Why I left Fetlife

[PaxNurgle]

Most fakes seem to be men?

From a male perspective who has been on alt-sexual dating sites in the past (not any longer; I gave that up for various reasons) the opposite is true. Far more female profiles are spam bots, scammers, or fakes then men; in fact on some sites far more of the female profiles are bots/scammers or fakes than they are real actual woman looking for an honest relationship. At least, that was my experience, and part of the reason I no longer have active profiles on those sites. It always ended up being either "Send me money before I even meet you in person" or "Join my xxxx dating site! Sign ups are free!"

But I am sure you females have to weed through all sorts of weird stalker/creepy/dysfunctional people. Yes, that is probably even worse than the guy weeding through the bot/scammer posts.
And, I can only imagine how difficult it must be if you are submissive, and a lot of creepy and potentially dangerous guys pose as doms.

 

[VioletII]

Hi, I’m Violet, I haven’t posted before but thought this looked like an interesting topic. I signed up for Fet Life out of curiousness, not completely sure what it was about other than the obvious (bdsm.). I didn’t really find the site that user friendly, personally, and was uninterested. Another erotica writing website I signed up for, I posted stories, loved the site and most of the people, and was posting pictures of myself, until I got messages from guys demanding I write with them, I talk to them, I met them...woah there! Not a cool way to just come in screaming at ladies “gimmie sex and attention!” While I love writing bdsm and non con, it has a lot more to it psychologically and the characters connect, they don’t just yell at each other. And then often the men who demand will snap once you don’t reply, with “yeah, well you’re probably just ugly and a fake! You should have talked to me!” Like women owe them something. It’s like that on most websites, tho, not just the erotica ones, if there’s an app, there will be people out there trying to figure out how to figure out how to stick their dick in it. Even if something IS a dating app, chances are most people who act like jerks are just going to get toyed with, trolled, or blocked. This site is okay, it’s more anonymous, and if you just are into writing stories, that’s chill, I’ve gotten some “hey I like sunny days and walks along the beach, wanna go out” as “private feedback” without the people knowing the slightest thing about me, but I think that’s part of being online. You get people who can’t tell realism from fantasy and think everything they read or see is about them.

 

[VioletII]

Ha, and I notice I have the rank of “virgin” for being new on the message boards. Offff course “bdsm talk” would be the one to finally pop my cherry.

 

[Knoturnal]

To me its not a sites fault as much as it might be my own or our own. if your expecting a site to do things that make things easier for you hey its a web site...thats all. It does take more time as a Man to get known as much as a lady but thats normal anywhere becuase guys are guys and ladys are ladys and generally guys go for things and ladys are a little more reserved. but im not going to argue about either ones being fakes as much as anything else. I’m sure theres a lot of fakes everywhere and theres lots of reasons and personal life decisions that account for things people do. I believe fets busy because its a place you can find a munch or someplace a things happening at thats local. Literotica is a different site with different things going for it thats all. Im not going to talk bad about either.

 

[DVS]

I'm still on Fet and will stay there. What many people don't understand is how large that site is. I understand this, as many very small sites like to appear very large and the way the web site looks, you'd assume there is an army of IT guys in the background, when actually, it's just one guy.

But, with Fet, it is really a world wide site. And there are channels where members have really done their own thing, using the site as a stepping stone. It's not Fet, after that, but just a means to connect with something else.

I've said in the past that there are several thousand members on Fet in my city. As far as I know, I'm the only one from my city here on Lit. There are also several BDSM groups in that city represented on Fet. All of these groups have their membership and I've been associated with a few of them, over the years. Some groups are OK, but some can develop into almost a cult and then there is fighting among the members, causing half of the group to slit off into another group, etc. This isn't Fet's fault. This is just people being people.

Because of the size of Fet, you are going to have more people coming together. When you have more people you also have more creeps and assholes. I consider Fet to be beneficial in many ways, but you also have to understand it's like a large city, compared to Lit. And Lit isn't small, either.

If you grew up in a small town, then moved to a big city, you know a little about what I'm talking about. There is a shock that goes with doing that. In many ways, you have to watch your back in a big city, where you might not even lock your doors at night, in a small town.

Fet is a very, very large place. You have to understand there will always be some bad associated with the good. As long as you are prepared for and can deal with that bad stuff, you can benefit from the good.

 

[PaxNurgle]

well to clarify, as a guy, when I was saying I experienced a lot of female "Fakes" on these alt dating websites, I wasn't simply talking about the ones who didn't reply. As a guy, I get it; there are a lot of us competing for your (the females) attention and you have to weed through a lot of suitors. What I mean by fakes are the ones who DO reply- with either an invitation to sign up for another dating site (typically one that costs more money, though of course sign-ups are "free") or a request for money before you've ever met them face to face. Outright scammers or bots, in other words. I don't know how prevalent that kind of thing is for women seeking men, but I'd be interested just for curiosity sake.

 

[AnnieLit]

well to clarify, as a guy, when I was saying I experienced a lot of female "Fakes" on these alt dating websites, I wasn't simply talking about the ones who didn't reply. As a guy, I get it; there are a lot of us competing for your (the females) attention and you have to weed through a lot of suitors. What I mean by fakes are the ones who DO reply- with either an invitation to sign up for another dating site (typically one that costs more money, though of course sign-ups are "free") or a request for money before you've ever met them face to face. Outright scammers or bots, in other words. I don't know how prevalent that kind of thing is for women seeking men, but I'd be interested just for curiosity sake.

I am a woman. No, nobody asked me for money on Fet in any shape or form.

I never asked for money either, but I do expect my lunch to be paid for if we ever meet. Or a coffee, if we meet for coffee. I don't care about the monetary value, but the gesture has to be there. Asking me to split the bill right after you asked if I wanted to see you again and I said yes, is a wrong move.

 

[Jada59]

I went to Fet Life once because a person from here directed me to some stories there. I found those particular ones badly written and couldn't read them.

More recently, I did sign up but found it very cumbersome to navigate. I was hoping to find boards like this. I think they are there, but I gave up trying to find them.

Mostly I checked the profiles of people in my area. None of them appealed. Most seemed very picky as to what they wanted. Some appeared nutty. A lot were married or in a relationship. Just didn't seem to be for me!

 

[DVS]

Personally, I don't like the reverse text. And the format is different, than here, for sure. Even the profiles are different and somewhat strange.

I agree that a few of the profiles tend to be pretty picky, but, I think a lot of that is to weed out the riff raff. Even I have a disclaimer on mine and I think it's so specific that I don't get any hits at all. It could be my specific likes and dislikes scaring people off, but you just never know.

I could be wrong, but i don't think there is any kind of community forum at all. I think the whole idea is to find people you like and join their group. like here, you can read any posts, but you can't post in many cases, unless you join.

I have tried to find compatible women in my area there, but so many of them are already taken, protected or married. And there are some who really believe in the master/slave thing. I've never understood how some people could be so pompous about things and not be OK with how others live.

After reading some of the posts, you can usually figure out who those are, because of how they have this chain of command and how they treat some almost as royalty. Like I said, Fet is a very large site, so you get possible companions, but also you'll get the weirdos, the pompous crowd, the losers, the fakers, the wannabees, and everyone in-between.

I stick with people I know over there. Some of the old regulars from here are over there. Some from the groups I'm familiar with have been there for years. The people have changed, in some cases, too.

 

[mijayoo]

I finally deleted my Fetlie account last night and I have zero regrets. The site was great for the time being, but more and more it started to look like Disneyland, with all the kids waiting in line for the next best ride, the candy (all the photos of porn stars/erotica models) pouring out of the money making sky like a waterfall. And all the kids (men and women, both sexes equally guilty) always high on sugar: More nudes please and keep those stupid BDSM stories to yourself. So Fetlife turned from a kinky Facebook to a highly overrated porn-site, cause you have to pay for the same mediocre videos you get to watch for free online.

Yes, I admit , I used to enjoy writing there, but now every time I post a story, I get 0 comments after the story and 190 wanna-fuck-******** messages in my private Inbox. Seriously???

I'm angry, because I wasted so much time in there to build a network of fans, and in the end all my fans betrayed me for some nude photos of women, who use robots to respond back to their messages.

In the end, it's all good, because I found this awesome site where people actually read and are less superficial.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Demi

Some of the guys on Fet are way to aggressive- to the point of being scary. I have had so much more fun on Lit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Outright scammers or bots, in other words. I don't know how prevalent that kind of thing is for women seeking men, but I'd be interested just for curiosity sake.

I'm not on Fet, but "lonely hearts" scammers targeting women seem to be just about everywhere else online, so I'd be surprised if they weren't there too. If they're not, I want to know how Fet achieves that

 

[DVS]

Some people would be amazed to find out just how many so called dating sites are just scams. There are some that are out and out scams with fake profiles, fake pictures and some will even have ways to return emails, but never actually end up connecting. Of course, they are pay sites and once they get your credit card and money, they are satisfied.

Others have such old profiles, that if they were real people at one time, they are long gone and the site just keeps them "alive". Many of those are sort of live profiles, but they usually don't respond to messages. Mostly if a guy sends a message to one of those, they just assume they weren't interested in him.

And the web site makes sure to have it set up so some of these profiles will trigger on your new profile, saying they are interested in you, so you pay your money and send them a message, only to be stiffed of your money, because it's all fake.

I was on one site where there were some real profiles, but mostly there were fake profiles. I found out that the fake profiles had a very small icon up in the corner of the screen that showed the profiler's picture. I don't know why, but it was only there on the fake profiles. And yes, some of the pics were actually porn actors and even the same picture on some accounts.

So, if this is why someone left Fet, because of scams, I'm sure they are there. But it's not Fet scamming you. The site is too big to keep track of such things all of the time, just like the scammers and trolls on Lit. Of course, they are mostly on the general board, here.

It's the Internet, after all and it's really the wild open spaces. People who view porn, or go to porn sites are prime targets for spam, because they are less likely to complain to authorities.

I think fet's biggest problem is that they are so big. The biggest will have the most of everything...even spammers.

 

[Jada59]

Some people would be amazed to find out just how many so called dating sites are just scams. There are some that are out and out scams with fake profiles, fake pictures and some will even have ways to return emails, but never actually end up connecting. Of course, they are pay sites and once they get your credit card and money, they are satisfied.

Others have such old profiles, that if they were real people at one time, they are long gone and the site just keeps them "alive". Many of those are sort of live profiles, but they usually don't respond to messages. Mostly if a guy sends a message to one of those, they just assume they weren't interested in him.

And the web site makes sure to have it set up so some of these profiles will trigger on your new profile, saying they are interested in you, so you pay your money and send them a message, only to be stiffed of your money, because it's all fake.

I was on one site where there were some real profiles, but mostly there were fake profiles. I found out that the fake profiles had a very small icon up in the corner of the screen that showed the profiler's picture. I don't know why, but it was only there on the fake profiles. And yes, some of the pics were actually porn actors and even the same picture on some accounts.

So, if this is why someone left Fet, because of scams, I'm sure they are there. But it's not Fet scamming you. The site is too big to keep track of such things all of the time, just like the scammers and trolls on Lit. Of course, they are mostly on the general board, here.

It's the Internet, after all and it's really the wild open spaces. People who view porn, or go to porn sites are prime targets for spam, because they are less likely to complain to authorities.

I think fet's biggest problem is that they are so big. The biggest will have the most of everything...even spammers.

Years ago, late 70's or early 80's my roommate joined some dating thing. No internet then. I think the cost was about $99 to join. Women got pics of men in the mail, and their profiles for free. 5 at a time. Men had to pay $20 for 5.

My roommate tried to go out with two of them. One made it as far as our house then he had a severe diabetic hypo. He needed juice, milk, soda, candy, sugar, or something similar. We had none of that in the house. In those days we mostly went out to eat. Once in a while I cooked, but I bought food as needed. I took salad and cheese for my lunch.

I am diabetic now but at the time did not realize the seriousness of his condition or I would have run to the neighbors house and borrowed some sugar or something. He began to get violent, so we dragged him outside and locked him out. We were both frightened of him. Not sure what happened to him after that.

The next guy wanted marriage right off the bat. She accepted his proposal right off the bat but quickly learned that she was expected to sell her car, quit her job and work in his Quickie Mart for no wages. She dumped him.

By the time she got a call from guy #3, she became pregant and was planning to elope with the guy (a friend) that weekend.

She handed the phone to me, despite me being elbow deep in sugar cookie dough. I did have sugar then, was baking for the holidays.

The guy begged me to go out with him, saying that Nancy was the first woman to answer the phone. He said he kept paying $20 each week and would give 5 new women who never responded. So probably fake.

I did reluctantly go out with him but it didn't go well and I knew it wouldn't. Nancy and I had nothing in common and we was expecting someone like her. I did feel bad for him when he learned that the women didn't have to pay for profiles. The woman who ran the place even begged me to join, saying she wouldn't charge me a thing. I was young back then and not looking for a LTR.

 

[Knoturnal]

Fetish Life

I read some of the latest post and am not sure what people are talking about. Sounds like some are talking about other dating sites or hook-up sites. I have been on Fet life for a while. Maybe a long as some have been here.
One thing it is different and its a different site made by different people so I imagine it would be.
It has stories but they are different. They aren't edited, graded, being in a contest or put in certain categories like here. They are supposed to written and shown on the page of the person that made it.

They don't have a forum per say but they do have discussions and they have whats like groups of folks that are into a certain thing. They discuss the topic inside the member group.

Simular to a forum or what the technical term for here which is a Discussion Board. Thats what was the term was when it began.

They charge a membership fee but you've never had to pay for it unless you wanted to watch the videos. its called a support fee. Everyone calls a fee something that sounds good to them They were requiring that you got a referral but that was someone there was vetting you and that they thought it was getting crowded for a free site. I domt know if they do this anymore or if they got more bandwidth now.

The videos are supposed to be ones that people make themselves but there are a lot of people there that make ones that are from places like Kink.com and other sites. its a way to make money.. i've been to events before and some of these same people are at them trying to charge you money to see them. Rope cons, other leather or Kink cons. myself? I dont watch the videos so I dont pay support fees.

Lets be honest with ourselves the FREE videos you see on a porn site are older ones and fragments of films that were made years ago. They are past their age that they make them much money as they were before.
If you want to see new ones I'm sure you've heard they are sometimes called premium and it COST money to see them.

In effect what I'm saying is that its a DIFFERENT SITE. Its not something to make a thread about so you can bad mouth it. its different. Some here I can tell have never been to the site and are mistaking it for somewhere else. I have never met a robot person that some are mentioning here. the girls get a lot more fakes and guys DMing them trying for a hook-up. Some girls I'm sure they don't answer the PM if they dont want to or they tell them some bullshit according to how weird they see the message as. That is their option.

Munches are designed not to be a place for a hook-up even though many may or do have them. it is YOUR option though whether you wish to. There is a thing called CONSENT ....maybe you've never hear of it maybe you have... but knowing of it might save you a lot of trouble.

THE SITE IS DIFFERENT and you cant expect it to be the same as this or any other site. Thats ridiculous.
People there may or may not have ideas that are different from what you are normally used to. Thats the way life is.

 

[VioletII]

I like literotica the longer I stick around. But I’ve been super excited lately, which causes me to have sexual fantasies and experiences, then I write my stories and post about them. As a writer, I’m fine with criticism and varied opinions than my own, it’s good practice for anyone who creates something to deal with feedback. But honestly for as many people who read the work on here, the masses are surprisingly complimentary and gentle.

Thanks for clearing up some of the stuff about cams/videos, I was a tiny bit curious. I’ve never done that type of stuff, I had a few photos on an indie nudes site in my 20’s but that’s long gone, and never mind sending a cute little video or pic of myself out to close friends. If it’s on the deep web somewhere, and I become President one day I’ll accuse the Russians of photoshopping me or something. If the NSA has all our personal selfies, I’m hoping they label my folder file as HOT.

Eh, I probably won’t get the courage to do cams. Still it’s sexy to think about. But I doubt I’d ever get into charging people for it. Publishing mainstream erotica novels that I charge for one day...maybe. 50 shades isn’t my thing, it’s tame, boring and predictable, but it sells. The indie site traded me a box of Robert Crumb comic books for my pictures, hahahaha.

 

[VioletII]

I still giggle every time I post and see “Virgin” under my name

 

[CuriousGuyVa]

Didn't read the thread... what the f** is fetlife
Anyone for a readers digest summery? Thansk

 

[Curmudgeonly]

Didn't read the thread... what the f** is fetlife
Anyone for a readers digest summery? Thansk

It's a good place for non-readers. You'll like it.

 

[Chiquita6623]

I still giggle every time I post and see “Virgin” under my name

I use to too lol

 

[petes478]

My problem with Fetlife is the exact same problem the modern society has today. Gluttony. Just fucking enjoy your lollipop for few minutes before you decide to stick 10 lollipops in your mouth.

I couldn’t agree more! Much of what’s been written mirrors my own fetlife experience. I was on there early before it became widely known. Deleted my account there around 2014. Got so Disneyland-esque as others have written. It’s the can’t see the valley for the trees proverb writ large.

 

[janetsexy77]

I nuked my Fetlife account a couple years ago, due to some persistent stalkers. I am a crossdresser, so my experience may not be representative, but I believe there are some universal truths about this and other sex/kink dating sites. Men far outnumber women (and CDs) on the site, and if you are not young, extremely good-looking and have something to offer aside from "wanna fuck?", you will never get a response, let alone ever meet anyone. I am an older CD and even I was inundated with an absurd amount of unwanted attention from men who obviously didn't read my ad but just saw my pictures and whipped their dick out and typed "Can I come fuck you tonight"? I can only imagine the amount of crap an attractive women must deal with. The popular post section (I forget what it was called) is filled with pictures of very young (teens and 20-something) women who were slim, gorgeous, and suspiciously professional-looking models. Not a lot of love for the average types. The sad thing is that I would have been glad to meet someone compatible who had similar interests but almost every message I got was someone either looking for free, 24 hour a day sex chatting partner or a room-temperature IQ neanderthal who could barely write a sentence or comprehend anything in my ad.

 

[Knoturnal]

I nuked my Fetlife account a couple years ago, due to some persistent stalkers. I am a crossdresser, so my experience may not be representative, but I believe there are some universal truths about this and other sex/kink dating sites. Men far outnumber women (and CDs) on the site, and if you are not young, extremely good-looking and have something to offer aside from "wanna fuck?", you will never get a response, let alone ever meet anyone. I am an older CD and even I was inundated with an absurd amount of unwanted attention from men who obviously didn't read my ad but just saw my pictures and whipped their dick out and typed "Can I come fuck you tonight"? I can only imagine the amount of crap an attractive women must deal with. The popular post section (I forget what it was called) is filled with pictures of very young (teens and 20-something) women who were slim, gorgeous, and suspiciously professional-looking models. Not a lot of love for the average types. The sad thing is that I would have been glad to meet someone compatible who had similar interests but almost every message I got was someone either looking for free, 24 hour a day sex chatting partner or a room-temperature IQ neanderthal who could barely write a sentence or comprehend anything in my ad.

Funny there are a lot of crossdressers there and a large amount of the gay community all together including a large portion of the BSDM community and even a lot of the married looking for a hook-up community.