Your Most Resented Holiday Moment

[BlackShanglan]

My own personal favorite was the new in-law complaining about Tiger Woods being overrated as a golfer, tired of hearing about him, etc. etc. ... with the upshot being that he should make room for a white golfer and "go back to wherever he came from." I'm still trying to figure out how I should have responded to that; somehow stunned silence really just doesn't feel adequate.

Shanglan

 

[shereads]

She's right, you know. There aren't nearly enough white golfers.

 

[BlackShanglan]

She's right, you know. There aren't nearly enough white golfers.

Bless you, that's brilliant. Thank you for the only note of humor in the whole wretched business.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

a moment of tension as we were watching TV and the eldest saw Elton John...she remarked
"Grandma Pat looks like Elton John...no, seriously, she does!"
erm
silence
huge laughter... she does, too.
(its the alcohol bloat)
otherwise, my dysfunctionally, functional family had a pretty decent holiday. so unlike last year, i was nearly startled.

 

[Kassiana]

I had a few lovely moments these holidays, though I'm having fewer and fewer as I try to take them as they come. On Xmas Eve I went to my minister's house, as I usually do. The only entrees available were things I was disgusted by (chili and the tasteless chicken soup her partner insists on making every year, Gods know why). I tried to go without, but I'd thought someone else would bring something I liked, so I suffered for two hours before finally breaking down and making myself eat the horrid soup.

As I did, my minister finally walked over to me and I thought we were going to have a nice conversation. She just ordered me to put a plate under my bowl and walked away. I could feel the love.

Luckily, my husband's father didn't get into any of his damned anti-liberal rants when we went to his parents' house last Sunday, but my sister-in-law looked at me like I was pond scum when we admitted we were too poor to get anyone gifts this year.

Hopefully my parents won't do the same today when we come to visit them and see Polar Express.

 

[carsonshepherd]

The good news is this past Christmas will be the last Christmas I spend this way.

Here's to a New Year.

Freedom is the best thing in the world, lovely lady.

 

[carsonshepherd]

, but my sister-in-law looked at me like I was pond scum when we admitted we were too poor to get anyone gifts this year.

Nice how people really appreicate the meaning of the holiday season, innit?

 

[oggbashan]

I used to enjoy the family Christmases with my parents when I was young. It was the only time that I saw all my uncles, aunts and cousins.

The best and most resented moments were the same. Everyone was expected to entertain the assembled company (minimum 40) for a few minutes. Most of the family were musical and could sing or play an instrument or two. I wasn't that musical until later and I couldn't sing or play well enough to 'entertain' except in the excruciating sense, so I did 'Recitations'.

I did: The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck (Casabianca); The Charge of the Light Brigade; The Burial of Sir John Moore; etc.

I hated doing them. I was expected to perform the High Victorian Rhetorical version with symbolic gestures, hand on heart, eyes raised to heaven, pointing finger etc. Once my 'act' was over I could enjoy everyone else. Most of us loved performing.

My father and his eldest brother would perform "The Two Gendarmes", "The Larboard Watch" or even "Abdul The Bul-Bul Emir". Gilbert and Sullivan songs were familiar to all.

My youngest uncle would perform on a variety of wind instruments and blow raspberries (Bronx Cheers) with his trombone when his brothers were singing sentimental songs such as "Indian Love Lyrics".

My youngest aunt would play the piano for the singing. My mother, perhaps to support me, did Cockney recitations e.g. "My baby 'as gone dahn the plug'ole"

My cousins were horrid perfection: Two of them would take part in a string quartet with the parents. One could play classical guitar. The youngest, even younger than I, could make a half size violin sound musical when accompanied by her mother.

Only later did I learn that the cousins spent many days and weeks practising for the event. Me? A hour at most. They thought I was getting off lightly and envied my declared unmusicality. They too hated the event until their act had been completed. If they had been allowed to perform what they wanted to play they would have enjoyed it more. However their parents were in deadly earnest competition to display their children's talents.

My brother was the first to rebel. He teamed up the wind instrument playing uncle and they performed a Spike Jones' version of Colonel Bogey. In the 1950s we youngsters performed as a Skiffle Group. I played the tea-chest bass or the washboard. From then on the event became more fun for all of us.

I still hate 'dramatic monologues' especially 'The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God'.

Og

 

[SlickTony]

Y'all would probably have liked Maureen Dowd's take on Christmas with her family, called "Jingle Bell Schlock." She, too, has to endure dinners with a Fox-viewing family. I'd have linked it if it hadn't been archived already.

 

[shereads]

I had a few lovely moments these holidays, though I'm having fewer and fewer as I try to take them as they come. On Xmas Eve I went to my minister's house, as I usually do. The only entrees available were things I was disgusted by (chili and the tasteless chicken soup her partner insists on making every year, Gods know why). I tried to go without, but I'd thought someone else would bring something I liked, so I suffered for two hours before finally breaking down and making myself eat the horrid soup.

As I did, my minister finally walked over to me and I thought we were going to have a nice conversation. She just ordered me to put a plate under my bowl and walked away. I could feel the love.

Luckily, my husband's father didn't get into any of his damned anti-liberal rants when we went to his parents' house last Sunday, but my sister-in-law looked at me like I was pond scum when we admitted we were too poor to get anyone gifts this year.

Hopefully my parents won't do the same today when we come to visit them and see Polar Express.

Argh.

 

[shereads]

My mother, perhaps to support me, did Cockney recitations e.g. "My baby 'as gone dahn the plug'ole"

PleasepleasePLEASE!!!!! Can you remember enough of this one to give us a sample?

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hmmm. If you invite me, Ogg, I do a pretty good rendition of "The Good Ship Venus." Guaranteed to wake the dozing aunties.

Shanglan

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Luckily, my husband's father didn't get into any of his damned anti-liberal rants when we went to his parents' house last Sunday, but my sister-in-law looked at me like I was pond scum when we admitted we were too poor to get anyone gifts this year.

Hopefully my parents won't do the same today when we come to visit them and see Polar Express.

Polar Express rocks.

Don't feel bad love, my sisters in law took care of buying my kids their presents this year because we couldn't, so I know that feeling of being total shit. It was bittersweet watching them open gifts I couldn't give them.

So after Christmas 2002 was spent puking with us all being sick, Christmas 2003 was spent in the hospital with my sick parents, Christmas 2004 was the tip of the shitberg. If the power of three is correct, Christmas 2005 has some hope.

 

[Alex De Kok]

PleasepleasePLEASE!!!!! Can you remember enough of this one to give us a sample?

God bless Google!

DAHN THE PLUG'OLE

A mother was bathing her baby one night
The youngest of ten, a poor little mite
The mother was fat and the baby was thin
Only a skellington wrapped up in skin.

The mother turned round for the soap from the rack
She weren't gone a minute, but when she got back
The baby was gone, and in anguish she cried
'Oh, where is my baby', the angels replied

Your baby has gone down the plug'ole
Your baby has gone down the plug
The poor little thing was so skinny and thin
He should have been bathed in a jug

Your baby is perfectly happy
He won't need no bathing no more
He's working his way through the sewers
Not lost, just gone before.

Found it here

Alex

 

[oggbashan]

Now imagine that sung solo in broad Cockney, the Angels sing in unison and on the reprise the Angels sing in Oxbridge accents...

Og

 

[C's Button]

letsee.. my horrible Christmas moments were a little boring, compared to most here..

There was the waking up with the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach realizing that I am still on the farside of the world from anyone I love.

That was sort of offset by the fact that the my non Christian housemates made me a Christmas sock anyway.

Of course, one of the aformentioned housemates did indulge in a long dissertation about how said socks are not religious in nature..

My response, "I know, Jesus did not have any socks.. You ladies, rock, I love you, now GIMMEE MY SOCK!"

Things were a little better when I took ValJean (the puppy) for a walk. We walked to the beach and saw Santa Clause on a surf board!

The lowest point was that evil telephone recording in her snotty, psuedo-polite, stiff upper lip, oh so fucking proper British voice informing me. "Your call cannot be completed as dialled. All circuits are busy now. Please try your call again later." I sort of yelled "But I wanna perv on my Crownie NOW darnit!"

 

[SeaCat]

This year for a change was great. Just my wife and myself. No family. Last year on the other hand sucked.

Got to listen to my brother complain about how his ex was a bitch from hell who just had to show him who was boss by leaving him for another woman. (I thought this was a bit of poetic justice for him.)
My eldest niece was there complaining about how she wanted to get pregnant but couldn't because of scarring from all of her prior abortions. (She seemed to think these were some one elses fault.)
My sister was complaining about her welfare being cut because her kids were now all over eighteen. (This just isn't right according to her. Now she wont be able to afford her three bedroom house. The large screen Plasma TV she's been renting, or the new car she just picked up. She might even have to get a job to afford the Breast Implants she wants. {I might just have to help her with these, just for the humor.})
My parents, my wife and myself finally managed to leave just before all of their friends arrived and it turned into a drunken brawl.

Cat

 

[Kassiana]

Nice how people really appreicate the meaning of the holiday season, innit?
--Yep. In the end, it all comes down to greed.

Don't feel bad love, my sisters in law took care of buying my kids their presents this year because we couldn't, so I know that feeling of being total shit.
--Sigh.

On an up-note, the visit to the parents didn’t go too badly, though we didn’t get to see Polar Express. It had Left The Building. So we saw The Incredibles, which is a nice little movie.

 

[SensualCealy]

This year it was only tiny things that set me off.
Second brother couldnt make it, had to work, dont know why he couldnt book it off like everyone else. He has the highest rank in the business and could easily get it off. He tried to come up Christmas day to have his wife hit a fit and not allow them to leave the house. Between post partum depression and lack of respect she got her way.

Walked into the restraunt that we had reservations at to see my sister in laws parents sitting at the table, I thought to myself, thanks to God my other brother and his family didnt show or we wouldnt have room.

Got a call from the AUNT FROM HELL saying she is having hubby's family Christmas at her place, everyone in the family hates her. She can never find anything pleasurable in anyone and makes note of it publicly infront of everyone. I have told my kids if they speak ill of them they are to stand up for themselves, be polite but make sure she is set in her place.
Well we made it there under deress, had an okay time, ate and left, figured the old people could do the dishes! lol

Had the whole family Christmas with the same people on the 27th, avoided said Aunt, and still didnt help with the dishes! lol It was held at the prodical neices house, lots of money, lots of ohhhs and awes, who gives a shit, she still wipes her ass the same way!

Then along came New Years! Had a fantastic time with my immediate family, my hubby and kids.

Second brother finally made it up to Mom and Dad's to open their gifts, good to see the newest member of our family, he is a doll. Their oldest is a little brat, but then when you are spoiled what do you expect?
Then we get a call for my mom while we were there from my oldest brother, claiming my dad grabbed my sister in laws crotch when she was over picking up her brat after work one day. I fucking lost it there, I bit my tongue to the bleeding point, stayed long enough to be polite and got the kids in the car. I stopped to pick up some gator aide for hubbys upset tummy and low and behold, said brother and his bitch were at the variety store getting movies. The bitch was standing right beside my daughter and didnt say hi or nothing, I was getting the gatoraide and by the time I got to the front she was out in their van. I paid and left, with steam coming from my nose and ears! They were parked right infront of the door, as I walked out I ignored them both, brother beeped the horn and I kept walking. Can you tell Im still stewing over this? lol
I know my dad has the bad habbit of goosing people when they are bent over picking something up, he has always done this, nothing new in their 10yrs of marriage, she should be use to it by now. But no on NYD she had to lay that on my mom and dad, he is 77 and not in the greatest of health. If anything happens to him over this Im taking the bitch down big time!!! To be continued! lol or cry and she isnt worth my tears!
C

 

[Subo97]

Happy New year

I actualy like fruitcake and only got one piece this year.

My large, dysfunctional family was actually fairly tolerable through most of the holidays. the low point was my younger sister's attempt to lecture me on the state of educationa and what's wrong with teachers. Apparently there is a long succession of ignorant educators who dare to keep telling her there's something wrong with her kids. Her answer to my statement that parents are the primary educators of their childeren was, "I work hard, too, and I don't have time to come home and check my child's homework every day." I bit my tongue and did not tell her I wouldn't have her kids in my classroom either. Thankfully, my nimrod brother-in-law, whose genes are responsible for their state of affairs, kept quiet as well.

I spent one nice afternoon with my alcoholic brother at the motel where he lives. I stopped off and bought some wiggle worms and spent the afternoon bream fishing in the lake out back of his flop house, talking, reminiscing and remembering why I loved him.

Ironically, shereads, I've been ruminating over the idea of opening a pet retirement home, actually more of a hospice where those creatures who spread love could come to live out their last days in comfort and grace with a nice cottage garden outside where they could be placed at rest amid beauty and peace.

 

[shereads]

Re: Happy New year

Ironically, shereads, I've been ruminating over the idea of opening a pet retirement home, actually more of a hospice where those creatures who spread love could come to live out their last days in comfort and grace with a nice cottage garden outside where they could be placed at rest amid beauty and peace.

If you subcontract your record-keeping to me, I can open my dream business, "Pet-O-File."

I love the fishing-for-bream-behind-my-brother's-flop-house story. It's not Readers Digest material, but it deserves to be told. Write it.

I like your dogtirement home idea. My variation on that dream is to provide a pet-care service for elderly people who would otherwise have to give up their pets. Our local shelter gets a lot of their animals from elderly people who no longer have the ability to care for their animals. To be sick and dependent on nursing care is bad enough, without having to send away a pet that may have been your best friend...When I win the lottery, I'll organize a volunteer group that walks dogs, takes cats to the vet, cleans bird cages etc.

Merry New Year, Subo. Welcome back.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

My family is great and despite our political differences, we all know how to avoid subjects that will cause arguments. Not that we can't have an intelligent discussion about politics, but we'd rather not spoil a good time by hashing out a lot of shit that's never going to change.

This year my uncle's wife's brother came to the family gathering and he'd never been there before. He's a nice guy who's fairly well-educated and intelligent; a pastor in some Baptist church where they live. He started talking about Rush Limbaugh and about how brilliant he is. I was trying hard not to say anything until he virtually dragged me into the conversation by demanding to know my opinion.

I could see my aunt and my cousins just cringing, waiting for me to go off like a nuclear bomb. I behaved and just said I didn't like Limbaugh and made some joke about oxycontin. Then this guy just started in on me about how I was probably a Kerry supporter and against the war etc.

He was so obnoxious about it, that I really think the rest of my family(all republicans) were rooting for me to just tear into him. Then he started telling us how global warming was democrat propaganda and how environmental problems were all the earth's fault. All in all, I kept my cool and spoke calmly. Surprisingly, it was my very conservative uncle who went crazy when his brother in law was being so anti-environment. That was worth the whole argument.

Other than a few near medical emergencies and confused mentally retarded family memebers, everything seemed to go off without a hitch. I've just come to expect since having things at my house that something horrible will happen one day. If this is as bad as it gets, I think I must be doing something right.

 

[SensualCealy]

LMAO, my mother in laws cousin started in on how when you look at the news lately all you see is 'non- Canadian' committed crime.

I almost burst into laughter, now me trying to behave as to not stir up any shit, said, 'Thats funny, most of them were likely born here, making them just as Canadian as you!'

So he went on to say how what he meant was most of the crimes committed in Canada are by people of different nationalities that have moved to Canada over the years, typically 'non-white pure bread Canadians'.

Still trying to behave, I said, "Joel, when was the last time you saw a pure bread Canadian, someone who had both parents directly in Canada from day one?"

He stammered once again saying he meant people who had been here along time and valued the privilages we are given.

I BIT MY TONGUE!! Can you believe it, I actually just smiled and said, 'ohhh okay! and left it at that.

I so can't wait until all the older people that think this way up and die. They are so old you cant tell them any different or explain to them, that most people that come to a free nation value those freedoms much more then those who were given them from the get go.

Small minded people should be shot and pissed on!
C

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Small minded people should be shot and pissed on!
C

Great idea, but we'd run out of bullets and piss I'm afraid.

 

[BlackShanglan]

So he went on to say how what he meant was most of the crimes committed in Canada are by people of different nationalities that have moved to Canada over the years, typically 'non-white pure bread Canadians'.
C

Did you perhaps consider reminding him that all of those "pure" white Caucasians are in fact the immigrants? Somehow those in favor of the rights of "born" inhabitants never seem to mean the indigenous peoples of the region ...

Shanglan