totally new totally confused

[Lil_Lyn]

uh
this is my first time... at literotica.. and its a cool website and all.. i've only recently started having sex.. wasnt very comfortable the first time and all... but after a while get used to it.. but i really can't orgasm during sex. i dont quite understand wat i have to do.. just lie down and let the guy do all the work? someone help me? the guy does get off.. but he gets so tired.. how can i help?

 

[capricious_chic]

Go read some of the stories - that should give you plenty of ideas.

 

[Lil_Lyn]

yeah... i have but.. i dunno its kidna different in real life.. like all i seem to do is lie there... does taht make sense?

 

[Bandit58]

Foreplay honey.....lots of kissing, touching, stroking.....you need to get your motor revving before he puts his cock in you. And then, try different positions - I love being on top because I can control the depth of the thrusting and my hands are free to touch him or play with my clit or breasts......also changes the angle of penetration if I lean forwards more.......

I often don't orgasm just through penetration either, lots of women can't - we need direct clit stimulation as well.......either by fingers or a vibrator (which works best for me).

 

[midwestyankee]

Lil_Lyn, welcome to Lit.

You'll find that this place, this community, is a lot like sex. It's varied, stimulating, sometimes amusing, and almost always rewarding on some level.

For starters, I suggest you relax a bit when you make love to your boyfriend. Learning your body and how it responds to sexual stimulation takes some time and some practice. Once you relax and begin to feel some of the pleasure that will come to you, you'll be glad to do the practice, I'm sure.

As a man, I can't give you much direct advice about what to do when you make love, but I do know that good sex involves far more than lying down and letting the guy do all the work. Your participation will make all the difference in the world.

You're right that many of the stories you will find here seem to be different from real life. But they aren't - they're just different from what you have experienced so far.

For some more real-life reading on sex, let me direct you to The Blank Manual, which is a part of this forum. There you will find dozens of discussion threads on nearly every sexual topic imaginable. Open the Blank Manual and just start browsing. You'll find answers to questions you have not yet figured out to ask, and you will find those answers from everyday people just like you and me.

Enjoy. Both the manual and the sex. After all, that's really what sex is all about: the mutual enjoyment of each other's bodies and natural responses. We make love to each other's spirits, but we use the medium of the body to do it.

By the way, I hope that you're of legal age (18 or older) to be visiting this site and for having sex. If not, perhaps your body is telling you something important by not responding to your boyfriend.

 

[Kelstev]

Just remember...men are not mind readers. You need to be able to tell him, or show him what does it for you. If you don't know, then you need to take time to pleasure yourself. Find what it is that makes you orgasm. Relax and take your time...and enjoy.

Also...remember that most women do not orgasm through intercourse alone. Most need clitoral stimulation.

 

[SweetErika]

Great advice from everyone! Regarding him getting tired after he gets off, it's normal, but it doesn't have to mean you aren't satisfied. Once you learn what makes you come and teach him, go for lots of foreplay and have an orgasm BEFORE you have sex or make him have one. For me, sex feels far better and is more likely to make me come if I have an orgasm right before. A loving and caring partner will realize his/her limitations (e.g. being tired after they come) and find ways to overcome them by satisfying you first, making sure it happens during, or pushing through the sleepiness and ensuring you come after.

 

[Lil_Lyn]

wow u guys have all been really helpful haha and to the reply of one of the gentlemen "midwestyankee".. yes i am over 18 haha im 20 i wish i wasnt but i am haha

 

[flyindolphine]

hm, to just lay there and do nothing is the worst possible thing you can do. then you take the fun away from sex! and for a guy it must feel weird too because its like having sex with a dead person, seriously. play around, try different possitions, play games. Try oral sex mixing with just sex. wow there are so many countless things you can do!

 

[Lust Engine]

Ouch...there's so many little veiled questions here and so many answers to toss back. We could probably write for days on what works & what doesn't. My suggestion would be to pick up a book on sex and read it through. Sure some of the chapters might seem stupid and some will be informative but there are so many things.

But the one thing I would highly stress is to talk. Communicate with him. If you don't know-- ASK! Sex has to do with communication at one of the most intimate levels... so COMMUNICATE!

 

[easy_warm]

lyn u just seem shy 2 me.....c'mmon, just let go of all inhibitions! 4get how well brought up u were... i'm so imaginative but used 2 hav a shy gal friend..she was hesistant about try new things or just outright objected! i respected her responses but it sure was no thrill 4 me.....i guess i just hav a wild mind

 

[Lil_Lyn]

hmm.. mebbe im a lil self conscious i think cos im fat well flabby.. or i dunno yeah i guess im shy.. haha well havent tried anything out yet..

 

[capricious_chic]

hmm.. mebbe im a lil self conscious i think cos im fat well flabby.. or i dunno yeah i guess im shy.. haha well havent tried anything out yet..

If he didn't want to be there with you - he wouldn't be.

Find confidence in the fact that he wants to be with you and see/feel/taste you naked, embrace it and let your inner freak out.

 

[phoenix1224]

You DO realize that a lot of women your age can't have an orgasm, right?

You just need some 'alone time' (A man isn't going to be able to get you off unless you know how to get YOURSELF off first.)... Just spend some time alone getting to know your body very well... Play around... Figure out what you like and what you don't like... Then, when you're with your guy, let HIM know...

There's no bigger turn on for me than a woman who's NOT afraid to ask for what she wants in bed...

 

[tigerjen]

hmm.. mebbe im a lil self conscious i think cos im fat well
flabby.. or i dunno yeah i guess im shy.. haha well havent
tried anything out yet..

Hi!

welcome aboard to Lit!

Looks like you've been receiving some great advice so
far!

here's my advice......don't' let your body type get in the
way of enjoying sex and receiving pleasures! I am
full-figured and I don't let that stop me at all. It takes
time to build CONFIDENCE about oneself, believe me,
and its all about ATTITUDE. Sure there are times where
I feel like "ugh" but if I feel that a guy makes me feel
good (physically, emotionally/mentally), it makes me feel
good all the more. It takes time hon.

There are a lot of great people on Lit......it will take time
to check things out there, but if you ever have questions
or advice do feel free to ask me or anybody here, ok?

I do invite you to check out my stories/poems here on
Lit----the link for them is on the bottom of my post

Welcome again!


tigerjen

 

[tigerjen]

A primer

There are many books out there, but the one I recommend
you checking out if you can find it, is "The Sensuous
Woman" by J. I bought that book when I around 19-20
years old, and there are great ideas in there. It may
seem dated but the ideas are still the same......check it out!


tigerjen

 

[Lil_Lyn]

cool thanks
i cant seem to find that book.. do u think i can find it online? thanks aww everyone's so nice here

 

[tigerjen]

cool thanks
i cant seem to find that book.. do u think i can
find it online? thanks aww everyone's so nice here

Of course!

check: www.amazon.com or www.bn.com (Barnes and
Noble) to see if they carry it. I know its still in print.

good luck!


tigerjen

 

[Tat2mom]

I had the same problem when I started having sex. I didn't orgasm (with another person involved) for 3 yrs. It just happened one night (Thank you Eric!)and after that things were very different. I too just layed there most of the time.

 

[Lil_Lyn]

hey guys, haha i cant try anything out.. our relationship isn't going too good.. mebbe diff guys are diff? hahaha.. we'll see how it works out ;p thanks again!