why

[amelia]

why do some girls allow their self esteem to be made or broken by other people's opinions of them?





(yeah..ok..i'm talking about myself)

it's a question i've been thinking about for a while. why do i have such low self esteem? and what could i do to improve that?

does anyone else here feel they have low self esteem? or did you have low self esteem, but you have done something to make yourself feel better?

 

[nzwookie]

why do some girls allow their self esteem to be made or broken by other people's opinions of them?





(yeah..ok..i'm talking about myself)

it's a question i've been thinking about for a while. why do i have such low self esteem? and what could i do to improve that?

does anyone else here feel they have low self esteem? or did you have low self esteem, but you have done something to make yourself feel better?

Well I did have before i came here to LIt.......This place can do wonders for your self esteem or ego if you will....Take the compliments sent your way and you will feel much better pretty soon.....

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

why do some girls allow their self esteem to be made or broken by other people's opinions of them?

(yeah..ok..i'm talking about myself)

it's a question i've been thinking about for a while. why do i have such low self esteem? and what could i do to improve that?

does anyone else here feel they have low self esteem? or did you have low self esteem, but you have done something to make yourself feel better?

Your selt-esteem is largely a matter of your own choice. You are a smart, interesting, perceptive, and pretty young lady. If there's anyone in this world who shouldn't have a self esteem issue, it's you.

 

[Bob Peale]

why do i have such low self esteem? and what could i do to improve that?

You can't answer the second question until you're willing to answer the second one honestly.

 

[sexy-girl]

i use to have low self esteem linked partly to my sexuality and some things that happened in my life but i just got over it ... now i dont care what anyone thinks of me ... except the people that matter to me

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I've always had low self-esteem, and probaly always will. Its something I have learned to live with and accept because it isn't anything I can change by myself, it will either change on its own or it won't. *shrugs*

 

[sexy-girl]

i guess for me it helped to know lisa to see how she is i guess knowing how much she loved me was sure a confidence boast and finding my little place in the world ... but also just knowing her as a friend


i guess my advice is just think what is the worst that can happen what really matters is how you think of yourself ... nobody elses opinion is as important as that

 

[His_kitty]

I understand how you're feeling, I've felt it myself and at times I still do. Maybe some of it has to do with your young age. Once I started getting older, it became easier, although there are times when I still struggle with it.

What I do is to be the person that I like, and not who others like. Just consider all the wonderful attributes that you have. Sometimes you just need to look at it this way, if someone has an unfair opinion or view of you, maybe they are the ones with the problem. Not yourself.

There are those that loves to make others feel small, in order to feel big.

Btw .... the fact that you recognize this in yourself, and are looking for ways to stop, says a lot.

 

[freescorfr]

Amelia - take some positive action and return to someone something they have said to you which was devaluing - or something they did which was violently negative for you.

Write it big in colour on a huge piece of paper and return it, with a note saying that you do not wish to keep this inside you.

Keep all the things that are good for you and send back the bad. And know that we all love you here.

 

[Jewelz]

Sigh....I could have written that really. I let others determine my self worth. I was always told I wasnt anyone special and was verbally/emotionally abused as a child and yes, I still carry that with me and have a hard time believing the good things people say about me. But its like I am starved for attention too. Very strange. Im working on me and for me i know exactly what i have to do to improve it...hopefully it will happen sooner than later.

You are a beautiful young woman. You have alot going for you, I can tell that just by your posts here. You are worth a whole lot more than you give yourself credit for. Your smile is contagious!

 

[riff]

I have extremely low self-esteem. My therapist says it is a matter of reprogramming my thoughts, but I think it is more than that.

It all began when I was a baby through childhood, adolescence, and now I am a 39 year old baby again. I took what I was given and I perpetuated it.

Remember American Beauty?

We are all looking for beauty in our lives, but beauty is a way of seeing, it is not something we see. So I am trying to learn how to forgive myself for my low self-esteem by learning to see myself differently. It is also affecting how I see others too.

I meditate. I relax. I try to practice compassion. I get confused here on the board because sometimes I enjoy being such a smart-ass and I wonder about how destructive that is to me. And I certainly don't want to hurt anybody else, but it seems like you can't live without hurting people somehow.

Wait, I am responsible for when I get hurt.

Ooooo. This is all very good stuff to think about, Amelia, but my students are here.

And you know what I think of you!

 

[perks]

For reference, there is an age difference between us, I'm moving onto 31, so I've had a bit of experience with low self esteem and it's been just recently that I've been delving into the reasons for it.


A gazillion people can tell you that it is all about how you choose to look at yourself and your life. I think that is a bit simplistic. I can only tell you about my experiences and what I've been dealing with so I can at least understand why I've felt this way about myself for so long.

Just a bit of background...

When I was 4 my parents had a spiritual epiphany, or "they found god" They went hogwild and dove head first into Fundamental Baptist Christianity. Life turned from bikers and addicts to a black and white imposed morality.

My perspective of life was molded until I was in 8th grade by a fundamental christian school 5 days a week, church twice on sunday, once on wednesday, and once on friday.
There were no movies, no secular<non-christian> music, no restaurants that served alcohol, no tv. Nothing outside of our little country fundamental group.

There was no room for thought, only rote memorization of how a girl is to behave, think and be. Here is where my self esteem started to unravel.
I'm a thinker. I question things. Corporal punishment for questions that strayed outside the fundamental path seemed to be the status quo. I was never meek enough, docile enough, submissive enough. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be all those things. I wanted to choose to be like all the other people around me. It was lonely in my thinking world.

Needless to say, when you're a child and ingrained in this methodology you learn to look at yourself as inferior, and everyone else that doesn't see you that way is going to hell for their satanic thoughts.

When I was in 8th grade, the principal of my fundamental christian school raped me.

I went to Public High School the next year, from 3 students in my 8th grade class, to almost 300 in my 9th. It was culture shock. And since I had nothing worthy about myself left<my virginity was the only thing I thought I had of value> I went hogwild. Doing anything and everything opposite of what I had learned.

Here's the tricky part. I still only knew how to think in black and white. So, I knew what I was doing was "wrong and sending me to hell", but I didn't care and would do it anyway, putting me in a horrid, detrimental cycle of rebellion... guilt... shame... rebellion.
Self esteem doesn't survive well under these conditions.

Well, a lifetime later,now, I've made some choices categorized to go along with my original training, and some choices based on my rebellion.

How do I break that cycle? Where do I find my self esteem?

Well, this is how I figure it. I have to analyze lots of things I just took for granted. Basic truths<truth according to my training> might not just be truth. So I've been disecting my truths, inserting logic, thought, experience, and realizing that most of the things I learned were there to keep me down, and to make me feel I had no value.

Believing that you're not worth anything is a learned behavior.
You have to unlearn it.

If you want to talk about it more, I'll be around, ameliabedilia.

melanie

 

[nasty]

Well, you know how i feel. I know I don't know you in RL, but, if it makes you feel better, I think that if ANYONE DIDN'T think you're hot, needs glasses.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

each of us fight with esteem issues in some manner, the key is how we deal with our personal demons. Some blame their troubles on past life's troubles without cause or justification, others have a ligitamate complaint there, and some just hate the day to day grind we all must face. In my case it was the latter. I despised having to "grow up" and rebelled against it with all I had. This is not a "how did you become a survivor thread" so I shall digress from that aspect. Self worth comes from within. You can be told many a time that your worthy, pretty, intelligent but until one accepts it they never truly believe. Start by making a list of what you like about yourself, what you can live with, and what you really need to change. Filter out as best as possible any negative energies from prior events and focus on what you want. I have seen marriages, relationships, and friendships crumble from someone always taking the back seat. Yes I know I am not making some grand observation there the rest of the world has never seen. Still the bottom line lies with self acceptance. Anyone can become cold and bitchy thinking they are the worlds greatest gift, but this is merely a front. Self acceptance and then working on changing the things one needs is a must. Is it easy, God no. Is it worth it, yes for I no longer need the bottle to survive.

 

[nasty]

Sigh....I could have written that really. I let others determine my self worth. I was always told I wasnt anyone special and was verbally/emotionally abused as a child and yes, I still carry that with me and have a hard time believing the good things people say about me. But its like I am starved for attention too. Very strange. Im working on me and for me i know exactly what i have to do to improve it...hopefully it will happen sooner than later.

You are a beautiful young woman. You have alot going for you, I can tell that just by your posts here. You are worth a whole lot more than you give yourself credit for. Your smile is contagious!

Awwww. I know EXACTLY how you feel, sweety. When I was younger, My Dad would call me things like <"tiny-dick...micoscopic...,(and, it is less than average, because of my disability,)" So, whenever anyone says nice things about me, I don't listen.

 

[Kitte]

Amelia,

I could tell you that you are beautiful, you are.. inside and out from what I can tell. I could tell you that you are hot, you are btw. But none of that would matter... something inside you is broken (dont worry mine is too) and whenever someone tells me things like that...I tend just not to believe them. My therapist and I are working on it. (I think she just really wants the next model up Mercedes) Maybe you ought to consider therapy, or If you want I will just PM you every day to say how funny and cute you are

Kitte

 

[amelia]

thanks everyone for the nice words and thoughts..and a special "thank you" to everyone who talked about their struggles with this issue..

some days it's a big deal to me..and some days it's not...i'd just really love to not care what others think of me

 

[Marxist]

Amelia, I have nothing to add except to say: Never underestimate the power of self-doubt. It's what holds me back from being a writer and it'll drag you down too if you let it. Sometimes I forget that it all begins with ME. Attitude, woman, attitude.

 

[Wiggles]

My self esteem is pretty low. My whole world rocks when someone loses interest. My whole world is rosy when I'm liked.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I know part of it stems from that little voice in my head. The little voice is there because it's helped me deal with rejection and loss. I'm trying to protect myself further.

The hard part is over riding that little voice. Learning to say thank you for a compliment. And believing it's true. Telling myself that I can do it if I just put forth the effort. It's a hourly, daily, life time thing. Arguing back with that little voice of disbelief.

I believe it just changes with time and faith. Not too sure, I'm not quite there yet.

 

[Private Vasquez]

I can't say that I remember have self-esteem problems. I've always been me, and those that don't like it, tough. Their loss. It seems to me that those that struggle with it emphasize things they don't like about themselves, rather than focus on those things that they do like. My best friend dwells on the fact that she could have done such-and-such better, and things like that, instead of recognizing the fact that she kicked some ass (and ass she does kick). She tends to make mountains out of molehills and get extremely upset over things she has no control over. Then she feels bad about getting upset. It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya.

I'm no psychologist, but I play one on TV. There must be things you like about yourself. Let them out, share them with others. More than likely, they'll like those things about you as well...and they probably like you just fine anyway.

*not that that had anything necessarily to do with the questions at hand...but the ramble just happened, I couldn't control it*

 

[MissTaken]

What he said!

Yes, Marxist was absolutely correct on this one.

Self esteem? Well, what is it about you that you feel is less than adequate?

Then, what is it about you that is more than adequate?


Concentrate on your strengths. Use them to fight the demons of self doubt.

And what helps us to feel good about ourselves is doing at least once thing everyday that makes us feel good. Accomplish one task, feat or activity that gets your blood pumping and makes you feel proud, pretty, intelligent or even just healthy.

For me...

Walking and writing are my "stay in tune with myself" activities.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[nasty]

thanks everyone for the nice words and thoughts..and a special "thank you" to everyone who talked about their struggles with this issue..

some days it's a big deal to me..and some days it's not...i'd just really love to not care what others think of me

Did I say, YOU'RE HOT? You care about what I think, right? And, like I said, anyone that doesn't thin the same, is blind. BTW, this might be abad time to say this, but, I have glasses. But, I don't need them to see that you're absolutely stunning.