A few dating questions (WILL HUGELY APPRECIATE A WOMAN'S OPINION)

[Cattypuss]

Sounds great - you can just have a friendly email chat, get to know her a bit better - and hopefully that will develop to a stage where you feel comfortable asking her out.

 

[chizzledman]

So as it turns out this girl I've been talking about is not very good at keeping up with online communication. I messaged a mutual friend of ours and the friend said this girl generally does not reply to email or facebook messages very often. If she does reply back, fine and I'll keep things going to see if I can still get to know her better, but I'm not gonna hold my breath for her.

On that note I need to work on my public approaches better. Tips on approaching random women on campus would be appreciated. I'm gonna aim for noticing something I can comment on, but I have a hard time turning that into a conversation.

 

[Netzach]

So as it turns out this girl I've been talking about is not very good at keeping up with online communication. I messaged a mutual friend of ours and the friend said this girl generally does not reply to email or facebook messages very often. If she does reply back, fine and I'll keep things going to see if I can still get to know her better, but I'm not gonna hold my breath for her.

On that note I need to work on my public approaches better. Tips on approaching random women on campus would be appreciated. I'm gonna aim for noticing something I can comment on, but I have a hard time turning that into a conversation.

Seriously, you are in an ideal environment for scaring up small talk - anything pertaining to classes you are taking is fair game, and mutual feelings of "oh shit, I hope I pass" are instant comeraderie. "Hey, did you happen to have a syllabus on you? I can't find mine for crap." "I can't believe we have 37 pages to get through."

 

[Mac98]

Thank you for the good advice, Cattypuss. I will try this when I return to school. In the mean time I will email her and have casual conversations to build a connection. How's that sound?

C-man, imo, e-mail is NOT a good way of approaching someone... Do you know who she is irl? Have you ever met her before? If so, then I suggest approaching her in person.

I also have to mention that "flirting" is more or less what young people our age do (I, myself, am roughly your age, give or take). I don't have much experience with dating and all, but for reasons differing yours. What I mean is that most people our age don't flirt, we chat. Don't go out with the idea that you're trying to make a girlfriend.. go out with the idea that you're wanting to meet new people (this includes males and females). Make friends! Most women who'll end up being your girlfriend will be someone you've known for more than a month... women who you've been friends with for a while, who you know and trust and vice-versa.

And more importantly, don't go out with someone based on looks, go based on genuine attractedness. You'll never last very long with a girl you're not much in love with. Love plays a huge part in this.

Sorry if I'm repeating what others are saying, I just want to emphasize on how important it is to go out there with the idea of making friends instead of making "girlfriends". And flirting is something you only see in the movies or in mid-aged singles. Kids our age don't flirt as much as we make friends or aquaintences that later turn into something greater. Nothing happens for a reason and if you remain patient and enthusiastic, nature will happen.

So drop the one-liners or the "would you like to go on a date?" Those don't work when you're 18, 19 or 20. Go for the small-talk, getting to know someone. I can't stress this enough: look for friendship before relationship... relationship will come on its own after that (with a little effort and cojones).

...Now if only I could start following my own advice.

Good luck, dude.

 

[satindesire]

I have to tell you that as a once painfully shy but now bold woman who has had more than my fair share of approaching people that I thought were attractive...YOU HAVE GOT TO RELAX!!!

You seem tense enough to break if a breeze went your direction, man. For cereal!

Don't you remember one time you went out to some place, and you saw that one person who was just the life of the party? They were confident, talking and laughing with everyone, even strangers. They seemed so comfortable in their own skin, totally at ease with who they were, and because of that fact, people flocked to them. Even if they didn't know you, they might have shaken your hand or hugged you and said "Hi, good to see you! What's your name?"

Well, I went from the horribly shellshocked, shy, tense girl who didn't have a friend to her name in school, to THAT girl, the 'life of the party' girl. You know how I did it? I finally realized that rejection meant NOTHING to me and that people were just as scared as I was, and that if I could be brave enough to talk to people, I would meet friends.

Women are not aliens. We're not some kind of strange species from another universe, we're people, just like you. And if you'd put aside the fact that we have vaginae for a second, you'd calm down and start treating us like people. You're so desperate for relationships and sex that you're giving off that creepy rapist vibe, and that's not good!

So, just calm down, relax, treat every girl around you like they're your best guy friend. Talk to one total stranger every time you go somewhere, even if it's just to say "Hey, how's it going?"

Once you stop giving off that "I have to have pussy NOW!" vibe, getting into a relationship will be cake.

 

[Mac98]

I have to tell you that as a once painfully shy but now bold woman who has had more than my fair share of approaching people that I thought were attractive...YOU HAVE GOT TO RELAX!!!

You seem tense enough to break if a breeze went your direction, man. For cereal!

Don't you remember one time you went out to some place, and you saw that one person who was just the life of the party? They were confident, talking and laughing with everyone, even strangers. They seemed so comfortable in their own skin, totally at ease with who they were, and because of that fact, people flocked to them. Even if they didn't know you, they might have shaken your hand or hugged you and said "Hi, good to see you! What's your name?"

Well, I went from the horribly shellshocked, shy, tense girl who didn't have a friend to her name in school, to THAT girl, the 'life of the party' girl. You know how I did it? I finally realized that rejection meant NOTHING to me and that people were just as scared as I was, and that if I could be brave enough to talk to people, I would meet friends.

Women are not aliens. We're not some kind of strange species from another universe, we're people, just like you. And if you'd put aside the fact that we have vaginae for a second, you'd calm down and start treating us like people. You're so desperate for relationships and sex that you're giving off that creepy rapist vibe, and that's not good!

So, just calm down, relax, treat every girl around you like they're your best guy friend. Talk to one total stranger every time you go somewhere, even if it's just to say "Hey, how's it going?"

Once you stop giving off that "I have to have pussy NOW!" vibe, getting into a relationship will be cake.

This is perhaps the best advice you'll get. Confidence plays a HUGE part... something you and I both lack... I'm usually the quiet guy. Sociable, yes, but reserved. I tend to analyse people more than think fuck it and start talking and chit-chatting.

Think of it in a Rambo way... women smell fear... and they SENSE confidence...

 

[chizzledman]

Thanks, Netzach, Mac98, and satindesire. I am trying to work on just going for it and forgetting about rejection. I have never had thought in front of people "I have to have pussy NOW!" I am usually shy and don't know what to say, but I'm gonna try working on starting conversations.

 

[satindesire]

Thanks, Netzach, Mac98, and satindesire. I am trying to work on just going for it and forgetting about rejection. I have never had thought in front of people "I have to have pussy NOW!" I am usually shy and don't know what to say, but I'm gonna try working on starting conversations.

You're taking what I'm saying FAR too literally. Does anyone really ever think "I have to have pussy, NOW!"

The vibe that you're giving off is that, however.

 

[Cattypuss]

You're taking what I'm saying FAR too literally. Does anyone really ever think "I have to have pussy, NOW!"

The vibe that you're giving off is that, however.

I think the OP is a very literal person. IQ vs EQ. That's partly why flirting and relaxing with people is difficult for him. That's partly why he is looking for DETAILED instructions on how to ask a girl out.

 

[satindesire]

I think the OP is a very literal person. IQ vs EQ. That's partly why flirting and relaxing with people is difficult for him. That's partly why he is looking for DETAILED instructions on how to ask a girl out.

All right, well, I didn't mean to imply in my message that he thought every time he was in front of a woman "I have to have pussy, NOW!"

Sorry for being too EQ.

 

[Cattypuss]

All right, well, I didn't mean to imply in my message that he thought every time he was in front of a woman "I have to have pussy, NOW!"

Sorry for being too EQ.

 

[infinity706]

I have to tell you that as a once painfully shy but now bold woman who has had more than my fair share of approaching people that I thought were attractive...YOU HAVE GOT TO RELAX!!!

You seem tense enough to break if a breeze went your direction, man. For cereal!

Don't you remember one time you went out to some place, and you saw that one person who was just the life of the party? They were confident, talking and laughing with everyone, even strangers. They seemed so comfortable in their own skin, totally at ease with who they were, and because of that fact, people flocked to them. Even if they didn't know you, they might have shaken your hand or hugged you and said "Hi, good to see you! What's your name?"

Well, I went from the horribly shellshocked, shy, tense girl who didn't have a friend to her name in school, to THAT girl, the 'life of the party' girl. You know how I did it? I finally realized that rejection meant NOTHING to me and that people were just as scared as I was, and that if I could be brave enough to talk to people, I would meet friends.

Women are not aliens. We're not some kind of strange species from another universe, we're people, just like you. And if you'd put aside the fact that we have vaginae for a second, you'd calm down and start treating us like people. You're so desperate for relationships and sex that you're giving off that creepy rapist vibe, and that's not good!

So, just calm down, relax, treat every girl around you like they're your best guy friend. Talk to one total stranger every time you go somewhere, even if it's just to say "Hey, how's it going?"

Once you stop giving off that "I have to have pussy NOW!" vibe, getting into a relationship will be cake.

I'm not quite sure it works in every case, though. One woman literally told me that she was prettty sure I was some kind of a rapist because I did those things. I think she was just jealous because she wanted me, but wasn't about to go for my open relationship policy, though.

 

[satindesire]

^_^

I'm not quite sure it works in every case, though. One woman literally told me that she was prettty sure I was some kind of a rapist because I did those things. I think she was just jealous because she wanted me, but wasn't about to go for my open relationship policy, though.

People that are uncomfortable around confident people are, in my experience, usually very broken people with serious emotional problems. I wouldn't take her comment personally, she was probably pretty fucked up, you know what I mean?

 

[infinity706]

^_^



People that are uncomfortable around confident people are, in my experience, usually very broken people with serious emotional problems. I wouldn't take her comment personally, she was probably pretty fucked up, you know what I mean?

Well, every one of her ex boyfriends ended up diagnosed with depression, she dumped her fiancee for a 15 year old boy while he was in Iraq, and she managed to flunk out of college after being an honors student in highschool. I guess that could qualify as serious problems. Of course, the comment came the day after she tried to seduce me. (about a month before she started dating the 15 year old) The point was that confidence can still draw rapist comments, though.

 

[satindesire]

Well, every one of her ex boyfriends ended up diagnosed with depression, she dumped her fiancee for a 15 year old boy while he was in Iraq, and she managed to flunk out of college after being an honors student in highschool. I guess that could qualify as serious problems. Of course, the comment came the day after she tried to seduce me. (about a month before she started dating the 15 year old) The point was that confidence can still draw rapist comments, though.

Confidence can also draw "She's such a slut" comments for girls.

Trust me, I know.

However, that should NOT deter someone from breaking out of their shell. Jealousy is ugly but not enough of a reason to prevent oneself from becoming emotionally mature.

 

[Mac98]

Confidence can also draw "She's such a slut" comments for girls.

Trust me, I know.

However, that should NOT deter someone from breaking out of their shell. Jealousy is ugly but not enough of a reason to prevent oneself from becoming emotionally mature.

Pretty much any form of behavior (or misbehavior) from a girl will dram "she's a slut" comments. I think a lot of these comments stem from the aggresors own insecurities. To me, there isn't a more beautiful thing than confidence (though not conceitedness).

 

[infinity706]

Confidence can also draw "She's such a slut" comments for girls.

Trust me, I know.

However, that should NOT deter someone from breaking out of their shell. Jealousy is ugly but not enough of a reason to prevent oneself from becoming emotionally mature.

Some women don't even need that much confidence to draw slut comments. I know one woman that drew plenty of rumors just by having guy friends and wearing shirts without sleeves. She managed to get a reputation for fucking every guy on a Walmart staff. Of course, part of it could be the whole being friends with me thing. I do have quite a well deserved reputation for fucking tons of people and label myself as a slut. It is interesting that all the comments came from women that I didn't flirt with, though. Of course, I was a little bit jealous because I actually would have liked to have her reputation for myself.