to come to terms with an emotional desire to be with guys, and then deal with the fact that once I started having sex with them I disliked the sex. I started to wonder if I must really be str8 given how lousy the sex was. I started feeling like I must really be a freak.

Finally about 2 years into having sex, I finally met a guy who would let me top him. For the first time sex was great. Though I bottomed for a few more times after that, I never liked it. I knew from that time forward that nothing would ever be as intense or as fulfilling as being inside a guy's ass.

I'm sure there have been a few size queens who were dissapointed with me topping them. However, I think most of the guys I topped thought I was good at it. I was a natural at it, and I put my heart into making sure the bottom enjoyed the encounter also.

So one should always decide for themselves whether they are top, bottom, or versitile by what they enjoy doing. Then if you want to be "good" at whatever position label you give yourself, just make sure that your partners always enjoy the encounter as much as you do.

 

[artisticbiguy]

There is a confusion between the "position" of top and bottom vs. the "identity" of top and bottom in a relationship. This is particularly sticky for men who identify "using the dick" as the "powerful -man- position".

How many of us have heard the phrase "pussy-whipped" to desribe a guy who is completely under the control-thrall of the woman he's sleeping with. We all know that "position wise", the guy is "topping" her, but emotionally, power-play and control wise... she is definitely "the top". Though being on the receiving end of a dick (or dildo) is the more vulnerable position from a "can be hurt/controlled" point of view, it is NOT automatically the submissive partner's role.

That said, I like it all. I like to fuck, and to be fucked, by men, and by women. The dynamic is unique to each partnering. There are some men I meet and I think "damn, I have a dick for you", and others I meet who make my ass itch and I go "you'd be a good ride".

My wife and I have plenty of toys, so I have my options no matter what the gender of my partner is.

I have a button I like to wear that says "I'm not Bi, I'm GREEDY"

 

[Wolfman1982]

Hmmm bottom, or not ? Well I don´t know... since artisticbiguy, have just given me a hint... but hmmm I don´t think a man can be a top(my opinion), if he has a cock that is smaller than 15 CM (when erect) . But maybe I am for the first time very wrong about the whole bottom/top of all out of a sudden.

thank you artisticbiguy

I just think I am so unsure on many things

 

[artisticbiguy]

Hmmm bottom, or not ? Well I don´t know... since artisticbiguy, have just given me a hint... but hmmm I don´t think a man can be a top(my opinion), if he has a cock that is smaller than 15 CM (when erect) . But maybe I am for the first time very wrong about the whole bottom/top of all out of a sudden.

thank you artisticbiguy

I just think I am so unsure on many things

I can not claim to be right or wrong in this, as I certainly don't know everything... I have SO MUCH to learn. So realize this next "soap box moment" is purely my unadultrated oppinion:

so what you're saying that "size" determines not only one's sexual position (top or bottom), but one's attitude (in control or not)? that is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard, but then again, I don't have to worry about that particular limitation on my "top or bottomness", I well exheed your 15cm requirement. However, I would say that I've met men who are "terminal tops" who were under 6" (approx 15cm) when errect. I have also met women who are "tops" no matter whether they strap on a dildo or not.

 

[Wolfman1982]

artisticbiguy: I just want to thank you, for opening my mind a bit more

And well maybe I should have written some of it in past tence, but enough of that. And thank you, for saying to me , that size isn´t a matter of being a top , or bottom.

But hmmm just thank you

 

[PredatorSmile]

Unless you have a strap-on...???

well, i have one and i've never used it with my guy. he has a phobia of them. i dont mind "bottoming" but i'd love to top him ONCE before I die.

 

[Guest]

well, i have one and i've never used it with my guy. he has a phobia of them. i dont mind "bottoming" but i'd love to top him ONCE before I die.

He has a phobia of a plastic phallus -- or he has a phobia of being penetrated?

Phobia is a pretty strong word to use, because it implies a complete inability to face the target of the phobia, an overpowering fear that leaves the sufferer unable to function. Phobias can be cured, usually by confronting the object in question in safe surroundings and gradually losing the association of fear.

An aversion is "just not liking it", which isn't so debilitating. Aversion sometimes comes from bad past experience, imagined consequences, or simple ignorance. Sometimes it's just not something a person likes and that's all there is.

As for the whole fear of penetration -- that's a completely different sort of thing. It isn't just men who have it, either -- many women (often lesbians) also see penetration in a negative light. There are lots of reasons -- it requires one to "open up" and accept another person inside in a very intimate way, where that person could easily hurt you. Some feel it forces a loss of control. There is a long held perception that a person who allows another to penetrate him or her is weak, passive, "lesser", disposable, not valuable, and so forth.

That brings up an interesting question -- if you consider yourself "forever and always" a top because you never have been and never will allow penetration, how do you view those who call themselves "tops" yet have experienced penetration and may do it again?

 

[PredatorSmile]

He has a phobia of a plastic phallus -- or he has a phobia of being penetrated?

Phobia is a pretty strong word to use, because it implies a complete inability to face the target of the phobia, an overpowering fear that leaves the sufferer unable to function. Phobias can be cured, usually by confronting the object in question in safe surroundings and gradually losing the association of fear.

An aversion is "just not liking it", which isn't so debilitating. Aversion sometimes comes from bad past experience, imagined consequences, or simple ignorance. Sometimes it's just not something a person likes and that's all there is.

As for the whole fear of penetration -- that's a completely different sort of thing. It isn't just men who have it, either -- many women (often lesbians) also see penetration in a negative light. There are lots of reasons -- it requires one to "open up" and accept another person inside in a very intimate way, where that person could easily hurt you. Some feel it forces a loss of control. There is a long held perception that a person who allows another to penetrate him or her is weak, passive, "lesser", disposable, not valuable, and so forth.

That brings up an interesting question -- if you consider yourself "forever and always" a top because you never have been and never will allow penetration, how do you view those who call themselves "tops" yet have experienced penetration and may do it again?

To answer your question, I'd like to say that sometimes people change. Also, people can be a lot more flexible than you might think. I used to date girls before I met my current boyfriend. I used to say a RESOUNDING NO to being anally penetrated. Yet, when I fell in love with my current man, I was willing to try it and I liked it. I think it's fun and different. I don't mind doing it every now and again. Of course, I'm sexually flexible. Some people can be RIGID and that makes them very
boring.

Personally, if I went home tonight and my guy said he wanted me to use a dildo on him, I wouldn't think less of him. At all. Ok, wait a minute ?
Your question has me thinking. Do tops look DOWN on bottoms ? Also,
do men look DOWN on women who let themselves be taken anally ?
If they do, THAT would bother me. A lot.

 

[Guest]

To answer your question, I'd like to say that sometimes people change. Also, people can be a lot more flexible than you might think. I used to date girls before I met my current boyfriend. I used to say a RESOUNDING NO to being anally penetrated. Yet, when I fell in love with my current man, I was willing to try it and I liked it. I think it's fun and different. I don't mind doing it every now and again. Of course, I'm sexually flexible. Some people can be RIGID and that makes them very
boring.

Personally, if I went home tonight and my guy said he wanted me to use a dildo on him, I wouldn't think less of him. At all. Ok, wait a minute ?
Your question has me thinking. Do tops look DOWN on bottoms ? Also,
do men look DOWN on women who let themselves be taken anally ?
If they do, THAT would bother me. A lot.

I agree, people change, and lots of things are individual. But there are subtle pressures and influence that sometimes people don't even realize they have -- usually they pop up under the heading of "Well, doesn't EVERYONE think that?" and great puzzlement over why someone would question a particular belief or attitude. Some people even get violently angry when their unexamined and deeply seated beliefs are challenged.

I was more or less asking a question to look at those sorts of issues -- the stuff people think and feel, but don't know they do until it's questioned and hauled out to be examined. Judging from some of the answers I've seen here, I'd say those feelings do exist, but that just talking about them make change and acceptance possible.

 

[boi6969]

Being new, i was curious as to how many of you guys bi or otherwise, consider yourselves to be top, bottom, or you just don't care during sex. Just some pros and cons maybe, i'm a bit curious, and in my bi experiences have done bottom. Any opinions?

As far as my preference, I prefer to be considered a very definate bottom. I love being submissive and made to serve my lover as he sees fit. Whether he uses me all to himself or uses me to satisfy his friends.

 

[sseg]

Being new, i was curious as to how many of you guys bi or otherwise, consider yourselves to be top, bottom, or you just don't care during sex. Just some pros and cons maybe, i'm a bit curious, and in my bi experiences have done bottom. Any opinions?

With women I tend to be equal to top most of the time, but with men I go from equal to bottom. A lot of it seems to depend on the overall dynamic between us rather than the gender. I'm more top when it comes to intercourse, but more bottom when it comes to oral.

 

[boi6969]

As far as I'm concerned, there is only one place for me, and that is the bottom. I can only feel really excited when I'm on the bottom serving those (male or female) who wants to use me as they see fit. I was introduced at a young age (13)to being used for another's pleasure. As I grew in my abilities to service my lovers, I have found being a top just doesn't hold the same excitment for me.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Can a woman be a "top" ? I think I am one sometimes. I tend to initiate sex more often than my guy. I'd find him sitting at his computer,
stroking himself while looking at shemales. I hate to see a good erection go to waste and once while he had his eyes closed while masturbating, I knelt down in front of him and surprised him by taking him into my mouth. Also, he comes to my dorm, and finds me on all fours, ready to be taken by him. He's doing me, granted, but I'm the one who initiates most of the time. I'm ALWAYS more into it than he is,
unless I dress up as a cowboy, then I've got his UNDIVIDED attention.