A question for the Gentlemen of the forum.

[MacHardy]

Being noticed, being respected. It's as simple as that.

 

[jerrythelad]

Just a smile and a hand on my arm/shoulder can give me shivers

 

[eroticbum]

Never felt sexy. Don't like my reflection in the mirror, don't care for my body or physical features.
I'm comfortable as I am since I have no choice.
If a woman or guy flirts with me I see it as a compliment. Then I wonder what they see.

 

[Twistedkink]

I feel sexy when the woman I’m with is proud of me as a man. By the way I carry myself, to the way I groom myself and the way I treat others. And finally knowing my partner wants me physically and lets me know it. When we’re out it might be knowing look, a subtle erotic touch or a kiss that lingers a little longer. All these things together help make me feel sexy as a man.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Knowing that she's feeling horny.
And that she's watching me...

 

[WeShallUnclench]

Now this is something I do for my spouse, but if you're not doing it already... If there is something about him that you ADORE but he barely even notices or even hates, maybe give him compliments about that? The little bump on his nose, the hair on his arms?
I at least feel that in relationships, that's something that makes you feel accepted, and wanted. Like, carnally. Someone sees you, and specifically like what they see.

If it's sincere, of course, do not go out of your way to compliment his nose hair if he can see right through it

Conversely, if you find nothing really sexy about him physically (you just like his personality), then decide on achievable "goals" he can reach - work out more, gain or lose weight (within reason), and then compliment his achievment.
Outside of pure body stuff, maybe give him tasks and functions and projects that make him feel useful? He can be your "hero" that way, and feel he's earning your approval in a way he can control?
Maybe that will get him more in tune with the idea of being an object of desire?

But most important, you say you wanna "help" him - but do you get the impression he is even interested in being sexy, or doesn't think about it much? If you are just extrapolating from your own wishes ("feeling sexy is important to me"), ask him first to understand his feelings in the matter. Especially the advice about changing his body or behaviour to be more sexy - if he is not on board with that, it would be downright unhinged and could be a disaster for his self-image and your relationship, if you just try that unilaterally.

 

[Inthelastrow]

I don't feel sexy nor have I ever. Quite the opposite. I think men are gorillas and are hardly sexy, me included. My wife says occasionally that I "look nice" if I am all dressed up, but I don't think that equates.

Having said that, I think there is a difference between feeling sexy and feeling or being wanted/desired. If a woman comes on to me, expresses desire for me, touches me (holding hands, hands on shoulder/arm/a caress) or (rare these days) is actually being fucked and satisfied by me, then yes, I feel wanted/desired. Does that equate to being sexy? No, but it's a great feeling never the less and for me more important.

 

[BabyBoomer50s]

Get him a motorcycle. Problem solved.

 

[davion2308]

I'm 42, I'm married, and I feel sexy when I get attention. My wife is 40, she's a career woman, we have several kids, and both our attention is pulled in any number of directions.

But when she focuses on me, sexually or otherwise, it makes me feel good. When she doesn't have a phone in her hand, she's not fielding the nonstop "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" of our three beautiful daughters, she's not scheduling or planning, and she's going out of her way to give me attention ... I feel desirable.

I also feel sexy when other women flirt with me or smile at me. It goes back to having their attention. Someone paying attention to me is what does it.

 

[Britva415]

I feel sexy when I get attention

Yeah, this.

So, when I want to feel sexy, I do things to get sexy attention.

 

[Britva415]

if you find nothing really sexy about him physically (you just like his personality), then decide on achievable "goals" he can reach - work out more, gain or lose weight (within reason), and then compliment his achievment.

This sounds like a major turn-off. Nothing sexy about this at all.

How sexy do women feel when they're given appearance and fitness goals to achieve? How does it feel to get complimented on having burned off two pounds of something unsexy?

Men don't like being put on the spot like this any more than women do. The fact that you don't seem to intend it as judgmental doesn't make it less cringey. If my lover did this to me I'd literally cringe.

 

[likitisplit]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

for me i'd say being a gentleman. also being clean always, kind, thoughtful, generous, tentative coupled with other traits, qualities i was raised in, taught.

 

[Noor]

Being told they are sexy and being told they are sexually wanted esp when it’s not a situation when you can act on it.
Telling them they look good enough to eat or unexpectedly be touched or kissed like in an elevator, dark corner somewhere. I think it’s more a personal interaction thing that a god I’m hot feeling.

 

[Noor]

Sexy men are sexy regardless of their bodies, it’s personality, creativity, the twinkle in their eyes, the fierceness with which you want to have them and how wet they make you when you’re just thinking about them, telling them these things seems to make them feel sexy.

 

[bestkeptsecret678]

Regardless of gender or orientation, I think this is true for just about anybody.

I’m on board with this point. I might be satisfied with my appearance, but don’t feel sexy b/c of my own perception of self. It needs to come from another person; a whispered compliment in public, her hand on my shoulder, or a “look” of approval.

And to the comments earlier, feeling sexy and being horny are different emotions.

 

[cowboyup6977]

When my husband walks into a room no it’s more like he struts into a room and most take notice

 

[AlexBailey]

I got my signals crossed a long time ago.

When I was young I was mistaken for a girl constantly. My sister was into theater, dance, and ice skating and I was a tagalong. The girls always got so much attention for being cute and pretty and I would get it too when people mistook me for a little sister. It had nothing to do with sex - just praise and appreciation and the girlier I presented the more it would happen.

In my early twenties I would get mistaken for a tomboy even when wearing guys clothes. I was even once scolded by an older women for not dressing more “lady like.”

I feel sexiest when I present as a femme male and when someone knows what I am and is into it - and every now and then someone is really into it. I have facial hair now so the only times I’m truly mistaken is from behind. I like being objectified and love it when the occasional man or woman gets flustered and flirts with me like so many are wont to do with pretty women.

All this and yet I am a married father, a contractor in the trades, a business owner and an employer.

 

[Handydan]

I've never strived for or ever though of feeling "sexy". I dress like a man. I work like a man. I treat a lady like a man should. I know women can be attracted to me and that's all I need.

 

[Albby1]

What makes you feel 'sexy'? I asked my guy this and he said he doesn't feel sexy. He just said if he sees the right visual input he likes he's ready to go. But that's just being turned on. Do guys ever feel sexy with themselves apart from outside stimulation? I'm just curious. Trying to help him be more in touch with his carnal side and not feel ashamed. Thanks for reading.

As I get older, my mind has become my turn on, if I'm in a strip bar ... The waitress are more of a turn on
Dirty conversation puts me over the edge,role playing is a great way to get and feel sexy

 

[dkak001]

...we have several kids, and both our attention is pulled in any number of directions.

But when she focuses on me, sexually or otherwise, it makes me feel good. When she doesn't have a phone in her hand, she's not fielding the nonstop "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" of our three beautiful daughters, she's not scheduling or planning, and she's going out of her way to give me attention ... I feel desirable.

This! Stopping everything else to spend time with me is huge.

She's so busy (by putting too much on her proverbial plate, completely self induced) that sex with me just seems a chore. I don't like being an afterthought, or the LAST thing that needs to be dealt with during the day. It doesn't take much. Just grab my ass on the way by, anything that indicates I'm not just in the way.

 

[ctarrantella]

Being confident.
being active and athletic.

truthfully, my wife coming on to me and initiating. It’s usually me that does that.

 

[HornyExecutive]

Feeling safe, secure, and desired really help. As much as I’d hate to admit it, playing into ego also helps…but in the service of showing him you really care and need him.

 

[AchtungNight]

Feeling safe, secure, desired, capable of handling problems, appreciated. Also teased in a good way.

 

[aliencardigan]

Interesting discussion on perspectives. My lovely wife tells me that I'm sexy which I appreciate. Sadly her sexual drive is very low and our sex life is quite limited.
I do feel sexy when I've cammed a couple times and told how hot I look. I also feel sexy when I get to crossdress and appreciate my looks in the mirror. I'm not so naive to think others would feel the same way but this is one way I make me feel good about myself. Sexy is a state of mind.

 

[new2this041]

love this aliencardigan ..... i feel very much the same and in a similar situation