A question for hetero female dominants

[Netzach]

Reportage:

I sucked girl strap on dick last night.

There's no way but no way in the world I manage to retain Top control doing THAT.

What Pink Orchid said makes a lot of sense. It's very much about the degree to which sensation and threat of teeth weigh in.

A guy has to be really nervous about his dick or wrapped up in its pleasure, whether biological or FTM trannyboi bottom, for me to feel like I have it under my sway.


Girls normally don't get like that. They get all bitchy for some reason.

Poor me.

 

[asyouwish2]

asyouwish2

 

[SexyChele]

I have to agree with both Lark Sparrow and Pink Orchid on this one.

First, I don't understand why cocksucking should even be an issue for female dominants when pussy licking doesn't seem to be that much of an issue for male dominants. Heck, I've yet to meet or talk to a male dominant who didn't enjoy eating pussy - yet they are no less dominant for doing so.

Second, I never feel more "in control" than when I have a man's dick in my mouth. Invading my personal space? Huh? Even during the very brief time I was with a male dominant and he wanted me to do "cock worship", guess what? At that point, he was no longer in control - I was. I could make it feel good. I could make it feel bad. I could really hurt him badly or send him straight to heaven. He really had nothing to say about it. (I guess that's one of the reasons why I suppose I'm not in a BDSM relationship - everytime he would say "worship my cock" I'd be laughing myself silly!)

I find some of the answers here interesting, but I'm still scratching my head....

And I have been for a long time since this thread was introduced!

 

[Never]

My lofty thoughts on the subject (by Never Was)

Men are socially dominant. Women are socially submissive. Things are changing but that's still the norm. When two people are in the bedroom they always bring their culture with them, why else would dommes dress their male subs in women's clothing? In our culture, sucking cock is a submissive act. (Even metaphorically, "The Senator is always sucking the cock of big business.") It has little to do with the physical act and more to do with perception that "feminine activities" are always tinged with submissiveness. You can flip that around (as several women in this thread have show us) but that takes effort.

asyouwish2:
" Male subs are often required to clean up their fluids, be on the receiving end of strapons, made to wear women's clothing, denied release for weeks or months etc. It's more harsh and often less intimate and can be less erotic although it doesn't have to be that way."

Erotic is in the pants of the beholder.

 

[lark sparrow]

It's a mind shift, and one that might be rare in these parts... but what many may not realize is that Lit BDSM is not the whole enchilida - it's a niche, just like the BDSM gay/ lesbian or Fem Domme/male sub communities. BDSM doesn't begin or end here, and of course, tunnel vision is not exclusive to any particular niche.

 

[Pure]

Netzach said,

or [he] has been informed that I *am* going to suck him off tonight because *I* want to.

This had him quaking in his boots, I'm sure

I agree with those who say it's possible in theory for the sucker to dominate if she sets many conditions, introduces pain, and, esp. denies orgasm. She might establish a 'larger' scene, outside his control, wherein he's hardened and brought close to coming while tied down, and then is forced to penetrate Fido, his sister, or the local bag lady.

In practice, the cultural stereotypes go against her, even if not in her own mind.

I don't agree that 'thinking it so' makes it so, here. Thinking you're dominating someone no more makes it true, that thinking you're pleasing someone makes it true.

Or, to give it the same question that Lark raised; if the male's thinking it so, makes it so; then why not say the female sucker's thinking it so, does the same? Imo, it's not necessarily 'so' in either case. Iow I agree with what I think is L's suggestion that there should NOT be a gender difference.

 

[lark sparrow]

Well then, I suppose we should make an announcement right here and now for the few fem Dommes and male submissives around these parts - that in theory they may exist, but the reality is that men are dominant, and women are submissive. Males and their cocks are not submissive because they are drones to cultural stereotypes in and out of the bedroom. Though it might be true a woman can be Dominant, if she is heterosexual and has sexual contact with a male without super human precautions it all falls apart.

Nods - not a bit of traditional hetero tunnel vision there, that's just natural. Although males who label themselves "submissives" may be nice and even have human value, it's a bit of a shame that they fool themselves in this way, and a woman who wants to retain the perceived Dominance should ALWAYS remember to NEVER fall under the spell of the almighty cock, for it will be her downfall into the natural order.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Good topic, but I can sum it up from D's standpoint.

Do what thou wish shall be the whole of the law..........

Redneck translation......... If it turns your crank, keep turning

 

[Saint_Sinner]

Oh Lark...........The battles you and I could have...........

 

[Saint_Sinner]

this has me thinking...........need to try my hand at a new thread

 

[SweetDommes]

I agree with those who say it's possible in theory for the sucker to dominate if she sets many conditions, introduces pain, and, esp. denies orgasm. She might establish a 'larger' scene, outside his control, wherein he's hardened and brought close to coming while tied down, and then is forced to penetrate Fido, his sister, or the local bag lady.

In practice, the cultural stereotypes go against her, even if not in her own mind.

I don't agree that 'thinking it so' makes it so, here. Thinking you're dominating someone no more makes it true, that thinking you're pleasing someone makes it true.

Or, to give it the same question that Lark raised; if the male's thinking it so, makes it so; then why not say the female sucker's thinking it so, does the same? Imo, it's not necessarily 'so' in either case. Iow I agree with what I think is L's suggestion that there should NOT be a gender difference.

I agree that cultural stereotypes are against us on this one, but thinking it so, for us at least, does make it so. The boy thinks that I am dominant no matter what I'm doing to him, I think I'm dominant no matter what I'm doing to him, therefor, it is, indeed, so. We are the only ones involved (well, and Holly, but she agrees with me on this), so nothing else matters.

 

[waterkemist]

Let your fingers do the walking

If you really worry about maintaining control or whatever, put your finger up his ass and rub his prostate. First, you will be invading his space as opposed to his penis invading your mouth. Secondly, there is something about a finger in the butt to make one feel possessed by the other. Thirdly, your finger will in fact control him. You can easily bring him to the edge and back down without a lot of jaw action, and/or frustrate the heck out of him.

All the other tie up and control him stuff in the other posts sounds like fun too. Need a volunteer to practice on?

Oh, I just thought. Etoile, what if your Domme said she wanted you to eat cock? And you were punished if you didn't do a good job, and also punished if he came too quickly. Would you be in control and dominant in relation to him? I think so. Could you make him cum within a minute or two of being told...I'm not so sure. Would that be just playing for you or would it be all punishment? Just curious!

--Waterkemist

 

[Etoile]

Re: Let your fingers do the walking

Oh, I just thought. Etoile, what if your Domme said she wanted you to eat cock? And you were punished if you didn't do a good job, and also punished if he came too quickly. Would you be in control and dominant in relation to him? I think so. Could you make him cum within a minute or two of being told...I'm not so sure. Would that be just playing for you or would it be all punishment? Just curious!

Hi waterkemist,

I don't have a Domme, I have a Daddy, but I'll try to answer your questions anyway. Yes, my Daddy is male-identified when we're together, so I do suck cock rather regularly. (Eating it would be rather a different experience!) I don't know how good I'd be at sucking off a stranger, but the reason for that is because I don't have experience being shared. I don't know if I'd feel in control or dominant, again because I don't have the experience...I guess it would depend on the role that man took. I suspect it would mostly be punishment, though, because I don't have much interest in being shared. I certainly bring Daddy pleasure by sucking eir cock, though, I know that much.

 

[Netzach]

Pure-

I really don't give a rat's ass if my sexual use of M has him quakng in his boots or purring in delight, or how it looks to anyone else, or whether it jives with anyone's idea of female Dominance.

There's one thing that tickles me a lot more than being considered a Dominant by anyone. And that's having the relationship and the sex *I* want to have.

 

[SweetDommes]

Pure-

I really don't give a rat's ass if my sexual use of M has him quakng in his boots or purring in delight, or how it looks to anyone else, or whether it jives with anyone's idea of female Dominance.

There's one thing that tickles me a lot more than being considered a Dominant by anyone. And that's having the relationship and the sex *I* want to have.

Exactly Netzach - if it didn't come across in my post, this is pretty much exactly what I meant by it.

Miss Karen

 

[waterkemist]

Etoile

Daddy = Domme or Daddy not equal Domme.

I thought I had it right. I knew about Daddy, and sorry for making assumptions. But isn't he or she or whatever the dominant one in the relationship? Don't I remember you posting about Daddy punishing you? I'm sure you have.

I really don't care who does what in the relationship. ( Guess I'm a pervert... can I watch sometime?)

I'm not trying to pass judgement. I only wanted to present a scenario that was almost certain to be one that had not occured to you...well, I think I did.

So if your question was really, how to not be submissive when sucking Daddy's cock, then you need to include the rest of the information. Is this right? Are you talking about a little switch in the game? Ok, try sitting on Daddy's face while you suck. Enjoy!

Really don't know if I can switch pronouns. Can Daddy be called she? Makes it easier on my mind. Just asking.

 

[shyly curious]

am i missing something???? isn't the person setting the agenda, deciding the flow of things the one in control? and if that person decides they want something, don't they just take it? i like to lick women, but if i were in a situation where i was REQUIRED to lick, it would be for her pleasure not my injoyment of the act. and if i were restrained, and required to submit to allowing her to use my cock this way, i would be under her control and know it. control is power, power decides actions, the one in power has POWER. or did i miss something.

be well all, shy

 

[sweetnpetite]

Im kinda agreeing with you on this, why is it submissive to suck cock and not submissive to lick puss? Why is a Dominants domination always in question when they wanna do that? Its very strange to me and i know off topic but can anyone help me understand this?

welll, because men made the rules. Everything has a double standard. Gloria Stenem said that if men had periods, they would brag about how long theirs lasted, and how hard they bled. Since men think that *everything* they do is gold, I tend to agree.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Yeah, making him beg, that's a good one. Definatley shows who's in charge. Keeping the cum in your mouth, and feeding it to him, or forcing him to cum on himself, that's pretty dominant too.

Disclaimer: I'm not a Domme. But I do have fantasies

 

[sweetnpetite]

Third, the more he likes it, the more control I have. Trust me, if you stop giving head to a man and tell him he has to crawl across the room for it to continue, 90% of the men out there will crawl in a heartbeat, even the nilla ones.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Heck, I've yet to meet or talk to a male dominant who didn't enjoy eating pussy

I know one

 

[Jessalynvix]

Re: Etoile

Daddy = Domme or Daddy not equal Domme.

I thought I had it right. I knew about Daddy, and sorry for making assumptions. But isn't he or she or whatever the dominant one in the relationship? Don't I remember you posting about Daddy punishing you? I'm sure you have.

I really don't care who does what in the relationship. ( Guess I'm a pervert... can I watch sometime?)

I'm not trying to pass judgement. I only wanted to present a scenario that was almost certain to be one that had not occured to you...well, I think I did.

So if your question was really, how to not be submissive when sucking Daddy's cock, then you need to include the rest of the information. Is this right? Are you talking about a little switch in the game? Ok, try sitting on Daddy's face while you suck. Enjoy!

Really don't know if I can switch pronouns. Can Daddy be called she? Makes it easier on my mind. Just asking.

Interesting concept yes indeed sitting on Daddy's face while doing that could be fun we shall have to try that sometime.

I'm not Etoile yet since I have my own Daddy I do know that e does not like being identified as she because it is not who e is. Especially when e is in Daddy mode out of that mode it's a gray area I accept em for who e is not the gender e appears to be and it works out just fine.

I am one of the few that can get away with identify em as both and I do so depending on the situation because while e may be my daddy e is also my partner and since gay marriages and what not are up in the air it would make things easier if e truely were male yet e is not e just wants to be so it is identified as that. *ends ramble*

 

[Etoile]

Re: Etoile

Daddy = Domme or Daddy not equal Domme.
If by Domme you mean a dominant female, then no, Daddy does not equal Domme. Daddy equals Daddy.

I thought I had it right. I knew about Daddy, and sorry for making assumptions. But isn't he or she or whatever the dominant one in the relationship? Don't I remember you posting about Daddy punishing you? I'm sure you have.
Yes, you're right. Daddy is definitely the dominant one in the relationship! I'm the submissive for sure.

I really don't care who does what in the relationship. ( Guess I'm a pervert... can I watch sometime?)

I'm not trying to pass judgement. I only wanted to present a scenario that was almost certain to be one that had not occured to you...well, I think I did.
The scenario you describe hadn't really occurred to me, you're right. Mostly because I'm not experienced in a sharing situation, and I don't want to be shared, so I try not to think about it!

So if your question was really, how to not be submissive when sucking Daddy's cock, then you need to include the rest of the information. Is this right? Are you talking about a little switch in the game? Ok, try sitting on Daddy's face while you suck. Enjoy!
Ah, not exactly, but you're close. I am going to be involved in a switchy situation, as part of my education. So yes, that was my motivation for posting this thread when I did. But it is also something I've thought about before. To me, cock-sucking is a submissive act. So I've wondered how dominants work giving fellatio into their dominance.

Really don't know if I can switch pronouns. Can Daddy be called she? Makes it easier on my mind. Just asking.
No, sorry. I'd really prefer that you didn't call my Daddy a she. I'd rather you didn't use he, either. I usually just let it go when people try using he or she in reference to my Daddy, but since you mentioned it I might as well say the way I feel. You can believe whatever you want - I don't mind if in your mind my Daddy is a she, or in somebody else's mind my Daddy is ahe - but when you're talking about my Daddy to me I'd prefer either Spivak pronouns or just "your Daddy". Thanks.

 

[SweetDommes]

Re: Re: Etoile

Ah, not exactly, but you're close. I am going to be involved in a switchy situation, as part of my education. So yes, that was my motivation for posting this thread when I did. But it is also something I've thought about before. To me, cock-sucking is a submissive act. So I've wondered how dominants work giving fellatio into their dominance.

As someone else posted earlier (Netzach, I believe, discussing sucking a girl w/ a strapon) - if your Daddy is not a male in genitalia, reguardless of gender identification, it will be much much more difficult to maintain a dominant role during fellatio (because a strapon doesn't give you the same inherint control between your teeth as a flesh & blood cock does). However, the important thing to remember is that if you are dominant during the scene, then you must always feel that you are in charge - you are doing things because YOU want to, not because of anything else. If you begin to feel submissive again during the scene, that will become obvious, and you will have failed (for that time, at least) your training in being a switch. It is 90% attitude, and only 10% actions most of the time, so as long as you are in command, it doesn't matter what you are doing, as long as it is truly for your own pleasure.

I will always maintain that fellatio is not inherintly submissive, because I have never felt submissive while performing on my partner (even before I acknowledged my dominant side), but it all comes down to how you feel - as long as you feel that it is a submissive act, I would avoid doing it during 'switchy' scenes.

Miss Karen

 

[Etoile]

Re: Re: Re: Etoile

As someone else posted earlier (Netzach, I believe, discussing sucking a girl w/ a strapon) - if your Daddy is not a male in genitalia, reguardless of gender identification, it will be much much more difficult to maintain a dominant role during fellatio (because a strapon doesn't give you the same inherint control between your teeth as a flesh & blood cock does). However, the important thing to remember is that if you are dominant during the scene, then you must always feel that you are in charge - you are doing things because YOU want to, not because of anything else. If you begin to feel submissive again during the scene, that will become obvious, and you will have failed (for that time, at least) your training in being a switch. It is 90% attitude, and only 10% actions most of the time, so as long as you are in command, it doesn't matter what you are doing, as long as it is truly for your own pleasure.

I will always maintain that fellatio is not inherintly submissive, because I have never felt submissive while performing on my partner (even before I acknowledged my dominant side), but it all comes down to how you feel - as long as you feel that it is a submissive act, I would avoid doing it during 'switchy' scenes.

Miss Karen

Wow, that is really excellent advice, thank you! I especially appreciate your last sentence.

As for not having control with a dildo...I know of plenty of strap-on-wielding women who insist on having their cock sucked "properly" - that is, as one would suck an actual penis. I've seen a girl get spanked for using her teeth too much on her Mistress! I don't know how the Mistress knew, but somehow she could tell that the girl wasn't doing a good job.

But again, I really appreciate your comments. Thank you - you've put me in a good frame of mind for this! It's not going to be actual training to become a switch - I'm not a switch, I'm submissive, and that's that - but it is a mind-expanding educational process.