A woman i'm seeing now seems to have a problem with my seeing her touch herself. I don't know if it has to do with her strong Catholic upbringing and having the shit smacked outta her by the nuns or if she got caught by her mama with her fingers in her cooter or what. I've told her how the visual of a woman touching herself is so stimulating as to derive an instant maddening hard dick but to no avail. She has no problem giving her own breasts a lot of attention both during sex and when I perform oral but what could I do to convince her it's not only ok but natural for her fingers to do the walking as well?
You Ladies Touch Yourself?
- Thread starter DeepQuest
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EJFan
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firstly, if it's something she's not comfortable with you have to respect that. of course, that's not to say you can't have a discussion about it. talk outside the sexual environment and listen to what she has to say. she may need time, she may need comfort or there may not be any change at all.
i've dated women who i KNEW masturbated but wouldn't touch themselves in front of me. everyone has limits like this of one type or another.
i've dated women who i KNEW masturbated but wouldn't touch themselves in front of me. everyone has limits like this of one type or another.
Mystical Avalon
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Relax
Let her relax. If she is truley comfortable with you in time it will all hang out so to speak. Its the uncertainty we women have about our bodies and not wanting to be seen by the men we love as vulgar. She may feel nasty knowing you are watching her pleasure herself. What you should do is this, while having forplay, start touching her in varous ways and asking her what she likes/dislikes. If it comes to a point ask her to show you what she likes. If she balks on the idea then keep talking to her. If you help her relax she will open up and masturbate without knowing.
Let her relax. If she is truley comfortable with you in time it will all hang out so to speak. Its the uncertainty we women have about our bodies and not wanting to be seen by the men we love as vulgar. She may feel nasty knowing you are watching her pleasure herself. What you should do is this, while having forplay, start touching her in varous ways and asking her what she likes/dislikes. If it comes to a point ask her to show you what she likes. If she balks on the idea then keep talking to her. If you help her relax she will open up and masturbate without knowing.
Emerald Eyed
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Masturbation is a very private thing. To me it is time with myself. I don't know if I would want someone watching either.
Just like going to the bathroom. I don't want anyone watching that either
Just like going to the bathroom. I don't want anyone watching that either
bisexplicit
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What we are talking about is turn ons slash turn offs. (I 
Dane Cook.)
Some people are into having someone watch them masturbate, and some people aren't. If this really bothers her, then pressing the issue will only strain your relationship.
Imagine if she wanted you to do something you were really uncomfortable with, you'd probably be rather unappreciative if she insisted that you do it.
Dane Cook.)Some people are into having someone watch them masturbate, and some people aren't. If this really bothers her, then pressing the issue will only strain your relationship.
Imagine if she wanted you to do something you were really uncomfortable with, you'd probably be rather unappreciative if she insisted that you do it.
jadefirefly
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Coming from the perspective of someone who's generally pretty reserved and shy about that sort of thing... I can only hope you're not calling it her cooter when you ask/tell her to do it. Can't speak for her, but that'd put me off it right away.
Some people simply won't warm up to the idea. Sometimes guys have a hard time understanding this, as what guy doesn't mind letting his girl see him touch himself? If it's something you just can't understand, try thinking of something sexual you wouldn't be caught dead doing -- like letting her take a strap on and take you from behind, maybe. Or encouraging you to have a three way with your best friend. Or dressing up in frilly pink panties. Then imagine her telling you what a turn on it'd be for her, though!
That's how frustrating it is for girls, when their guys don't understand that just because they like to see it, doesn't mean we want to do it.
Some people simply won't warm up to the idea. Sometimes guys have a hard time understanding this, as what guy doesn't mind letting his girl see him touch himself? If it's something you just can't understand, try thinking of something sexual you wouldn't be caught dead doing -- like letting her take a strap on and take you from behind, maybe. Or encouraging you to have a three way with your best friend. Or dressing up in frilly pink panties. Then imagine her telling you what a turn on it'd be for her, though!
That's how frustrating it is for girls, when their guys don't understand that just because they like to see it, doesn't mean we want to do it.
wicked woman
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Agree with the advice so far but thought I might add this. There have been other threads on this topic and I recall someone saying that it had worked for him to sit on the bed with his back to the headboard/wall and have his SO sit in between his legs with her back to his chest. While she masturbated they could feel close, he would caress her, but she'd be more comfortable because she wasn't in his 'direct line of sight'. Seemed like a sensual compromise to me...of course only assuming she was willing.
Yes you're right though...if she's got a strong upbringing telling her touching herself is bad...if she doesn't masturbate when she's alone...you're going to need lots of patience to get her to masturbate in front of you. Definitely don't push it.
Yes you're right though...if she's got a strong upbringing telling her touching herself is bad...if she doesn't masturbate when she's alone...you're going to need lots of patience to get her to masturbate in front of you. Definitely don't push it.
A_Kefka
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Something that might help, try taking her hand in yours during foreplay and touching her that way. If she likes that it might make her more comfortable touching herself with you around. Of course if she doesn't like that then back off, don't want to push her too hard.
No I don't call it a Cooter when we talk about her vagina. I understand it might be a little difficult for her to warm up to but yes it is a show stopper for me. It's something I like to see a lot and if it doesn't happen with her it will happen with someone else. I don't mean to be a prick about it but I do go by the old I'll show you mine if you show me yours and I quite frankly I ain't seeing enough!
fantasylover
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"cooter"?
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Norajane
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DeepQuest said:
It sounds like you see women primarily for sex. That's not the kind of atmosphere that is conducive to a woman relaxing and developing trust and feeling comfortable enough to expose herself in a way she's normally not comfortable doing.
jadefirefly
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Sooo...
You don't really care for her, you probably just think she's hot, and since she won't show off for you, you're probably gonna tell her to take a hike, and find someone who will?
I hope to god the next girl you proposition kicks you square in the nuts. You deserve it. You come here asking for advice on how to get her to do what you want, then announce that you "don't mean to be a prick", but if she won't do it you'll leave her?
You're a prick, you're an assmonkey, and you deserve to never get laid, much less see a woman again, until you get your head out of your ass.
You don't really care for her, you probably just think she's hot, and since she won't show off for you, you're probably gonna tell her to take a hike, and find someone who will?
I hope to god the next girl you proposition kicks you square in the nuts. You deserve it. You come here asking for advice on how to get her to do what you want, then announce that you "don't mean to be a prick", but if she won't do it you'll leave her?
You're a prick, you're an assmonkey, and you deserve to never get laid, much less see a woman again, until you get your head out of your ass.
Well Damn ladies.. It is just sex. Not a relationship. We have both had enough long time relationships to last a while and it is all about the sex. And she knows it. And that was and still is the agreement. Ease up just a little. I'm just trying to help her take our sex to the next level. I'm sorry if I rubbed you all the wrong way but I just can't see it being that big of a deal. And if you don't touch yourselves for your men, you are missing something that can take your sex to another level also. Just ask them....oh you may wanna give them back their balls first so they can answer.
tickletickle
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I don't get your preoccupation with your girl unwillingness to touch herself. You said she enjoyed touching her breasts when you gave her some oral which meant that she loved what you were doing. So why bother touching herself, then?
I didn't touch any part of my vagina (except when i'm cleaning myself) and never even saw what it looked like (bad sex-ed program here) until I was 22 and between boyfriends. And the guys I was with eversince would rush to my rescue whenever I tried to touch myself. They would think they didn't work hard enough to satisfy me. lol
So if your girl doesn't want to touch herself, maybe it's because she doesn't feel the need to do it. If you want her to, just so she knows that it would feel real good, you probably need to go out of town or pretend to be real sick for weeks, then have phone/cyber sex with her.
But yanoo, if she likes what her fingers doing to her more than what you offer, you'd wish you never ask her to tickle herself down there.
I didn't touch any part of my vagina (except when i'm cleaning myself) and never even saw what it looked like (bad sex-ed program here) until I was 22 and between boyfriends. And the guys I was with eversince would rush to my rescue whenever I tried to touch myself. They would think they didn't work hard enough to satisfy me. lol
So if your girl doesn't want to touch herself, maybe it's because she doesn't feel the need to do it. If you want her to, just so she knows that it would feel real good, you probably need to go out of town or pretend to be real sick for weeks, then have phone/cyber sex with her.
But yanoo, if she likes what her fingers doing to her more than what you offer, you'd wish you never ask her to tickle herself down there.
bisexplicit
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If it's not a relationship, and just sex, then you don't deserve to share something so intimate with her.
leeroy jenkins
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bisexplicit said:
I agree with Bi, if its just sex then be happy your getting it and enjoy it.
LadyJeanne
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DeepQuest said:
The ladies are telling you that a 'just sex' relationship may not be the kind of relationship where your lady will feel comfortable touching herself for you. It's a personal thing, and if she's having difficulty with it, then it's not likely that a relationship where she doesn't feel loved is going to help her break out of her shell.
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Eilan
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Bingo!bisexplicit said:
You're missing the point. What the ladies have been trying to say here is that masturbating for a partner is an extremely intimate act, one that, for a lot of women, requires a certain amount of trust. I was sexually active for about nine years before I was able to do this in front of a partner, and while I enjoy doing it for my hubby, it's not something I'd do for everyone. Maybe you can whip out your dick on a whim, and if so, good for you.DeepQuest said:
Maybe she doesn't want to diddle herself in front of you because of her upbringing, but maybe she just doesn't trust you.
I think your willingness to dump this woman for not masturbating for you says far more about your lack of balls than it does about the cajone status of the Lit ladies' SO's.
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TBKahuna123
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Would you do something special for me? I know you aren't comfortable with it, but I really like it, so why not? Please? For me?
Oh and by the way, you know this is just about fuckin, right? I couldn't give two shits about you other than sex? We're clear on that?
And you wonder why she won't masturbate in front of you with that attitude?
Oh and by the way, you know this is just about fuckin, right? I couldn't give two shits about you other than sex? We're clear on that?
And you wonder why she won't masturbate in front of you with that attitude?
amutantman
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TBKahuna123 said:Would you do something special for me? I know you aren't comfortable with it, but I really like it, so why not? Please? For me?
Oh and by the way, you know this is just about fuckin, right? I couldn't give two shits about you other than sex? We're clear on that?
And you wonder why she won't masturbate in front of you with that attitude?
TOO RIGHT! it took 14 years, lots of love, commitment, trust,honesty, caring, attitude adjustment(by me) etc before my wife would even consider playing with herself in front of me.
if its just about the sex then i agree with the others here....be happy that your getting any at all. if i had your attitude then im afraid that i would only have one option.....my own hand on my own dick ALONE.
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