Who did the wooing?

[Norajane]

Svenskaflicka's thread on games people play during courtship sent me off into a tangent regarding what are the results when a woman pursues a man vs. when a man pursues a woman.

Specifically, I'm wondering if a man, subconsciously, may have less of a desire for a relationship with a woman if she pursues him. Not because she pursues him, but because he doesn't pursue her. Subconsciously, she becomes less desireable to him because he 'has' her without having had to try to attain her. Without the challenge, is the victory less fulfilling for men?

I doubt there's a definitive answer here - it varies depending on circumstances and the guy is probably as close as we can get to a universal.

That's why I'm curious as to who did the pursuing of those who are married or otherwise committed - so I've made a poll...

 

[MissBri]

 

[Norajane]

To clarify what I'm getting at, this is from Svenska's thread on why I think that people don't end up together unless the man pursues the woman:

1) Guys do usually pursue women they want. Thus, if they haven't been pursuing up to the point a specific woman asks them out, maybe they weren't so interested in a relationship with her to begin with, but they might be interested in 'just sex' or friendship.

2) If it comes easily, that yearning feeling for her isn't there at the start and may not fully develop...there's nothing to yearn for as she's made it known she's interested and available. Somewhere in the back of my head, I think I buy into the belief that if a guy doesn't long to have a particular woman in his life, the relationship will either never take off or will die quickly.

 

[cndallas]

and I'm still persueing her.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I have pursued women before, but the last time that happened, the girl in question stood me up. The time before, she sweetly turned me down, and then had the nerve to insult my intelligence, by saying that "it's not a rejection". Yeah, right, Vicki! What IS it, if not a rejection? Give her credit for wanting to spare my feelings, at least.

I take the view that different men have different approaches to women. We all want to get laid, but we go about it in different ways. Well, my slave pursued ME, and I still love her. I haven't lost interest in her, just because she did the chasing. And we were talking a mere month before we became a couple. I broke just about ALL of the so-called "guidelines" or "does and don'ts" of dating. I even established this relationship over the Internet. My point: in the words of my T-shirt, Rules Are For Suckers! If you're compatible and love each other, don't follow the rules. Think and feel for yourself. You're a grown-up, capable of making your own decisions, not living by somebody's "counsel". That's all I have to say about this matter.

And that's just my view on "serious relationships"....

As I wasn't involved in the other thread, I won't comment on it.

 

[Harry Leg]

Yui pursued me relentlessly. Finally I gave up and let her catch me.
And then she bit me.

 

[MissBri]

 

[yui]

Yui pursued me relentlessly. Finally I gave up and let her catch me.
And then she bit me.

Hey! Hey! I so dodged you, you gift for fictioner! <huff>

You don't even know biting yet.

Yeah, he does kinda make you , doesn't he?

 

[Harry Leg]

Hey! Hey! I so dodged you, you gift for fictioner! <huff>

You don't even know biting yet.

I loves ya baby

 

[MissBri]

 

[kendo1]

Who did the woooing in Casey Jones?

 

[sophia jane]

My ex definitely wooed me. I've never been the pursuer particularly- too insecure and too shy.

 

[Guest]

I've done the pursuing with 98% of lovers/mates/husbands/one-time-only-fucks (when it comes to love, sex or friendship I hate wasting time). The two men who pursued me (one a lover, one a husband) broke my heart. The best relationships were mutually pursued (and with luck turned into friendships).

Perdita

 

[Liar]

Yui pursued me relentlessly. Finally I gave up and let her catch me.
And then she bit me.

*snigger* Sounds familiar.

I'm too shy to woo, and often too thick to realize I'm being woo'd. Relentless nagging and some occational nibbling, and I seem to get the point, though.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Drinks were had.

Mistakes were made.

An individual might have been pushed down a flight of train platform steps.

Ah, young love. We were much too busy for this whole pursuing business.

 

[Guest]

Drinks were had.

Mistakes were made.

An individual might have been pushed down a flight of train platform steps.

Ah, young love.

That's the best short story I've read in ages. Brilliant, Shang.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

What can I say? I'm the hunter

 

[Norajane]

What can I say? I'm the hunter

Seems like we have more hunted than hunters in the AH, according to the poll results so far.

Wonder if that's a writer thing???

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Could be. I was a geek in high school, and probably still am.

 

[MissBri]

 

[Norajane]

I've done the pursuing with 98% of lovers/mates/husbands/one-time-only-fucks (when it comes to love, sex or friendship I hate wasting time). The two men who pursued me (one a lover, one a husband) broke my heart. The best relationships were mutually pursued (and with luck turned into friendships).

Perdita

There's nothing like the give and take between two people when they're mutually captivated by each other!

It's why I haven't given up on dating - the rewards are so great when you connect and the sparks catch fire.

 

[Norajane]

I've been the pursuer many times, in lust and love. I just wasn't the stronger chaser in the courtship leading to my marriage.

You did open the door by flirting with him, though. I think that counts as huntress.

He may never have pursued if you hadn't flirted...

 

[chris 44]

Seems like we have more hunted than hunters in the AH, according to the poll results so far.

Wonder if that's a writer thing???

I was definitely a hunter. Not sure about next time though.

 

[Norajane]

Who did the woooing in Casey Jones?

Is Casey Jones the "Casey at the Bat" guy or the railroad spike driving guy?

 

[rgraham666]

I did the pursuing when I was courting my ex.

It's because I made such a bad choice that I've not really done it since.