Transexual experiences

[Gi_Venus]

So, does anyone have input on the dating experience with transexuals?

Sorry Wanntry......grin.... be forwarned we can moody as hell. Those hormones play hell with mental stability. Try flowers and be prepared to soothe...we do like to be treated like the pretty soft things we are......okay some of us are pretty....grin

 

[none2_none2]

What good would it be to attract a larger number of guys, if , for instance, you like to fuck men, but you've cut off your penis? Nothing against dildoes, vibrators, fingers, etc..., but none of those things would feel as nice as having your penis in a guy.

Presumably, people who elect to have transgender M-to-F surgery don't particularly want to fuck, rather they prefer a feminine role. So, what's your point?

Your second post in this thread included the following:

...I guess I could understand a gay guy wanting to be female so as to be attractive to a wider audience of men...

So I ask you: Would you cut your dick off IF it attracted a larger group of whatever you are attracted to?

Well, the jail story is silly (because, as I understand it - having never been there - jail is pretty unpleasant place, no matter what your orientation), but as for preferring a situation where one is surrounded by members of the gender one finds attractive, count me in! Be it a nursing home (more pleasant than jail, I think) or a singles bar. That is the reason gay-guys go to gay's bars, lesbians go to girl's bars, and straights go to conventional singles' bars. If "bars" offends you, substitute a venue you prefer. The point is, when looking for a date you will (if you're smart) go where there is the most number of people that you are likely to find attractive, and who will be attracted to you in return.

It wasn't a silly "story", but a real comment from a straight guy who had been to jail and thought it had been cruel an unusual punishment not because he was behind bars but because he wanted access to females for sex.

It doesn't matter how MANY people you attract, but rather if you enjoy their company AND if you enjoy sex with that particular person (and hopefully that person enjoys you back). So for me to have sex with a guy who either didn't want to get fucked, or I couldn't fuck because I no longer have a penis, would be less exciting than having sex with a eunuch.

Then, I'd say you're not a good candidate for gender re-modelling, but how relevant is this to what true transexuals think?

When did I ever say that "I" wanted to undergo a gender re-modeling? Gay and Transgendered are totally different topics. I was simply pointing out that gay men don't want to cut their dicks off just to attract more guys.

And, yes it does matter how many people you attract, because that is how you find Mr or Ms Right. Finding the right person, whatever your orientation, is a huge marketing exercise where you date to eliminate the toads until you find the person you want to spend time with.

Sorry, maybe love and relationships is about a marketing exercise to you, but not to everyone. Lots of times people find that special one not by hunting for one in a crowd of potential mates, but just living life. I didn't find my partner in a gay place, but by befriending someone online. Sure I can find more sexual outlets if I'm in a place with lots of "available" people, but as I got older sex for sex sake was just hollow. There are people everywhere you go. If you are open to befriend them, you may end up unexpectedly finding that it leads to something more.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Sorry, maybe love and relationships is about a marketing exercise to you, but not to everyone. Lots of times people find that special one not by hunting for one in a crowd of potential mates, but just living life. I didn't find my partner in a gay place, but by befriending someone online. Sure I can find more sexual outlets if I'm in a place with lots of "available" people, but as I got older sex for sex sake was just hollow. There are people everywhere you go. If you are open to befriend them, you may end up unexpectedly finding that it leads to something more.

Oh, you have a partner....damn.

 

[Tymeless]

Sorry, maybe love and relationships is about a marketing exercise to you, but not to everyone. Lots of times people find that special one not by hunting for one in a crowd of potential mates, but just living life. I didn't find my partner in a gay place, but by befriending someone online. Sure I can find more sexual outlets if I'm in a place with lots of "available" people, but as I got older sex for sex sake was just hollow. There are people everywhere you go. If you are open to befriend them, you may end up unexpectedly finding that it leads to something more.

wow that statement is right on the mark on how i approach things. I don't like going to the cattle market to find my mate.

 

[none2_none2]

wow that statement is right on the mark on how i approach things. I don't like going to the cattle market to find my mate.

I think many of us get on the wrong path by going for the numbers. I think it is more common with many younger people: inexperience, hormones, ... Who knows? However, there comes a time when that it just isn't enough.

As to the original writer, I admit that I don't agree and/or understand everthing about transsexualism. However, I have known a few over the years. I've never known a TS person that said they based their decision to change based on which set of body part would get them laid more often. It was about what they wanted for THEMSELVES, not what potential partners would want. In fact some of them had no idea what their SEXUAL preference would be once they started the transition.

Perhaps if sex changes were like changing hair color, hair style, eye color, or other such reversible changes, then maybe there would be a lot of kinky people that go back and forth to expand their sexual experiences. However, we all know it isn't the case. I know enough that it is painful (both physically as well as emotionally because of possible rejections of family, friend, co-workers, etc), expensive, and a very LONG process. Though a very few have reversed it after the surgery, you can never really get back to where you were originally. Basically, it's a one-way ticket. So it is made for what that individual wants for their own piece of mind, not for their piece of ass/dick/etc.

 

[sandiego1]

not again?

 

[Etoile]

So I ask you: Would you cut your dick off IF it attracted a larger group of whatever you are attracted to?

Again...it's not about attracting people. It's about being true to who you are inside. It's not even about "cutting your dick off" - that makes it sound like something distasteful. I would say that most transwomen are happy with SRS, they don't want their penis. You say "would you cut your dick off" as if it were a horrible thing. It's not for transwomen. In fact, having the dick is a reminder to many that they are not quite all female. But again, it's not about attracting people. If a transwoman knew that getting SRS would mean she would be single for the rest of her life, but she felt she needed SRS to be complete and whole and happy, then she would probably want to get it anyway. SRS is about who you are, not who other people are.

 

[yevkassem72]

Sorry Wanntry......grin.... be forwarned we can moody as hell. Those hormones play hell with mental stability. Try flowers and be prepared to soothe...we do like to be treated like the pretty soft things we are......okay some of us are pretty....grin

I'm sure that you're lovely....it just has to show from inside. Confidence is very sexy...as is a flirty manner.

 

[Tymeless]

Again...it's not about attracting people. It's about being true to who you are inside. It's not even about "cutting your dick off" - that makes it sound like something distasteful. I would say that most transwomen are happy with SRS, they don't want their penis. You say "would you cut your dick off" as if it were a horrible thing. It's not for transwomen. In fact, having the dick is a reminder to many that they are not quite all female. But again, it's not about attracting people. If a transwoman knew that getting SRS would mean she would be single for the rest of her life, but she felt she needed SRS to be complete and whole and happy, then she would probably want to get it anyway. SRS is about who you are, not who other people are.

that is very true!

 

[yevkassem72]

Again...it's not about attracting people. It's about being true to who you are inside. It's not even about "cutting your dick off" - that makes it sound like something distasteful. I would say that most transwomen are happy with SRS, they don't want their penis. You say "would you cut your dick off" as if it were a horrible thing. It's not for transwomen. In fact, having the dick is a reminder to many that they are not quite all female. But again, it's not about attracting people. If a transwoman knew that getting SRS would mean she would be single for the rest of her life, but she felt she needed SRS to be complete and whole and happy, then she would probably want to get it anyway. SRS is about who you are, not who other people are.

Sadly, some people just confuse it with homosexuality or bisexuality, and they can't get that out of their heads. No matter how much one tries to reason with them. Such a facetious explanation on their part doesn't explain why some TG/TS people are prepared to give up a partner who isn't interested in the opposite sex in order to be themselves. The partner might support them but in some cases no longer be sexually attracted to them. For instance, two men are in a gay relationship. One of them then changes sex. If she is doing it because of homosexuality, that wouldn't make sense, as it would cause the man to lose sexual interest in her if he is truly a gay man. He supports her, but she is no longer a man, which he desires.

Passing it off as a gay, bi, or straight relationship tool simply makes no logical sense, given the sacrifices that many are willing to make to become their true gender. Just backing up your point here with an illustration. It reminds me of the L Word episode where one woman is becoming a man and it costs her the love of her partner, who is a lesbian. But she has to do it. It's what she feels within, that she is actually male deep inside, oui? Despite the sacrifice, Max becomes male.

 

[Tymeless]

Sadly, some people just confuse it with homosexuality or bisexuality, and they can't get that out of their heads. No matter how much one tries to reason with them. Such a facetious explanation on their part doesn't explain why some TG/TS people are prepared to give up a partner who isn't interested in the opposite sex in order to be themselves. The partner might support them but in some cases no longer be sexually attracted to them. For instance, two men are in a gay relationship. One of them then changes sex. If she is doing it because of homosexuality, that wouldn't make sense, as it would cause the man to lose sexual interest in her if he is truly a gay man. He supports her, but she is no longer a man, which he desires.

Passing it off as a gay, bi, or straight relationship tool simply makes no logical sense, given the sacrifices that many are willing to make to become their true gender. Just backing up your point here with an illustration. It reminds me of the L Word episode where one woman is becoming a man and it costs her the love of her partner, who is a lesbian. But she has to do it. It's what she feels within, that she is actually male deep inside, oui? Despite the sacrifice, Max becomes male.

Its kinda like that for me but its making the relationship between my family hard. My family means the world to me but not if they can't accept me as a woman.

 

[yevkassem72]

Its kinda like that for me but its making the relationship between my family hard. My family means the world to me but not if they can't accept me as a woman.

Damn....and the sort of dad who wants a lot of sons more than anything else often makes things worse.

 

[Tymeless]

Damn....and the sort of dad who wants a lot of sons more than anything else often makes things worse.

the funny thing is my dad seems to be taking it better then my mom and my sister!!!!

 

[yevkassem72]

the funny thing is my dad seems to be taking it better then my mom and my sister!!!!

Too bad that they can't see it as gaining a daughter/sister, then, instead of losing a son/brother.

 

[Tymeless]

Too bad that they can't see it as gaining a daughter/sister, then, instead of losing a son/brother.

exactly but they will adjust i am sure. The love me and support me no matter what they are just having a very hard time with it.

 

[yevkassem72]

exactly but they will adjust i am sure. The love me and support me no matter what they are just having a very hard time with it.

I hope so. I know how bad strained family relations can be.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Again...it's not about attracting people. It's about being true to who you are inside. It's not even about "cutting your dick off" - that makes it sound like something distasteful. I would say that most transwomen are happy with SRS, they don't want their penis. You say "would you cut your dick off" as if it were a horrible thing. It's not for transwomen. In fact, having the dick is a reminder to many that they are not quite all female. But again, it's not about attracting people. If a transwoman knew that getting SRS would mean she would be single for the rest of her life, but she felt she needed SRS to be complete and whole and happy, then she would probably want to get it anyway. SRS is about who you are, not who other people are.

Very true Etoile, my therapist is adamant about being true to yourself on the inside. The body, looks, have nothing to do with it. It does help to have a body that matches, but self acceptance and self esteem is the most important thing of all. The way he phrases it is. "you are not a woman trapped in a mans body, you have the brain of a woman period." Meaning the body does not matter in ones sense of self.
I do not agree with him entirely, as I physically change I have a sense of coming home to myself, as sense of rightness. I think the thing he was trying communicate was that many transgendered become obsessed with appearance and body and neglect the internal growth that needs to occur. Later on they end up in trouble as a result. Those with intense gender dysphoria are very conscious of their bodies and hate the things that hold them apart from the sense of self.

 

[Etoile]

Very true Etoile, my therapist is adamant about being true to yourself on the inside. The body, looks, have nothing to do with it. It does help to have a body that matches, but self acceptance and self esteem is the most important thing of all. The way he phrases it is. "you are not a woman trapped in a mans body, you have the brain of a woman period." Meaning the body does not matter in ones sense of self.
I do not agree with him entirely, as I physically change I have a sense of coming home to myself, as sense of rightness. I think the thing he was trying communicate was that many transgendered become obsessed with appearance and body and neglect the internal growth that needs to occur. Later on they end up in trouble as a result. Those with intense gender dysphoria are very conscious of their bodies and hate the things that hold them apart from the sense of self.

Right, that's why I mentioned "if she needs SRS to feel complete and whole." I know lots of trans people who need the surgery or they won't be happy, and I know some who just aren't interested in it. It's a very individual and personal thing. But either way, it's not about "cutting your dick off" or "cutting your tits off" - those are bad things, not positive changes.

 

[Tymeless]

Right, that's why I mentioned "if she needs SRS to feel complete and whole." I know lots of trans people who need the surgery or they won't be happy, and I know some who just aren't interested in it. It's a very individual and personal thing. But either way, it's not about "cutting your dick off" or "cutting your tits off" - those are bad things, not positive changes.

that being said i'm undecided how far i will go. I do want a complete change but given cost and the fact that its not always a perfect surgery makes me think long and hard on if i'll go that far.

 

[Gi_Venus]

I'm sure that you're lovely....it just has to show from inside. Confidence is very sexy...as is a flirty manner.

Moi? now if I can get the two to match....and shave 20 to 30 years off my age, okay become a multimillionaire and I want a new car. Make my first of Octember list.

 

[AngelofDarkLust]

that being said i'm undecided how far i will go. I do want a complete change but given cost and the fact that its not always a perfect surgery makes me think long and hard on if i'll go that far.

The options are not great either way. I aplaud anyone who is willing to take the chance. Having looked at the f2m, both T and surgury are just as fraught with problems for me to even seriously consider it. I'm okay with the wrong plumbing that at least functions. Other people need more. I'm lucky in that I have a bi partner who is willing to look beyond my physical and treat me in the way my mind demands. It goes a long way to dealing with things. Now if the rest of the world would just look beyond the shell...

 

[Tymeless]

The options are not great either way. I aplaud anyone who is willing to take the chance. Having looked at the f2m, both T and surgury are just as fraught with problems for me to even seriously consider it. I'm okay with the wrong plumbing that at least functions. Other people need more. I'm lucky in that I have a bi partner who is willing to look beyond my physical and treat me in the way my mind demands. It goes a long way to dealing with things. Now if the rest of the world would just look beyond the shell...

goodluck on your journey hun!!!

 

[none2_none2]

Right, that's why I mentioned "if she needs SRS to feel complete and whole." I know lots of trans people who need the surgery or they won't be happy, and I know some who just aren't interested in it. It's a very individual and personal thing. But either way, it's not about "cutting your dick off" or "cutting your tits off" - those are bad things, not positive changes.

Etoile, you missed my point. One of the posts by the person who stated his thread said that: " I guess I could understand a gay guy wanting to be female so as to be attractive to a wider audience of men."

If a gay guy REALLY wants to change gender just to have more potential partners, then yes, it is just about "cutting his dick off".

 

[yevkassem72]

Moi? now if I can get the two to match....and shave 20 to 30 years off my age, okay become a multimillionaire and I want a new car. Make my first of Octember list.

LOL. I'm not always pleased with my body....but it's mainly about the body hair in my case. I'm so Arab in that way that it's not funny. I get a 5 o'clock shadow before noon sometimes.

 

[Gi_Venus]

LOL. I'm not always pleased with my body....but it's mainly about the body hair in my case. I'm so Arab in that way that it's not funny. I get a 5 o'clock shadow before noon sometimes.

Smile....dark and handsome. *shiver* a little bristle against the skin can be delicious sometimes. Be good to yourself