A poem called As I Read I Cum

[Logtag]

I don't think there is a bad way to write an erotic poem. It is more about feeling and desire. What you feel, what you need, you write. It is less about structure...and more about leading another soul to your special place.

 

[Rogueslady]

I don't think there is a bad way to write an erotic poem. It is more about feeling and desire. What you feel, what you need, you write. It is less about structure...and more about leading another soul to your special place.

Thank you for reading my poem. Thank you for your advice.

 

[Logtag]

Thank you for reading my poem. Thank you for your advice.

You are very welcome. I write a bit too, and have listened to many tell me this and that, until I realized, that there are so many different ways to do the same thing. Your writing style, is your signature. No one else can make your hand flow any different

 

[Rogueslady]

A Poem by Rogueslady
As I sit here horny as hell,
Aching for your touch,
Needing you in every way possible,
Wanting to please you
With my tongue
With my body
Needing your magical touch
Through your words
Through your actions
Becoming one with you
Making my life complete
Satisfying our needs
Together as one
Our lives are hectic
You go your way
And I go mine
But occasionally
We meet in the middle
You know me
And I know you
Each other’s turn ons
Our special spots
Discovering them together
Remembering what works for us
Bringing joy and happiness to each other
In even the smallest of ways
More so when we join as one.

 

[corndog_]

Do you read poetry? It would be interesting to know what inspires you.

 

[Rogueslady]

Do you read poetry? It would be interesting to know what inspires you.

yes I do read poetry. all kinds of poetry why what do you have in mind?

 

[corndog_]

yes I do read poetry. all kinds of poetry why what do you have in mind?

Writers we admire often shape our own writing. I am curious who is shaping yours!

 

[Rogueslady]

Writers we admire often shape our own writing. I am curious who is shaping yours!

Actually no one. The poem that I wrote last night I just wrote what I was feeling. I am not that experienced at writing.

 

[corndog_]

You're probably being influenced in ways you may not recognize, perhaps by writers here at Lit.

A fun exercise can be to take a poem you like and rewrite it with your own experiences or feelings. The contrast between the two poems can be very illuminating.

 

[Rogueslady]

You're probably being influenced in ways you may not recognize, perhaps by writers here at Lit.

A fun exercise can be to take a poem you like and rewrite it with your own experiences or feelings. The contrast between the two poems can be very illuminating.

that is interesting to know never heard about that.

 

[Rogueslady]

As I sit here,
all alone just waiting,
and yearning,
for your love,
thinking of you,
our stolen moments together,
knowing you are with another,
yet burning with desire,
knowing you want me,
yet not being able to at this time,
so here I wait,
longing,
desiring,
needing satisfaction,
so I play,
with myself with toys,
that does the trick,
though not the same,
never hitting the spot,
to make my orgasm real,
needing inspiration,
so looking in my world,
my wonderful would of Literotica.

 

[Rogueslady]

Why does life have to be complicated
wanting places to be traded
why do I feel the way I do
loving so many to the point where I am blue
why is my heart torn in a million pieces
like a sheet with a million creases
in lots of different directions is the way my heart is going
trying to not be broing
which one to choose
which ones to as friends not to lose
not wanting to make a mistake
but for the one I chose my heart is theirs to take
Sitting here crying
confused, aching and my tears are not drying.

 

[Rogueslady]

The Love of a Friend
If you are my friend,
My love for you is free,
No matter what you do,
Or what you say,
Friendship that will never end,
Hating is not me,
I'll be there through the flu,
Night or day.

You can count on me,
You need to talk?
I'll listen,
You know where I'll be,
So just take that walk,
As the sun glistens.

You are my friend,
Even as this poem comes to an end.
Always know I love you,
And I know you do too.

 

[Rogueslady]

Mid- Winter Blues
Nine thirty at night and I am sitting all alone in my room,
longing to be anywhere out of this place of total doom.
As today is February 14th Valentine's Day,
I am separated from all normal people crying day to day.
Isolated from society I surely am not - by anyone - missed,
wishing I could be - by someone - kissed.
As I lay melancholy gazing at the moon,
crazy as a little little kid eagerly waiting for the month of June.
Finally I am a senior at long last,
most certainly I can retire my most unpleasant past.
I am missed by Cupid'd arrow, again,
I guess Cupid is up to his old tricks again.
Speculating why life even began,
evil seems to be life's biggest fan.
Suddenly a phone call comes in about six in the afternoon,
it is a guy funnier than Loony Tunes.
My spirits are lifted higher than the sky,
as I realize that I am talking to my guy.
The love of my life,
makes me hungry for living a good life.
I go to sleep thinking happier thoughts,
surely as life goes on I will always have my doubts.

 

[Rogueslady]

My Fantasy
You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

You are my fantasy guy,
As unicorns fly around in the sky,
Only you don't know that I want you as my guy,
As I think back I look up into the sky.

You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

I remember back when I first fell in love with you,
How sweet and lovable you always,
The day I met you,
I knew that I would love you always.

You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

I met you years ago,
I knew that some day I would be yours,
I have been in love with you since years ago,
Now after all this time I am yours.

You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

 

[Dumpling]

Nice Poems Iam not good @ writing Poems nor do I have the time for it just thought I stop in take a peek & say Hi

 

[Rogueslady]

Nice Poems Iam not good @ writing Poems nor do I have the time for it just thought I stop in take a peek & say Hi

Well I thank you very much for stopping by. Thank you for reading them as well.

 

[Setanta84]

The main thing I would encourage you to do is consider the style. Let's look at one of the stanzas of the more recent contribution:

You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

Think very carefully about why you are using the words in bold here. A good rule of thumb in writing in general--not just in poetry--is that a word that can be eliminated without doing significant violence to meaning should be eliminated.

Also, words that can be made more precise should be made more precise. It strengthens the diction of the piece and can pack additional detail into the piece, which improves the economy of language.

 

[twelveoone]

Why does life have to be complicated
wanting places to be traded
why do I feel the way I do
loving so many to the point where I am blue
why is my heart torn in a million pieces
like a sheet with a million creases
in lots of different directions is the way my heart is going
trying to not be broing
which one to choose
which ones to as friends not to lose
not wanting to make a mistake
but for the one I chose my heart is theirs to take
Sitting here crying
confused, aching and my tears are not drying.

let's take these two lines

why is my heart torn in a million pieces
like a sheet with a million creases
like
this is what is known as a simile

in short A is like B, the reader has to get the connection, now why is your heart torn like a sheet with creases? Is your heart not torn, but crumpled, rumpled like the sheet?

Is this what you want to say, is there a better way to say it?
In short, it looks like most of your energy is focused on the need to rhyme here.


heart torn in a pieces is also a cliche, which means is has been said too many times by too many people, which means I don't want to read it again. I here refers to not only to me, but to anyone that has seen it before too many times.

a heart like a sheet that could interesting, focus on that as an exercise, what corndog was trying to lead you too, is something very simple, if you don't read it, you can't write it, and yes, you will pick up structures, the structures may be forms, but they don't have to be.

Now what logtag said is somewhat correct, there is really no one right or wrong way, and it you that picks the way to improve, and that is one huge pain in the ass, sorry that was a cliche, that is one huge crease in the sheet.

Now let's go micro, crease and sheet sound good together, why? They have a similar sound, that also can be used a structure.

please don't consider this a put-down, and I hope you are not discouraged, it is a warning, writing is a huge pain in the ass, but life is lived by little wins.

 

[Rogueslady]

The main thing I would encourage you to do is consider the style. Let's look at one of the stanzas of the more recent contribution:

You are my fantasy,
That is all I ever thought you would be,
Since that day you have turned my fantasy,
Into a realistic reality.

Think very carefully about why you are using the words in bold here. A good rule of thumb in writing in general--not just in poetry--is that a word that can be eliminated without doing significant violence to meaning should be eliminated.

Also, words that can be made more precise should be made more precise. It strengthens the diction of the piece and can pack additional detail into the piece, which improves the economy of language.

Thank you I will keep that in mind and thank you for reading my poem.

 

[Rogueslady]

let's take these two lines

why is my heart torn in a million pieces
like a sheet with a million creases
like
this is what is known as a simile

in short A is like B, the reader has to get the connection, now why is your heart torn like a sheet with creases? Is your heart not torn, but crumpled, rumpled like the sheet?

Is this what you want to say, is there a better way to say it?
In short, it looks like most of your energy is focused on the need to rhyme here.


heart torn in a pieces is also a cliche, which means is has been said too many times by too many people, which means I don't want to read it again. I here refers to not only to me, but to anyone that has seen it before too many times.

a heart like a sheet that could interesting, focus on that as an exercise, what corndog was trying to lead you too, is something very simple, if you don't read it, you can't write it, and yes, you will pick up structures, the structures may be forms, but they don't have to be.

Now what logtag said is somewhat correct, there is really no one right or wrong way, and it you that picks the way to improve, and that is one huge pain in the ass, sorry that was a cliche, that is one huge crease in the sheet.

Now let's go micro, crease and sheet sound good together, why? They have a similar sound, that also can be used a structure.

please don't consider this a put-down, and I hope you are not discouraged, it is a warning, writing is a huge pain in the ass, but life is lived by little wins.

I am grateful that,
you took time,
out of your day,
not to put my words into a fryer vat,
but to show me they don't necessary need to rhyme,
and I will study structures more so I can understand what you say.

 

[butters]

you've got some great feedback, RL. i hope you'll continue to write, to develop your love for writing.

 

[Rogueslady]

you've got some great feedback, RL. i hope you'll continue to write, to develop your love for writing.

Oh I am Butters I am. Do you see any improvement since the first poem? Honestly?

 

[twelveoone]

Oh I am Butters I am. Do you see any improvement since the first poem? Honestly?

pardon me, for the soapbox spiel here
one of the quickest easiest way to improve is to read others
and then ask why did you like it, why did you not like it
why do others like it, or not
and steal copiously, not the words, the techniques

 

[butters]

Oh I am Butters I am. Do you see any improvement since the first poem? Honestly?

to be perfectly honest, RL, i'm struggling with your writes - but that's down to me and personal preferences of content/styling. not everyone will like the same things, and almost everyone starts off just getting down the essence of what they want to say with little or no understanding of how best to say it.

there is something i'd suggest to try, just to see where it takes your thoughts as you write: try taking a step back from being so much 'in' the poem - just as an experiment. challenge yourself to write about it from another's point of view, or about a scene where there are no people involved - like a forest scene and a falling tree, that kind of thing. that's not to say personal writing can't be good, because it can. very. but it's hard to find the right balance, and all experimentation is worth it as a learning tool.

i would say there're some small improvements; you can build on these by writing again and again BUT, as importantly (if not more), read others and really give some thought as to why you like a certain phrase or line. by reading and commenting on the work of other people, it helps clarify things in your own head which helps when you write.

when you read others, look at where they break a line - sound it out, ask yourself (or the author) 'why there?' take a look at an image, and see if the image is a metaphor, or a simile. read lines aloud, listen for how certain sounds might run across several verses, tying them together - or how the sibilance of s's lends itself to the mood, or the hard sounds like A punctuate and draw attention in specific places.

when i first wrote, and for many years afterwards, all i cared about was letting the words out. maybe this is something we all go through. time, application, and thinking about why stuff works helps our writing as much as writing the words themselves.


above all, keep forging ahead.