15·Nov·2006 · "Weave" · champagne1982

[BooMerengue]

thanks for your views. I think to adapt this poem to all of the suggestions I've gotten would change the poem beyond how far I'd like to take it.

We used to have challenge poetry quite often and this poem was a product of one. In that light, I think the detailed edit some poets see as neccessary here is just a bit more effort than I think is warranted for this particular piece.

I'm happy to have shared and received some valuable advice on this thread. Thanks again, poets.

I'd love to see more challenges. I just don't know when I can get here. Yet. I really loved the Bob form. It's like a dosey do- it takes you and pulls you and you know not where. I did one. Wonder if I can find it.

Here it is...

Go! Weave the starlight
in your hair hanging down.
Run through the forest
past rivers and streams.

Run through the forest
let the stars be your gown.
Gather an armful
of childhood dreams!

Gather an armful
don't let a one drop!
Bring all to the birch grove
weave them in the trees.

Bring all to the birch grove
hang them each; do not stop.
Weave them in the branches
let each dream hang free

Weave them in the branches
make sure they are tight
for these are your future
each one from the heart.

For these are your future
so starry and bright.
No hunger and illness
no souls torn apart.

No hunger and illness
no bullies or monsters.
No more broken hearts
no battle ground dead.

No more broken hearts
for these sleepy babes.
They weave a bright future
as they lay in their bed.

They weave a bright future
you must be their guides.
Their tomorrows come quickly
their sorrows too soon.

Their tomorrows come quickly
so store up their dreams.
Go! Weave the starlight
and dance down the moon!


I think a Bob would make for a good Gunfight. What do you think, Carrie? Seein' as your next up with your pistol. lol