A Good Dominant

[Private_Label]

I have another quality I'd like to add, the graciousness to accept a polite "no thank you" when he has expressed an interest in someone he has no current D/s relationship with. I certainly am willing to stick around to get to know a person better when he isn't hitting (on) me when I have not agreed to it. It shows a lack of manners. Then I would have to wonder, if he didn't accept a "no, thank you" in the beginning, how can I trust him to honor a safeword?

It brings out very unsubmissive thoughts and feelings in me.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Knowing what the hell you want.

Not knowing what you want is a fatal flaw.

That's always been my problem.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Since I now have had the worldy priviledge of knowing 3 Doms, my answer would be:

Someone who takes his role seriously, knows what he wants, and how to achieve his desires thru me. Or perhaps I'm still wet behind the ears and don't know a thing. More practice, experiement, research...

LOL, always a good plan.

Hi, crazybbwgirl. Nice to see you again

 

[crazybbwgirl]

LOL, always a good plan.

Hi, crazybbwgirl. Nice to see you again

Hey there darlin' - I thought that name sounded familiar.

 

[CorsetLvr]

1. The ability to understand the needs of a sub and to fulfill those within the context of your own needs.

2. An understanding that the source of a Dom/me's power is the sub. Control is freely and willingly given to a Dom/me by a sub and thus the sub is the source of a Dom/me's power.

3. Understanding the fine line between control and abuse.

4. Understanding and a commitment by the Dom/me to the care and well being of a sub.

5. Accepting the Dom/me's responsibility to explore the soft limits of a sub while at the same time respecting a sub's hard limits.

6. The ability to show love and caring when its needed.

7. The ability and the talent to successfully negotiate a scene, especially when exploring the edges of a sub's capabilities. Edge play can be the most threatening time to a sub and a Dom/me must be sensitive to a sub's limits.

8. A sensitivity to the reservations, lack of confidence, and fears that a new sub may experience as he/she begins to accept his/her new sexuality. A new sub's world is in the process of being turned upside down. What has only existed as fantasy is becoming reality and their self-image is going through a major overhaul. Support, acceptance, and caring are required of the Dom/me as the sub progresses through this period of their lives.

9. The ability to listen. Sometimes, especially with a new sub, a Dom/me may have to read through the lines and help the sub open up and be able to freely communicate without reservations. Communication is the key to any good relationship and even more so in a lifestyle type of relationship. This is the basis of the trust that is the cornerstone of all D/s relationships.

OK, I'll hop off my soap box for now.

 

[tempsbrat]

Not listed in any particular order.

1. To be in control of themselves at all times.

2. To take the responsibility of directing the relationship, and communicating clearly why they are not wanting to scene at this time. "I don't feel like it" isn't a good answer. To be creative and not let the pyl flounder by not providing direction. The PYL chose to be in that role, if they don't want to be bothered then don't take on a lifestyle pyl.

3. To never try something they don't know how to do without thorough research and preferably trying it on themselves especially in regards to time limits in painful situations and especially edge play.

4. Tied to number 3 is to really know the pyl's pain limits.

5. Knowing abuse issues the pyl may have buried within so as not to trigger something in the pyl, and then if that should happen to know how to properly nurture the pyl if triggered, and have the ability to get help if needed.

6. Loving their pyl and seeking to bring out that priceless gem within and not crushing the spirit, but elevating it through D/s.

7. Definately know first aid and basic physiology. Ice applied in some places can be dangerous, as well as wax that is too hot, restraints that are too tight, especially if doing suspension... best left to the well trained. Definately know where the keys are.

8. Controlling me, using me, and taking as needed, preferably often

9. Never abandoning the pyl but communicating clearly with them.

10. Taking the responsibility of their role because to own another is the greatest responsibility. To cherish the gift of submission, honor it, and express that love and devotion to one another.

 

[babiesmiles]

I don’t know if what I am going to say has already been expressed , maybe in a better way than mine, but in my personal opinion a good Dominant is a person who overall knows exactly what He/She is looking for .

In fact the first act at the beginning of a D/s relation is the choice . A good Dominant is able to understand His/Her needs and has the capability and the patience to look for and eventually wait for “His/ Her right ” submissive , the one who has the skills or the potential to fulfil His/Her needs .

He/She wouldn’t be “content” of something less , just for not being alone, at risk to expose the submissive to unpleasant , not wanted situations which she/he is not able to cope with, and consequently to expose Him/Herself to the subsequent frustration feelings due to the fact of lack of accuracy in evaluating the compatibility of mutual needs .

It is a well known fact that BDSM is a great basket where everyone can pick just the things which are more congenial to one’s own way to conceive the lifestyle . So a good Dominant is the one who not mistakes the natural submissive’s compliance with her/his will to satisfy whatever kink He/She has .

Of course a good Dominant knows , cause of the gift of empathy what are the submissive’s real strong hard limits cause He /She has been interested and mainly has understood the submissive’s past life and experiences.

On the other side the Dominant knows which are the limits and borders He/She can work on with the submissive , leading more than pushing His/Her submissive to challenge her /himself boundaries in a continue path of growth .

A good Dominant doesn’t need to show off his /her power with folklore external signs , the authority is not in domineering behaviours but in the submissive’s awareness of being His /Hers .

He/She knows how to feed the submissive’s awareness of being owned with continue care , strict hand , firm mind and a lot of communication .

Cause a good Dominant talks a lot and claims lots of talks from His/Her sub . He /She want understand , and why not, learn from His/Her submissive .

A Dominant is interested in His /Her submissive opinion and points of view , and as He/She is sure and aware of His /Her authority He /She has not fear of comparison of opinions .

He /She is strong, and this kind of strength allows Him /Her to admit mistakes and sometimes doubts without fear to seem “less Dominant “.

A Dominant punishes , but in a fair way ( unless it's part of the "moment kink" , but this is another talk ! ) , disciplines and cherishes , and He / She knows exactly the right moment for the right action of the above.

He /She has a perfect "sense of the occasion" and can distinguish among different behaviours as consequences of different situations , a good Dominant in my opinion is not prisoner but master of His / Her role .

I could go on , and on, and on about it but I think I have expressed my opinion enough clearly for now .

Maybe my idea of a good Dominant is not the "one " shared by the most but it is my Dominant’s picture , and I thank God every day for it . b.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Well Said

I don’t know if what I am going to say has already been expressed , maybe in a better way than mine, but in my personal opinion a good Dominant is ...

 

[babiesmiles]

Dull sub here ... but could you be less cryptic for once !!

I wouldn't like to mistake sarcasm for a compliment or vice versa !!! b.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Dull sub here ... but could you be less cryptic for once !!

I wouldn't mistake sarcasm for a compliment or vice versa !!! b.

"Yes Master" would be sarcasm.

means well said.

 

[Yggdrasil]

A very good survey babismile!
You have expressed the 'essence' of Dom/sub relation very good

YGGDRASIL

 

[babiesmiles]

Thank you then , I have in great consideration your opinion

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

To accept, and understand the responsibilities that come with taking the title.

You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.
James Lane Allen

 

[CorsetLvr]

Of course a good Dominant knows , cause of the gift of empathy what are the submissive’s real strong hard limits cause He /She has been interested and mainly has understood the submissive’s past life and experiences.

Empathy was the word I struggled to come up with when I made my post. In my opinion there is no single characteristic that is more important in a good Dom/me.