What would you do?

[Elite_Goblin]

I am quite mixed/torn up inside and perhaps an outside suggestion may help me. Feel free to skip over this thread, if you are not serious or do not have anything helpful to post.

1. History

10 years ago, my wife had zoned me out. We had no kids in the house, so we could have a datenight whenever we wanted. We sometimes had flowers on the table (not just for her, but it is nice to see). Long story short, sex became much less frequent, and much more vanilla. I felt empty. Spending time in the gym helped to get my mind off of things.

One day, another woman made advances on me. Normally, I would not even notice (much ) However, I felt lonely, depraved, and I was longing to touch someone and also be touched, without having to ask first and be rejected later. This encounter developed passionately, but no intercouse. A free time-slot just never came for us. I was getting drawn in.

I realized I was getting drawn emotionally away from my wife of 12 years. She is a very nice person, and someone that is quite easy on the eyes. The biggest issue was her dying lack of interest in me. I thought that my wife deserved to know what was going on, and how I was being torn up inside.

As imaginable, my wife exploded on the news. For the first 2 days, I thought that she was going to leave. I knew that this would likely happen, but I had to be honest with myself and with her. We talked often during the first few days, and she told me that she now realized how she took our marriage for granted, and vowed to be the lover she used to be. She did this and more!

2. Rekindling

We rekindled our flame with hot, passionate play! We tried out new things, and brought some of our fantasies to life. Outdoor sex, induced lactation, swallowing blowjobs, watching porn together, recording XXX videos of us, sex toys...indeed the best 2 months of sex in my life!!!!

3. Cooling the fire

Despite earlier years of trying hard to get pregnant with no avail, those 2 months of fun was enough to get her pregnant. With pregnancy, the boobs now became off-limits to me. The fun, laughter, folicking and sex slowly started drying up.

4. Fast forward to today.

We are in the same rut as 10 years ago. Although now with child. Intimacy was scarce at once a week, then once every 2 weeks. It is not surprising for her to reject any touches (non-sexual even). She said that we both really needed sex. Told me it was today (not today, but that day). Didn't happen. Next day, same thing. Then she said it was a promise. Promise broken. She rejected any playful touches that day. (I wanted to build up to the evening a little). I guess she just wanted to spread her legs and get it over with. Sorry, I don't work that way. She seems to want me more like a sibling than a lover. I am again torn inside. This time, there is no other woman tempting me.

My life is very complex now. We sold everything, I quit my high paying job and moved out of the country. Due to the needs of my son, I will not leave the household. (unless I am forced to leave) If I have to leave, it is impossible to secure a job that pays an adequate wage in this area. I could easily get a great paying job if I went back to my home country, but then I would be away from my son.

5. question?

My mind is saying that I should just try to talk to her (seems like an annual discussion now) about what is going on. But I know how that will end up. Good enough for now, but a repeat later.

At what point would you say enough already?
What would you do, if your spouse rejected your touches of affection or told you to stop? (non sexual forms of affection)
Should I just treat her like a sibling or good friend, and no longer have intimacy with her?
Should I emotionally detach myself and just enjoy the physical pleasure of sex whenever she initiates it?

Is there something else I could do?

 

[rockcasbah]

i suggest you change your Username from Elite Goblin to Hopeless Loser.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Thanks rockcasbah.

that is the exact response that I was not looking for. Not helpful.

 

[rockcasbah]

It was sincere. Get your head out of your fantasy world ass and go solve your real world problems in the real world.

 

[FL30]

I am quite mixed/torn up inside and perhaps an outside suggestion may help me. Feel free to skip over this thread, if you are not serious or do not have anything helpful to post.

1. History

10 years ago, my wife had zoned me out. We had no kids in the house, so we could have a datenight whenever we wanted. We sometimes had flowers on the table (not just for her, but it is nice to see). Long story short, sex became much less frequent, and much more vanilla. I felt empty. Spending time in the gym helped to get my mind off of things.

One day, another woman made advances on me. Normally, I would not even notice (much ) However, I felt lonely, depraved, and I was longing to touch someone and also be touched, without having to ask first and be rejected later. This encounter developed passionately, but no intercouse. A free time-slot just never came for us. I was getting drawn in.

I realized I was getting drawn emotionally away from my wife of 12 years. She is a very nice person, and someone that is quite easy on the eyes. The biggest issue was her dying lack of interest in me. I thought that my wife deserved to know what was going on, and how I was being torn up inside.

As imaginable, my wife exploded on the news. For the first 2 days, I thought that she was going to leave. I knew that this would likely happen, but I had to be honest with myself and with her. We talked often during the first few days, and she told me that she now realized how she took our marriage for granted, and vowed to be the lover she used to be. She did this and more!

2. Rekindling

We rekindled our flame with hot, passionate play! We tried out new things, and brought some of our fantasies to life. Outdoor sex, induced lactation, swallowing blowjobs, watching porn together, recording XXX videos of us, sex toys...indeed the best 2 months of sex in my life!!!!

3. Cooling the fire

Despite earlier years of trying hard to get pregnant with no avail, those 2 months of fun was enough to get her pregnant. With pregnancy, the boobs now became off-limits to me. The fun, laughter, folicking and sex slowly started drying up.

4. Fast forward to today.

We are in the same rut as 10 years ago. Although now with child. Intimacy was scarce at once a week, then once every 2 weeks. It is not surprising for her to reject any touches (non-sexual even). She said that we both really needed sex. Told me it was today (not today, but that day). Didn't happen. Next day, same thing. Then she said it was a promise. Promise broken. She rejected any playful touches that day. (I wanted to build up to the evening a little). I guess she just wanted to spread her legs and get it over with. Sorry, I don't work that way. She seems to want me more like a sibling than a lover. I am again torn inside. This time, there is no other woman tempting me.

My life is very complex now. We sold everything, I quit my high paying job and moved out of the country. Due to the needs of my son, I will not leave the household. (unless I am forced to leave) If I have to leave, it is impossible to secure a job that pays an adequate wage in this area. I could easily get a great paying job if I went back to my home country, but then I would be away from my son.

5. question?

My mind is saying that I should just try to talk to her (seems like an annual discussion now) about what is going on. But I know how that will end up. Good enough for now, but a repeat later.

At what point would you say enough already?
What would you do, if your spouse rejected your touches of affection or told you to stop? (non sexual forms of affection)
Should I just treat her like a sibling or good friend, and no longer have intimacy with her?
Should I emotionally detach myself and just enjoy the physical pleasure of sex whenever she initiates it?

Is there something else I could do?

You are the only one that can answer your questions, whether they're right or wrong. I will tell you that a lifeless marriage is NOT worth it. I had a buddy that was going to leave his wife and divorce her when their kids graduated from high school. Unfortunately, he didn't live for that to happen. He died of a heart attack at 48 years young. You need to do what is right for YOU. NOT for the marriage. You can always see your son, maybe NOT every day but you will see him.

You no longer have a wife or even a marriage, you have a roommate situation.

If you talk to most people that have lived through what you're living through, I'm sure that most would say that they should have left earlier and found someone else to be with.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Thanks FL30 for the insight.

I had divorced once before after 10 years of marriage and 2 growing kids. It was very tough, but much more happiness came out of it rather quickly. So, I am not scared of that. I no longer have a house or fancy car to lose. So nothing sentimental to divide up.

Now it is another wife, and over 20 years of marriage. We have a child with a little disability, so he really requires extra daily attention.
The excruciating part is that leaving would mean unforeseen difficulties with our son. I am in a foreign country and cannot get a job that would bring in suitable wages for living separately. (unless I want to buy a car and commute a long way). I have no family here, no friends, no little retreat place, nothing but a dwindling bank account! I can easily get a great paying job in the USA probably within 2 weeks. This means moving back. Moving back would bring the likely hood of my spouse (or ex-spouse) not wanting to return with me. I would probably be allowed to see my son a few weeks per year, and only if I would take off work for some weeks to fly there (rent a short-term place) to see him. That cannot work for me nor him.

I talked to her about what bothered me yesterday. (PDA) She is adamant that a couple not show PDA, especially in Germany. She says no one does it. I pointed out that at the swimming area, I saw an older guy fondling his partner's breast under her bikini top. A lady was caressing her partner with love. Lots of affection there. Lots of affection in the parks too. My crime? I had my arm around her and was rubbing her shoulder while sitting on a bench at the playground.

I decided to cut out any and all PDA. No hugging, kissing goodbye/hello, hand-holding...etc. in public. Unfortunately, I have a hard time of processing this whole mess, so I feel detached from her, and withold affection in private as well. (she sometimes is unwelcoming towards my show of affection anyways). I even passed up an invited sex session, as the whole deal has put me out of the mood. Maybe in the future, I engage in periodic sex, just to remember it.

So in short...yes, a roomate situation. Most nights, either I or her have to switch into another bedroom due to my snoring or for some other reason.
I am prepared to live as roomates for about 8 more years, or as long as it takes until my son is old enough to handle the situation. Then decide what to do.
If I die of a heart attack before then, then so be it. My feelings for lack of affection will be resolved for good!

I guess I needed more venting of my feelings as opposed to anyone telling me what to do. The situation is too complex anyway for that.
Thanks for your support!

 

[Elite_Goblin]

It was sincere. Get your head out of your fantasy world ass and go solve your real world problems in the real world.

No, it was not sincerity. You were being purposely hurtfull and immature. Sorry. I even asked that if you did not have anything helpful to say, then move on. Apparently, you had to throw your immature comments where it was not needed. But that is OK. I am sure that one day, you will grow up and mature. Well, I am kinda sure.
(ignore rockcasbah)

 

[rockcasbah]

Abacus Data just released a study on Canadians who believe in conspiracy theories.

Nearly 2 million Canadians believe most birds are actually US spy drones.

 

[Sh1ne0n67]

It was sincere. Get your head out of your fantasy world ass and go solve your real world problems in the real world.

I'm sure he's here for the free counseling.
It's honesty that he wants to avoid
along with reality...

 

[rockcasbah]

The good news is he’s thinking about moving to the USA.

 

[Crownvic]

The good news is he’s thinking about moving to the USA.

Not good news right now...

 

[Not Normal]

You are the only one that can answer your questions, whether they're right or wrong. I will tell you that a lifeless marriage is NOT worth it. I had a buddy that was going to leave his wife and divorce her when their kids graduated from high school. Unfortunately, he didn't live for that to happen. He died of a heart attack at 48 years young. You need to do what is right for YOU. NOT for the marriage. You can always see your son, maybe NOT every day but you will see him.

You no longer have a wife or even a marriage, you have a roommate situation.

If you talk to most people that have lived through what you're living through, I'm sure that most would say that they should have left earlier and found someone else to be with.

This pretty much covers it.

If you really can get a high paying job in the U.S., then you can afford to get your son the care he needs.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

To get that high paying job means to leave my son. Not seeing him for many months out of the year. Sure I could pay a service to help out from across the ocean, but that is not the point. I want to be there for my son and ensure he has what he needs as he grows up.

Looking for free counseling? How about possible suggestions that I had not thought of before.
Wanting to avoid honesty? I have no clue what you are talking about.
Wanting to avoid reality? Nope. Not looking to avoid, but trying to figure out a path through reality that I can be true to myself, and my son.

Seems like if you post something about wanting to fuck a tree, it is OK. As soon as you look for support, you get attacked. Thanks.

 

[LeeKee]

I am quite mixed/torn up inside and perhaps an outside suggestion may help me. Feel free to skip over this thread, if you are not serious or do not have anything helpful to post.

1. History

10 years ago, my wife had zoned me out. We had no kids in the house, so we could have a datenight whenever we wanted. We sometimes had flowers on the table (not just for her, but it is nice to see). Long story short, sex became much less frequent, and much more vanilla. I felt empty. Spending time in the gym helped to get my mind off of things.

One day, another woman made advances on me. Normally, I would not even notice (much ) However, I felt lonely, depraved, and I was longing to touch someone and also be touched, without having to ask first and be rejected later. This encounter developed passionately, but no intercouse. A free time-slot just never came for us. I was getting drawn in.

I realized I was getting drawn emotionally away from my wife of 12 years. She is a very nice person, and someone that is quite easy on the eyes. The biggest issue was her dying lack of interest in me. I thought that my wife deserved to know what was going on, and how I was being torn up inside.

As imaginable, my wife exploded on the news. For the first 2 days, I thought that she was going to leave. I knew that this would likely happen, but I had to be honest with myself and with her. We talked often during the first few days, and she told me that she now realized how she took our marriage for granted, and vowed to be the lover she used to be. She did this and more!

2. Rekindling

We rekindled our flame with hot, passionate play! We tried out new things, and brought some of our fantasies to life. Outdoor sex, induced lactation, swallowing blowjobs, watching porn together, recording XXX videos of us, sex toys...indeed the best 2 months of sex in my life!!!!

3. Cooling the fire

Despite earlier years of trying hard to get pregnant with no avail, those 2 months of fun was enough to get her pregnant. With pregnancy, the boobs now became off-limits to me. The fun, laughter, folicking and sex slowly started drying up.

4. Fast forward to today.

We are in the same rut as 10 years ago. Although now with child. Intimacy was scarce at once a week, then once every 2 weeks. It is not surprising for her to reject any touches (non-sexual even). She said that we both really needed sex. Told me it was today (not today, but that day). Didn't happen. Next day, same thing. Then she said it was a promise. Promise broken. She rejected any playful touches that day. (I wanted to build up to the evening a little). I guess she just wanted to spread her legs and get it over with. Sorry, I don't work that way. She seems to want me more like a sibling than a lover. I am again torn inside. This time, there is no other woman tempting me.

My life is very complex now. We sold everything, I quit my high paying job and moved out of the country. Due to the needs of my son, I will not leave the household. (unless I am forced to leave) If I have to leave, it is impossible to secure a job that pays an adequate wage in this area. I could easily get a great paying job if I went back to my home country, but then I would be away from my son.

5. question?

My mind is saying that I should just try to talk to her (seems like an annual discussion now) about what is going on. But I know how that will end up. Good enough for now, but a repeat later.

At what point would you say enough already?
What would you do, if your spouse rejected your touches of affection or told you to stop? (non sexual forms of affection)
Should I just treat her like a sibling or good friend, and no longer have intimacy with her?
Should I emotionally detach myself and just enjoy the physical pleasure of sex whenever she initiates it?

Is there something else I could do?

Wow, where to begin. This sounds hauntingly familiar. Right now, it seems like she has basically moved on, and appears to have the impression she can control me with sex. How do no know? She said so 3 hours ago. Point blank. My guts says screw this, its over, and to go on is to fool ourselves. I also have reason to believe she has taken a lover, and if not, it is an emotional affair. Again, part of me says to hell with this, the other part says work it out. Dunno. Maybe just tell her if she wants a lover, bring him/

To get that high paying job means to leave my son. Not seeing him for many months out of the year. Sure I could pay a service to help out from across the ocean, but that is not the point. I want to be there for my son and ensure he has what he needs as he grows up.

Looking for free counseling? How about possible suggestions that I had not thought of before.
Wanting to avoid honesty? I have no clue what you are talking about.
Wanting to avoid reality? Nope. Not looking to avoid, but trying to figure out a path through reality that I can be true to myself, and my son.

Seems like if you post something about wanting to fuck a tree, it is OK. As soon as you look for support, you get attacked. Thanks.

I am quite mixed/torn up inside and perhaps an outside suggestion may help me. Feel free to skip over this thread, if you are not serious or do not have anything helpful to post.

1. History

10 years ago, my wife had zoned me out. We had no kids in the house, so we could have a datenight whenever we wanted. We sometimes had flowers on the table (not just for her, but it is nice to see). Long story short, sex became much less frequent, and much more vanilla. I felt empty. Spending time in the gym helped to get my mind off of things.

One day, another woman made advances on me. Normally, I would not even notice (much ) However, I felt lonely, depraved, and I was longing to touch someone and also be touched, without having to ask first and be rejected later. This encounter developed passionately, but no intercouse. A free time-slot just never came for us. I was getting drawn in.

I realized I was getting drawn emotionally away from my wife of 12 years. She is a very nice person, and someone that is quite easy on the eyes. The biggest issue was her dying lack of interest in me. I thought that my wife deserved to know what was going on, and how I was being torn up inside.

As imaginable, my wife exploded on the news. For the first 2 days, I thought that she was going to leave. I knew that this would likely happen, but I had to be honest with myself and with her. We talked often during the first few days, and she told me that she now realized how she took our marriage for granted, and vowed to be the lover she used to be. She did this and more!

2. Rekindling

We rekindled our flame with hot, passionate play! We tried out new things, and brought some of our fantasies to life. Outdoor sex, induced lactation, swallowing blowjobs, watching porn together, recording XXX videos of us, sex toys...indeed the best 2 months of sex in my life!!!!

3. Cooling the fire

Despite earlier years of trying hard to get pregnant with no avail, those 2 months of fun was enough to get her pregnant. With pregnancy, the boobs now became off-limits to me. The fun, laughter, folicking and sex slowly started drying up.

4. Fast forward to today.

We are in the same rut as 10 years ago. Although now with child. Intimacy was scarce at once a week, then once every 2 weeks. It is not surprising for her to reject any touches (non-sexual even). She said that we both really needed sex. Told me it was today (not today, but that day). Didn't happen. Next day, same thing. Then she said it was a promise. Promise broken. She rejected any playful touches that day. (I wanted to build up to the evening a little). I guess she just wanted to spread her legs and get it over with. Sorry, I don't work that way. She seems to want me more like a sibling than a lover. I am again torn inside. This time, there is no other woman tempting me.

My life is very complex now. We sold everything, I quit my high paying job and moved out of the country. Due to the needs of my son, I will not leave the household. (unless I am forced to leave) If I have to leave, it is impossible to secure a job that pays an adequate wage in this area. I could easily get a great paying job if I went back to my home country, but then I would be away from my son.

5. question?

My mind is saying that I should just try to talk to her (seems like an annual discussion now) about what is going on. But I know how that will end up. Good enough for now, but a repeat later.

At what point would you say enough already?
What would you do, if your spouse rejected your touches of affection or told you to stop? (non sexual forms of affection)
Should I just treat her like a sibling or good friend, and no longer have intimacy with her?
Should I emotionally detach myself and just enjoy the physical pleasure of sex whenever she initiates it?

Is there something else I could do?

Wow, where to begin. This sounds hauntingly familiar. Right now, it seems like she has basically moved on, and appears to have the impression she can control me with sex. How do no know? She said so 3 hours ago. Point blank. My guts says screw this, its over, and to go on is to fool ourselves. I also have reason to believe she has taken a lover, and if not, it is an emotional affair. Again, part of me says to hell with this, the other part says work it out. Dunno. Maybe just tell her if she wants a lover, bring him/her home and we are all happy. Probably not the best idea. Oh well, day by day. We'll see.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

Whatever happens (to my situation) happens. The hardest part is that a child (with needs) is involved. There is also a little extra complication with being out of country too.
I went through a divorce over 2 decades ago with children. I know what it is like. It was the best thing that could have been done, both for me and my ex. Our paths were split and instead of fighting to stay on 1 path, it just was the time to go our own ways. This is totally different than before. I am not materialistic at all. I do not care about losing this or that. I don't care about splitting finances either. None of that bothers me.

For me, I highly, highly doubt my wife has anyone else out there. She has said on occasion that she should have joined a convent. Ha! However, if she did have someone, then at least you know where you stand and you go from there. Wow, if she had a female lover!!! HIGHLY doubtful. At any rate, when I had presented my wife with a potential affair that I was getting into many years ago, that is when thing changed for the better. Things were super. Just like the first years of our marriage or even better. But it waned pretty quickly, and dried up even more.

LeeKee, just keep communicating with your wife. Maybe amends are made, maybe not. At least things become clearer, which for me...it is easier to deal with a clear situation that flop your way through a mystery.

 

[eigenschwarz]

My life is very complex now. We sold everything, I quit my high paying job and moved out of the country. Due to the needs of my son, I will not leave the household. (unless I am forced to leave) If I have to leave, it is impossible to secure a job that pays an adequate wage in this area. I could easily get a great paying job if I went back to my home country, but then I would be away from my son.

What kind of example are you setting for your son by staying in a loveless marriage? You're showing him that it's OK for women to mistreat men, and that men should just take it. If you were a woman and your husband were treating you like this, you'd probably have dozens of replies encouraging divorce.

 

[officeguy2xxx]

I know this is an old thread but this guy sounds like a decent human being. After reading a few words here's what I am thinking ... Your wife may have some sexual trauma issues, a type of autism, menopause (where sex drive and intimacy are dramatically diminished in some women), or a psychological issue. I'm dealing with the autism/menopause thing. I think a lot of men are dealing with this. I used to wonder why all my friend parents divorced in their 40s-50s... I'm willing to bet menopause because that stage in a woman affects their sexual desires and mental health pretty dramatically... Because I'm seeing it myself.

No real answers from me except maybe if it's an age related thing... At least it's not you.

 

[Crownvic]

What kind of example are you setting for your son by staying in a loveless marriage? You're showing him that it's OK for women to mistreat men, and that men should just take it. If you were a woman and your husband were treating you like this, you'd probably have dozens of replies encouraging divorce.

Either side gets mistreated...time to pack your bags!

 

[TrailerHitch]

Elite_Goblin,
I stayed 20 years too long in my first marriage with the false belief that it would be better for the kids if I stayed. It isn't. The tension, the pretending, the lack of love shines through and the kids know it is all a big lie.

My oldest was 17 and my youngest was 12 when I said enough I wanted a divorce. My oldest knew the marriage was shit but my youngest had his head in the clouds and never saw any of the bad. He took it very hard and it took a few years for us to get solid again but we are okay now. Your situation is tougher because of a special needs child and intercontinental travel. Life is too short to be miserable. If trying to fix it has failed repeatedly then what do you really have left to stay for?