2 + 1 = 4?....Some of the Concerns of Additional Partners.

[catalina_francisco]

While I appreciate what you say Netzach, the other situations you have described such as mixed race and divorce are fairly common in these times and less likely to create issues for a child in those circumstances than a child in a poly situation. I also see who you fall in love with and divorcing as less about choice than whether you bring a child into a poly relationship which may or nmay not be stable or intended to be long lasting.

I think my mother makes yours look tame, but that doesn't mean it justifies my creating situations for my own children which will have just as much negative impact and could be avoided, quite the opposite in fact. After nearly 50 years of listening to my mother's speech peppered with her false apologies and claims she really doesn't say it to hurt me, I find I am more likely to move as far away from doing the same to my children more so than making similar choices I feel can be justified by bringing up my mother's mistakes and my own right to pursue my happiness regardless of how it possibly affects them. I am not a martyr, nor will I subject my children to being martyr's through my choices. It isn't always an easy call to make, but sometimes we have to move beyond our own hurt for the sake of those less able.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

We would have to own our 'mistake' as Netz put it and raise the child but I wouldn't make financial or parental demands on a casual playpartner. If he wanted to contribute and be involved, that'd be great but I'm not going to set the child support bloodhounds on a casual encounter who used a condom and knew I was on the pill. I think it'd be grossly unfair.

Just to look at it from another angle perhaps, what if the other parent wanted to be involved, even possibly to the point of limiting your future choice of where you live which is possible by a non-custodial parent? Or what if there involvement began to heavily impact on your own relationship in a negative way? What would you do to correct that or manage it? Also do you think it is a child's right to know who their biological parents are, even if it doesn't fit into our lives comfortably at the time, or maybe is felt to not be the best parent in the world? These questions are all ones which for me make this type scenario much more difficult than just assuming it could't happen, or if it did it would be handled in a way which you alone (or you and primary partner) were happy with. Life has a nasty habit of not being so clear cut and tidy IME. LOL, perhaps this line of thinking is why I am continually thinking and trying to be prepared for all outcomes.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Life has a nasty habit of not being so clear cut and tidy IME. LOL, perhaps this line of thinking is why I am continually thinking and trying to be prepared for all outcomes.

But you can't be. No one can be. We have to assess our risk/reward for ourselves. One could have their children pulled from their homes if their SM proclivities come to light, too, in a lot of places, but I don't see being involved in kink being questioned.

 

[catalina_francisco]

But you can't be. No one can be. We have to assess our risk/reward for ourselves. One could have their children pulled from their homes if their SM proclivities come to light, too, in a lot of places, but I don't see being involved in kink being questioned.

It does seem to be one of the things which will need to be considered, as some already have to. It is a sad sign of the times that even here the conservative right wing are getting their way in impacting on our sexual choices amongst others, and have aims to do even more than they already have. One would think in 2008 we would be moving forward, not backward.

Catalina

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Just to look at it from another angle perhaps, what if the other parent wanted to be involved, even possibly to the point of limiting your future choice of where you live which is possible by a non-custodial parent? Or what if there involvement began to heavily impact on your own relationship in a negative way? What would you do to correct that or manage it? Also do you think it is a child's right to know who their biological parents are, even if it doesn't fit into our lives comfortably at the time, or maybe is felt to not be the best parent in the world? These questions are all ones which for me make this type scenario much more difficult than just assuming it could't happen, or if it did it would be handled in a way which you alone (or you and primary partner) were happy with. Life has a nasty habit of not being so clear cut and tidy IME. LOL, perhaps this line of thinking is why I am continually thinking and trying to be prepared for all outcomes.

Catalina

At this stage, I really can't answer those questions.

All I could ever be sure of is that I'd do my best to keep things amicable and reasonable at all times. IMHO these things can't be factored in or planned for. All one can ever do is their best with whatever life throws at them. Naturally, my first priority would be to the child. I may be a slave but I could never allow that to impact negatively on a child's life. My kink just isn't worth that. I hope and believe that Master would never force me to make that choice but if he did, I know without question that he'd come second.

I do believe that every child has the right to know who their parents are, even if circumstances mean that telling them is left until they are older.

 

[LadyAria]

*snip*

I also as a parent feel responsible for how my actions and decisions are going to affect my child/children and their life...while poly can be an adult decision of choice, if children are involved it is also only fair to consider how that arrangement is going to affect them as in this situation they would nat have been given a choice...not all children share their parent's choice on many things, including poly, so to not give thought to how it would impact on a child who may not feel comfortable explaining it to people, or be singled out for bullying if it became common knowledge in some way, is my responsibility as their parent to consider before making any decisios which could bring this into their lives.

You could say this about gay couples having children as well. Some people have a hard time accepting single mothers or interracial children. I think a loving environment at home that bestows strength in the children to handle these and any other judgment the world will throw at him is more important.

I don't think poly is all that odd for children. People have lived with extended families/multi-generations in the home helping to raise children for years. Even some of the most wonderbread vanilla families have au pairs. The communal family idea just doesn't seem that bizarre to me. It is less bizarre to me then the multi-divorcee with 5 children with 3 different women or men. Fortunately, the poly-family would have the children together with the parents versus spread out in multiples houses and some children feeling more love from absence parents then others.

 

[Etoile]

Yes, but daddy and mommy don't necessarily sleep with the au pair. Having an additional adult in the house is not the same thing as having an additional lover in the house.