Addiction Anyone?

[s'lara]

i turned it over in my own head and my answer doesn't have much depth, but here it is: discovery.

Much like happening on the fact that masturbation feels good. You marvel at the fact that a) you can do it as often as you like and b) your sex is not just something you use to urinate with. This may not be how we all felt about discovering masturbation, but its a common occurence. i think a few of us recall rubbing/jerking ourselves raw until we learned that moderation isn't death.

my point. When many people find something that meets a need, whether it's bdsm related or not, the discovery ignites our craving for it. Sure, sometimes, our cravings taper off to manageable levels. However, there are some things we discover that only serve to increase our cravings; often becoming a driving force in our lives.

Discovering an act which satisfies consistently, without dwindling in effectiveness, is a rare find. It's no surprise when we turn to that rare find over and over seeking relief, satisfaction, and possibly the initial feeling we had when the find was first discovered. For some of us, pain is the crown jewel in a complex piece. For others, Dominance is the comfort zone that never fails to appease. Whatever our addiction, the discovery is what opened the door and our constant craving is the result of connecting on a visceral level with our previously untapped needs. i guess that can be likened to addiction and certainly seems fits what we've talked about thus far.

lara

 

[blackwatch1881]

I never really thought it as an addiction before reading this. but the more I think about it the more I realise it is. And for that I thank you.

Also it helps I supose that I know I'm not the only one. Its been a few years now that I've tried denying that I am sub and trying to live vanilla again. but the longer I leave it the more it tears me apart.

It is true, as with chocolate... one little taste is all you need (two years of in fact) you cant go back and pretend that it never happened, its as though theres something missing.

 

[Bandit58]

Though I have yet to have a real full-on session, the little bits of "play" we have engaged in (learning to deep throat, hair holding/pulling, spanking) has left me wanting much more. I have noticed a restlessness if we haven't engaged in any Master/sub play for more than a day or two......

Although Master and I live together, our D/s has been limited by His chronic health problems. Some days He can hardly get out of bed But the thrill I get when He is well enough to play a little, is wonderful......then I am His slut, totally

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmm, seems my addiction is growing.....just seem to want and crave more of everything, and have definately realised I am addicted to him.

Catalina

 

[cock whore]

was just discussing this last night...

with my best friend and asking if he felt i was slipping into the proverbial addiction phase... to the point where it was physically painfull in a mental way, distracting from life, and altering my mind...

I'm right here with the rest of you ladies (& boys)...

It is worse when you are not currently owned

 

[FurryFury]

Hi!

I'm FurryFury and I'm an addict.

Fury

 

[His_pita]

That ache is quite relevant for me. If i am without it for too long, i find myself pushing the speed limit just to get home faster. i love submitting to my Master. i don't just WANT to ... i NEED to. He is my first Master. i practiced much patience in seeking Him. Once i had submitted to Him and felt the first wave of pain sweep over me at His hands ... i KNEW i would crave it again, and again ... infinitely. i love chocolate too but it has never made my entire body quiver in anticipation at the memory of it's taste nor has it ever made me a dripping wet wanton mess, as my need for Master's touch has/does.

*Sigh* That is just what I want.


I already have a very addictive personality. I have been addicted to food, drugs, and cigarettes just to name the worst. I haven't yet had the pleasure of pain at the hands of my Sir, but I can anticipate how much I will like it. I hadn't thought that it would become addicting and that it would be something I needed to be careful with. I will send this thread to him so he can read it.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I think everyone who has posted has expressed it really well, but wanted to add my 2 cents. I think anything that is pleasurable is addictive. Like others here, I, too, have an addictive personality. I'm not one of those people who can do things in moderation - all or nothing. I find myself thinking more and more about a 24/7 D/s relationship. But also know myself, so I find myself backing away from it out of fear of my own addictive personality. The longer it is for me, the more I find myself thinking about it, getting edgy and even depressed sometimes. For me the struggle becomes how to work it out in my own mind so that I won't feel completely crazy:
Will I become completely obsessed if I do get into a 24/7 D/s relationship?
Will I continue to obsess if I don't get into a 24/7 D/s relationship?
Would I ever survive emotionally/psychologically in a non-D/s relationship?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Sure it's addictive and sure you may become obsessed .. or a least driven. D/s is a perfect obsession for us hedonists. I could tell you stories about passion denied but will spare you all.

What I will say is it's the most divine of all Erotic experiences and it's legal in some areas.

I think everyone who has posted has expressed it really well, but wanted to add my 2 cents. I think anything that is pleasurable is addictive. Like others here, I, too, have an addictive personality. I'm not one of those people who can do things in moderation - all or nothing. I find myself thinking more and more about a 24/7 D/s relationship. But also know myself, so I find myself backing away from it out of fear of my own addictive personality. The longer it is for me, the more I find myself thinking about it, getting edgy and even depressed sometimes. For me the struggle becomes how to work it out in my own mind so that I won't feel completely crazy:
Will I become completely obsessed if I do get into a 24/7 D/s relationship?
Will I continue to obsess if I don't get into a 24/7 D/s relationship?
Would I ever survive emotionally/psychologically in a non-D/s relationship?

 

[CorsetLvr]

I wonder if this is a combination of psychological addition as well as physical addiction as a result of the endorphin rush a sub experiences during pain play? Endorphins are opiates and the side effects mentioned earlier in the post do sound very similar to drug withdrawl. Just an idea.

 

[s_red830]

What about submission? Does anyone here experience not only an addiction to pain, but to the D/s dynamic? I think BeachGurl mentioned something along those lines...

And what exactly does "detox" consist of?

Curious minds need to know. But seriously... I want to know how to manage it if it becomes a problem for me.

 

[Netzach]

What about submission? Does anyone here experience not only an addiction to pain, but to the D/s dynamic? I think BeachGurl mentioned something along those lines...

And what exactly does "detox" consist of?

Curious minds need to know. But seriously... I want to know how to manage it if it becomes a problem for me.

For me, detoxification consists of anything that makes me feel inferior, neophyte, not in control. So, maybe it's being out in the great outdoors, or trying to make something I've never tried to make before, or reading anything about the sciences - those will do it.

 

[s_red830]

For me, detoxification consists of anything that makes me feel inferior, neophyte, not in control. So, maybe it's being out in the great outdoors, or trying to make something I've never tried to make before, or reading anything about the sciences - those will do it.

dualy noted and recorded. thanks.

 

[neonflux]

I think that all of us have a deep need for connection and that BDSM, because of it's intensity, can certainly result in cravings. Sex of any kind can become an addition because when good it is so pleasurable. My primary isn't kinky and we still touch each other deeply - and have very intense and satisfying sex. We don't live with each other and I miss him for a long time whenever we part.

However, I have another take on this, also being new. Is what you are feeling addiction or a temporary obsession? Only you can answer this, but consider...

There is SO much to learn, so many skills to develop. I want to practice flogging everyday so that I will get better at it. If I had enough space to practice with a singletail, I'd to that, too. I like researching toys and fetish wear and figuring out my next purchase. For me, posting here has become a little addictive right now because I am trying so hard to figure it all out. Going to events has, also, because I am a social person and like being part of a community - I also like watching others play and learning from them. I do think that this obsession will probably ebb and flow as I "grow in kink" and eventually I will be able to bring it into balance within my life.

For right now, I am just enjoying it

 

[catalina_francisco]

However, I have another take on this, also being new. Is what you are feeling addiction or a temporary obsession? Only you can answer this, but consider...

LOL, for me it is addiction. I have been 24/7 for just over 4 years, and dabbling about a year and a half before that and it is not easing off. There are days when I would do just about anything to get my fix, but even then it has to come from the one I am with, not just anyone on hand. Before we were able to be together 24/7, he gave me the option to play with others to fill the spot, but I just wasn´t interested in playing with anyone else once I had committed to him, and he found he felt the same. Without his involvement, it doesn´t touch that internal craving and need.

Catalina

 

[BeachGurl2]

Sure there is a level of addiction. And I can relate to the obsession comments, too, as I felt way obsessed when I first was discovering what I needed. For now, probably because it has been about 9 months since I was in a D/s relationship, I find myself thinking more about the D/s side of things than the BDSM side of things. Probably because I need D/s to feel complete - whether in or out of the bedroom. For me, it's more the type of relationship than the pain side of things. While I very much enjoy that side, I can live without most of it. It is the D/s that I cannot live happily without.

 

[s_red830]

However, I have another take on this, also being new. Is what you are feeling addiction or a temporary obsession?

For now, the posting, like you said, I think is a temporary obsession. I have the same feeling about my forays... I go in cycles of obsession, and I figure this one will level out eventually as well.

 

[submissiveknight]

Sometimes it's really hard to handle! I sat down and decided one day just not to fret about it anymore! It's Her decision, I'm pretty much powerless about it!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think that it parallels addiction, but I don't know that it is the same thing...

As I said in the other thread, Methinks this would be an interesting Masters' Thesis.

 

[Bredon]

As BDSM is closely connected to sex, I'd say that the same definition that hold true for sex, can be applied here--
like was said- when we first discover sex it's pretty overwhelming too. And sex *can* be addictive in people who tend to become addicted to stuff.
Sex and being in love has been called "naturally mental deranged craving"-- I think when you are in love/have a crush the brain actually behaves in a crazy way. ut nobody would call being crushed or having an intense affair an addiction.
Though it can turn into an addiction, when you
loose control more or less completely
when you give up your ethic rules just to get what you need
when it has a destructive influence on your life
when it changes your personality in a negative way
when you literally can't live without it (and not just feel down or cranky but get suicidal/murderous)

a bit OT:

All this makes me think a lot because I had an online D/S relationship a while ago, and as it was the first real D/S thing for both of us, it was pretty overwhelming. My sub went into huge emotional turmoil, states that I couldn't understand at the time, but that I recognize now from other "sub drop" etc posts. I had *no* idea that mere online BDSM could cause such intense reactions-- and I feel pretty guilty that I couldn't catch hir the way ze would have needed-- (which wouldn't have been easy anyway because of the online thing)
On the other hand, I never lost myself completely in the craving while ze did that-- and ze has had experineces with other addictions-- while I seem to be pretty addiction resistant (knock on wood).

I do understand that physical pain can be addictive, because of the brain chemicals-- and I would try to proceed with caution, and slowly. But this was more or less completely about D/S-- and though I like to inflict pain, it's not so much intense pain but rather the control that comes with pain inflicting that gets me off--

Red--you asked if D/S can be addictive too--
Generally speaking, I believe that everything on this planet can be addictive when you tend to loose control with things and go over your boundaries regularly. This is why I find edge play and pushing problematic-- I wouldn't want to go into certain territory-- if only because logic says that you can't go on forever, you will a point sooner or later where things become dangerous.

But-- I don't think that something is an addiction just because you have an intense craving to do it-- f.e. when a composer *needs* to compose or ze will get really depressed if ze doesn't - when ze thinks of it all the time, and when the need is never completely fulfilled-- this is not an addiction.
But there were artists like Glen Gould (name?) who lost themselves in things--

Maybe that's what I mean-- when you start to loose yourself, not just for a scene, but in daily life, when you can't come back regularly, then it's destructive, and then it's an addiction - my 2cts.

Bredon

 

[neonflux]

LOL, for me it is addiction. I have been 24/7 for just over 4 years, and dabbling about a year and a half before that and it is not easing off. There are days when I would do just about anything to get my fix, but even then it has to come from the one I am with, not just anyone on hand. Before we were able to be together 24/7, he gave me the option to play with others to fill the spot, but I just wasn´t interested in playing with anyone else once I had committed to him, and he found he felt the same. Without his involvement, it doesn´t touch that internal craving and need.

Catalina

Ah, but deep love is always an addiction, isn't it?

 

[neonflux]

...All this makes me think a lot because I had an online D/S relationship a while ago, and as it was the first real D/S thing for both of us, it was pretty overwhelming. My sub went into huge emotional turmoil, states that I couldn't understand at the time, but that I recognize now from other "sub drop" etc posts. I had *no* idea that mere online BDSM could cause such intense reactions-- and I feel pretty guilty that I couldn't catch hir the way ze would have needed-- (which wouldn't have been easy anyway because of the online thing)
On the other hand, I never lost myself completely in the craving while ze did that-- and ze has had experineces with other addictions-- while I seem to be pretty addiction resistant (knock on wood)....

...Maybe that's what I mean-- when you start to loose yourself, not just for a scene, but in daily life, when you can't come back regularly, then it's destructive, and then it's an addiction - my 2cts.

Bredon

Bredon, I do agree with your definition of it's interfering with other portions of your life. How is your former sub doing now, if you're in touch. Re: guilt, I would have felt the same, although there is absolutely nothing you could have done ahead of time to know what was happening. Neon

 

[s_red830]

Red--you asked if D/S can be addictive too--
Generally speaking, I believe that everything on this planet can be addictive when you tend to loose control with things and go over your boundaries regularly. This is why I find edge play and pushing problematic-- I wouldn't want to go into certain territory-- if only because logic says that you can't go on forever, you will a point sooner or later where things become dangerous.

But-- I don't think that something is an addiction just because you have an intense craving to do it-- f.e. when a composer *needs* to compose or ze will get really depressed if ze doesn't - when ze thinks of it all the time, and when the need is never completely fulfilled-- this is not an addiction.
But there were artists like Glen Gould (name?) who lost themselves in things--

Maybe that's what I mean-- when you start to loose yourself, not just for a scene, but in daily life, when you can't come back regularly, then it's destructive, and then it's an addiction - my 2cts.

Bredon

I guess the main thing that hits me is a conversation I had with my psychiatrist when I was about 16. (a little over-psychoanalyzed, no?) My dad was concerned that I was becoming addicted to my medication, because when I wasn't on it, I really didn't function well.

So my psychiatrist said: "no, she's not addicted."

Why?

"Because an addiction consists of not only dependence, but withdrawal and tolerance."

IMLE (in my limited experience), I've heard of many people who are dependent on it (don't "feel right" if they don't have it)...

build up a tolerance (gradually feel the need for more extreme forms of play as their experience grows)...

and feel withdrawal when they don't have it (crankiness, irratibility, etc.)

Not to say that this is how all people feel, but it seems to be a pretty common occurance.

What do you think?