A question for the boys...

[oxphocker]

Personally, I get off on seeing that look of pleasure in a woman's face.... I see it more as a, "if you fall of the horse..." kind of thing and I can say that I have actually gone long enough to get cramps in just about every muscle that can be involved in pleasuring someone. Be honest about it and on any given night, turn it into a game to see if you can find something that eventually works "Ok, tonight...if I can make you cum, I get the dry side of the bed" (or whatever...)

 

[KarlMartinK]

Clear your schedule for the afternoon...

If you've never had an orgasm, I don't think it's right for you to be blaming the guy you're with (or any guy for that matter), especially if you're faking it. If he's the kind of guy who cares about your needs and is attentive, you're giving him all the wrong signals.

Guys (like me) can be fairly simple. If I think a certain thing will give you an orgasm, I'll do that. Then, the next time, I might try to repeat that same thing again. So, if you're faking it, you're sending the wrong message. The guy you're with thinks he's doing the right thing and he's not. I don't see that as being his fault.

Sometimes, I take a really long time to cum. I haven't really had a lot of complaints about that one, unless the girl is getting sore or something. I'll tell women that, too, "Hey, sometimes, it takes me a long time to cum." Maybe that's what you need, just someone to keep at it for a long time until you finally climax. It's certainly not going to happen if you keep faking it and stopping before it happens.

If a woman told me it takes a long time for her to cum or it's very difficult to make her cum, I take that as a challenge and see if I can make her cum more easily than she said she could.

I don't know if you've ever thought about it, but most people can tell when they're getting closer to an orgasm and, with some experience, can hold it off until it gets stronger and that kind of thing. If I were you, I'd clear my afternoon and just go at it until it happens. If your man isn't available, do it by yourself.

Now, because you've already been faking with him, you have to figure out a way to make him do it until you do cum. One thing I'd try is to have him do whatever it is you like doing (the thing that brings you closest to cumming) and tell him that you don't want to cum yet because it feels so good and ask him if he can just keep doing it. Meanwhile, you're trying to cum, but making him think that you don't want to cum because it feels so good.

I hope this makes sense and is helpful. I still disagree that this is the man's fault, though. How is he supposed to know you aren't satisfied when every indication you're giving him is that you are satisfied?

 

[adoggie42]

Ok so we all know that guys are the 'KINGS' of sex right? Well if so then why arnt more women satisfied? Whats up boys??

King of Sex ? What's up boys ? If you're old enough to screw you should know by now it is pussy that makes the world go around ! Ask any man.(except the ones you're currently screwing). You seem to have attracted a trail of scum to your bed.

Given that pussy is the center of the universe it makes sense to ANY caring guy to see that that pussy gets all the pleasure he can give it. (It is a shame you've been faking - now you have no credibility - he'll never know for sure now). This may be one of the reasons you attract uncaring scum.

When I met my wife it was pretty obvious she hadn't much experience. It took several sessions in bed just playing, kissing and nibbling to get her wound up enough to feel the need to cum. (She was 28 and had not learned how to make herself cum.) That last session before the first cum was more than an hour and a half long.

She didn't just cum ! She exploded ! See cried, she screemed, she twitched and bucked. The rest of the day at the oddest time she would start crying again.

The next time we worked at making her cum it took considerably less time, then less the next, and so on... After 6 month she could have a good cum in 90 seconds if she was in the mood. Never once have I been able to make her cum with my cock though. It's always taken fingers, tongue.

After a while we played with delaying her cum. I'd play and tease her. (And yes, I taught her how to make herself cum.) We could keep her on the edge for most of a day sometimes. When we got around to finally taking it over the edge that's when we realized she was a squirter ! I've been down there watching - It's a vaginal squirt ! !

There is almost never a sex session we have that she isn't first over the cum ridge. (Except when she's not really in the mood and lets me plow it in for a quickie.)

Find somebody who knows the value of pussy - train him up right from the start. The first order of business though is to make YOURSELF cum. With or without help from the guy.

 

[SonOfAGhost]

I have just moved in with my b/f and have started having sex regularly. (I was a virgin before this)/QUOTE]
^from Bad Angel's other thread just to put this thread in context.

From the above I'm going to infer that you're both relatively young and he may not be all that experienced either? We all start somewhere and usually it is also with someone else that is not yet an expert. Youthful enthusiasm can go a long way to compensate for knowledge in having a good time in this regard, but it can never truly substitue. This applies both to knowledge of what works for you and what works for others (bearing in mind all others are different from each other). Though in terms of pleasing a partner you got the better deal as what works for different guys tends to be more similar than what works for different gals.

Never having made yourself cum it is an obvious problem in being able to tell your b/f what you need him to do. If you've never given yourself an orgasim don't expect ANYONE else to, man or woman. It may be impossible for you physically (at least very rare, personally I think it's an urban myth, but I suppose not impossible) Very common is for a woman to subconciously feel it's bad/wrong/dirty and not allow herself to truly let go. Even as a guy I've experienced this a couple times when trying something new the first time and suspect it's the reason I still have never been able to cum from a BJ alone (which may apply to your other thread). Most probable, if he is also had no or little prior experience to learn from, particularly if any experience has been with other 'beginners', he's unlikely to know too many variations to try.

To put the above in perspecitve, I started <U>extremely</U> young myself (not that I'm old yet) and had more experience before college than most have by the time they get married, but I still didn't know much. All my partners to that point were inexperienced and so there wasn't much I could learn from them, nor they from me, other than various positions for penetration sex, because none of us had tried different things. I always loved going down on women, but up to that point I knew only 1 technique for that and most of the girls had never received oral at all from prior b/fs so they couldn't coach me in a new one. Canadian girls at that age in my generation were extremely repressed about masturbation for the most part and didn't have much self-knowledge to share either.
Then at 19, 2nd year of college, I experienced some 'older' women (26,27 and 31). I learned more about pleasing a woman in each those few encounters than all the previous ones combined. Since then there hasn't been any woman I've never failed to take over the edge, it's just not always the same path to get there. I learned to ALWAYS make the woman cum (at least once) first, she'll likely be VERY appreciative. I met my wife 10 year ago, up to that point she'd had an orgasm 3 times with 2 different prior b/fs. Since then there have been 7 occaisions that she hasn't and 4 of those were deliberate in the morning so she'd be exited all day and very ready for a 'special event' I had planned for that night

I'm not suggesting you send your b/f to learn from others (unless you plan to join him vis-a-vis your lesbian comment) but rather to have patience and learn together what will work for you. Make sure you CAN cum on your own first and don't get so obsessed with it that you forget to enjoy the 'process'

You're off to a good start coming here, not just by asking in the forums but the stories themselves should provide ideas for positions, techniques, and fantasy/roleplay/locations (mindset is so important). There's many other resources on the net, read books, try some battery powered toys, wear clothes/lingerie that make you feel sexy, make him wear what you pick out for him, have a few drinks first (go for a light buzz not a blackout), watch a movie together, either 'couples' porn or a non-sexual comedy as lots of laughter is good for lowering inhibitions. Remember it's almost all in your head

As for the more general aspect of why aren't more women satisfied? Different reasons and combinations of them:
1. Too many people (men and women, usually who've lived somewhat sheletered lives) think sex is only about the penis going in and out of the pussy and nothing else.
2. Too many guys are selfish, sometimes because they're an ass, sometimes because it just never occurs to them because they've never been with a woman that did orgasm. I read somewhere years ago that almost 40% of women in Canada have never had a real one.
3. Most women I've been with aren't very good at communicating what they want sexually (beyond approving what I'm doing on my own initiative) until I've worked hard for a week or two at convining them that I really do want to know. They're too worried about the guy thinking they're a slut because they have some experience. So they say nothing and hope they guy stumbles across their favourite things
4. Fake orgasms, this is a biggie. Whether it's about sex or anything else, when it comes to women, men have not clue, we really don't. I've had women practially throw themselves at me and not realized it until months later by which time they're too pissed at me for missing the signals they're no longer interested. In or out of bed, guys want to know what works, but we're oblivious to hints, we need to be told flat out, I'm talking flashing neon sign here, which for some reason women seem loathe to do even though they get the benefit. So when we do find something that we get told works, we take your word for it. Some of us are smart enough to want a repetoire of many things that work, but most are so relieved to have FINALLY found 1 thing they are satisfied. They then do that one thing over and over for that woman and everyone they meet afterwards. Never realizing that it doesn't work and never did (see point 2 above). Another reason faking is bad, any guy that has paid attention to (not just experienced) a real female orgasm will not be fooled, some of the more subtle physical aspects cannot be faked, and getting caught faking won't be good for the relationship. Especially if a woman fake for a long time and then has a real one. She can try to pass it off as the fakes were real and the real one was a g-spot but then if she has a g-spot O she's painted into a pretty small corner.
5. Over stimulation, I've only ever met a few women that don't require any stimulation of their clit to be significantly gentler than the amount of pressure I enjoy on the penis head (though there were a couple that liked more). If a guy assumes her sensations are identical to what he's feeling at a certain pressure he's probably wrong as no 2 people are identical.

Ok. that's quite a bit, I'll shut up for now.

 

[bad_angel]

First let me say a big thank you to EVERYONE that took the time to, not only read my posts, but replied as well. Even if I dont agree with ALL the points made I'm greatfull that you thought to share them. Since my first posts a lot has happened. The main event being my b/f finding out the truth. I still dont know if this is a releif or not. But at least I dont have to lie any more. And now it will be easier to find out what does/doesn't work.
So thanks once again.



P.S In NO way is my b/f scum. I take full responsibility for my 'problem'.

 

[HotKittySpank]

Angel - certain medications can make it impossible to nearly impossible to reach orgasm. It is called anorgasma. If you are on meds take a look at the side effects. If not, I do reccomend the afternoon delight route. You need to do it for yourself first then, you will be relaxed enough in the knowledge that you can reach orgasm so that with the b/f you will be able to as well.

 

[Lust Engine]

First let me say a big thank you to EVERYONE that took the time to, not only read my posts, but replied as well. Even if I dont agree with ALL the points made I'm greatfull that you thought to share them. Since my first posts a lot has happened. The main event being my b/f finding out the truth. I still dont know if this is a releif or not. But at least I dont have to lie any more. And now it will be easier to find out what does/doesn't work.
So thanks once again.

P.S In NO way is my b/f scum. I take full responsibility for my 'problem'.

I think just the fact that the both of you can communicate openly and honestly is the first step to you achieving an orgasm. It's not exactly a skill or an accomplishment that happens overnight. It's going to take work from both parties involved here but from the looks of it, you might be on your way.

Good luck.

 

[Râleclins]

Hmmm...
How did he find out actually ?

In my humble opinion, it's a really good thing if you don't have to lie any more.

HotKittySpank has raised an interesting point. I don't know anything about all that, but if you use a contraceptive pill, maybe it might influence your libido ? Anyway, if it's a problem of medication, it would need a talk with your gynecologist.

 

[bad_angel]

To answer the question, "How exactly did he find out", Well what a story I have for you!
When my b/f got home from work last night I mentioned that I had become rather adicted to a certen website advice forum. Iwas having trouble loging back in later that night, my b/f gave me a hand so knew my nickname. While I was in the shower he jumped on and read some of my posts. To cut a long, drawn out, and rather emotional story short, he found out and we talked it over. So atleast now its out there.

Thanks again for all the tips and advice.

Cheers

 

[Nj_Spanish_23]

I would feel a bit humiliated if i found out as he did. I don't understand why it is portayed that men "don't communicate" when too often women are guilty of this. I understand it's definetly a dicy subject though, specially since it could affect him, too.

Men have orgasms easier (for the most part, i for one can't achieve orgasm from oral sex, what's up girls?), but these men achieved orgasm first thru masturbation and broke the MENTAL BARRIER, making it easy to go there during sex.

A woman who can't give herself an orgasm really shouldn't expect the guy to do her part. You have to touch that place in your mind, further explore yourself if you will.

I've gotten women to cum who had intimacy "issues", by making her comfortable, targeting whatever hidden Guilt or anxiety may be buried, makin her get into the moment and a bit of monotone whisper to complement my fingers. I've watched them masturbate (not peeping-tom style) while i kiss and talk to them dirty. it's hard work sometimes, they may be real close but it could take a long time.

there's no specific trick however.

I've been with women 5-6 years my senior (also 10 years my "sexual" senior) who cum pretty regularly from oral and digital sex BUT rather get fucked hard and take their chance with their orgasm. My point is, there's many ways to enjoy sex obsessing about any particular thing doesn't help.

in the words of yankees legendary catcher Yogi berra: "half the game is 90% mental".

PS. send me a pic and i might help directly. (joking)

 

[Elenia26]

I have to recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand and openness. I never had an orgasm until well into my 20's, I even told my first serious boyfriend he was doing fine. Lies!

The Magic Wand helped me break through and have orgasms. Then, suddenly the pressure was off, I had a wonderful and loving boyfriend who knew about my issues, and I began to come regularly. I still don't during penetration, but fingers and mouth do wonderfully.

 

[LadyG]

you fucking jackass, what does it fuckign take to get two different usernames. How fucking RETARDED ARE YOU?

Jesus christ

Ummm??? That was a tad uncalled for, no?

 

[RuReal]

Ok like all guys I am no expert, but a few things to suggest.

One you need to be comfortable to even make the attempt. Before me my other half had a problem like yours. It took us a while to work our way through it...

What I would suggest is finding a vibrator or two. This sounds easier than you may think. The level of power and sensativity can be an issue because if it is too week or too strongly focused it can cause issues.

With a week vibrator you can feel the effects and you get arroused, but before you know it you hit sensative and it just does not do it. Been there with the wife done that and never again.

A powerful vibrator can be great, but if the area of effect is too focused it can be just plain too much. I would suggest finding something that plugs into a wall, with a decent sized head. Have your partner work with you on this relaxe and enjoy the ride.

Lots of pre play and make sure the clit is focused on with the toy. It might help it might not. Everyone is different, but hopefully my two cents helps.

Real

 

[Batman4ever71]

I have never been, nor ever will be the "King" of sex. I have to agree with the majority of the posts here. Perhaps it's the boys you've been with. (In a rare moment of cander) I often arrive too quickly at climax the first time around so I make foreplay last a good long while. I have a particular rule that I will only have intercourse after I have made my fiancee orgasm 2 or more times. She really likes it when I use toys on her and when I go down on her. In a nutshell(pardon the pun) I make sure that my fiancee is satisfied before I get off myself.

Again, I say that it might be the boys you've been with were too immature to realize that sex wasn't about just them, or they just didn't care enough to find out what you wanted.

Batman

 

[fgarvb1]

Ok so we all know that guys are the 'KINGS' of sex right? Well if so then why arnt more women satisfied? Im seriously thinking of trying Lesbianism as a last resort to actuly getting an orgasm! Whats up boys??

LOL! Maybe you should.

Some you ladies have so damned many hang ups and preconditions, conditions and certain ways things MUST be done I'm surprised you know what a fucking orgasm is. Must have read about them somewhere.

And that is without the ones that naturally occur!


And yet men are expected to preform morning noon and night flawlessly with out complaint.

On behalf of men everywhere don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out.


Now having said that, it is a miracle females have orgasms with men anyway.

God bless the lovely ladies that I have had the pleasure to know who knew what they wanted and how to get it and loved to have help getting there!

 

[LadyJeanne]

LOL! Maybe you should.

Some you ladies have so damned many hang ups and preconditions, conditions and certain ways things MUST be done I'm surprised you know what a fucking orgasm is. Must have read about them somewhere.

And that is without the ones that naturally occur!

As opposed to what? The unnatural orgasms? What would those be, exactly?

And yet men are expected to preform morning noon and night flawlessly with out complaint.

Men also expect women to be ready to perform morning, noon, and night flawlessly without complaint...to be ready whenever he is, to come on demand, to swallow, to come from penetration even though he gets nowhere near her clit, to suck cock even though they won't eat her out, to stroke his ego about his dick's length, hardness, erection angle, volume and color of come...do you read the questions in here? How do I get my wife to ___ ?

On behalf of men everywhere don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out.


Now having said that, it is a miracle females have orgasms with men anyway.

God bless the lovely ladies that I have had the pleasure to know who knew what they wanted and how to get it and loved to have help getting there!

I agree that women should not expect men to magically know how to help them get to orgasm, especially if the women have never masturbated themselves to orgasm and don't know how to get there themselves. I agree that faking it doesn't help. But I also know how clueless some men are about women's bodies, and how much more concerned they are about penis size than about learning about women's bodies. I know what it's like to be with a guy who's more sensitive to each breath and sigh of his car's engine than his lady's engine - and sometimes, faking it is easier than trying to teach him something he's not so interested in learning because it's all about his pleasure.

Don't judge everyone by your own experiences.

 

[bmw1080]

b_a, I hope you and the b/f are practicing lots and you have now experienced that elusive orgasm.

Ciao

 

[Pyro Paul]

because all the good good guys that can make you orgasm by just using your voice (which ive done twice to some one) are either, taken, married and have a couple kids.

or-

are like me, are virgins waiting for an empty blank void of nothingness in the grim hope that maybe your patence will pay off once instead of lead you to disaster as it normaly does. people that are good at sex are few and far inbetween. and most are already called for.

 

[Eilan]

Don't judge everyone by your own experiences.

I'm not gonna quote your entire post, LadyJeanne, but that was very well-put.

*applause from my corner of the peanut gallery*

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'm not gonna quote your entire post, LadyJeanne, but that was very well-put.

*applause from my corner of the peanut gallery*

Aw, thanks, sweets.

I try. Sometimes it ends up making sense.

 

[pupper]

you fucking jackass, what does it fuckign take to get two different usernames. How fucking RETARDED ARE YOU?

Jesus christ

Me tinks she needs a goood hard orgasm

 

[fgarvb1]

Don't judge everyone by your own experiences.
...............................................................................................................................
Why the hell not?

I have had a whole lot of them.

Thankfully, the few I was describing are very few indeed percentage wise.

I myself will not go near them if I know about them in time. Certainly won't go out with them twice.

Mostly I was yanking your chain. OK, I also had a fever at the time I posted.

And I have a strange sense of humor.

 

[cdobbs12000]

please dont go all the way les, for the mens sake god please no

 

[Aaabanana]

please try me b4 stepping into lesbian world you would be using plastic dick without warmth or magic liquid

 

[ewopper]

Ok so we all know that guys are the 'KINGS' of sex right? Well if so then why arnt more women satisfied? Im seriously thinking of trying Lesbianism as a last resort to actuly getting an orgasm! Whats up boys??

There's no easy answer to that one. Sometimes a woman can cause a guy to not go as far as he might want to, by something she said, innocently yet it stung his ego. Then you have the guys who's main goal is to get their rocks off irregardless of the woman's desires or feelings. Then some women feel embarassed to tell a man what they want, so it's a catch 22