Venting about Loss

[scotluvsoral]

I rarely start my own thread, but today I just needed to vent, to shake the heaviness I am carrying about. I've lost lots of people over the years, as has everyone else but I've lost several friends in just the last few weeks and have been and am going to, too many, funerals. I lost a friend to cancer, one to complications from vascular problems and another to relapse to opiate addiction. I love life and am truly blessed by a great family filled with love and I treasure that. I try to approach every day with a positive outlook, but lately, I am feeling a bit weighed down by the loss. I am weighed down by the loss and by the apparent never ending onslaught of cancer and addiction...so many losses. That coupled with the horrible killings and the crazed tribalism in the USA. Just has tuckered me out and left me feeling emotionally flat. Seeing this written out, is healthy for me, because I know that the vast center of the US, is not rigidly lost in right/left extreme beliefs but cares about people and believes in a lot of the same values. And seeing the losses written out, reminds me that I hurt because I loved those people and the hurt signifies their importance in my life. That's a fair trade-off, years of love and friendship for a short time of pain.

A thread titled Venting about Loss will probably not attract an audience and that is OK, probably even a good thing! But because getting the stuff out of me, is better than leaving it inside of me festering, I am glad I wrote this. I feel better for the effort! For any who choose to read this, thanks for letting me cry on you shoulder!!!

 

[Ann_Tagonist]

Isn't a family tribalism?

 

[CandiCame]

Damn, hon, sorry to hear that.

 

[IG_88]

I am not reading all that in that font. Making me try just makes me want you to suffer more from whatever it is you're suffering from.

 

[Tryharder62]

Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you!

 

[MelissaBaby]

I rarely start my own thread, but today I just needed to vent, to shake the heaviness I am carrying about. I've lost lots of people over the years, as has everyone else but I've lost several friends in just the last few weeks and have been and am going to, too many, funerals. I lost a friend to cancer, one to complications from vascular problems and another to relapse to opiate addiction. I love life and am truly blessed by a great family filled with love and I treasure that. I try to approach every day with a positive outlook, but lately, I am feeling a bit weighed down by the loss. I am weighed down by the loss and by the apparent never ending onslaught of cancer and addiction...so many losses. That coupled with the horrible killings and the crazed tribalism in the USA. Just has tuckered me out and left me feeling emotionally flat. Seeing this written out, is healthy for me, because I know that the vast center of the US, is not rigidly lost in right/left extreme beliefs but cares about people and believes in a lot of the same values. And seeing the losses written out, reminds me that I hurt because I loved those people and the hurt signifies their importance in my life. That's a fair trade-off, years of love and friendship for a short time of pain.

A thread titled Venting about Loss will probably not attract an audience and that is OK, probably even a good thing! But because getting the stuff out of me, is better than leaving it inside of me festering, I am glad I wrote this. I feel better for the effort! For any who choose to read this, thanks for letting me cry on you shoulder!!!

It's the act of venting, not that response, that is important. Many here will mock or deride you, but know that you have been heard.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Wishing you and visitors to your thread peace, comfort, joy and happiness...all of the feelings that grief can temporarily smother

 

[Scareltt]

I am so very sorry..

I rarely start my own thread, but today I just needed to vent, to shake the heaviness I am carrying about. I've lost lots of people over the years, as has everyone else but I've lost several friends in just the last few weeks and have been and am going to, too many, funerals. I lost a friend to cancer, one to complications from vascular problems and another to relapse to opiate addiction. I love life and am truly blessed by a great family filled with love and I treasure that. I try to approach every day with a positive outlook, but lately, I am feeling a bit weighed down by the loss. I am weighed down by the loss and by the apparent never ending onslaught of cancer and addiction...so many losses. That coupled with the horrible killings and the crazed tribalism in the USA. Just has tuckered me out and left me feeling emotionally flat. Seeing this written out, is healthy for me, because I know that the vast center of the US, is not rigidly lost in right/left extreme beliefs but cares about people and believes in a lot of the same values. And seeing the losses written out, reminds me that I hurt because I loved those people and the hurt signifies their importance in my life. That's a fair trade-off, years of love and friendship for a short time of pain.

A thread titled Venting about Loss will probably not attract an audience and that is OK, probably even a good thing! But because getting the stuff out of me, is better than leaving it inside of me festering, I am glad I wrote this. I feel better for the effort! For any who choose to read this, thanks for letting me cry on you shoulder!!!

Sorry just doesn’t seem to convey how your post registered with me.

I am sorry that cancer and addiction caused you this lose and pain.

It’s not easy having friends and family they can be so easily taken away from us.

I hope you get a bunch of replies to your post. You should know you’re not walking this road alone.

 

[HarryHill]

I hope you have someone close to share your grief with and offer the pale promise that it will get better in time.

 

[Sweet_Cupcake]

I am so sorry you are losing people close to you, who mean something real to you. I cannot imagine why anyone would write a negative response to such a heartfelt post. I am in medicine and I see pain, loss, suffering every day but not normally in a truly personalized fashion. I just try to do my small part to alleviate suffering and accentuate kindness.

I am also struggling to try to understand how low we can go in the U.S. Our politics has taken over our neighborliness and enjoyment of our communities. I hope this is just a bad cycle. Again, I try to do my small part to be understanding and inclusive.

Sending you some good karma as you deal with the circle of life. There are of course, joys and pain always.

 

[scotluvsoral]

Thanks for all the positive responses...I actually didn't think it would even get read. Venting really helped!

 

[Paul_Chance]

The author Harlan Ellison has a collection of short stories called "Angry Candy", which he wrote following a period that saw the loss of multiple loved ones, friends, and acquaintances in a relative short period of time.

Within the last two years I've crashed through my own season of loss - my stepfather to a stroke, my best friend of thirty years to bone cancer, another friend to mental health and suicide. Now, I am moving through a period where my mother is nearing the end (stage 4 lung cancer, due to advanced age, not treatable except with palliative care, my nephew (whom I am the primary caregiver to) with a terminal liver disease (no hope for a transplant). Around me, most of my friends are going through the loss of their parents or there own health issues associated with aging (my peer group is pretty much in our fifties and sixties).

So, I can definitely relate to the need to vent and the cascade of emotions that come with death and dying. It's compounded in that many American's are not comfortable talking about death and it's inevitability.

I just remember that no one escapes death - no one I love, no one I know - it's a door we all get to go through. In my case I am bolstered by strong friendships, strong faith, and a strong supportive circle of friends, family, and professionals. (Don't be afraid to seek grief counseling - it helps).

In Buddhism we talk about about the "Ocean of Tears" and the parable is told of a mother, having lost her child, came to Buddha and asked him about it. He said there was a way to escape from the Ocean of Tears and he would tell her that way, but all she had to do first was find, in her village or the surrounding villages, one house that had not experienced loss. She searched and search and in every village and every household everyone had experienced death. In that way, she learned that her experience, as terrible as it was, was not unique - was in fact an experience all human beings have, as part of being human, and in that was she comprehended the Ocean of Tears and attained enlightenment.

So, as you to go through your own Ocean of Tears, simple know and understand that we are all right there with you, you're not alone, we all have experienced, or are experiencing, or will experience that same journey through death, through loss, and through the pain that accompanies it - and that's okay. It is the way things are. Grieve when grieving is important. Celebrate life when celebrating life is important. Best wishes to you.

 

[SissySalina]

Sorry for your loss.
Hope you rebound shortly, a long stretch of despair is not good for the soul.
It has been said that the light is not at the end of the tunnel but it just seems that way because it is brighter there.

Everyone deals with loss in a different way and the longer the life the more the loss not because you see more leave this place but because you know more in this place.

There is a beginning and end to all and both times should be celebrated to remember the good and forget the bad.

 

[Jada59]

Very sorry.

*Big hug*

 

[coati]

I am also struggling to try to understand how low we can go in the U.S. Our politics has taken over our neighborliness and enjoyment of our communities. I hope this is just a bad cycle.

You have identified a big loss that many of us deal with today.

I think it is much worse than in the past, because of the new mass communication technologies that are now being exploited by those who have learned how to exploit at a mass scale the most primitive aspects of the human brain, aspects of human behavior that are engrained in over 100,000 years of evolution.

Hopefully we, as a species, will adjust to this new instantaneous mass person-to-person technology and rise above our deeply programmed stimulus-response behaviors. Hopefully it will just be a bad cycle, as you stated.

As for dealing with this particular loss, unplugging from all the noise on regular basis really helps.