Why Are You?

[JazzManJim]

I, Lavender, am.........*gasp*..............a REPUBLICAN.

Oh Yes! Yes! YES!!!

<dances around>

Yes!! It's finally happened! Yes!!

Break out the bubbly! Ring the bells! Wear the double-breasted gabardine dark suits!

lavy is one step closer to perfection!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Well, since I came here I've turned into some sort of "porn goddess" apparently. I get email all the time from guys wanting me to read my stories to them. Well so it was one guy and he's whacked, but still. I was cast adrift on a sea of neverending smut, wallowing in sin.

Then I met yayati and my life changed. I'm now a puritancal heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ing wench who silently worships the man of my dreams in a prim and proper style. As soon as I can I'm going to have CB help me buy a sari and I'm going to karma heaven.

It's all for you yayati!


What? If lavy can become a Republican, I can totally lose my marbles.

PC, you're a fartsniffing hooker. You were too busy sniffing your gas to save me from the horrible, unspeakable evil that is yayati. I'm shocked Bush didn't stick him in the Axis of Evil.

 

[alltherage]

Good god what a dream question. lol. When I was 5 I was innocent and life was very good. My parents were normal loving people and I was a contented child. By the time I was 15 I was less innocent but really still quite nieve. My parents had not changed. My mom seems to have become a bit more nuerotic and my dad drank more. I was still relatively happy. By 18 I had been raped, beated and left half dead in an incomplete foundation to what would be a very expensive home. I was much less nieve after that, much less happy, and no where near nieve. My mom could not look at me for months after without a hint of disgust and rage in her eyes. My dad looked older, and seemed to hurt much of the time. When I recovered physically I left home. I did not have a plan but I had friends. New friends. I lived on the streets for most of the next few years and learned just how hard it is to kill yourself without a solid plan. What I became was addicted, more angry, and very significantly lost. I saw friends die, ran through a brigade of half witted injured men and tried all the while to forget. I learned that wherever I went I was still there.

In time I found love again. Love for me. I learned how to use my brain, got married, had two kids and stayed sober. I divorced him but kept the kids and I somehow remembered to keep loving me.

I believe in doing no harm, helping when I can, learning, and forgiveness. I do not believe in destiny, or devine intervention. I believe that most politics is a wrestling match over power. I hate ideology, labels, judgements based in ingnorance, and I do not suffer fools gladly. I forget them but want no part of their hatred.

Dats it.

 

[Purple Haze]

Why Are You?

My folks were crazy horny, and early 1960s birth control wasn't Haze-proof.


Once upon a time, we were all five-year-olds playing in the sandbox and swinging on the swings.

I still do that.

Today, we're adults with deeply held convictions and values.

Some are, the rest of us have seen KISS six times.

What happened between then and now to make you you?

I flunked typing, so I won't go into it too much. I saw KISS six times.

Are you religious?

If you're asking if I believe in God, yes. I have proof of God's existence, but not enough typing skills.

Are you kind?

Believe it.

Are you bitter?

That I sold that '76 Marshall because I was broke?

That I had to attend a family event the same night Leon Redbone was in town?

That I could've played competetive football in Junior High if I was bigger, and could run faster, and the coach wasn't a total jackass buttfuck that wasn't qualified to teach Driver's Ed., and couldn't recognize a good forward pass if it pulled down his pants and searched out his miserable little excuse for a penis and crushed it in his clipboard?

Not at all bitter.

What are your political views?

I swing wildly to the left AND the right, I just can't hang with either for very long. I am neither pro-abortion or anti-choice. I don't own a gun, but glad I can. I love America but not all Americans. Al Gore is almost as nauseating as Bush. Our system sucks, but it kicks ass that I'm free to say it sucks. I wear leather AND despise animal testing. I love trees AND wooden baseball bats. I'm a socialist that digs free enterprise. They are not exclusive.

Free the hookers and jail the pimps. How come a woman can go to jail for fucking a guy for money, but if there happens to be a camera in the room, she gets to go on Howard Stern's Show?


VOTE PURPLE!

Tell those fuck-wits in the Middle-East that if they don't settle down, we're sending Martha Stewart over there to replace their boring white sheets with some bold-colored patterns. Pastels for the ladies and Saddam's boys.

If they behave, we'll air-drop some marijuana and porn on them.

Sharon and Yassir will be doing the "french connection" in no time,

I'm not lying.

Or we can give them the world's tallest finger and let them all fuck themselves, royally. Oh shit, we tried that already.....

What do you hold most dear?

Ms. Haze and her Purple ones.

What do you most despise?

Wal*Mart on a Sunday afternoon.

What forces shaped you back when you were young & pliable?

Popeye cartoons and Quake cereal. Duh!

Who are you, and how did you get to be you?

I was breast-fed by my father.

I've never been to jail OR Disneyland,

I am Ralph Kramden with Jane Jetson's credit card.

How are you, Laurel?

 

[Laurel]

How are you, Laurel?

I'm fucking fabulous. And yourself?

 

[Purple Haze]

Almost drunk.

I never heard of left-eye Lopez until she died.

Couldn't they just take one of the ex-Destiny's Child chicks and plug her right in there, or is it way more complicated than that?

 

[Laurel]

Almost drunk.

I never heard of left-eye Lopez until she died.

Couldn't they just take one of the ex-Destiny's Child chicks and plug her right in there, or is it way more complicated than that?

Funny you'd say that. There was a photo on Yahoo today that I swore for an instant was TLC, but turned out to be Destiny's Child when I clicked the thumbnail. They both have that 3-chicks, one blonde thing going on.

 

[Purple Haze]

It worked for the Stooges for a while,

How's the book thing doing, anything on the horizon like a book-signing at Barnes and Noble or anything like that? You could ask Dixon to juggle and make penises appear in a hanky, he does that you know.

How many freaking members do you have here?

 

[Laurel]

70,000 or so. Book's out, and people are buying it. That's a good thing. It was fun to put it together, and we're pretty proud of how it turned out. Have you read it?

 

[Guest]

 

[badasschick]

I developed a vivid imagination, and created a world for myself.

Yeah, I was a weird kid, but hey it was my world and I called the shots in it.

Not much of that has changed except the fact that I invite other folks in.

If they don't like it?

They can fuck themselves, but most opt to fuck me instead.

 

[Private Vasquez]

do you bake cookies?

 

[badasschick]

Yeah those, and the special brownies.

 

[Private Vasquez]

oooo!!! and kool-aid?

 

[badasschick]

Cause there ain't no milk in the house.

 

[Purple Haze]

No, I haven't read it yet.

Every time I pick it up, I stare at the cover for a few minutes and then.......well, you know.

 

[Laurel]

Yeah, me too.


You really see KISS 6 times?

 

[Problem Child]

Haze, that big post you wrote on the last page is the most I've seen you write in six months. Are you coming back to us?

I'm not calling anyone a whore tonight.

 

[naudiz]

Hoo boy!

Are you religious? Yes and no. I believe there is something more than what we can perceive. I don't profess to know the nature of it. I don't go to Church. I have a funny story about that, and I call it "Wherein Naudiz Gets the Wrath of God Called Down On Her by the Youth Pastor one Afternoon After Youth Group". If anyone's curious, I'll gladly tell it. It's one of my favorites.

Are you kind? Yes.

Are you bitter? Yes.

What are your political views? I don't prescribe to any one political party or platform. Everything that happens, including politics, I take on a case by case basis. I'm with the Republicans on some issues, the Democrats on others, and it's a mixed bag on the rest. Is that vague enough?

What do you hold most dear? My ability to think. My creative energy. These are things not often cherished properly until they're threatened.

What do you most despise? When someone inflicts pain on another 'just because s/he can'. Tearing someone down to make oneself seem stronger is pathetic, it's weak, and those who do it lose any respect I might've otherwise had for them.

What forces shaped you back when you were young & pliable? My dad used to tell me I was ugly, he didn't love me, and that when I grew up no man would want me. I spent a lot of my childhood wondering what I had done that was so awful that my own father couldn't stand me. I was emotionally isolated at home, and it made relating to other kids difficult, so I was isolated at school as well. I was a really sweet kid who gradually withdrew until no one could touch me, emotionally or otherwise. I thought I would die before I'd ever make it out of high school. I really did. My junior and senior year, I got active in theater and music. I made a few friends, and those friendships probably kept me out of an institution. I have another funny story I call "Wherein Naudiz Accidentally Befriends Her Worst Tormentor".

When I went away to college, I was like a bird being let out of a cage. I started to relate to the world around me in a capacity other than it vs. me. In the middle of college, I had incidents regarding sexual assault, physical assault, and other not-so-fun stuff. I've posted them on another thread. I won't rehash them here. Around this same time, a woman I'd looked to throughout my childhood as a grandmother and dear friend was raped and murdered in her bed. She was in her nineties. Just a few years ago the case was finally closed. The perpetrator was caught and convicted. I knew the guy. I'd gone to school with him and I knew the guy. Though I'll never fully recover from that tragedy, it gave me a sense of closure after ten years of wondering.

I lived in Europe for a year, and in that year I grew more than in the twenty-one that preceded it. I flourished. I came alive. Just one year alone, without all the family baggage, undid years of fuck-ups. I just needed the time alone to work myself out. That it was in Europe was just icing on the cake.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that is responsible for my being unable to work outside the home. I lost a job I adored. There is a silver lining to this cloud, though. I've become serious about my writing, which is what I've always wanted to do anyway. Mr. Naudiz (meeting and getting together with him is yet another funny story, and a sappily romantic one at that) has been an incredible source of support.

I've more or less patched things up with my father. Life is too short to hold grudges, and in forgiving him I was able to let go of a lot of baggage I didn't need to be carrying around. So, what forces shaped me? Hmm. Isolation, loss, sickness, death... and yet I'm actually a very happy person. I cherish what is good and precious in this world, because it's not a given. Every day, even a bad one, is a gift.

 

[Laurel]

I'm not calling anyone a whore tonight.

I am, because I'm in a fucked up mood. You whore.

I'm surprised at how similar my experiences are to some of you all's. Keep em coming!

 

[Purple Haze]

Haze, that big post you wrote on the last page is the most I've seen you write in six months. Are you coming back to us?

For the last time, I never went away.

Lost in the shuffle, down the river of lost threads, to the gallows of page two, and beyond.

I went to eat lunch today, and the front page had completely turned over by the time I came back.

This has become realy weird, man.

Yeah, I saw Kiss six times, three times with the original team, three times with designated hitters.

Way too much info......

 

[SilverVeil]

That cat has a cute face.

I am who I am today because I refused to be pushed into doing things I did not want to do. I broke away from my family to be able to explore new things that they can not even comprehend in their narrow minded little world.

My folks are nice people ( in their own strange way ) but we are as different as square pegs and round holes.

In my families opinion, 38 yr old women do not play video games. Don't collect comic books, don't dress up for Halloween and go out on the town. They don't laugh too loud, play in the rain with no umbrella, or go to a toy store and shop for themselves.

I work, and I pay my bills. ' Nuff said right there.

 

[BustyTheClown]

I have to say, Laurel, this is turning into a great thread. It's fascinating to read what makes Literoticans tick!

Are you kind? Yes. Honestly, I don't think there's anything better for one person to do for another than just be kind. I'm totally a believer in the Golden Rule.

Are you bitter? Sometimes, but most of the time, I accept life for what it is and don't allow bitterness to cloud my thoughts of the world and the people that I believe are otherwise good.

Are you religious? I'll have to answer that with a resounding NO. <listens to the echo> I am not religious at all -- Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Confucianism, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, paganism, agnosticism... I reject it all. I am free of what I consider to be brainwashed, out-dated, festering religion that only serves to unite people in a cause that they believe makes them better than everyone else. Maybe my views are naive or unfair, but my experiences with religions makes me abhor them like nothing else. If other people want to practice them peacefully, then fine. But as long as people use religion to claim their superiority and execute that "superiority" in any way against people who do not want/need/deserve it, I will be an avid rejector of all religions.

What are your political views? I hold the view that politics and those who practice them are corrupt. All of 'em. You can take the nicest, most honest, honorable, most generous person, stick them in any political system, and they will emerge a sniveling, frothing, heartless, serpentine bastard with no regard for the human life and dignity with which they arrived. They all care more about money and power than they do about anything that has to do with improving/maintaining/regulating life in their country. I only vote democrat to try and keep the republicans from ruining our country. Too bad republicans are now capable of stealing elections they didn't fucking win! I hope those responsible for the latest electoral fiasco are currently kicking themselves in their collective asses.

What do you hold most dear? Trust. Honesty. Acceptance and understanding. Tolerance of the things in life that are not harmful to others. Anyone who possesses these traits/characteristics.

What do you most despise? I'm going to say ignorance. That may seem hypocritical given the nature of my religion/politics views, but I honestly do know more about those issues than I come across as doing. I do have experiences with these, and those experiences are valid. What I despise is when people don't have any experience with something, then they pretend to know everything about it and judge people based on their own lack of knowledge. I also despise hypocrisy. It's something I'm trying desperately to remove from my life. We are all hypocritical at times, but I try my damndest not to be.

What forces shaped you back when you were young & pliable? Whew, what a question. I'd have to say that, at my current stage in life, my adoption seems to have had a profound impact on me and who I am -- probably even more of an impact than I realize. There are obvious reasons and there are not so obvious reasons, and I'm currently coming to terms with the not so obvious reasons. I think it explains my perfectionism, my inability to live up to the standards I set for myself, the standards I've told myself my adoptive parents set for me before they even adopted me. They always used to tell me what a quitter I was. They never seemed to realize that just because I expressed interest in something at first, I wouldn't always want to do it. They never seemed to acknowledge all the hard work I put into school, into friendships, into myself. They could only focus on my failures. "You quit basketball, you quit Girl Scouts, you quit anything if it gets too hard." Those are words that have stayed with me and haunted me my whole life, and I'm terribly afraid to stop doing something I don't like because it makes me feel like a failure. I don't believe that suffering=happiness or prosperity, but I can't shake my fear of quitting.

My parents also used to fight, all the time. Not physically -- I've only ever heard of one incident, where my dad threw one of the cats at my mom (and missed, fortunately). My dad had (has?) a nasty-ass temper, and the slightest little thing would set him off. The screaming, yelling, and violence against inanimate objects made me terrified of conflict, made me skittish and anxious, and I can't stand loud noises. Lol, I feel like a cat. Anything out of the ordinary happens, and I run under the bed. I also doubt my parents because of the fact that they fought so much, so heatedly, and yet are still together. I asked my mom that once, why they were still together, and mom said "Dad's getting better. He used to be worse." That just horrified me further. The immature patch that reads "Mean people suck" may be silly and childish, but it's true. They do.

Other than that, I'd have to say my classmates all had huge impacts on me. School has been a huge part of my formation -- coming together with all the different kinds of people, being exposed to different viewpoints and learning how to deal with them... It's a little world of its own, and my experiences there have done more than their fair share of making me who I am, of forming my opinions of different issues, people, events, etc.

Most recently, though, love has changed me. A few years ago I practically stumbled across a man who has changed my life forever. He is the embodiment of everything I value and hold dear, and it's been like nothing else for me to share myself (and for him to share himself) so completely with another person. I think that he has been the strongest influence in my life, ever, and will continue to be for years and years to come.

 

[Laurel]

Unedited babble - proceed with caution

The most influential factor in my life - for good & ill - is my father.

My dad is (or was at one point) an incredibly bright man. He could solve complex technical problems in his head. He could read at an ungodly speed. When I was a kid, he and I were best buddies. He taught me to play chess and checkers on magnetic boards in our hippie stepvan as we cruised around the country. To him, I owe my love of reading and reading.

But my dad was on the slide since before I was born. He's an alcoholic and a drug addict. He has serious self-esteem problems - some of which I inherited, some of which he transmitted to me through constant insults and deriding remarks that began around the time I turned puberty. (I didn't realize it till later, but my dad had a mean misogynistic streak. As soon as I started looking like a chick, our buddyness ended and I became The Enemy.)

My dad always told me that life was unfair. From his grumbling, I learned that work was torture. I was destined to slave away at a 9-5 job only to come home and collapse in a chair in front of the TV with a beer or 12. I'd scowl at the TV for a few hours and eventually pass out. That was my place in life. Other people - the prettier ones, the smarter ones, the lucky ones - would live the kind of lives I dreamed about.

I went to college, picked up a degree in design. I worked full-time while going to school, and by the time I got my degree I'd also accrued enough design experience working for crappy print shops and local papers to garner me a spot at a design agency. An Agency! Maybe I wasn't white trash after all. Maybe the Laurel family curse could be suspended in my case. Maybe I could be happy, too.

About four months into the job, I made depressing discovery: I hated my job. I hated working with clients and salespeople. I hated working for a nitwit boss. I hated my fellow designers. Dad was right. I was doomed to 40 years of working class hell - in a fancy agency instead of a factory, but hell nonetheless.

At some point, and I'm not sure when it was, I decided that I couldn't take 40 years of working for someone else. There had to be another way. I started working on little side projects - designing on the side for friends of friends, selling first edition books I bought at library sales, selling vintage clothing on eBay. I tried everything. I even sent in $40 checks to a couple get-rich-quick schemes (which helped to line the schemesters pockets but only helped to empty mine). When one project dead-ended, I started another one. And another one. And another one.

Within a year, I had more design work on the side than I had time to do. I took a chance and quit my job to work for myself. My family thought I was out of my mind. I was no Business Woman! Business women wore suits and came from wealthy families. I was just some poor silly chick of average intelligence. Who was I to think I could be an enterpreneur? Their attitudes and words fueled my self-doubts to the point where I took another important step: I cut all ties to my family. Free of their doubting voices - and encouraged and aided by the very courageous Manu - I finally saw that all the limits in my life were ones I had placed. I could do or be anything I wanted to be. This was no silly cliche - this was a fact. All I had to do was decide how I wanted to live my life, and work toward that lifestyle. If I didn't want to work for other people the rest of my life, I didn't have to. If I didn't want to have children, I didn't have to. There are no rules. If I want to be happy, I can make that choice. Life didn't have to be a miserable 9-5 struggle. It was entirely up to me. I was my own responsibility.

My dad is an example of exactly what I do not want to be. He's a man who made poor choices (and continues to do so) - choices that have made him miserable. He put himself where he is today, but rather than say, "Hey, I got myself here, and I can get myself out of this hole," he chooses to shake his fist at fate and whine about how hard life is while he kills another case of Budweiser. He spends his time drinking, watching TV, and being miserable. Even at his age, he could do anything he wanted. He could save his money and buy a little cabin in the woods like he always dreamed of. He could go to school and take writing courses. (He has an amazing gift for writing which will die with him, unrealized.) He could skydive in Mexico. He could start his own business. The possibilities are endless. But he chooses to sit on his ass...because it's easier to do that than it is to take responsibility for his life and work toward being where we want to be. It's lazy, and it sucks.

There's a little bit of my dad in all of us. We think we have to work a dead-end job. We think we have to marry, to have kids, to go to college, to do all the things our parents and friends tell us are the Right Things to do...but what we really want to do it join the Peace Corps and work in South America. Or start our own business selling fishing gear. Or write articles for trade magazines. "Oh, I can't do that! I don't know how to run a business!" "I'm not a good enough writer to make a living at it!" All the excuses in the world don't change the fact that everyone one of us has the ability to do anything and everything we want to do. Success is not just for the brilliant or the beautiful or the wealthy.

 

[glamorilla]

***applause***


(Personally i get by on looks and charm but it reminds me that lifes unfair)