Woman advice! Need a second opinion.

[alice_underneath]

Took a while to find.

Click me.

i forgot she was slapping the table during this.

Thanks.

I forgot about the table slapping too. But - even more hilarious - I forgot about Sheldon!!! ROFLMTO!

Oh god, I really am laughing so hard right now. You're right, Mr. Assassin. This movie clearly needs its own thread.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

This movie clearly needs its own thread.

Hell, we've hijacked it already. Might as well go for broke.

Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
Harry Burns: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?
Sally Albright: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry Burns: What?
Sally Albright: They don't make Sunday.
Harry Burns: Why not?
Sally Albright: Because of God.

 

[alice_underneath]

Hell, we've hijacked it already. Might as well go for broke.

You know, I really hate shopping in December, and I have to go do so now.

But this time, I'll be smiling.

Thanks again, Mr. Assassin.

Alice

 

[Red Sonja]

LOL, thanks AA, was begining to think I was the only one who had heard of chemistry. I think it really unfair to say a person is using another because they trust them but don't love them as a lover. What is even sadder is that if 2 people have opposite genitalia, some feel the only relationship they can share is a love affair. Truth is, you can love a person as much as you like, or think you do at least, but if they don't feel the same there is nothing you or they can do to change those feelings and fall in love with you....love is love, it doesn't often make sense and it can't be programmed. While you reject and shut someone out of your life because they can only offer friendship, you might miss one of the greatest relationships you ever had.

While in Oz recently, I went for coffee and gossip with one of the guys I mentioned earlier. We did at one stage do the sex thing, but I couldn't hide that it wasn't reallly what I wanted so it didn't continue...and it was difficult to know how to say that, especially knowing how he felt, but when he asked how I felt, I had to be honest which he respected. He has never been shy of saying how he wishes things had been different between us but he also respects my feelings and is happy for the love I have found and actually means it when he says it makes him happy I have found someone who loves me and who I love. Being an old fashioned guy, I had no fear he would cross the line as he has always had a policy about married women being off limits. We intended spending 2 hours max together, but hours and hours passed as we talked and laughed over things we had shared, and things that had happened in our own lives apart, and when we went our seperate ways, we both acknowledged how good it was to spend that time as friends only, not to mention rare...and we have had this friendship thing going about 18 years now. Best of all is we both know we can call each other if we ever need to and the other will be willing to listen and provide support without expecting anything more. It is a rare feeling indeed, and one which feels kinda nice. ...but it ain't love!!

Catalina

Yes, but it only works if what both parties are looking for from the relationship is a good friend. If one of the parties is looking for more, the friendship may just continue to re-wound that party.

Hell, I got through lawschool largely thanks to the help and advice of a purely platonic male friend. We studied together, carpooled together and are still close friends today. Here's the thing though, we weren't either of us looking for more than a friendship.

Edited to add: Cuz we were following the Harry met Sally Amendment. He's married and so was I.

 

[Betticus]

Alright let me preface this by saying I don't know the girl so I can only go by what you've said in your post...that said it sounds to me like you are over thinking things and mixing the signals yourself.

It's apparent that she at least wants to be friends so that leaves you with deciding if you can handle just being her friend or if that will drive you crazy. If it's going to drive you nuts then tell her it needs to stop, if you can handle it than you have to accept that women will call the person they trust at 5am, or when they're sick, or angry, or distraught with no thought simply because they trust them to be there for them. When they do this with another woman no one thinks anything of it but when they do it with a guy it's often misconstrued as "mixed signals".

Of course that's my best case scenario. My worst case thought is that she knows you love her and is using you because she knows she can.

Okay, to clarify this point a little more. I have told her straight out that she and I would never be just friends. I've also told her that if that was what she wanted that she should stay away from me.

There are two main dynamics at work:

The first is when I'm not there. When I'm not there then she manages to close down to the point where she says she doesn't want to be with me. She has an amazing amount of resistance. When I stop talking to her within a week she will call me.

The second is when I am there. Face to face it's like no time has passed and when she looks at me I know that she is mine. She melts and given a day together everything falls back into place. Until I'm gone again.

It's almost like when I'm there it puts her into a submissive mode. At all other times and with other people she is usually very cold and tough. With me she is still that way with others but she will hold me for comfort and let all of her own worries go.

I know that being a sub scares the crap out of her, she doesn't trust a lot of men due to past issues. It's like she is fighting herself sometimes.


Now don't think that I'm holding up life over this. I'm out, I'm very social and I have my own things that I'm doing. As far as a partner though, I look for something very specific and have met very few people down here that I could get along with. That doesn't really matter though. I'm trying to get outside opinions on this particular situation.

Do you recall that thread I once had stating that I had my sub back. She had admitted to me that she was submissive, was very open about it and we had agreed to pick up our relationship openly as D/s. I get the feeling that something in her fights it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

He's married and so was I.

Poor Princess Leia ...

Marie: I don't think he's every going to leave her.
Sally: I know he's never going to leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right. I know you're right.

Marie: The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.
Sally Albright: No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

 

[Marquis]

Betticus, I never know if these threads are serious, but I'll tell you my humble opinion.

Trade the neuro linguistic programming in for some straight forward husky voiced "I got your medicine right here, baby."

Scenarios like this are why I'm a complete and total asshole until AFTER I am totally sexually satisfied. Jesus Betticus, did you learn nothing from the whore thread?

You're giving the bitch everything she wants for free! And you wonder why you feel slighted?

Come on dog.

 

[Red Sonja]

Poor Princess Leia ...

You know, I just realized... that may have come across as though I am not still married. Still am, same man even.

And you are right, since I made that mistake before getting married, they never leave the wife for her.

 

[graceanne]

Betticus, I never know if these threads are serious, but I'll tell you my humble opinion.

Trade the neuro linguistic programming in for some straight forward husky voiced "I got your medicine right here, baby."

Scenarios like this are why I'm a complete and total asshole until AFTER I am totally sexually satisfied. Jesus Betticus, did you learn nothing from the whore thread?

You're giving the bitch everything she wants for free! And you wonder why you feel slighted?

Come on dog.

As much as I disagree with the degree of his feelings here, he does have a point. You're giving and giving and she's taking and taking. I dont' here about you getting anythng here. In healthy relationships their's give and take on both sides.

 

[Marquis]

My methods may be brutal but they are effective.

 

[Red Sonja]

As much as I disagree with the degree of his feelings here, he does have a point. You're giving and giving and she's taking and taking. I dont' here about you getting anythng here. In healthy relationships their's give and take on both sides.

I think Marquis said what I said, only blunter and more "dommy"

 

[graceanne]

My methods may be brutal but they are effective.

It's sorta like my mother used to say to me 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'? It works both way - if the chicks getting all the emotional support of a man who's commited, then why put out? Now some chicks will want to, but some don't.

 

[Marquis]

Now some chicks will want to, but some don't.

Yeah, those girls you gotta make put out.

 

[graceanne]

Yeah, those girls you gotta make put out.

Don't make me come over there, young man. I know where you post.

 

[Cleopatra]

From what I read, it seems to me that she's using you for emotional support when she needs it.


Now, you have to decide whether you want to allow yourself to be used, meaning you have to decide if you're okay with that. It sounds (to me, again) just by posing the question that you want more from the relationship.

 

[Red Sonja]

Yeah, those girls you gotta make put out.

C'mon now, as a Dom surely you know you can't make anyone do anything... you can only make them wish they had...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You know, I just realized... that may have come across as though I am not still married. Still am, same man even.

i didn't misunderstand.

And you are right, since I made that mistake before getting married, they never leave the wife for her.

Marie: All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

 

[Red Sonja]

i didn't misunderstand.

That last part I don't buy... If it's meant to be, it'll be. If not, than not. I subscribe to the LA Story theory...

There's someone for everyone even if it takes a pickaxe, a compass and nightgoggles to find them. (I'd say quote but I may have paraphrased and am too sleepy to dig up the exact wording).

 

[Betticus]

You guys are all right of course. Especially you Marquis. So much spirit from someone so young. I once tried to hate you but despite that I ended up respecting and liking you. Try to not shoot me if you ever see me walking down the street.

I gave her an all or nothing and am waiting for her to search her feelings. This should be an interesting time in life either way.

Thanks for all of the honest advice everyone. Catalina, as always you manage to drive to the bottom of the confusion.