Yum & Cum
- Thread starter WickedEve
- Start date
lickmyboot
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 223
Porncakes
I am yours
floured, creamy--
a battered tease
flesh rubbed in
hot butter
dripping through lips
sprinkled, powered
with sugar on top
tasty nipples
hot, wet, sticky
syrup-smeared
licking fingers
drizzled and devoured
I am yours.
I am yours
floured, creamy--
a battered tease
flesh rubbed in
hot butter
dripping through lips
sprinkled, powered
with sugar on top
tasty nipples
hot, wet, sticky
syrup-smeared
licking fingers
drizzled and devoured
I am yours.
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Judo, it's great having you back.JUDO said:
This is a great poem, and I just have some nit-pickin' to do. For one, I agree with Rybka. S2 and S4 aren't really necessary, although I love S4. On the other hand, S3 is more vital to the poem but doesn't quite tickle my fancy... Like Eve said, it's hard to chop off the fat.
Another thing I wish this had more of is metric regularity. It's not that important, but I stumbled a few times whilst reading it out loud.
And "And he gave it a skillful look."
I don't get it...
Lauren Hynde
Hitched
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,061
Love itlickmyboot said:
Especially the first and fourth stanzas,
I am yours
floured, creamy--
a battered tease
---------
hot, wet, sticky
syrup-smeared
licking fingers
Yummy
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
Edited for meter and extraneous...
Peanut Butter Lunch Boom
I saw him in the corner -
Lunch time it was,
But how he ate his sandwich
Had my head in a buzz.
He was cute and kinda tall
In a freckly sort of way.
He wore his jeans tight
And he definitely wasn't gay.
A plain lunch quite simple -
Just a coke or two,
Bag of chips and a sandwich -
Peanut butter would do.
While he sat in his chair
In the backroom all alone,
I came to say "Hello,"
But all I could do was moan.
He held his leaky sandwich
On end like a closed book,
But butter ran down the slit
And he gave it a curious look.
Extending his pink tongue
With the point just so -
He licked the gooey matter
Up and down, to and fro.
He parted the tanned bread -
His mouth licking broad.
I shivered and panted hotly -
For a moment he was my God.
He glanced and asked me something,
But I ran for the ladies room -
For now, my sandwich calls me
For a flicking and a boom.
Peanut Butter Lunch Boom
I saw him in the corner -
Lunch time it was,
But how he ate his sandwich
Had my head in a buzz.
He was cute and kinda tall
In a freckly sort of way.
He wore his jeans tight
And he definitely wasn't gay.
A plain lunch quite simple -
Just a coke or two,
Bag of chips and a sandwich -
Peanut butter would do.
While he sat in his chair
In the backroom all alone,
I came to say "Hello,"
But all I could do was moan.
He held his leaky sandwich
On end like a closed book,
But butter ran down the slit
And he gave it a curious look.
Extending his pink tongue
With the point just so -
He licked the gooey matter
Up and down, to and fro.
He parted the tanned bread -
His mouth licking broad.
I shivered and panted hotly -
For a moment he was my God.
He glanced and asked me something,
But I ran for the ladies room -
For now, my sandwich calls me
For a flicking and a boom.
WickedEve
save an apple, eat eve
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2001
- Posts
- 11,470
Re: Meter
Anyway, I was reading a poem last night, getting it ready to submit, and I was trying to make sure the meter wasn't too off. Then I realized that I was doing my syllable stretching thing, and once I corrected that, I had to work on the meter again! lol
That's interesting that you said that. I have a friend that lives out West but was born in the North. A woman he works with had to write a poem for something. She thought ten and win rhymed just fine. When I say it out loud, with my Southern accent it, it rhymes. But when my friend says it, it doesn't. Also, where I'm from we tend to stretch our words out. I've been known to add extra syllables to words. I'll say "o-in" instead of "on." I do that with a lot of words. I'm college educated and know better, but I slip up and sound like a hick sometimes.Rybka said:Basically, all of them. When I say them out loud there is a difference in meter that does not even seem to be consistant.
Perhaps it is just my ear and Yankee accent.
Regards, Rybka
Anyway, I was reading a poem last night, getting it ready to submit, and I was trying to make sure the meter wasn't too off. Then I realized that I was doing my syllable stretching thing, and once I corrected that, I had to work on the meter again! lol
JUDO
Flasher
- Joined
- May 1, 2001
- Posts
- 2,240
The meter works fine, but it is not a normal meter. It's not iambic pentameter (2 beats to five feet). It is 3 beats to four feet.
There is an old Irish folk song that has a melody that the words would almost fit, and I've been racking my brain to remember the words to it, so that you could possibly hear the rhythm the way I do, but so far, I can't.
I think the words went something like this (to the old tune):
There was a maid - Glen Ellen
Whose bright smile could raise the day.
(Blah buh-blah buh-blah buh-blah...)
(Blah buh-blah buh-blah buh-blah...)
Anyway, I can't recall the rest, but it works for me.
Peanut Butter Lunch Boom
I saw him in the corner -
Early lunch time it was,
But how he ate his sandwich
Had my head in a buzz.
He was cute and kinda tall
In a freckly sort of way.
He wore his jeans tight
And he definitely wasn't gay.
A plain lunch quite simple -
Just a coke or two,
Bag of chips and a sandwich -
Peanut butter would do.
While he sat in his chair
In the backroom all alone,
I came to say "Hello,"
But all I could do was moan.
He held his leaky sandwich
On end like a closed book,
But butter ran down the slit
And he gave it a curious look.
Extending his pink tongue
With the point just so -
He licked the gooey matter
Up and down, to and fro.
He parted the tanned bread -
His mouth licking broad.
I shivered and panted hotly -
For a moment he was my God.
He glanced and asked me something,
But I ran for the ladies room -
For now, my sandwich calls me
For a flicking and a boom.
There is an old Irish folk song that has a melody that the words would almost fit, and I've been racking my brain to remember the words to it, so that you could possibly hear the rhythm the way I do, but so far, I can't.
I think the words went something like this (to the old tune):
There was a maid - Glen Ellen
Whose bright smile could raise the day.
(Blah buh-blah buh-blah buh-blah...)
(Blah buh-blah buh-blah buh-blah...)
Anyway, I can't recall the rest, but it works for me.
Peanut Butter Lunch Boom
I saw him in the corner -
Early lunch time it was,
But how he ate his sandwich
Had my head in a buzz.
He was cute and kinda tall
In a freckly sort of way.
He wore his jeans tight
And he definitely wasn't gay.
A plain lunch quite simple -
Just a coke or two,
Bag of chips and a sandwich -
Peanut butter would do.
While he sat in his chair
In the backroom all alone,
I came to say "Hello,"
But all I could do was moan.
He held his leaky sandwich
On end like a closed book,
But butter ran down the slit
And he gave it a curious look.
Extending his pink tongue
With the point just so -
He licked the gooey matter
Up and down, to and fro.
He parted the tanned bread -
His mouth licking broad.
I shivered and panted hotly -
For a moment he was my God.
He glanced and asked me something,
But I ran for the ladies room -
For now, my sandwich calls me
For a flicking and a boom.
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