Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[vagrantx]

Happy International Women's day to everyone!

I'm celebrating it by trying to ignore yet another accusation that I can't be a woman because women don't think about sex the way I do.

As someone who's been living the lifestyle (BDSM) as a switch for a long time and who's primarily into the S&M part... preach. Going to have to re-purpose my crop into a fending-off-boys-stick one of these days.

 

[KatieDoes]

There is a subset of guys here who believe there are almost no women on Lit, and sometimes they try to "catch" cat fish. I used to get accused a lot because of how open I have been and because I actually like sex. Such accusations are often followed by a demand of pics to prove I'm a woman. I hadn't received a PM like that in a long time, but logged in to one today.

Here's what I don't get. What fucking purpose would I have to pretend I'm a woman? I don't do one-one-one role play (or any role play l, really) on here. I don't even really flirt. I'm certainly not leading anyone on, because I disengage whenever someone seems like they are starting to expect things/ hope for things from me. If I were a guy catfishing, what the hell would I get out of my time here? It's frustrating as fuck..

It’s much more comfortable for them to believe that women don’t ever enjoy sex than it is to sit with the fact that women enjoy sex, but not with them.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Happy International Women's day to everyone!

I'm celebrating it by trying to ignore yet another accusation that I can't be a woman because women don't think about sex the way I do.

It’s time for my favorite meme!

 

[JennyCapricorn]

It’s much more comfortable for them to believe that women don’t ever enjoy sex than it is to sit with the fact that women enjoy sex, but not with them.

THIS

 

[Strixaluco]

Its been a long time since I've gotten more than a dull ache from even prolonged sucking. Regular workouts keeps my jaw muscles and tendons in tip top shape.

Let's hope you don't get joint issues with age so you can keep enjoying them!
/sincere

I mean, with the right guy I love them, and my D is definitely right, but my other jaw joint was damaged already before I was old enough to even start, and, well, there's definitely a limit to how much I can handle without having issues afterwards.

It’s much more comfortable for them to believe that women don’t ever enjoy sex than it is to sit with the fact that women enjoy sex, but not with them.

I'm leaning more and more towards this.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

.I'm leaning more and more towards this.

<personal medical stuff snipped>

But hubby and I still managed to “have sex” - mutual touching, one sided touching, oral - Because the closeness it engenders is so important. I probably managed one orgasm to his four during my long periods… but that was ok. I could experience the moment with him, and know we were connected. Kevin was always there, supportive, talking to me about our lives, making me laugh, listening to me be excited about my new job, helping to take care of the kids, taking care of himself, trying to look good for me and caring when I made the effort for him. BEING A PARTNER. When I was able to have contact he made sure it was the “Jenny Orgasms” show, which also helped!)

So every time a man starts a thread about women’s lack of sex drive or how they stop wanting sex as they age I have to wonder. Yes some women do, and yes there are lots of things that can make receiving sex painful. Every woman is different. But the men starting them always sound like they are trying to absolve themselves of not learning what their wife needed when they had a chance, and are now staggered that transactional “I bought you roses so I get laid” sex isn’t happening.

This is awfully personal and perhaps judgey and I may delete later. <deleted the personal, kept the judgey>

 

[stickygirl]

@JennyCapricorn I won't reply/quote in case you do decide to delete, but I can say I quite teared up. Thanks for sharing

 

[Strixaluco]

So every time a man starts a thread about women’s lack of sex drive or how they stop wanting sex as they age I have to wonder. Yes some women do, and yes there are lots of things that can make receiving sex painful. Every woman is different. But the men starting them always sound like they are trying to absolve themselves of not learning what their wife needed when they had a chance, and are now staggered that transactional “I bought you roses so I get laid” sex isn’t happening.

This is awfully personal and perhaps judgey and I may delete later.

I don't quote the beginning which is personal. But this part. But this part... No, I don't think it's too judgey. (though I'll take the quote away if you delete it later anyway.) I've had this same feeling many times. Not in all cases - some clearly have put effort into having a mutually enjoyable sex life. I've also had a partner with whom sex was enjoyable even when I had 0 libido (due to antidepressants). I'm so glad your husband is caring, too.

But too often there's this "yeah you're complaining so much but did you ever notice what she wanted?" And it is NOT solved by asking once or twice, if there hasn't been emotional safety to talk about it. Heck, for those with conservative backgrounds it might take plenty of experimenting to learn even themselves. And some men are incredibly hard to teach... To even use a touch that is light enough, but not too light.

 

[lil_jenni]

So every time a man starts a thread about women’s lack of sex drive or how they stop wanting sex as they age I have to wonder. Yes some women do, and yes there are lots of things that can make receiving sex painful. Every woman is different. But the men starting them always sound like they are trying to absolve themselves of not learning what their wife needed when they had a chance, and are now staggered that transactional “I bought you roses so I get laid” sex isn’t happening.

But too often there's this "yeah you're complaining so much but did you ever notice what she wanted?" And it is NOT solved by asking once or twice, if there hasn't been emotional safety to talk about it. Heck, for those with conservative backgrounds it might take plenty of experimenting to learn even themselves. And some men are incredibly hard to teach... To even use a touch that is light enough, but not too light.

I've thought/wondered the same thing. I've even thought about trying to discuss it with the guys who post those comments, but I know better. I'm going to go ahead and say the vast majority of them don't want to help. They want to complain and get sympathy.

Edited to add I'll also delete the quotes if the posts quoted are deleted.

 

[lil_jenni]

It’s much more comfortable for them to believe that women don’t ever enjoy sex than it is to sit with the fact that women enjoy sex, but not with them.

Yep.

I keep hearing how the Incel shit is a new thing, but I don't think that's right. A significant portion of the male population has always been comprised of misogynistic, entitled assholes. It just used to be that women were pressured into marrying and had to stay married, so they spent their lives not interested in who they had to stay with. Their husbands complain about "frigid" wives. Now their children and grandchildren complain about women not being interested in them and lament not being able to force women into fucking them or marrying them, hence the rise of young men voting for misogynistic assholes who promise a return to "traditional values" and shit like that.

 

[stickygirl]

Yep.

I keep hearing how the Incel shit is a new thing, but I don't think that's right. A significant portion of the male population has always been comprised of misogynistic, entitled assholes. It just used to be that women were pressured into marrying and had to stay married, so they spent their lives not interested in who they had to stay with. Their husbands complain about "frigid" wives. Now their children and grandchildren complain about women not being interested in them and lament not being able to force women into fucking them or marrying them, hence the rise of young men voting for misogynistic assholes who promise a return to "traditional values" and shit like that.

I've seen that with young men in their twenties in the UK, some of whom support rapist Andrew Tate. When I started hearing their misogynistic views I had to do a double take because I thought they were joking. We thought boomers were bad - wait till this crowd end up with power.
But like you say Jen, it's always been there but they seem more emboldened now because no one calls them out.

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh this is brilliant!

View this content on Instagram

View this content on Instagram

 

[lil_jenni]

I've seen that with young men in their twenties in the UK, some of whom support rapist Andrew Tate. When I started hearing their misogynistic views I had to do a double take because I thought they were joking. We thought boomers were bad - wait till this crowd end up with power.
But like you say Jen, it's always been there but they seem more emboldened now because no one calls them out.

I have real life experience with the mindset Tate promotes. The first guy I was ever with had a very similar outlook and indoctrinated me into it when I was young and susceptible to that bullshit. Hell, he fucked me up, and I've spent years pulling myself out of the shit he made me believe about myself and women in general. I still sometimes get in the headspace of thinking I don't deserve love and a husband who likes and respects me, and whom I trust. It's one of my major sources of anxiety.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I have real life experience with the mindset Tate promotes. The first guy I was ever with had a very similar outlook and indoctrinated me into it when I was young and susceptible to that bullshit. Hell, he fucked me up, and I've spent years pulling myself out of the shit he made me believe about myself and women in general. I still sometimes get in the headspace of thinking I don't deserve love and a husband who likes and respects me, and whom I trust. It's one of my major sources of anxiety.

It always makes me furious when you bring this up. Little bastard can’t have enough bad things happen to him.

 

[lil_jenni]

It always makes me furious when you bring this up. Little bastard can’t have enough bad things happen to him.

Thanks! He's dead, and that's enough for me. I still feel a little guilty for being glad he's dead, but I'm getting over that.

 

[Strixaluco]

Thanks! He's dead, and that's enough for me. I still feel a little guilty for being glad he's dead, but I'm getting over that.

My late husband wasn't as bad, but I totally get you.

Edit. What a weird typo my autocorrect had done...

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Thanks! He's dead, and that's enough for me. I still feel a little guilty for being glad he's dead, but I'm getting over that.

I understand your feelings. Some days my fear comes back because I know Ernie will eventually get out of jail. I think about how much simpler it would be if . . .

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I don't want to turn this thread into a Grace pity party, but in the same vein as the current discussion, March is National Brain Injury Month. It's a club that I sincerely hope you never join. If you're already a member, you are not alone.

 

[genzsub]

Thanks! He's dead, and that's enough for me. I still feel a little guilty for being glad he's dead, but I'm getting over that.

My late sijan wasn't as bad, but I totally get you.

I understand your feelings. Some days my fear comes back because I know Ernie will eventually get out of jail. I think about how much simpler it would be if . . .

I've never had an experience like that, thank goodness, but my heart breaks for each of you! I tried to imagine all the emotions you went through and are going through, and it quickly became overwhelming. I literally cannot even imagine it.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Don’t let us break your heart Rejoice for us that we have been strengthened by our troubles. We are still here. We are the survivors.

 

[Strixaluco]

I don't want to turn this thread into a Grace pity party, but in the same vein as the current discussion, March is National Brain Injury Month. It's a club that I sincerely hope you never join. If you're already a member, you are not alone.

View attachment 2510366

I agree. I've known several people with one (though none of them before their injury) and it's something you want to avoid at great costs.

 

[lil_jenni]

I understand your feelings. Some days my fear comes back because I know Ernie will eventually get out of jail. I think about how much simpler it would be if . . .

He was in prison for awhile, for doing what he did to me to someone who was brave enough to report him and testify. I wish I had been able to do it, because it might have saved her.

I just recently told my dad what happened to me back then. I wouldn't have done it while the asshole predator was still alive, because I wouldn't want my dad to go to prison for killing him. I could tell Dad was a little pissed I hadn't told him, but he tried not to show it. He knows why I did not tell him.

It's funny. Guys here assume I was promiscuous because I have father issues. But that's not it at all. My father's a bit rough around the edges, but he's always been there for me when he could. It's why I didn't tell him for so long. I knew he'd think he failed and would try to make it right, or as right as he could.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

He was in prison for awhile, for doing what he did to me to someone who was brave enough to report him and testify. I wish I had been able to do it, because it might have saved her.

Fortunately my assault was captured on security cameras. It’s hard to challenge an unblinking witness.
The golden (not silver) lining is that it brought my husband into my life.

Edit: this didn’t come out right! I said it brought my “current” husband into my life. He is my first and ONLY husband. I can’t even imagine loving and being loved this way again.

 

[genzsub]

He was in prison for awhile, for doing what he did to me to someone who was brave enough to report him and testify. I wish I had been able to do it, because it might have saved her.

I just recently told my dad what happened to me back then. I wouldn't have done it while the asshole predator was still alive, because I wouldn't want my dad to go to prison for killing him. I could tell Dad was a little pissed I hadn't told him, but he tried not to show it. He knows why I did not tell him.

It's funny. Guys here assume I was promiscuous because I have father issues. But that's not it at all. My father's a bit rough around the edges, but he's always been there for me when he could. It's why I didn't tell him for so long. I knew he'd think he failed and would try to make it right, or as right as he could.

Damnit, Jenni, you're killing me! I just recently discovered James Blunt's Monsters, and you are surfacing those tears again! I am SO glad you all are through that and stronger for it, though.

 

[stickygirl]

Gah... you guys, honestly
You stand in the same light as people who raise their chin to say "I am a survivor" whether that is rape or abuse or anything that leaves a person doubting their own truth and blaming themselves for what happened.
I can't even...