A Most Terrifying Engagement (closed)

[Poprockz]

The silence had not been broken by Andrea either, other than the quiet sound of her catching her breath. Even when her heart rate had calmed to a resting beat, she remained in that comfortably quiet atmosphere. His body was warm like a heated waterbed and she found herself wanting to stay cuddled up to his inky mass. There would be a time when they would have to get up, and she would have to hose herself down in the shower. She was in no rush though; she didn’t mind simply enjoying the mutual comfort.

However, his words made something twist in her gut, something that brought on the sensation of being an imposter. His adoration for her was born from inexperience- all he had ever known before now was a constant cycle of scaring children and feeding on fear.

There was a nod, “yeah, we can take a break for a while. And to answer your first question... I'm not perfect. I'm just... your first." Andrea’s eyes closed as she spoke, her voice sounding a bit more quiet than usual, though one might think it was due to the exertion of their earlier romp.

"Everyone has a first love that they fall head over heels for, someone who at first seems like they were made just for you." She explained, "Every moment with them seems exciting and fulfilling, like your heart might actually burst. Sometimes it's like you can't think of anything but that other person. You didn’t-“ Andrea stopped herself.

You didn’t really choose me.
"I mean, they call that 'looking at someone through rose-colored glasses," she finished in a casual tone.

Andrea was just the one fate had placed in his lap, and she imagined that he had simply been so lonely that he latched onto her quickly, regardless of who she was. He had nothing to compare her to, so obviously he would idolize her. While some might have been happy with such a thought, she wasn't sure how she felt. She liked knowing that Vanta felt very positively toward her, but it bothered her that he was putting her on a pedestal when she was far from the glorious image of perfection he seemed to see. It didn't feel like she deserved such praise. She was only special by merit of being his first.

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

Vanta listened to Andrea's words and a mix of emotions hit him, though he kept stroking her back and cradling her to him, his body more than content with her presence even as her words gave him pause. She wasn't wrong. She was the first-

an image flashed in his mind. A strange looking hunched over figure was flashing a toothy grin at him. It was diminutive and naked, save for a light covering of fur, revealing primary and secondary sex characteristics that suggested it was female. The image changed to another one of dozens of naked bodies that were more distinctly human writhing over each other. They appeared to be in some sort of stone enclosure that had large burning braziers and towering monoliths in its corners. The figures seemed to be partially submerged in a dark, oily goo. But before Vanta could explore the implications of these images further, they faded away.

Vanta was puzzled but tried to focus on Andrea's words. It was true, she was his first love and he did feel an overwhelming sense of affection and attraction towards her. it was also true that Andrea did occupy all of his thoughts lately but even when he was a beast driven only to seeks out fear. Maybe he had only traded a primal need for sustenance for one of intimacy...but that didn't mean Andrea wasn't amazing. He had observed many humans over the years and none of them had fascinated him in the same way. He had seen couples fall in and out of love but he couldn't imagine any of them having the level of love he had for Andrea...but maybe that was exactly what Andrea was warning him about.

Eventually, still cradling Andrea, Vanta spoke, carefully suppressing the confusion he felt, "Andrea. I can't deny that you are the first person I have ever felt such a passion for...and maybe that is clouding my judgement," He relented," but I feel you are still very wonderful. I've been alive for a long time and during that time I have observed many other humans and I've never met anyone like you." He said, his breath carrying across from her, "I'm not saying that just to try and be nice, I have seen couples fight and hurt each other, there have been times I have tried to interact with other people without scaring them, and none of them act like you," he smiled, "I have never seen someone take a fall and then flirt, I haven't met someone who saw me in my tentacled form and found me attractive, I have never seen someone offer comfort like you have. I really do think you are special Andrea. I might have been too far reaching when I said perfect, as I don't know what perfect is, other than when I think of the word, you come to mind, and maybe my view is being colored by my attraction to you, but at the very least, I think you're a wonderful person...and if I had met someone else, I don't think I would be feeling this way"

He thought of how Andrea had spoken, "Andrea, if I'm not being too forward, it sounds like you've gone through something similar before," He thought of how she had talked about her past paramour, "do you have any advice for me? I love you but I also recognize you have more experience than me when it comes to relationships. I trust you and I'd appreciate anything you have to say with how I can..." he searched for the words, "be...safer? With how I love you." He put his forehead against hers, trying to will the affection he had towards her to spill into her, to either let her know that his love was true, or at least let her feel it and judge if he had fallen into the behavior she was warning against. He waited for her response.

 

[Poprockz]

If there was one thing she had learned about Vanta, it was that his responses were extremely thoughtful, more often than not. He seemed to really hear and digest her words before formulating a response. It made him seem very mature, and she found herself once again impressed by how well-spoken he was when he did speak.

Andrea didn't interrupt him, merely absorbing his words. She found it hard to believe that in all his years of being alive, he hadn't ever met another woman like her. Though... she could understand why no one had yet been turned on by a real-live shadowy mass of tentacles with a face. It was more about it being him though, rather than his shape. Maybe if people had gotten to know him like she had, they would also find him attractive. Well, maybe not everyone, but certainly a few. Perhaps it was partly that of the few people who would feel like that, she was one that had a unique mix of traits that he found fascinating and thus drawn to.

He was also surprisingly perceptive.

"Let me tell you a story," she started.

"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Andrea. She was in high school, and she met the most handsome boy named Josh." Her lips puckered slightly at the name, as though he was a lemon wedge on her tongue.

"They were in high-school, and they were assigned to work on a project together which is how the two of them started to get to know one another. From there they started to spend more time together, and eventually he asked her to a school dance and she accepted. The two of them developed feelings which naturally led them to start dating.

They would talk on the phone for hours, he would take her out to dinner, she would bake him things... It all seemed perfect. He seemed perfect. Her friends didn't seem to like him very much, but she would say that he was just a playful sort, and she truly believed that.

Soon they graduated high school and decided to go to the same college, even live in the same apartment to save money and continue to be close. The first year was bliss, and she would constantly gush to her parents on the phone about how happy she was. That's when things started slowly changing. Over time, he became more controlling, trying to police where she went, what she wore, who she spent time with... things like that. He became more irritable, more unpredictable. She lost contact with her friends because she was only able to focus on college and keeping Josh happy. Or at least... making sure that he wasn't angry." Her lips pressed into a thin line before she continued. These weren't the most pleasant memories she was recounting to him, but she wanted him to hear what she went through so she could make a point about it later.

"He would try to pressure her into doing things he wanted but that he knew she was reluctant to do, like doing sexual things in public. It had started out with him coaxing her into giving him a hand-job in a movie theater, then it had escalated into him touching her in dressing rooms and wanting more...

When he didn't get his way, it would be like he carried a storm cloud over his head, and he would be passive-aggressive and mean until she apologized; when he got angry, he would punish her in one way or another. Sometimes it was intimidation, sometimes it was grabbing her so hard she bruised, sometimes he would break things she treasured. He would make it seem like she was the one causing problems, and he would be rough with her sometimes if he was having a particularly bad day. Hurting her, making her scared, making her grovel... it made him feel better because it gave him a sense of power."

....

There had been a night where she had tearfully called her mother about him, asking what she should do.

“I feel like all he wants is sex and submission- I don’t recognize who he is anymore. Like… the Josh I used to know was funny and charming, and now he’s just cruel and-and mean-spirited! He could just be stressed by finals and all that, but I don’t think I can do this anymore, mom. I’m... I’m scared though. He gets… really angry sometimes.”

That was what she had said one late Saturday night, a week before she had broken things off. Her parents had funded her hotel stay while she broke the lease on her apartment and found another place, and she would be forever grateful to be so fortunate. He had tried to find her, bombarded her with texts and voicemails, even emails, but she had ignored them all. They went back and forth from pleading and apologizing to calling her a heartless slut and saying that he would drag her back by the hair if he had to.

After that, she had decided to put dating to the side for a while, at least until the emotional wounds healed enough for her to try again.

....

She switched back to first person. "I had a cat he didn't like. His name was Soup. One day he thought he would get back at me for an argument we had by letting him outside. He was an older cat, so he wasn't as fast as he used to be, and he had never been outside." She felt a lump in her throat, and she tried not to let herself cry. It was difficult- every time she thought about how scared her cat must have been to be in such a scary, unfamiliar place, probably looking for Andrea when a dog found him first... She felt such profound grief. It had absolutely devastated her.

"He died outside, mauled by some dog he wasn't able to get away from. I found him after looking around the neighborhood for him. When I told Josh what had happened, he actually laughed and said that maybe he would have gotten away if he wasn't so chunky." Andrea's brows furrowed into a glare and she continued with resentment in her tone. "I packed up everything I couldn't afford to leave, and left him when he went to class the next day."

"You probably saw some of the texts he sent me, but basically he would go back and forth between saying that he loved me more than words could express and that he would die without me, to telling me how I'm an evil bitch and that no one but him would ever love me. Though he "said he was sorry" he never once took accountability for doing the things he did to me, and he never gave me a real apology."

 

[Brandnewbuddy]

Vanta listened to Andrea, his heart growing heavier with every word she said. He fought his instinct to constrict himself around her so he would surround her like warm blanket or trying to kiss her, acts of comfort that focused more on satisfying his need to feel like he was helping, rather than letting Andrea say what she needed. Vanta couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt as he heard Andrea talk about how Josh would coerce her into sex. While their last two acts of intimacy had been consensual, Vanta had most definitely wanted to go further...and before his "rebirth," he had even forced himself on Andrea. His ignorance was no excuse for his past actions: even if he hadn't been aware of her past, he had done so with the intent of devouring her emotions, her needs and the secondary effects of his emotional mining the furthest thing from his mind...and then of course he had also scared her, made a career out of it for some time, in fact. Then on that horrible last night before his rebirth, he had made her beg, strip and grovel while he puppeted her face. It was little wonder Andrea had so much trepidation around him.

That wasn't to say Vanta was only listening to find flaws in himself. As he saw the effect just recounting the story had on Andrea, he felt a burning hatred towards Josh. While Vanta had also treated Andrea cruelly in the past, he wasn't human and had done it as a perceived instinctual need or when he had felt he was severely wounded. But Josh was human. He had been born knowing what pain and fear were and chose to inflict it, not just on another human but someone who trusted him and loved him...and he had even turned that love into a chain to keep her shackled to him. Vanta thought back to Mike and how he had been mad enough to consider trapping the man in an eternal prison...Josh though, he wanted to do so much worse.

But that wouldn't help Andrea, would it? It wouldn't take the hurt she had felt away, it would just make Vanta feel better.

Instead, Vanta gently squeezed Andrea and rocked his face back so he was looking right into her eyes as he spoke. What could he say? Sorry? Of course he hated to hear what she had gone through but what good would it do to say sorry to her. Promise he would be different when he was still only a few days from when she was prey for him? Instead, he said the first words that came to mind:

"I'm glad you got away from him, Andrea." He said, cradling her, "You and your cat didn't deserve any of that and Josh is..." he searched for the words, thinking of what the appropriate insult would be, "a massive piece of shit."

He rubbed her back, "And I know this doesn't change anything but I'm sorry I hurt you in a similar way." Vanta spoke, a note of pain in his voice, "you deserve everything wonderful in the world Andrea. You deserve to feel happy and content."

He thought about what she had warned him about before and then her story, "I am sincere when I say that I find you wonderful and perfect...but I promise I'll do better about taking things slower and trying not to look through "rose colored glasses." He said, briefly making a pair of lenses appear in front of his eyes, "besides, the view is plenty wonderful without them," he joked, trying to lighten the mood, "I want to get to know you as you are, not just what I think from the short time I've meaningfully gotten to spend time with you...and while I don't think you would, if I ever feel you are hurting me...in a way that matters, I will first let you know and I will leave if you don't change...because I know it isn't good for either of us."

"and at the same time, if I ever hurt you again or I'm failing you, whether it be as a lover or a friend, just let me know and if I don't stop, change, or leave if you ask me. you know how you can banish me: I know you wouldn't do that lightly and I trust you," he quickly clarified, hoping he didn't cause offense, "but we also both know it won't kill me and I will recover from it."

his tentacles finished washing the walls and wrapped themselves around her back, awaiting her response, he hoped he hadn't been too far from the mark over what Andrea was trying to convey.