AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
In ....
not much different than where i am now.
not much different than where i am now.
A year ago.... where or what were you?
- Thread starter Merelan
- Start date
Catalina, thank you for the nice welcome.
AttentionWhore...bravo for you for being true yourself. Self reliance is the only road to true freedom and being one's own person is it's ultimate reward. The quote is not mine, but I don't know the author to give credit due.
Regards,
Eos
AttentionWhore...bravo for you for being true yourself. Self reliance is the only road to true freedom and being one's own person is it's ultimate reward. The quote is not mine, but I don't know the author to give credit due.
Regards,
Eos
Luna_Wolf72
CinnaWolf circa 2023
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2003
- Posts
- 43,982
A year ago...
I was in love wth a married man..a Dominant personality. This married man left his wife for me. I thought I was happy. Then I found out that he had another child on the way by someone who was NOT his wife.
I put him out in April of last year and fell apart at the seams. Completely, utterly, totally. I felt lost, hurt, abandoned, USED. I miscarried his child in May...tried to kill myself...ended up in the hospital for a little less than 4 days.
I obviously was not thinking clearly.
By August, I had built walls so thick, so high, so well that nothing touched me. I cared about no-one..not even my own children.
It took therapy and zoloft and some other meds to pull me out of that.
I went back to being a Domina..that is what I am...deep down...masochistic tendencies notwithstanding.
Today...I am content, in control, stable, working and making it. I am still a Domina though i have found someone who allows me to open myself back up to the possibility of playing with my maso side.
I have love, laughter, joy.
I am at peace.
Shelly
I was in love wth a married man..a Dominant personality. This married man left his wife for me. I thought I was happy. Then I found out that he had another child on the way by someone who was NOT his wife.
I put him out in April of last year and fell apart at the seams. Completely, utterly, totally. I felt lost, hurt, abandoned, USED. I miscarried his child in May...tried to kill myself...ended up in the hospital for a little less than 4 days.
I obviously was not thinking clearly.
By August, I had built walls so thick, so high, so well that nothing touched me. I cared about no-one..not even my own children.
It took therapy and zoloft and some other meds to pull me out of that.
I went back to being a Domina..that is what I am...deep down...masochistic tendencies notwithstanding.
Today...I am content, in control, stable, working and making it. I am still a Domina though i have found someone who allows me to open myself back up to the possibility of playing with my maso side.
I have love, laughter, joy.
I am at peace.
Shelly
oh life is different in comparison to last march, last year. last year i was still new in the ottawa bdsm community, but also that march, started staying out of it as i started really getting involved in all the anti-war protests and etc.
this march around, i didn't attend a protest i could have went, and back in the bdsm community since december and also now belong to a Domme.
-mellian
this march around, i didn't attend a protest i could have went, and back in the bdsm community since december and also now belong to a Domme.
-mellian
redelicious
Bedroom Bottom
- Joined
- May 21, 2002
- Posts
- 12,939
I am continually touched by the people who are willing to open up and share such personal information here. Thank you.
Last year I was in the totally inconceivable position of fighting to save two relationships that seemed doomed. One was. I'm hoping the other one isn't.
I've since sold a house and bought a new one, traded in my life as stay-at-home-Mommy for a job teaching, and got knocked up.
Sometime in the next two months I'll do a 180 and be home again with the baby, though for how long I don't know.
I still consider myself submissive, if only in my own mind. This is really fine considering my current and soon to be lifestyles.
Last year I was in the totally inconceivable position of fighting to save two relationships that seemed doomed. One was. I'm hoping the other one isn't.
I've since sold a house and bought a new one, traded in my life as stay-at-home-Mommy for a job teaching, and got knocked up.
Sometime in the next two months I'll do a 180 and be home again with the baby, though for how long I don't know.I still consider myself submissive, if only in my own mind. This is really fine considering my current and soon to be lifestyles.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
A year ago....
wow.
I was involved in a training relationship as a submissive while I took a break from the Dom search.
Who knew that in no time, I would be on the other end of the flogger and happier than I ever have been?
Also, I now live in a nice house, not a trailer, am working in a job that is 12 months a year and pays the bills while I am looking upward within the agency.
My children are doing better than ever and life is good, so much better than a year ago.
wow.
I was involved in a training relationship as a submissive while I took a break from the Dom search.
Who knew that in no time, I would be on the other end of the flogger and happier than I ever have been?
Also, I now live in a nice house, not a trailer, am working in a job that is 12 months a year and pays the bills while I am looking upward within the agency.
My children are doing better than ever and life is good, so much better than a year ago.
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
apet4you said:A year ago...
I was in love wth a married man..a Dominant personality. This married man left his wife for me. I thought I was happy. Then I found out that he had another child on the way by someone who was NOT his wife.
I put him out in April of last year and fell apart at the seams. Completely, utterly, totally. I felt lost, hurt, abandoned, USED. I miscarried his child in May...tried to kill myself...ended up in the hospital for a little less than 4 days.
I obviously was not thinking clearly.
By August, I had built walls so thick, so high, so well that nothing touched me. I cared about no-one..not even my own children.
It took therapy and zoloft and some other meds to pull me out of that.
I went back to being a Domina..that is what I am...deep down...masochistic tendencies notwithstanding.
Today...I am content, in control, stable, working and making it. I am still a Domina though i have found someone who allows me to open myself back up to the possibility of playing with my maso side.
I have love, laughter, joy.
I am at peace.
Shelly
Thank you for putting yourself out there for the rest of us.
A year ago I thought I could cope with most anything... Instead I found myself with a critically ill Dom who was in the middle of a relapse in His illness and unable to be there for me when I needed Him.
I have dealth with lost and found that I can endure and found that our relationship has a life of its own. It will never be ideal or what I really want it to be. It is a daily challenge to be with Himself, but as He gains strength and returns to His old self or perhaps a new version, I have learned that I can endure. I am strong.
It has been a long and treacherous road we have traveled in the last six months. We have both survived and I hope we are the better for it.
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Last year....
I was with M, engaged recently, wageslaving full time and hating it, pretty much as I am now, only a lot of my income is now via self employ. In something I really like doing. Really really.
We had just gotten our second kitty.
And the boy's Mom had passed away just then. So it was hard. The cat was a therapeutic impulse buy that's worked out perfectly.
Pretty undramatic.
I was with M, engaged recently, wageslaving full time and hating it, pretty much as I am now, only a lot of my income is now via self employ. In something I really like doing. Really really.
We had just gotten our second kitty.
And the boy's Mom had passed away just then. So it was hard. The cat was a therapeutic impulse buy that's worked out perfectly.
Pretty undramatic.
Luna_Wolf72
CinnaWolf circa 2023
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2003
- Posts
- 43,982
cellis said:
when I was thinking about my past year..I realized that I had been on LIT during some of it and that I spoke to alot of people
concerning the pain and depression. (Hell if one were to do a search from last year, one would find 10 page long conversations with Pixie_Mischief and Master_Vassago)
What you are going through proves my point really...
those who survive are far stronger than they give themselves credit for.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
cellis said:
Isn't it a wonderful feeling?!! For me to come to such moments of realisation I feel it is the reward for the pain which often comes with the survival process....a knowing from deep inside that one more lesson has been learned, one more step on the ladder of life, and usually one more revelation to the understanding of life and all it's big and little challenges.
Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Netzach said:
LOL, I agree.....good therapy to relieve the tension at least every now and then.
Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
As the year draws to a close and unexpected events continue to shape my daily existence I find myself in a reflective mode, ...lol, yes, again!!... and thought I would resurrect this thread. I have to say upfront that 2004 has been both the best and the worst year of my life or at least that is how it feels at this moment in time. I have learnt a lot about life, myself, others, which though I have enjoyed that evloving experience, it has not been without its pain, some of which is still being processed.
I think the biggest thing I have learned is something I felt before but now has a new dimension of understanding and accepting. While life gives us many experiences which we hopefully learn from and continue to grow through, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of filtering those experiences through the lense of regret and lost moments. A balance needs to be maintained, and is not always that easy to do even when we think we are succeeding in that mission, so we do not throw away any more precious life moments and gifts by dwelling on those times and events that have passed and been lost with no chance of changing. Losing ourselves in 'what ifs' only means we are adding more lost moments to the coffer of our lifespan. What has been and gone cannot be changed, but we can learn from them and live better in the here and now.
Now is all we have which we can be sure of....yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. Though not prepared to be trodden on or silenced, I am finding less things worth wasting those precious moments on trying to control or change, and more which are easily let go of and move on from to live my life in peace and happiness. I want to work toward making every moment count, every moment used to it's best advantage...subjective I know but in many situations I would prefer to bend than to waste another moment I can never have back again.
I have found through all the stress of the year that has been, the unexpected life events which have changed me forever and shaped my world in a way it can never be what it once was again, and the tension this has created through all the time of adjustment and psychologically being able to accept (something I am still battling with), one thing in my life has remained true and steady, my Master. Through all those moments when I truly did not deserve his patience he has been there and taken whatever came from me, counted to ten and walked a fine line of what to do when he felt himself challenged, held me close so I knew he was not going anywhere no matter how hard I pushed, how deep I sank, how hard I fought him, how lost I became, and how many times I could not be there for him when he needed me. Because of him and his love I know I am blessed and have something more precious than anything else in this universe. I only hope I have many more years through which I can offer him what he has given to me unconditionally.
Catalina
I think the biggest thing I have learned is something I felt before but now has a new dimension of understanding and accepting. While life gives us many experiences which we hopefully learn from and continue to grow through, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of filtering those experiences through the lense of regret and lost moments. A balance needs to be maintained, and is not always that easy to do even when we think we are succeeding in that mission, so we do not throw away any more precious life moments and gifts by dwelling on those times and events that have passed and been lost with no chance of changing. Losing ourselves in 'what ifs' only means we are adding more lost moments to the coffer of our lifespan. What has been and gone cannot be changed, but we can learn from them and live better in the here and now.
Now is all we have which we can be sure of....yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. Though not prepared to be trodden on or silenced, I am finding less things worth wasting those precious moments on trying to control or change, and more which are easily let go of and move on from to live my life in peace and happiness. I want to work toward making every moment count, every moment used to it's best advantage...subjective I know but in many situations I would prefer to bend than to waste another moment I can never have back again.
I have found through all the stress of the year that has been, the unexpected life events which have changed me forever and shaped my world in a way it can never be what it once was again, and the tension this has created through all the time of adjustment and psychologically being able to accept (something I am still battling with), one thing in my life has remained true and steady, my Master. Through all those moments when I truly did not deserve his patience he has been there and taken whatever came from me, counted to ten and walked a fine line of what to do when he felt himself challenged, held me close so I knew he was not going anywhere no matter how hard I pushed, how deep I sank, how hard I fought him, how lost I became, and how many times I could not be there for him when he needed me. Because of him and his love I know I am blessed and have something more precious than anything else in this universe. I only hope I have many more years through which I can offer him what he has given to me unconditionally.
Catalina
Desdemona
Ellie Mae's evil auntie
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2001
- Posts
- 6,584
I just read what I posted last year. It seems I continue to evolve. I have learned that, no matter how hard I tried, or how hard anyone else tried, I am not suited to poly or to sharing in a significant relationship. I've come to understand that's ok. I've had to let go of a cherished relationship and begin to move forward. I've made a number of personal changes and expect more in the months to come. It's been an interesting ride, full of highs and lows. The journey is far from over and I have no clue what lies for me just around the corner.
Travelintheways
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 176
I was at my university, enjoying a deep friendship and recovering from my broken relationship. Now I am in Paris, slightly scared of the bigness and newness of everything but overjoyed to be here.
I think I've grown up a lot in this foreign city, more self reliant and able to face hard problems. I've also gotten to know more of my limits, physical and otherwise, and I've mentally owned up to being bi and some kind of bdsm pyl.
Beyond that... hm... I'd have to think about it more. Oh, and I won NaNo! I was proud beyond belief.
I think I've grown up a lot in this foreign city, more self reliant and able to face hard problems. I've also gotten to know more of my limits, physical and otherwise, and I've mentally owned up to being bi and some kind of bdsm pyl.
Beyond that... hm... I'd have to think about it more. Oh, and I won NaNo! I was proud beyond belief.
Titania1616
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2002
- Posts
- 593
what a difference a year makes.
a year ago i was a confused and self-doubting mess. I had just come out of a terrible living situation that completely fucked with my mind and my emotions and was trying to adapt to a life with less drama.
I was also in my, i'm not happy like this so i'll try and ignore all sexual impulses and cravings and throw myself into church mode....didn't work but i was giving it my best.
i was alone and unhappy with myself. i didn't like the person i was, and didn't know how to change.
Now i am finally happy being me. before i couldn't have made a list of ten things i liked about myself, now i could go on for quite some time. i'm not vain or egotistical, but now i can recognize all the good things i have to offer....both to myself and to others. I'm once again unattached romantically, but i'm ok with that now, if it comes along that would be fantastic, but i dont need it to make me happy. i can also now say orgasm in public without cringing, i may still blush depending on who i'm talking to, but that's inevitable.
when i talked to college friends and asked if they thought they had changed, they all said they thought they had. last year i couldn't say that, but this year i can.
i cant wait to see what next year brings.
a year ago i was a confused and self-doubting mess. I had just come out of a terrible living situation that completely fucked with my mind and my emotions and was trying to adapt to a life with less drama.
I was also in my, i'm not happy like this so i'll try and ignore all sexual impulses and cravings and throw myself into church mode....didn't work but i was giving it my best.
i was alone and unhappy with myself. i didn't like the person i was, and didn't know how to change.
Now i am finally happy being me. before i couldn't have made a list of ten things i liked about myself, now i could go on for quite some time. i'm not vain or egotistical, but now i can recognize all the good things i have to offer....both to myself and to others. I'm once again unattached romantically, but i'm ok with that now, if it comes along that would be fantastic, but i dont need it to make me happy. i can also now say orgasm in public without cringing, i may still blush depending on who i'm talking to, but that's inevitable.
when i talked to college friends and asked if they thought they had changed, they all said they thought they had. last year i couldn't say that, but this year i can.
i cant wait to see what next year brings.
AnelizeDarkEyes
Lurker Deluxe
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2002
- Posts
- 1,985
A year ago I was still in a job I couldn't stand, and so burned out that I was even questioning if I needed to leave nursing altogether.
JM had just headed back home after a long visit here for Thanksgiving and we were still doing the LDR thing...however, plans were in the works for him to move down in February.
Where am I today?
Dayum, what a difference a year has made.
JM moved down in February, and we finally commenced the 24/7 D/s relationship we'd been talking about and working on LDR for a year. Life is GOOD!
In March I got a huge promotion, and not only did it get me into a job I love, it reinforced my faith in my profession as well.
In October, he asked me to marry him. We're getting married February 19, 2005; almost two years to the day we met on Lit.
It's been a HELL of a year
~anelize
JM had just headed back home after a long visit here for Thanksgiving and we were still doing the LDR thing...however, plans were in the works for him to move down in February.
Where am I today?
Dayum, what a difference a year has made.
JM moved down in February, and we finally commenced the 24/7 D/s relationship we'd been talking about and working on LDR for a year. Life is GOOD!
In March I got a huge promotion, and not only did it get me into a job I love, it reinforced my faith in my profession as well.
In October, he asked me to marry him. We're getting married February 19, 2005; almost two years to the day we met on Lit.
It's been a HELL of a year
~anelize
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
Smiles quietly ... whispers, "You go girl. You too J..."AnelizeDarkEyes said:In October, he asked me to marry him. We're getting married February 19, 2005; almost two years to the day we met on Lit.
It's been a HELL of a year
~anelize
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
better digs, free of the day gig, taking on a slave at a distance that M is attracted to and seems to enjoy --
the idea that maybe we could grow into a poly family of some kind is not totally impossible, but not quite ironed out either....looking forward to seeing how this goes...
about to learn rope suspension finally at a workshop in February, woo hoo!
realizing, truly, that my family is and will always be insane, and there's no changing it....
reconnecting with old vanilla friends, gladly, pulled back from the leather scene locally, traveling more nationally and sampling the offerings of the east coast more often...more my speed and style...
about 4 different income streams being started/managed, looking more towards the life of a fetish photographer and trying to "fill my stable" with 5 good, consistant, fun clients max...
feeling adult finally at 31. It suddenly clicked, I woke up and said "I'm grown up now" and I didn't feel like it was an act. Cool.
the idea that maybe we could grow into a poly family of some kind is not totally impossible, but not quite ironed out either....looking forward to seeing how this goes...
about to learn rope suspension finally at a workshop in February, woo hoo!
realizing, truly, that my family is and will always be insane, and there's no changing it....
reconnecting with old vanilla friends, gladly, pulled back from the leather scene locally, traveling more nationally and sampling the offerings of the east coast more often...more my speed and style...
about 4 different income streams being started/managed, looking more towards the life of a fetish photographer and trying to "fill my stable" with 5 good, consistant, fun clients max...
feeling adult finally at 31. It suddenly clicked, I woke up and said "I'm grown up now" and I didn't feel like it was an act. Cool.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
A year ago I was living in Hell's Suburb having just moved from Hell Proper where I'd spent nearly a year being terrorized by slumlords. All in all it was nearly two years of misery - panic attacks, depression and isolating myself more and more from the world. I had friends who thought I'd just left town.
Here I am a year later in a new and happier place not just physically but psychologically. I'm reclaiming my health and I have discovered things about myself over the past year that have given me a much stronger confidence.
Much of that is due to conversations I've had with Litsters -- not advice so much as finally being able to explore ideas that I'd had for years but which I was sure I'd never be able to share with anyone else. Finding out I'm not totally alone in my perversion, finding intelligent, fascinating people I admire who also find me interesting -- I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that exerpience has been.
I'm fast becoming hell on wheels and I fucking love it.
-B
Here I am a year later in a new and happier place not just physically but psychologically. I'm reclaiming my health and I have discovered things about myself over the past year that have given me a much stronger confidence.
Much of that is due to conversations I've had with Litsters -- not advice so much as finally being able to explore ideas that I'd had for years but which I was sure I'd never be able to share with anyone else. Finding out I'm not totally alone in my perversion, finding intelligent, fascinating people I admire who also find me interesting -- I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that exerpience has been.
I'm fast becoming hell on wheels and I fucking love it.
-B
Little Bird
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2003
- Posts
- 1,071
The end of the Year comes near and I can remember easily the Morning on last January 1st.
I sat in the living room with my family and I realized that next Year this time my life would be totaly changed. I still live in my parents house, but it's not the same house as at the beginnig of the year. I finished school, but this is the only thing that I would have expected then.
I did find my first real love and even nothing searious came out of it, I still found a true friend, I would never want to miss.
But I also found out about my bisexuallity, tried to get a man into bet just for fun (glad I did not managed it, now), got interested in anal sex and the passion of pain.
I also came to Hevy Metal and Gothic.
I don't think I had made any mistakes by then, but probably I would have feared the one I now am...
I sat in the living room with my family and I realized that next Year this time my life would be totaly changed. I still live in my parents house, but it's not the same house as at the beginnig of the year. I finished school, but this is the only thing that I would have expected then.
I did find my first real love and even nothing searious came out of it, I still found a true friend, I would never want to miss.
But I also found out about my bisexuallity, tried to get a man into bet just for fun (glad I did not managed it, now), got interested in anal sex and the passion of pain.
I also came to Hevy Metal and Gothic.
I don't think I had made any mistakes by then, but probably I would have feared the one I now am...
a year ago?
well if THIS post stays here....i lost an ad put up...
a year ago i was in calif. w/ my Mistress and was going through the holidays in hope i would be there forever.....but-----
here i am,.......back home/ unowned.....and iso again.
maybe the next One won't be a pro.....and will actually be looking for ME and not my wallet. but i wont discuss that here.
i learned a lot about myself betwwen april and december of last year...
i know that i am not part of the ''players'' group. i just have no feelings....desires.....for ''play''.
i am just a domestic houseboy.....and consider myself a professional houseboy....but we can talk about that later.
last year i was getting more and more into my female side.....and was enjoying leaving my maleself behind..........but Mistress wouldn't allow me to be female 100% of the time....
anywhoway..................
yes,.........i have undergone a lot of changes since last year....and probably going to be going through a whole lot more before its over...
so hey........happy holidays to Y/you all.......
garylee
well if THIS post stays here....i lost an ad put up...
a year ago i was in calif. w/ my Mistress and was going through the holidays in hope i would be there forever.....but-----
here i am,.......back home/ unowned.....and iso again.
maybe the next One won't be a pro.....and will actually be looking for ME and not my wallet. but i wont discuss that here.
i learned a lot about myself betwwen april and december of last year...
i know that i am not part of the ''players'' group. i just have no feelings....desires.....for ''play''.
i am just a domestic houseboy.....and consider myself a professional houseboy....but we can talk about that later.
last year i was getting more and more into my female side.....and was enjoying leaving my maleself behind..........but Mistress wouldn't allow me to be female 100% of the time....
anywhoway..................
yes,.........i have undergone a lot of changes since last year....and probably going to be going through a whole lot more before its over...
so hey........happy holidays to Y/you all.......
garylee
