A Safe place to Vent, Cry or Scream

[Rebellious_Sub]

I just wanted you all to know that your not alone. (((hugs))) to all. I'm not ready to share my thoughts here yet, but I did subscribe. Thank you R_S for posting this.

You're very welcome and thank you for subscribing 360 Chick.

Don't rush into posting... I'm already feeling the *sting* of being a bit shunned, and you know what? That's quite alright. Just consider what you post before doing so...

and for the record, I do feel better. I was on the verge of cutting yesterday. It was good friends that helped me, so *group* therapy or no, it helps me to gather around people that DO care.

*hugs for everyone who wants one*

~RS

 

[SirFace]

Even butterfly's need a ride every now and then. Hang in there.

 

[SirFace]

I hope this pic will help a little. I always find sunsets very calming and peaceful.

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

Thank you very much SirFace. I love sunsets and butterflies too.

So very cool.

 

[SirFace]

Thank you very much SirFace. I love sunsets and butterflies too.

So very cool.

When we are out sunbathing in the boat, the monarks fly over our heads, truely inspirational.

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

When we are out sunbathing in the boat, the monarks fly over our heads, truely inspirational.

That sounds so beautiful. Inspirational... yeah, I am sure it is.

 

[poppy1963]

Ah, I'm just curious how you reached that conclusion?


Myself..I hate "group" theropy" to me that means BB's pertainging to such things also.
Just curious.

Well, to each our own is my philosophy. My reluctance was that some nasty one would join in to mock the truth that others share openly about the ups and downs of life. Some people do that to cover their own vulnerability I think but they can truly do damage when one is feeling a little fragile.

Group therapy or therapy period isn't for everyone. We all must find our own solutions and supports. I certainly admire those who are willing to share their stories...but I've also seen the price they can pay online...even if it IS anonymous so to speak.

 

[elizabeth22673]

those are beautiful pictures of the butterflies and the sunset. amazing.

 

[TheGreatRaja]

well here goes nothing I guess. (puts on flame proof suit)

You ladies arent the only ones that are setting on heart breaking scenerios.
My marriage though no fault of anyones it seems is in the proccess of failing. At least in MY eyes. My wife (who I still Love) seems to be oblivious to what is going on in my heart and soul.

Most of the time a feel like a slave, I work and see nothing of it. She hasn't worked in almost two years and shows now signs of getting one. (I'm 42 she's 41. ) She says she wants to work out of the home. I can varily support our family of four on my paycheck. we have had to cut back on so much. I feel trapped almost. She will take off and be gone all day helping her sister or her mother (they do pay for her time) and leave me at home with our daughters like a 2 legged guard dog.

I joined lit for a little excitement to break me out of the dull daily grid of my life. Which is work and home. (which my only escape is the computer/internet) and that is leading me to a dark place...

I have found someone here on Lit that means a lot to me. She knows I am married and the problems that I am going through. She excitements like I haven't been excited in a long time, and I want to be with her.
But then things go horribly wrong... No I haven't broken any vows. We IM and chat via PC phone... Sometimes I just want to run to the wife and beg for her forgiveness and forget all about my online lady.. Yet I cant, I wont.

I know what you are thinking... I am the poor forgotten husband that feels his wife doesn't undertsand him and is looking for a little fun on the side. and that I should beg my wife's forgiveness before I cross that line.

But it's not that simple. Life is not black and white two tone page. My wife knows about my online lady, just not the feelings I have for her. We have talked about me, about how I feel. Long long talks that resolve nothing.

I love my wife, and she loves me. and this is driving me crazy. I am conflicted
I dont want to hurt either of them, yet I want to be happy again

Sorry for the length of this post. I could go one, but I dont know if you ready for that ... or if I am ready to post that..

Just trust me ladies, sometimes us guys hurt as much as you do

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

well here goes nothing I guess. (puts on flame proof suit)

You ladies arent the only ones that are setting on heart breaking scenerios.
My marriage though no fault of anyones it seems is in the proccess of failing. At least in MY eyes. My wife (who I still Love) seems to be oblivious to what is going on in my heart and soul.

Most of the time a feel like a slave, I work and see nothing of it. She hasn't worked in almost two years and shows now signs of getting one. (I'm 42 she's 41. ) She says she wants to work out of the home. I can varily support our family of four on my paycheck. we have had to cut back on so much. I feel trapped almost. She will take off and be gone all day helping her sister or her mother (they do pay for her time) and leave me at home with our daughters like a 2 legged guard dog.

I joined lit for a little excitement to break me out of the dull daily grid of my life. Which is work and home. (which my only escape is the computer/internet) and that is leading me to a dark place...

I have found someone here on Lit that means a lot to me. She knows I am married and the problems that I am going through. She excitements like I haven't been excited in a long time, and I want to be with her.
But then things go horribly wrong... No I haven't broken any vows. We IM and chat via PC phone... Sometimes I just want to run to the wife and beg for her forgiveness and forget all about my online lady.. Yet I cant, I wont.

I know what you are thinking... I am the poor forgotten husband that feels his wife doesn't undertsand him and is looking for a little fun on the side. and that I should beg my wife's forgiveness before I cross that line.

But it's not that simple. Life is not black and white two tone page. My wife knows about my online lady, just not the feelings I have for her. We have talked about me, about how I feel. Long long talks that resolve nothing.

I love my wife, and she loves me. and this is driving me crazy. I am conflicted
I dont want to hurt either of them, yet I want to be happy again

Sorry for the length of this post. I could go one, but I dont know if you ready for that ... or if I am ready to post that..

Just trust me ladies, sometimes us guys hurt as much as you do

*hugs tight* Ok, I will post more indepth after work...

Serious topic here Raja.

~RS

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

Raja,

I'm home from work... lucky you. (lol, I am teasing ya, just a bit, because the whole post might seem too indepth, and teasing is my way of working through the hard stuff...)

Ok..well you mention that you feel that your marriage feels like it is falling apart, yet your wife seems oblivious. Have YOU spoken what's in your heart to her? Have you admitted *fully* what is in your heart to yourself? I ask this because, no matter how close you are to your wife, I am guessing she isn't a mind reader. Or perhaps she has her own feelings on the subject that she hasn't yet expressed to you. Maybe an open, honest (and quite possibly) tearful discussion is needed.


That having been said, reality and online are two quite different things. Know first that (and here is a quote of myself, ) "all is well in cyberland..." There are several reasons that is true and I am sure that to some degree you already know that. People can appear to be whatever they wish, also-- some flat out lie, and allow you to beleive those lies...

Another thing I want to make clear... Depression, life issues, hurts, pain- its all equal opportunity. I do not think I ever said that women had the market on it sweetie. In fact someone very close to me is suffering, and he is a male. So, I do understand... *hugs*

And as I go over your words again, seems that you mention that you DO talk with your wife about what you're feeling.. "Long talks that resolve nothing" ....

Time to think of your own happiness. In the end, you will be hurting your wife, and or your online Lit. Lady as well, unless you - yourself are happy. I know... I KNOW that no matter how much it would hurt me in the moment of the break up, that I would much rather have my man tell me that he is unhappy, that he loves me- but cannot be with me any longer... than for him to *tough it out* for "my sake" ... that would hurt ... forever.

Just my thoughts Raja. I wish you luck, and hope that you can find the strength to do what ever your heart tells you to do. Take care. And thank you for sharing your story with us. *hugs if you want them*

~RS

 

[TheGreatRaja]

Thanks RS, for your kind words. I was expecting a wash of flames that would make most dragons evinious. There is more talk to come, more tears as well. I dont know what the future brings. I just dont want to end up with my wife and daughters hating me for wanting more than what I have now.

It's odd. I have a wife, two lovely daughters, a roof over my head and a hot meal 3 times a day. Some people would kill to have what I am thinking of throwing away. All for the sake of my own happiness.

The main reason I haven't set Her down and siad. "Dear, I love you but I just want to be free." Is I want to give my girls on more christmas togother as a family....

 

[LittleLadyLove]

Hi Raja.....

{{{hugs}}} I hope everything works out for you no matter what you decide

because it sounds like your happy but not happy with the situation.

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

Hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Stay safe and have a good weekend.



Raja, we are here to listen anytime you want to talk. Take care.

 

[gisella]

Hope everyone is doing alright tonight. Stay safe and have a good weekend.



Raja, we are here to listen anytime you want to talk. Take care.

yes we are RS for him and for everyone else as well...have a great day everyone.

 

[FireDrake]

yes we are RS for him and for everyone else as well...have a great day everyone.

I'm not having a good weekend. Don't know why you were nominated to speak for all of us gisella.

 

[elizabeth22673]

Good Morning All~

I am here lurking the last few days. Just wanted to let you know I'm here. Mostly not ready to spill my guts. But am here for anyone who needs me.

((((hugs))))

Liz

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

I'm not having a good weekend. Don't know why you were nominated to speak for all of us gisella.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well FireDrake. *hugs tight* Just hang on and I will IM you.

Good Morning All~

I am here lurking the last few days. Just wanted to let you know I'm here. Mostly not ready to spill my guts. But am here for anyone who needs me.

((((hugs))))

Liz

Good to see you Liz. *hugs* Yeah, I am holding off on posting further issues here as well. But I have been discussing them with some of my friends privately. It's all good.

 

[pookies]

 

[FireDrake]

She mean't "we" are here for you.

I am sorry, I misunderstood then. I read it wrong. Sorry Gisella.

 

[TheGreatRaja]

well people, the shit it the fan tonight on the drive home. When my wife said that she new of my love letters to my lady, as well as some pics and to top it off this site and even maybe this thread...

So I may be looking at the end of and era in my life
and for some reason that doesn't scare me.... which does

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

well people, the shit it the fan tonight on the drive home. When my wife said that she new of my love letters to my lady, as well as some pics and to top it off this site and even maybe this thread...

So I may be looking at the end of and era in my life
and for some reason that doesn't scare me.... which does

I am sorry to hear it, but Raja, perhaps in some ways, you needed the shit to hit the fan? I mean, its always a relief when we can face whatever it is that we are trying to hide from someone... Get things out in the open.

I wish you luck in all that goes forth dear. And you know, we are here for you. Yes, you may be looking at the end of an part of your life, but its also the beginning of a new part... with endings come renewal.

I am sorry if this thread caused you any trouble in your real life, because that was not my intent. Take care, know that we are all here, and will lend an ear to you whenever you need someone.

~RS

 

[TheGreatRaja]

RS, the thread didnt' cause the problem .. And I haven't really said anything to be ashamed of. I spoke my mine and said what i had to say. She didn't explode near as bad as I was expecting...
And I am not hurting near as bad as I should be (emotionaly)

Thanks for letting me vent..

 

[elizabeth22673]

RS, the thread didnt' cause the problem .. And I haven't really said anything to be ashamed of. I spoke my mine and said what i had to say. She didn't explode near as bad as I was expecting...
And I am not hurting near as bad as I should be (emotionaly)

Thanks for letting me vent..

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

RS, the thread didnt' cause the problem .. And I haven't really said anything to be ashamed of. I spoke my mine and said what i had to say. She didn't explode near as bad as I was expecting...
And I am not hurting near as bad as I should be (emotionaly)

Thanks for letting me vent..

Take care Raja.. *hugs*

It will all work out the way it should in the end, as long as all parties are honest to themselves and each other.