A year ago.... where or what were you?

[Her sissy slave]

a yr ago?

merelan;
1. How have you changed this past year? Are you happy with it?

2. Who here helped in that change? Or maybe we are just playthings to while away your time, and that's fine too. We need rest time, play time to balance life.

=========
how? i have found out more about myself.. good and bad.
happy? not yet! doubt i will be soon. i have looked since 1998 and no luck yet..
who helped? ehh a few varied ones. one is a Mentor-friend i talk to once in awhile online.
play time? nope. havent played yet. no one is interested in a service boy yet, let alone teach me play.
rest time? i am too keyed up 24/7 to rest. i am an type A behavior anal person. getting better with meds for my o.c.d and dealing with my p.t.s.d alone....
some day????

a slave

 

[Seduce]

A year ago I was pretty much where and how I am now..... only not employed.

But 4 years ago, I was freshly divorced, bitter, and hating males. I would freak out at bare possibility that any of those creatures would think of "chaining" me again. Having one night stands and enjoying it very much, but running away whenever someone would show signs of any intensions to make it permanent.

And I was hooked on the internet, chatting and surfing day and night.

Then I heard someones voice on the microphone in voice-chatroom one night..... and I swore to myself I must have that man at least for one night.
It was a tough chase - distance, life experience that made us suspicious both, out internal worries, his others jelaous female chat-friends - all was set to keep us apart. In the process of getting closer to him I was getting to be very much in love as well.

I made it, I got him, we are married for almost 3 years now, and I am not letting him go ever.
But it did change my life completely.

 

[Her sissy slave]

Seduce!

now THAT is what i call a good story. You go!
She got-Her-man.!
yeah!

damn now THAT makes me happy to know someone found happiness.

wow.

thanks

a slave

 

[Liana26]

One year ago I was single, fresh out of high school and working in a cosmetics store to earn a few extra dollars before college started.

 

[CutieMouse]

I keep trying to think of how to sum up the last year. It's too freaking complex. LOL

So all I'll say is I am finally *ME*. And it feels a lot better than I used to.

The above was what I posted last December.

Come August I'll have my one year "anniversary" of deciding to leave my marriage.

I'm about to move to Memphis, to work with books (soon thereafter/eventually with rare books). I'm about to attend a class at The Walters Art Museum on illuminated manuscripts. I believe I'll be there on the actual date I decided to leave now that I think of it... I've lost weight, I have direction, I'm happy, I have hope for my future, I've explored the submissive me that I've always felt in tune with, I've set that aside for the time being (because I've got too much crap to study/a move to coordinate), I've gone to a couple munches, found some strength, figured out how to work with my ex as a co-parent, and discovered that it really *is* ok to put myself first.

... I'm scared shitless, more thankful than I will ever be able to express for certian people in my life, and excited as hell. I envisioned a happier life when I decided it was time to be single again, but I never anticipated ending up *here* so soon.

 

[catalina_francisco]

The above was what I posted last December.

Come August I'll have my one year "anniversary" of deciding to leave my marriage.

I'm about to move to Memphis, to work with books (soon thereafter/eventually with rare books). I'm about to attend a class at The Walters Art Museum on illuminated manuscripts. I believe I'll be there on the actual date I decided to leave now that I think of it... I've lost weight, I have direction, I'm happy, I have hope for my future, I've explored the submissive me that I've always felt in tune with, I've set that aside for the time being (because I've got too much crap to study/a move to coordinate), I've gone to a couple munches, found some strength, figured out how to work with my ex as a co-parent, and discovered that it really *is* ok to put myself first.

... I'm scared shitless, more thankful than I will ever be able to express for certian people in my life, and excited as hell. I envisioned a happier life when I decided it was time to be single again, but I never anticipated ending up *here* so soon.

Congratulations!! Is an empowering feeling huh?!! A lot of people do not realise how difficult it can be to make that step, and then to put your life on a track which is fulfilling and validating all you knew you could be...and still be a mum!!

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

A year ago I was in the wrong place mentally, and hiding it from everyone, even myself.

Its only now I realise just how off-course I was going.

I was still recovering from a break-down that I hadn't actually realised had happened.

Wrong job, wrong person and pressure from all directions including the self-imposed kind.

I am calmer now, lose my temper less often and don't resort to shouting (still working on the sulking bit).

I am happier now about myself than I have been for a long time, if ever.

A friend has commented she is pleased 'I'm back'

I have started to stand up to my family and not feel pressured into telling them everything or felling guilty when I keep things back from them.

I am learning not to worry when people become silent, it doesn't mean something bad is going to happen or unpleasant words will said.

Alot of the change has to do with my own acceptance of all the differing and sometimes conflicting aspects of myself.

Alot of the internal changes have been happening slowly over the 18 mths.

Meeting Andante and being able to feel both free yet enslaved, knowing he accepts all the facets of me, even those that annoy him at times.

I feel mentally safe for the first time in a very long time.
I don't have to make every decision and carry everything alone

I envisage the next step in my life being with Andante and our families.

The physical placement of where we are now or end up being is not relevant, developing as a couple Dominant and slave, people who care about each other enough not to let them shoulder things alone; that to me is the important part.

Its taken a long time to get here but it was worth it.

 

[kerker_miester]

a year ago

A year ago I was in my second year as a learning new Dom, married to my sub for 19 years. We had started building a house, I was working hard to earn the money needed and build at the same time. She was trying to start a new bussiness of her own, but it was not going well. She also helped me work on the house, took care of the place while I slept I worked 11pm to 7am. Well thats where I was, I wont bore anyone again with what happened this year. I will say I learned alot I know I have alot to learn yet. I hope to be able to keep fulfilling the needs of a sub. Maybe oneday

 

[O'Mac]

1. How have you changed this past year? Are you happy with it?

2. Who here helped in that change? Or maybe we are just playthings to while away your time, and that's fine too. We need rest time, play time to balance life.

1. I've changed quite a bit over the past year. Some for the good, some for the bad. I've had to leave my adoptive country (Scotland) and come back to the same city I grew up (where for years I tried everything I could to leave). I've had to give up on a dream career and make do with a more down-to-earth occupation. It's not much, but it gets the bills paid, I suppose. The only thing that has truly made me happy in the past year was meeting my girlfriend and starting up a very interesting and very loving relationship with her. I think that even with the lows I've gone through in the past 12 months, I would still do it all over again if it meant I would have her in the end.

2. I'm relatively new on the boards but already I've learned quite a lot. I've figured out how far I want my relationship to go, what sort of activities I think I'll enjoy, and what I want from her as a partner. The boards here are definitely a nice place to while away a few spare moments, but are also invaluable in a lot of ways for a beginner getting into the scene. It's always good to get some lively conversaton and debate going on as well, just to get a larger scope of what people think and do.

 

[catalina_francisco]

The usual bump for this one....

 

[Netzach]

LOL last year I posted on this just before I got really really fucking sick!

A year ago I was about to get sicker than I'd ever been.

Now I hope I don't get that sick again, but I've learned the skills of being sick. Now I react to it with anger, annoyance, decisiveness, despair, but not panic and fear anymore.

 

[Bandit58]

LOL last year I posted on this just before I got really really fucking sick!

A year ago I was about to get sicker than I'd ever been.

Now I hope I don't get that sick again, but I've learned the skills of being sick. Now I react to it with anger, annoyance, decisiveness, despair, but not panic and fear anymore.

A year ago I wasn't aware that Master was going to keep getting sick.....I learned how to take care of Him at home and to recognise the warning signs so that we can start treatment asap. We react much the same as you Netzach.....swear a lot, get frustrated and pissed off, but then we get down to it and do the best we can

I also lost my father in March..... I was able to go back to NZ and visit him before he died......the next trip back was to go to his funeral.

I've also experienced a lot more of the lifestyle - we went to a play party where I got caned , met other people in the lifestyle, bought new toys. I found a lovely friend (female) and had some great playtimes with her. Despite all the down time with Master's illness we still managed to have lots of fun together and the love we share has only grown over the two years of our relationship

 

[FurryFury]

A year ago I was just learning about BDSM. I was enjoying the research and experimentation. I weighed about 20-30 pounds more. I was excited and hot all the time.

I'm still learning. I'm still excited and hot. I am feeling a lot more in sync with my husband though. I'm feeling a lot more peaceful about many things.

Fury

 

[Still Falling]

1. How have you changed this past year? Are you happy with it?

In the past year i have changed in a lot of ways; i find myself almost unrecognizable now!

February last year i was at one of my lowest points in life. i had walked out on my marriage of seven years (to the first girl that i had ever kissed) just over twelve months before – but even though that was absolutely the right decision i was still very bitter, self loathing and desperately alone. i’d had some internet dating experience that had all ended fairly badly – and had found my desperation to leap into bad situations was not abating.

My career, the part of my life that i had held together well during the pain of my marriage, had also taken a serious beating in the past six months. i had been subjected to a very isolating five month period of investigation which in the end resulted with an adverse finding. This was very difficult to accpet and took a large amount of joy out of my day to day living.

That isn’t to say that i was completely helpless. i had kept going to the gym and was getting into the best shape of my life, having lost a total of about 15kg and but on some tone. Even though work in a lot ways was very hard i planned to turn around my image and went out and bought a few suits and ties. But underneath this determination i was becoming increasingly self-hating and becoming more and more reckless with some of my choices. For example by Easter time, after having made some progress on resuscitating my career i then foolishly went and had a drunken one night stand with a girl i was managing. Then almost made it worse by rationalizing that i had some real feelings for her!

Then when i certainly wasn't expecting anything M’lady entered my life.

There were initially for me a huge number of things why i hesitated in pursuing a relationship with Her – but those all quickly seemed worth the risks – plus i kind of liked the idea of just being wanted for a fling. But in that first week, shortly after our first kiss while we were talking – She saw straight through me and called me a ‘Chameleon’ and i was Hers from that moment.

Over the last ten months She has unlocked my defenses and broken down a vast number of personal fears and judgments that were choking me. For the first time in life i have found some real, concrete happiness. She also untangled my messed up sexuality. From being so fucked up that i couldn’t even ask for a blow job (and had never had one at almost 30) – i now beg for Her to bite my nipple and beat me for Her own pleasure.

From having absolutely no knowledge of or inclination that i could find fulfillment in BDMS, i have now committed myself as Her slave. i am also much happier within myself and my own life. i have let go of so much anger at myself, at my family and at my ex-wife. i feel some passion for life now and i know that i am a much more complete and healthy man. i know that even if my enthrallment to Her ends, that She has left Her permanent mark on me that has allowed me to grow into my own strength of being.

She is the absolute love of my life, i adore and worship Her, i find Her touch mesmerizing, Her intelligence amazing, Her body blissfully beautiful, and Her soul gleaming passionate. i’m Still Falling for Her and hope that i never stop.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bump....

 

[SpectreT]

A year ago, I was the same guy, doing the same things, in roughly the same place (moves of less than sixty miles don't count, and changing companies while essentially doing the same thing doesn't count, either).

The year before that, ditto.

Same for the year before that.

Gotta go back almost twenty years to find any changes worth speaking of, frankly.

 

[the captians wench]

One year ago I was facing being kicked out of my mom's place with no where to go. My ex was still giving me a run around on how we were to procede with seperation. I felt alone, scared, had practically no skills and no confidence.

Now i have my own apt. I was promoted early this year and I'm looking at another earlly next. I have sold costumes that are of my own design, have a portfolio made up, and am working on something a bit more stable with that. I am filled with confidence, maybe too much some times *giggles*, and I'm 100lbs lighter. And even tho my love is an ocean away, I am absolutely head over heals for him and am happier than I'm been in many years. Over all, this has been a great year.

 

[shy slave]

The physical placement of where we are now or end up being is not relevant, developing as a couple Dominant and slave, people who care about each other enough not to let them shoulder things alone; that to me is the important part.

Its taken a long time to get here but it was worth it.

I wrote this in June 05.

This sentence proved to be very important in the time after this post.

A year ago I was trying to cope with the loss of my son who drowned after a night out.

It was an impossible time, too painful to put on Lit, a place I feel able to say many things.

I was dreading Christmas, going out of the house and seeing gifts I would not be buying for him was a personal hell.

During that time Andante was amazing, he was still grieving his wife who died before we met, so our joint grief for different people seemed impossible to overcome to those looking in on our relationship. he flew over immediately and supported me beyond anything I would have expected from anyone.

I did not have to shoulder my grief alone, and yet there are aspects that are so alone you cannot share them because the words do not exist.

In the past year I have given up my career in the care industry and set up my own business.
I tried returning to university and hated it, I have spent too much time distancing myself from the real world out there.

Now I am looking at what to do next with my career/job, with one eye on the future in Denmark.

From a D/s POV we are stronger than ever.
We have seen each other at our worst possible moments and survived the fury of each others temper.
Throughout the past year physical serving and submission has been all I can cope with, my mind is now starting to crave the mental release it had before my sons death.

Now he is very much back in control of moving us forward together as a couple.
Nothing can bring my son back, and so much has happened to me emotionally since that occurred.
In many ways I am a different person, but somewhere lurking underneath I know I am coming out of where I have been.

 

[Netzach]

A year ago I was looking in the mirror and seeing a non-swollen face I recognized. However about a third of my hair had fallen out. That was uncool, but what can you do. (It has since come back)

I was about to sit down to a normal, wheat and sugar laden thanksgiving meal and not get sick from it. That was cool.

The whole year has been very much dedicated to regaining a sense of "normal" which is transient with an autoimmune illness, but boy do you learn to LOVE those things you took for granted for so long. It's funny, a lot of SM things really moved to the backburner, maybe in the spirit of regaining this very baseline normalcy. I'm first beginning to desire them again strongly now - maybe I'm living proof of Maslov's hierarchy.

SM relieves some of the low-grade stress for me, but when the serious existential stressors come out it really takes a back seat. I'm not sure what this means.

I was also in the planning stages of a trip to NYC. I was on the business plan to become the best Dominatrix in the world.

Now in a period of "normalcy" and disenchantment, I don't even take sessions any longer.

Clearly things change and fluctuate.