Unicorn: How it came out that way

[TheWritingGroup]

This story was an attempt to play against porn tropes, kind of. It has three characters, all over 50 years old. They are all average-looking (in different ways).

There's a theme. If you didn't already catch it, and this commentary doesn't help, I'll reveal it at the end.

Her friend, slightly hard of hearing, twitched a little, then put her plate of food on the table, and plopped down decisively. "Thanks. The buffet is average, at least. Better than usual for a Mutual Path meeting …"

Annie did this to me: "Mutual Path" is the United Way of this story.

… She did that little look-left-and-right thing to ensure privacy, then didn't whisper, but leaned close to Janice's ear and spoke quietly: "His very favorite thing in the world is providing me oral pleasure. He likes it even more than when I return the favor."

"Sheila!" Janice snapped her head around, brown hair flying up a little from its sensible above-the-shoulder cut. Nobody seemed to be listening. "How can you …" She got stuck there, apparently.

She didn't actually pull away from me, though, thought Sheila. "Well, who else am I close enough to brag at, Janice?" What she hoped was a normal, friendly smile was on her face. "He's good, and I love him, and sometimes I feel like I need to talk about it."

This is Sheila trying to subtly be seductive to Janice. She's really, really out of practice and it isn't that subtle. Janice is quite smart and catches on quickly.

"But, but …" Janice ran out of words again.

In stories this short, you have to do characterization with mannerisms sometimes. Jan's thing is that she starts to repeat words or short phrases when she's excited.

Sheila was hugging Janice, just a little harder than usual. All according to plan. Now, let's see. Yes, the body language said that he could also go for the hug.

Brian is thinking here about how his and Sheila's plan is going. In a few seconds ….

"Yes, thanks for noticing. I haven't worn it for a long time, and today I decided there was no reason to save it forever, so I'd wear my nice things for my wonderful friends." That sounded like a practiced line.

Why, yes, Jan has also been planning. Hmm ….

Janice plumped herself down, forcefully, right in the middle of the couch. Brian sat on her right, Sheila on her left. The larger woman said, "So, you're clearly trying to seduce me."

Aha! Janice figured out what was up!

"You weren't very subtle, Sheila. Suddenly, out of the blue, you were flirting with me. You bring up sex. You brag about Brian's skills. Brian, then for the first time in the years we've known each other, you go for a hug. You hang on. I liked that right-and-left thing." Sheila knew exactly what Janice meant. When Brian was very affectionate, he'd squeeze her and rock right and left a little. It was wonderful.

I tried to be very sensual in this story, with people appreciating the scent of cologne, feeling each other rock back and forth, noticing things like a diamond stud in someone's ear, and Sheila tasting Janice's cologne. (Cologne usually tastes bad.)

Sheila spoke up. "Have you not been with a man our age? They don't get hard as fast or as easily as younger guys. Brian still gets plenty hard, thank you very much--"

I tried to be physically realistic here. All three are in pretty good shape, and all three are middle aged. It would be very, very unusual for Brian to have more than one orgasm in that encounter, for example, and it's pretty believable that Sheila needs extra lubrication now that she's past menopause.

"We won't be insisting," Sheila was almost giggling, "but I think you're about to get two romantic kisses, sugarplum."

"Sugarplum?!" Janice was pretend-indignant …

I sure hope the nickname game was as fun for readers as it was to write.

Brian's voice, quiet, sexy. "We're being very careful with you, Janice. You said 'first base'. We won't go any further now unless you say. Or do, I guess. If you start undressing, or grab Sheila's boobs, we might take that as an, um, 'invitation'."

Did she end up grabbing Sheila's boobs because Brian suggested it here? I think so, but even I'm not sure.

With her eyes still closed, Janice spoke. "Good advice, Sheila. That was fantastic. Thank you, Brian."

This is Jan's first point of view segment, about halfway through the story. I was trying to subtly say that Janice is now part of the team that used to be just Sheila and Brian.

After a minute or so more, Jan reached out, felt for and found Brian's left nipple on the other side of Sheila, and began to toy with it. Brian twitched.

It's a pretty common idea that people learn new tricks when they swing. This is Sheila's discovery: Brian has sensitive nipples and enjoys it when his lover plays with them. Brian didn't know it either, of course.

And Janice said, quietly and throatily (just like a 50s movie star!): "You talk too much, beefcake." The she leaned over to gently push him onto his back with the hand on his chest …

I wanted it to be very clear that while Brian and Sheila were the initiators, Janice isn't passive or just accepting, that she's fully into this and perfectly capable of taking charge.

Finally, Sheila, lying on her back, side pressed against Jan, said, "I guess we wasted our time making up the bed with satin sheets." She heard Brian's wonderful chuckles, and felt and heard Jan's newly-discovered belly laugh.

I liked this bit so much I cut another few hundred words of ending. What do you all think?

So what's the mystery theme? Nothing in this story goes as planned (including my writing it—some of this is my outline not working and having to be written differently). The initial seduction trick is seen through. Jan tries to be the confident table-turner, but gets insecure. Brian and Jan wanted to fuck to finish the encounter, but Brian came too slowly and Jan got too tired, so Sheila has to finish things. Almost nothing goes as planned—Janice's pretty shoes turn out to hurt her feet, Sheila has to grab a second condom … this story is the tale of the plans that don't work. Yet, all three are very happy at the end.

I sure hope readers are, too. Let me know.

-Rocco