A question for the Gentlemen of the forum.

[littlecordelera]

Women feel sexy. Guys feel macho.

Switch the two, and they both become intolerable.

 

[CuttingEdge]

As a male I feel sexy sometimes, but it has todo with having honest and open conversations with my wife.

I never noticed my broad shoulders, or thought I looked nice in rugged boots and jeans, but when my wife mentioned I did, then I realized that was what she liked, and I began to own it.

It sounds arrogant, but its not, as it is more in having confidence.

 

[CuttingEdge]

Confidence can also be a factor of how you dress.

Silly culture now says it should not matter how you dress, and that a persons personality is what people should judge a person by, but SHOULD and REALITY is two different things.

The world is full of depressed people, and yet the advice is to dress like a slob more? That makes no sense.

I feel how I dress, and while I am 100% blue collar, you would not know that when my wife and I go out. Miniskirts and minidresses for her, and me dressing sharply as well. We are not putting on airs, we just like to dress nicely, and I think if more people did, they would feel a lot better about themselves.

 

[MorpheusLunar]

What makes a man feel sexy?

For me it is that I am noticed. People respond to me. Usually more so the attention from women, the conversations with women, the pictures shared from women, but so too with men to a lesser extent.

And the occaisional "yes" helps also....

 

[AlexBailey]

Women feel sexy. Guys feel macho.

Switch the two, and they both become intolerable.

Lol!

I like tough girls...

 

[Docg915]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

After scrolling through the responses in this thread, I see many different ways guys feel sexy. This is different for everyone, which should come as no surprise.
For me, I would have to say being desired is one thing that makes me feel sexy. I would imagine that would go for you ladies as well. To know that someone not only notices the work you put into yourself but also desires the result is empowering.
I just wish I felt that way more often nowadays. Thank you for posing an interesting question.
D

 

[Lovethefox]

After scrolling through the responses in this thread, I see many different ways guys feel sexy. This is different for everyone, which should come as no surprise.
For me, I would have to say being desired is one thing that makes me feel sexy. I would imagine that would go for you ladies as well. To know that someone not only notices the work you put into yourself but also desires the result is empowering.
I just wish I felt that way more often nowadays. Thank you for posing an interesting question.
D

You hit it right on the head.
Being desired as much as I desire her is the single most important thing in a relationship. There is nothing more needed than that to make me feel sexy

 

[JK515914]

This is an excellent question and there have been some really interesting answers. Personally, I sometimes feel sexy when I accomplish something professionally. I think it's got something to do with feeling powerful and/or being admired by colleagues - like an intellectual validation.

Also post workout, but that's more of a physical thing, although also linked to feeling powerful in a different sense.

 

[davion2308]

A gentlemen's answer

I'm a gentleman, no doubt, and what gets me going is attention. Attention in the form of verbal compliments I'm not expecting:

"Your arms look thicker. Are you lifting the 30 pounders again?"

"You look really handsome today."

And you can up the ante even and be more explicit. I know I like to hear when I'm really fucking hot.

Physical contact also works. If my lady walks behind me and runs her fingers across my shoulder and back as she passes by without saying anything ... yes, please. Or if she touches my forearm for a few moments, or touches my face, I like all that.

Those are things that she can do for me.

I feel sexy when I sweat after sports or working out. I feel sexy after I have good success at work or a project I'm doing.

 

[Benny9857]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

Comments about how nice I look in a certain shirt, pair of pants, how my hair is done. Or how she likes my smile. Comments can really go a long way.

 

[Benny9857]

As a male I feel sexy sometimes, but it has todo with having honest and open conversations with my wife.

I never noticed my broad shoulders, or thought I looked nice in rugged boots and jeans, but when my wife mentioned I did, then I realized that was what she liked, and I began to own it.

It sounds arrogant, but its not, as it is more in having confidence.

CcuttingEdge, you are so right. I never felt happy about my self or how I looked until my wife starting saying things about how my face looks, or how nice my arms and shoulders are.

 

[Ezeerider]

Just what is it?

What I've found to be truly sad, and perhaps more than a little scary here, are the comments by those who find their "sexiness," or basic masculine attraction, to be dependent upon their clothing, shoes, "power" ties(?), or even their after-shave. All things that actually have no bearing whatsoever on what they truly are in terms of being a man and what that means, since that's essentially the source of sexual attraction.

I've always believed that the old saw that states that "the clothes make the man" is absolutely ludicrous, and most likely was originally devised and circulated by a clothing salesman, since there's absolutely no logical basis for it. We've all seen far too many overdressed fops who are useless for anything else to believe otherwise.

We're several generations now into a near-total consumer society, in which one "look" or another is marketed to people who have no ability whatsoever to actually do or be what the "look" promotes, but will affect the props in order to appear to be something more or other than they really are - and appear, as a result, to be "sexy" to others who know no better, or choose to go along with the illusion for any number of reasons of their own.

That said, when I think about it, while I don't overtly attempt to be or appear sexy in the context of the OP's question - and here I agree with those who don't feel that most men do that - there are those times when I become aware that I seem to be attracting a certain amount of attention and energy from the women I'm coming in contact with, and I'm speaking of a certain primal force, not anything based on superficial accessories.

Having been told repeatedly over the years that I have a distinctly masculine bearing, without appearing "macho," (which is a silly affectation in itself), I do take a certain measure of satisfaction in that, and this becomes amplified by those times and situations when I'm able to accomplish or do something requiring far more than the usual physical and/or intellectual abilities.

However, beyond those actual moments, I suppose it's the aggregate effect of knowing, over time, that I am capable of doing what I want or need to do, and dealing with any form of adversity, that has given me the confidence in myself that may project in ways that women find to be attractive or, yes, sexy. In surveys here and elsewhere, when women are asked what it is that they are immediately attracted to in men, confidence is nearly always at or near the top.

So I suppose that just being comfortable in your own skin (rather than what's covering it), and the confidence that comes from that, will provide that feeling that the OP was describing or asking about. Of course, as so many have also observed here, we do like to be reminded of why that special woman finds us to be so specially attractive. Can't help but hoist the hormone levels.

This is my own perspective and response. Of course your mileage may vary.

 

[JamieJ424]

I definitely feel sexy.

I don’t put a lot of thought into how I dress or my mannerisms or anything else. I don’t flirt, I have nothing to prove, and I am fiercely monogamous. I don’t consider the number of partners I’ve had or my car or my body to be sexiness benchmarks. I don’t consider myself to be in competition with other men, I don’t radiate chest hair and testosterone, I don’t make a ton of money, I don’t strut. I’m not out for notches in my belt.

I feel sexy because I know that when the moment comes, and my lips are next to her ear, I know what to say. I know what to do. I know where and how to touch, and how to read responses to keep things moving along nicely. I know that women are each unique and special, and almost without exception do NOT want a porn star pile driver to fuck them for ninety minutes solid.

That gives me confidence. And confidence is the root of sexiness for men and for women.

 

[LAHomedog]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

This depends upon what do you mean by "makes you feel sexy?"

I read or hear, this, or whatever, makes me feel sexy and I think that means that this makes me feel as if I am attractive. Or more bluntly, this makes me feel like I'm going to get laid or I am fuckable. Or, this makes me feel as if someone is going to be attracted to me and want to have sex with me. That's sexy.

What I read you saying about your guy is he doesn't feel horny or feel like he wants to have sex. That's different than sexy.

As a hetro guy, I have mostly spent my life when single trying to attract a girl who finds me attractive enough -- mind or body -- that she will say yes and have sex with me. So, my feeling "sexy" is because I think I look good, my hair is right, I look good in my outfit, my body is attractive, etc.

Guys also feel like they can attract others by their job, their car, their lifestyle, etc.

Being in touch with you carnal side is wanting to have sex and to fuck. Is that what you are asking?

 

[tedsbeds]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

I don't know if this is common but, I can't say that I can ever say that I feel sexy. The closest I've come is when a woman finds me attractive. Maybe feeling sexy is a reflection of others view of myself. Carnal side, that's real easy. Never felt ashamed of that,

 

[SimonDoom]

What I've found to be truly sad, and perhaps more than a little scary here, are the comments by those who find their "sexiness," or basic masculine attraction, to be dependent upon their clothing, shoes, "power" ties(?), or even their after-shave. All things that actually have no bearing whatsoever on what they truly are in terms of being a man and what that means, since that's essentially the source of sexual attraction.

.

It may seem silly or shallow, but the fact of the matter is that women often DO respond to these things. Women often remark, for example, on how they notice a man's shoes. Some women judge a man by his car.

Attraction and sexiness operate at a very basic, animal level, even for sophisticated people. Little things like a good scent, or the color of an article of clothing against another person's skin, can be sexy and attractive.

But I'll add that a thing like a tie, for me, is sexy only if the woman I'm trying to attract finds it sexy. It's much more about the mutual reaction and relationship than it is about the thing. If she says "That's a silly looking tie" then POOF the sexy magic is gone.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I don’t understand the feeling of sexy. I can see sexy, my wife tells me I look sexy. I wear clothing that my wife say is sexy, but I don’t understand.

 

[Ezeerider]

It may seem silly or shallow, but the fact of the matter is that women often DO respond to these things. Women often remark, for example, on how they notice a man's shoes. Some women judge a man by his car.

Attraction and sexiness operate at a very basic, animal level, even for sophisticated people. Little things like a good scent, or the color of an article of clothing against another person's skin, can be sexy and attractive.

But I'll add that a thing like a tie, for me, is sexy only if the woman I'm trying to attract finds it sexy. It's much more about the mutual reaction and relationship than it is about the thing. If she says "That's a silly looking tie" then POOF the sexy magic is gone.

First, thanks, SD, for your response.

It does seem, with all respect here, that your first and second paragraphs are in something of a contradiction, at least in what I see there.

Sure, there are women - and perhaps a lot of them - who respond to all these artificial and superficial stimuli, like shoes or cars. But what does that say in and of itself? Sexy? Really? These are things which, when you think about it, tend to bury and obfuscate the man himself. It's stuff he's thrown up to cover and conceal the real guy within.

"Attraction and sexiness operate at a very basic, animal level, even for sophisticated people." Bingo! There you have it. But then another contradiction.

What happens when, following the woman's initial attraction to the artifice of fake scent, clothing, shoes, car, etc., you suddenly take them away, leaving just the man himself? What becomes of the relationship that had those things as its foundation? How do these two people then see and subsequently relate to each other?

To address the original question, how does any of that help a guy really feel sexyl about himself, when, under it all, he knows it's all based on artifice?

As you pointed out, it could all hinge on someone else's reaction to something as silly as a tie. "Poof, it's gone." You were feeling sexy, based at least partly on a string of fabric(?) - but in a second it's gone, based on someone else's reaction, whether reasonable or not. But then, really, can there be a sillier or more useless article of clothing than a tie?

If her guy wants to feel sexy, for whatever reason, I'd suggest he work on the inner man, so that he knows who and what he himself truly is, and is comfortable and confident with that. Then it won't matter to him or her what he's wearing or driving, and they'll both know it.

 

[silverwhisper]

tenchikoi queried:
what makes you feel 'sexy'? i asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. he just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. but that's just being turned on. do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? i'm just curious. trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. thanks for reading.

i think that a quick reading of the thread reveals some interesting commonalities: that men typically feel sexy when we are confident and feel good about ourselves.

i further think that tends to hold true of women, too.

 

[maydec]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

Wow, what a caring woman. Women dont understand that men do not get the constant validation that women do (80% of guys, that is). When you become very old and become invisable, you will know what guys have lived with their entire life. I think if you constantly validate your guy with sincere compliments he will begin to understand that you find him sexy and will respond to that and begin to believe it himself.

 

[Majorbedhead]

I don't think I've ever felt what I think sexy is. It has always been in the feminine sense. I mean, if i were wearing that thing with that look she has. Well let's just say it wouldn't provoke sexy in the classical sense.
I don't think guys have a frame of reference on this. Maybe carnal might be the word best used.

Then the offer of red meat by her with all her trimmings would get me dancing to that Stupid Rod Stewart song...

 

[Majorbedhead]

As a male I feel sexy sometimes, but it has todo with having honest and open conversations with my wife.

I never noticed my broad shoulders, or thought I looked nice in rugged boots and jeans, but when my wife mentioned I did, then I realized that was what she liked, and I began to own it.

It sounds arrogant, but its not, as it is more in having confidence.

I had the same exact thing happen this morning looking in the mirror, I think I got a little better looking..

 

[_Delilah_]

I’m not a gent, but I’m poking my nose in anyhow.

I’m not sure I see sexy as a masculine term. I see him as powerful, confident, creative and sensual. He could easily have me clamping my thighs at the table if he turned that dial up on his magnetism. He can be raw, raunchy, charismatic and highly erotic, it all works. But sexy is reserved for how he makes me feel.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Delilah, I think you nailed this question. Feeling sexy (attractive, maybe) is a mirror that reflects each in the other. Feeling sexy is each one's reaction to the other.

 

[fzfiend77]

I don't know that I have ever felt truly sexy in a physical sense. I suppose that I need to be shown that I'm sexy - or whatever the male equivalent is. As I get older, I definitely feel less so.