Woman's Sex drive

[Jonathan12]

Ive been with my current girlfriend for nearly 3 months and she has got a pretty low sex drive she very rarely actually feels horny and wants sex, she has been like this ever since she started having sex (10 years ago). But when I do make a move and we start foreplay etc she loves it.
She even said yesterday she thinks there is something wrong with her and thinks she might be lacking in something, she said she is sory for not having a high sex drive because my sex drive is huge and says she want to have a higher swx drive.

So anybody got any ideas what may be causing low sex drive or got anything that might incease it.

Thanks

 

[LadyJeanne]

Depression, depression medication, thyroid problems, growing up thinking sex is 'bad' or 'dirty', hormone levels are off, being on the pill...could be a lot of things!

First step would be for her to talk to her doctor.

 

[Nightbird]

What kind of lover are you? Gentle and considerate or are you only in it for yourself?

Women are totally different than guys, they need a lot of foreplay and different treatment.

Does she orgasm? Does she masturbate?

 

[Jonathan12]

She says i am good, im all about giving her pleasure, she cums many times during foreplay and sex before I cum, and she thinks im more experienced than i say i am.
Its her sex drive, she enjoys sex when she has it. just doesnt fancy actually having sex that often, u know she rarely gets horny during the day etc (she says its been the same since she was 15)
She says she has never really masturbated often, she said when she was single for months and a porno or something would come on whe would fancy having sex then and would masturbate, she has only masturbated once in the last 3 months and that was when thinking about me
Im going to get her a dvd player and get some porn and see if that gets her in the mood, as i said before when I actually start kissing her and stoking her body she gets really wet and then fancies it its just she isnt highly sexed and isnt horny that often. I want her to really fancy it during the day and be all over me when i see her, she even seys she wants to be nore highly sex to satisfy me more.

 

[Nightbird]

Hi Jonathan welcome to Lit.

Ok I asked the questions I did because sometimes women have low sex drives due to the man not being a very good lover.

This seems to not be the case here, so my next guess is either she was abused at a young age, or she was taught sex is dirty and women aren't supposed to enjoy it.

Thats the very simple answer of course and there could be a ton of other reasons, she may even have a chemical / hormonal problem.

 

[forfunonly]

first time

i just want to lread for now

 

[Jonathan12]

She wasn't abused as a child or has been traught sext is wrong and women shouldnt enjoy it, i think if she thought sex was wrong she wouldn't have lost her virginity at 14.
She did say last night to her friends do u think i should go to the doctor "I might be lacking in iron or something", so maybe i should ask her if she wants to go to the doctor to see if there is anything wrong with her hormones like u say.

 

[Nightbird]

Ok the lost her virginity at 14 comment has nothing to do with whether a person grew up with parents who made them feel bad about sex.

Sometimes young women have sex because of peer pressure and other social factors.

She is an individual and her own person, so the choice is hers but I would suggest she see a doctor. Then again, everyone is different and some people just have lower sex drives than others.

Maybe there is something else and she just doesn't want to say what it is. You'd be amazed the things young women won't say or ask for because of fear of hurting their partners feelings.

She wasn't abused as a child or has been traught sext is wrong and women shouldnt enjoy it, i think if she thought sex was wrong she wouldn't have lost her virginity at 14.
.

 

[Jonathan12]

To be honest i dont think there is a problem with her, i think its just that she is one of the people like u said with a low sex drive.
If it was any other girl i might agree and think she might be hiding soething as to keep from hurting my feelings, but she is of these woman who just says what is on her mind and if there is something i was doing she didnt like she would just tell me.

I think a dvd and a lot of porno is in order

 

[gdkttngnbd]

I have noticed the more active I am the higher my sex drive. Does she work out? Does she eat well?

Overall lifestyle can effect a woman's sex drive.

 

[Eilan]

She wasn't abused as a child or has been traught sext is wrong and women shouldnt enjoy it, i think if she thought sex was wrong she wouldn't have lost her virginity at 14.

As Nightbird said, that isn't necessarily true.

Frankly, from your initial post, it sounds like the issue is less about your GF's sex drive than it is about her not initiating sex, since when you do initiate it she seems to enjoy it.

 

[Nightbird]

Well good luck Jonathan, you two seem to definately have the communication aspect of your relationship down. And thats important.

And your keeping a positive attitude about it. Thats good too.

Maybe shes afraid of getting pregnant. But I don't think so.

 

[Nightbird]

Good one Eilan I totally missed that one. Mind you I don't have a female point of view either.

As Nightbird said, that isn't necessarily true.

Frankly, from your initial post, it sounds like the issue is less about your GF's sex drive than it is about her not initiating sex, since when you do initiate it she seems to enjoy it.

 

[Jonathan12]

Well she is not that fearful of getting pregnant, she doesnt want another baby yet because she has a 19month old daughter. No she is not active except with the baby and just doing general day to day things, and her diet is bloody awful lol, im into bodybuilding so my diet is good and im one horny bugger lol, she did say she wanted to go on a diet before so i put her on one, it only lasted a week so it didnt really have chance to change her energy levels etc. She is one of these who eats crap but doesnt put any weight on.
I dont mind that much that she isnt highly sexed, because i like her for who she is and its not just about sex. As long as i have sex with her once a week or something i wil be oright with that (even tho stil super horny), because i love being that close to her. Im hgihly sexed because im still a teenager (19) and she is 25.

 

[Nightbird]

This is a very positive adult attitude to have. Good for you, your more mature and relationship wise than people twice your age.
Make sure she knows how you feel, tell her what you said under here.

I dont mind that much that she isnt highly sexed, because i like her for who she is and its not just about sex. As long as i have sex with her once a week or something i wil be oright with that (even tho stil super horny), because i love being that close to her. Im hgihly sexed because im still a teenager (19) and she is 25.

 

[wicked woman]

Well she is not that fearful of getting pregnant, she doesnt want another baby yet because she has a 19month old daughter. No she is not active except with the baby and just doing general day to day things, and her diet is bloody awful lol, im into bodybuilding so my diet is good and im one horny bugger lol, she did say she wanted to go on a diet before so i put her on one, it only lasted a week so it didnt really have chance to change her energy levels etc. She is one of these who eats crap but doesnt put any weight on.
I dont mind that much that she isnt highly sexed, because i like her for who she is and its not just about sex. As long as i have sex with her once a week or something i wil be oright with that (even tho stil super horny), because i love being that close to her. Im hgihly sexed because im still a teenager (19) and she is 25.

Could be related to her diet...a zinc deficiency. Have the doctor look into it while she's there.

 

[richxr7]

Ive been with my current girlfriend for nearly 3 months and she has got a pretty low sex drive she very rarely actually feels horny and wants sex, she has been like this ever since she started having sex (10 years ago). But when I do make a move and we start foreplay etc she loves it.
She even said yesterday she thinks there is something wrong with her and thinks she might be lacking in something, she said she is sory for not having a high sex drive because my sex drive is huge and says she want to have a higher swx drive.

So anybody got any ideas what may be causing low sex drive or got anything that might incease it.

Thanks

Got to tell you I have had the same problem, she has a terribly low sex drive. Been trying to work on it for a while now. Things are getting better though. She wanted to even try spanish fly and the funny thing was it kinda worked.

 

[bronntanas]

Hey Jonathon...

Two things struck me... Re your age and being 19 and having a high sex drive. Don't be surprised if your sex drive actually grows as you grow older. I've had a high sex drive since about 15-16 (no, I wasn't wanking about then. I didn't lose the Big V til 2 years ago, the night before I turned 20. I just wanked a LOT.) I'm 22 next week and it's still growing....

The other thing is you didn't say if you talked to her about the DVD and the porn first. Some women love porn and some don't. You may want to talk to her first to see if she wants to see it. I knew a girl who was way into sex and very very kinky who got mad when her boyfriend decided they needed to spice things up with a bit o' porn. I don't know what it was exactly about the idea that offended her so much, but well, it didn't work for them. It's just that some women are turned off by it, or offended by it, and it tends to be a realy hot button issue.

On the other hand, she may love it and rip your clothes off and ravage you. Just be gentle how you introduce the idea. If she goes for it, pay attention to what really interests her and see if that's something doable for the two of you.

 

[SesameStreet]

I don't really see a big problem here. If she enjoys sex whenever you initiate it then what does it matter who initiates it? If you want sex three times a week try initiating three times a week. As long as she does not turn you down I see no real problem.

 

[gdkttngnbd]

I don't really see a big problem here. If she enjoys sex whenever you initiate it then what does it matter who initiates it? If you want sex three times a week try initiating three times a week. As long as she does not turn you down I see no real problem.

Agreed.

Also, I know women's sex drives change throughout the month. At least mine does. Sometimes I think about sex 3-5 (or if I'm luck more!) times a day, then other days not at all, lovely cycles!

 

[Vermilion]

I used to be very highly sexed, but that has dwindled in the last couple of years. Recently I watched a programme with a relationship expert and she advised someone in the same situation to try having 5 min quickies 3 times a week, as the more sex you have, the more you want it.
She said men are usually aroused first, then have sex, but that it's common for women to only become aroused after sex has been initiated.
If you let her know this, and she really does want to increase her sex drive, perhaps she will start initiating sex more often, even if she's not really in the mood.
Best of luck!
x
V

 

[SweetErika]

If she hasn't indicated she wants porn and it makes her horny, it's probably not going to help as much as you think it will. Just because porn gets you going doesn't mean it'll work for her.

In addition to her investigating possible problems with her doctor and changing her lifestyle/diet/exercise, why not introduce her to both the stories and boards (maybe start with The Blank Manual sticky at the top of How To) here at Lit? Often reading and talking about sex opens the mind and stimulates desire. She'll likely find things she wants to try, and sharing those are great for the relationship. It likely won't be a 'cure,' but it's helped many and is worth a try.

 

[Centauria]

I didnt think I had any interest in sex either, but since leaving an unhappy marriage and finding a playmate on the net that drives me wild...things are looking very good! Talking dirty is much more of a turn on to me than a porno anyday!
Depression would be one cause for sure, but if she's been like it since her teens its probably unlikely, maybe its just the way she is. You are obviously doing all the right things though...I hated sex with my ex, and never desired it...wont be letting that happen again!

 

[Mazuri]

I've found that as I've gotten older, my sex drive has increased. Same spouse (of 15 yrs), same me (and a bit more of me), but the thing that has helped fuel my sex drive has been my growing comfortable with myself, my likes, and my dislikes. I grew up in the south, was taught that sex was a "duty" of marriage, not to be enjoyed, dirty, etc. As I got older, and discovered that it was ok to enjoy sex, I found that my sex drive increased.

Not everyone appreciates porn, male or female, and some may find it repulsive and a decided turn off. Make sure your girlfriend doesn't fall into the "turn off" category before bringing home a ton of videos.

Mainly though, talk to her, not necessarily about her sex drive, but about sex in general. What she likes and dislikes, what turns her on, see if she has any fantasies...maybe she likes knowing you want her and likes you to make the first move. If she's embarassed or seems uncomfortable talking about it, make it a game, or use email/IMs (sometimes easier), or whatever keeps the discussion honest but in her comfort zone.

However, this may be normal for her and may never increase. Enjoy the times you have!

 

[TBKahuna123]

I'm going to join the talk to her doctor club on this one, because it sure sounds like hormone levels being a bit off. Now that doesn't mean there's a cure, becuase some women just are like that and have a low sex drive. We're all different, but it's the right place to start.

Now given your situation, it sounds to me like she just has very specific triggers to spark her sexuality. You say that when you initiate that she is into sex, has no problems orgasming, and is generally responsive. That sounds very similar to my wife. She rarely masturbates because if she gets to the point where she is horny, she comes looking for me. She juat doesn't find it as fulfilling as being with me. The reality of how she describes it, is that I'm her trigger. (Talk about an ego boost! )

It's entirely possible that her view of sex is more emotionally connected to the rest of your relationship than it is to the physical pleasure of intercourse. For this reason, masturbation is unfulfilling, getting horny isn't possible without your presence, and things along that like. Not a bad problem to have, but how can she then have the desire to initiate? Well if this is the situation, tell her to try focusing on the emotional side of sex. She may not even realize this is where she's at. When she is desiring closeness with you that usually turns into sex, tell her to initiate that closeness and let it turn into a sexual encounter. It's a romantic view of it, but hey that's what a marriage is, at least to me.

I may be wrong, but give it a try, see what she thinks. The important thing though may be to just let her know that she doesn't have to be wet and flushed to initiate sex, all she has to do is want to be with you. Good luck!