Want to trade feedback on 750s?

[Djmac1031]

I love this piece. It immediately pulls me in. Everything flows.
A great 'reunion' picture.



The next line did it.

Thanks @Djmac1031

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'll self critique myself on that story though. I probably spent too many words on her physical description.

Although the idea for the story was part of a separate challenge to write a story based on an AI image produced by @EmilyMiller

I wrote that physical description based on an entirely different idea I had about a young woman being an exhibitionist in a public park.

Problem was; after writing it... I HATED IT. It was utter crap.

So I scrapped everything but that opening description and, after bouncing a few other ideas around with Em, wrote Reunion.

I probably could have scaled back the physical description and used those words to flesh out her character... so to speak.

 

[Djmac1031]

Well, it has, it’s 3.63 now
My last year’s did worse, in NonHuman. Not my categories, these.

I think your score suffers more from the lack of explicit Non Con in the Non Con category.

You'd probably have done very well in Fantasy.

 

[AlexBailey]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'll self critique myself on that story though. I probably spent too many words on her physical description.

Although the idea for the story was part of a separate challenge to write a story based on an AI image produced by @EmilyMiller

I wrote that physical description based on an entirely different idea I had about a young woman being an exhibitionist in a public park.

Problem was; after writing it... I HATED IT. It was utter crap.

So I scrapped everything but that opening description and, after bouncing a few other ideas around with Em, wrote Reunion.

I probably could have scaled back the physical description and used those words to flesh out her character... so to speak.

The florid description fits perfectly. She is idealized and innocent, in the prime of health and vigor. Why wouldn't she be dressed like she's at a clothes optional health spa?

 

[Djmac1031]

The florid description fits perfectly. She is idealized and innocent, in the prime of health and vigor. Why wouldn't she be dressed like she's at a clothes optional spa?

Thank you for that feedback. It's the one thing I was sorta kicking myself over. Because again, I originally wrote it with a more typical "sexy" story in mind.

So I appreciate hearing it's not some jarring transition.

 

[Djmac1031]

Each comment applies to the story above it, so my worst-rated story ever is "Home for her Birthday".

Okay so now I get the context lol.

So out of curiosity, I read it.

I'll preface this by saying I try my best not to kink shame.

I'm only vaguely familiar with BDSM, but I know enough to understand there are some forms more brutal than others.

Yours leans heavily into brutal. And all I can say is I probably wasn't alone in thinking that.

I didn't rate it. Technically it's well written and as a story, it works. Which again, too many 750 worders miss that mark.

But I'm not going to low rate it because #notmykink

I got the point of your story. So there is that. Just... sorry, don't GET IT. Pain, cruelty and humiliation just don't do it for me.

 

[XerXesXu]

A Smile To Remember (750 Words)
Lonely single parents find love on the playground.

My first romance, my first entirely vanilla story, my least explicit story.

I liked this one, I'm a vanilla guy. The thing that struck me was the disfigurement. If she had a hare lip, something of the sort I'd anticipated, the story would have concluded. The scars you describe were a heinous act of malice - and a story begins. Your story ends at the beginning of a story and left me feeling that the central theme was unresolved. That may have been your intention, but as a 750 story that didn't quite work for me.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Your story ends at the beginning of a story and left me feeling that the central theme was unresolved.

Can you say more about the story you wanted me to tell? The attack, maybe? Or the aftermath?

 

[Omenainen]

I submitted three 750 word stories, all in CD/TG.

I’d like to hear how I could have paced things better, how I could have made action or emotions more clear, basically how could I have connected better with my target audience.

I’m already looking back at missed opportunities and things I wish I’d thought of.



TSA vs. Queer PDA
What to do while waiting for a flight?
https://literotica.com/s/tsa-vs-queer-pda

As far as I saw this hasn't been done yet, so I read this one. Not that I have much to say beyond hot damn! It was fun and cute and sexy, and upbeat, and the only real complaint I have is with the blueballing. Come on, just a little more and they would've come! Not fair! I'm also not convinced it's a good idea to fall down on a public toilet floor, but maybe it was more a figurative collapse in the end.

Well done. Nice little scene.

 

[Omenainen]

Done Passing As Vanilla (750 Words)
A domme goes shopping at the meat market.

This one was confusing because it got a normal number of views and votes, and is one of my few 750s with a red H, but it got zero comments. No idea why.

I think this one wasn't done yet either, so I read this one too. I liked it a lot. I'm very appreciative for when people know their own needs and wants and communicate them clearly. They seemed like a good match, and I'm intrigued to find out what happens to them now. It was a well executed scene, but it read more like a beginning of a story than an actual story. Then a lot of 750s are like that, so it's not really a complain.

I don't have any suggestions for improvement. Well done.

 

[AlexBailey]

As far as I saw this hasn't been done yet, so I read this one. Not that I have much to say beyond hot damn! It was fun and cute and sexy, and upbeat, and the only real complaint I have is with the blueballing. Come on, just a little more and they would've come! Not fair! I'm also not convinced it's a good idea to fall down on a public toilet floor, but maybe it was more a figurative collapse in the end.

Well done. Nice little scene.

Thanks Om!

Yeah. One of the few nice things to come about with the nonbinary restroom controversy is that some modern public spaces designate private entry privies as Family/Any Gender. They are often larger, have places for nursing mothers to sit, and are typically kept quite clean.

Trimming down to 750 words leaves out a lot of those details.

Sorry about the blue balling.

 

[XerXesXu]

Can you say more about the story you wanted me to tell? The attack, maybe? Or the aftermath?

Who was she before she was disfigured? Who disfigured her so grotesquely? Why? What became of them? Anything to do with her child? What does her new love think –should something be done about it?

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Who was she before she was disfigured? Who disfigured her so grotesquely? Why? What became of them? Anything to do with her child? What does her new love think –should something be done about it?

Oh, yeah, I see why you'd be curious about that, but it wasn't the story I wanted to tell. I wanted to take the scars as history and see where she went afterward. It was an awful thing, sure, but it shouldn't define her, right? She's got decades more of life to live.