A question for the guys

[DrDon]

Why are so many men terrified of Dominating and hurting women who like that kinda stuff?

Because they do not communicate beforehand. The woman needs to tell him what she exactly wants and not want. Don't make him guess. Over the years, the requests are different and some of it isn't all that rough, they just think it is to them...so COMMUNICATE!!!!

 

[bobgeer]

Very Good Question.....

this question is one that many men (and women) have been asking themselves for a very long time....

for me...it is a question that i have asked myself frequently for the past 30 years...how do i know when i go too far...how do i stop myself in the moment...how can i put myself in the position of the rapist when i love and care for this person very much?

when i was asked for the first time to cause pain to the woman i loved, the first thing that came to my mind was FINALLY!!!!! then i stopped...was her definition of pain the same as mine? did she actually know how far i was thinking of going to cause her pain? after about two months of talking and arguing and fighting and talking some more we thought that we had figured it all out...nope...the night that we finally started to do something, disaster...i went too far...i didn't understand exactly what she wanted....

thankfully, with patience and understanding, we finally made it...after many miscues, and mistakes, and misunderstandings....it was great...i couldnt have asked for more...

now...after the divorce (other circumstances) i find myself in the same boat...only now, i am very cautious about even bringing up the subject.

maybe that will bring a little insight????

 

[justplaying]

Why are so many men terrified of Dominating and hurting women who like that kinda stu

Dominating and hurting are seprate issues. You can dominate without hurting, just as you can hurt without dominating.
It seems the real issue here is causing pain. There are so many ways to cause pain and like most things there are degrees. You can only hurt to a point. Unless the man is a born sadist his natural instinct is not going to be to cause significant pain.
Just like a womans desire to be hurt is an learned behavior so is a mans ability to hurt to the right degree and in the right way. Ive had ladys that were into face slapping and hair pulling, tit torture...hell the list goes on. The most common is the addition of a bit of pain with their sexual pleasure.
If a woman is in to non sexual pain its usually a bondage pain scene. Whips, crops, wax or something along those lines. Then there is the sex pain. Nipple clamps, extreme penetration, play piercing done with a 12 guage piercing needle.
If you, as a woman, desire pain you need to have a steady regular partner you trust. Have open communication where you feel comfortable enough to tell him exactly what you like and to the degree you like it. Then with a bit of experimenting I would hope he has the skills to get it right. Just like there are woman that dont want pain there are men that will never be capable of inflicting it.
Men that take it on themselves to give a lady significant pain without having discussed it will wind up in jail.

As a lady friend of mine use to say, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me."

 

[WyoD_S]

Good questions, with some great answers. Here's my take on it all.

I have not been afraid of hurting, as much as afraid of the consequences for doing so. It begins with my upbringing I suppose, very christian and conservative. It was drummed into me that any hitting or hurting was bad, it was abuse no matter what. Then throw in the legal complications that can arise. Just with those two factors it has been a long process to wrap my mind around the fact that it is ok to do these sorts of things with a willing partner.

I have been with my slave for a little over two years now. We started out with only a moderate D/s relationship. There were alot of limits for both of us. Over the last two years we have talked, and talked, and talked more. Each of those talks expanded our relationship and shrunk our limits. she realized before I did what kind of relationship would suit her mindset the best. After much discussion and soul searching, we are finally living that relationship fully. Part of it was my realizing that it was ok, another part was her realizing it was what she really wanted and needed, the other part was endless discussions to make sure we are on the same page.

Now, we are living what can best be described as total consensual non-consent.