Age difference and power issues

[unfoundiamond]

real quick

**young and eager** Don't count out us young ones... lol... **is 21**

 

[DeservingBitch]

So, when I was talking about sexual prime I didn't mean intercourse was a must, I just ment you two may be well matched as far as you are both in your "sexual prime," though you made it clear that is not the main course... I am foolish to assume sex was included in the activites...

I find myself feeling like I should be taking your advice...

Who are you worried about prepetrating the "abuse" you reffered to??

I noticed you brought up all the ways you are more expirienced than him, and I was thinking- isn't that why older women get with the younger ones, they don't need a father figure to follow, they want to follow a fine ass, tight bodied, stiff dick... someone fun, the guy may have less money than a older man, they are worth their weight in gold if you want sex... (My second fiancee was one of these, great in bed and strong and fun)
All this older man younger woman stuff reminds me of the movie "Alfie" (Bad in case you missed it)

I just think maybe its gonna be a better match than you thought...

What I was talking about when referring to 'abuse' is a situation in which one of the partner is obviously in a position of power over the other (of the non-play, consentual kind), which can (but not necessarily) be damaging for this other person. Think for instance of a relationship between someone in a position of authority (teacher or boss for instance) over the other person (student or employee) - here again, it's not so much the age per se that matter, but the power differential.

As for what 'older women' want... I like to stay away from such generalizations, especially the kind that assume all women (and men) to be straight, which I'm not.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I don't want to be a pain but...

I am totally sorry, I being BI sexual, may have assumed you where, I don't believe most straight people are totally straight, why would I think you were straight?, I just said I thought it might be a better match than you think, and I kinda assumed you may have sex with him, but I apologized... sorry we keep misunderstanding each other,
I didn't think people had D/s relationships with people they arent at all sexually interested in either, but I am learning from this...

Smile on me...

 

[DeservingBitch]

I am totally sorry, I being BI sexual, may have assumed you where, I don't believe most straight people are totally straight, why would I think you were straight?, I just said I thought it might be a better match than you think, and I kinda assumed you may have sex with him, but I apologized... sorry we keep misunderstanding each other,
I didn't think people had D/s relationships with people they arent at all sexually interested in either, but I am learning from this...

Smile on me...

Well, suggesting that 'older women'

want to follow a fine ass, tight bodied, stiff dick... someone fun, the guy may have less money than a older man, they are worth their weight in gold if you want sex...

sounds very heteronormative to me, ie, seems to assume that all older women are primarily looking for/interested in men. To say nothing about all the other (in my opinion false and/or offensive) assumptions you were making there (re: beauty standards, money, younger guys being better lovers, etc.).

As for sex and BDSM -- first, what I'm looking for is not a D/s relationship, but a SM play-partner. And the way *I* play doesn't usually involve sex (with the exception of occasional pegging for a few lucky boys). I've never had a D/s relationship or 'owned' a sub, but if I was to eventually, it wouldn't necessarily involve sex either. I certainly know people who have D/s relationships without sex being part of it.

 

[richard_daily]

So, there's this really cute CD boy who I've been talking to, who I'd be really interested in playing with. We share a lot of the same kinks, and he's also a generally really cool, interesting, and fun person with whom I connect.

But he's 19. And I'm close to being 30.

Part of me is really uneasy about the age difference, mostly because of the real life power differential that comes with him being so much younger than me.

On the other hand, he is no virgin, he has been bottoming for a few people (both women and gay men) for about 2 years now, he is very assertive about what he's into (or not), and he's also used to playing with people much older than he is.

I'm a big believer in giving people the credit of being able to make the best decision for themselves and not going for the "i know better than you do what's best for you", so I'm tempted to go for it. Or I am just trying to justify playing with him because he's so damn cute and tickling most of my Top's hot buttons?

Personally, I can't mess with someone that young. There is definitely a power issue, and not in a hot way.

That said, it's just my personal preference, and if it doesn't bug you, go for it.

Can you have your cake and eat it too? I suppose that's situational. Perhaps... Depends on each of you as individuals.

In some cases, age is just a number, but there is some reason that people put so much weight to it.

On the flip-side, I would have loved for a 30 year old woman to have wanted me at that age. Double standards? If so, I'll take a second helping please.

 

[Homburg]

So, there's this really cute CD boy who I've been talking to, who I'd be really interested in playing with. We share a lot of the same kinks, and he's also a generally really cool, interesting, and fun person with whom I connect.QUOTE]

Someone recently gave me some very smart advice regarding my hang ups with certain consensual and mutually enjoyable acts. Pretty damned good advice, and I could've sworn I saved it. It was regarding my need to just get over myself, and a few other remarkably intelligent comments that were presented far more cogently than I am presenting them here.

If I find it, I'll PM it you.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Someone recently gave me some very smart advice regarding my hang ups with certain consensual and mutually enjoyable acts. Pretty damned good advice, and I could've sworn I saved it. It was regarding my need to just get over myself, and a few other remarkably intelligent comments that were presented far more cogently than I am presenting them here.

If I find it, I'll PM it you.

LOL. Good point.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Personally, I can't mess with someone that young. There is definitely a power issue, and not in a hot way.

That said, it's just my personal preference, and if it doesn't bug you, go for it.

Can you have your cake and eat it too? I suppose that's situational. Perhaps... Depends on each of you as individuals.

In some cases, age is just a number, but there is some reason that people put so much weight to it.

On the flip-side, I would have loved for a 30 year old woman to have wanted me at that age. Double standards? If so, I'll take a second helping please.

Well, obviously, it does bug me a little, otherwise I wouldn't have written this post.

But then, it also bugs me that it bugs me. As I said, I'm a firm believer in giving other people the same credit I give myself to be able to make the best decision for themselves. In other words, who am I to decide that this boy is too young to know better, and that he can't deal with the situation?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

He sounds very much like he knows what he wants rather than just dabbling in order to find out. If he seems self-assured and capable of SSC play that you would both enjoy then I'd say go for it.

You're prefectly within your rights to re-evaluate your opinion of him if playing together doesn't work out.

 

[DeservingBitch]

He sounds very much like he knows what he wants rather than just dabbling in order to find out. If he seems self-assured and capable of SSC play that you would both enjoy then I'd say go for it.

You're prefectly within your rights to re-evaluate your opinion of him if playing together doesn't work out.

Update: I had my first play-date with him a couple days ago. Verdict: WOW! We had a great time, and are definitly on the same kink-waves. We have a second date already planned for the end of the week.

Thank you everybody who contributed to the thread and reassured me that it was OK for me to give it a try.

 

[sexycaz22]

Update: I had my first play-date with him a couple days ago. Verdict: WOW! We had a great time, and are definitly on the same kink-waves. We have a second date already planned for the end of the week.

Thank you everybody who contributed to the thread and reassured me that it was OK for me to give it a try.

Congratulations! All the best.... I am sure you will have an awesome time!

 

[Luvkitty33]

Update: I had my first play-date with him a couple days ago. Verdict: WOW! We had a great time, and are definitly on the same kink-waves. We have a second date already planned for the end of the week.

Thank you everybody who contributed to the thread and reassured me that it was OK for me to give it a try.

I was just going to ask if this was the same guy that you posted about in another thread, and then I saw your most recent update! YAY!!! Glad it was a success!!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Yay indeed!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Update and pics

Update: second play-date with the boy very successful. DB is a happy Top right now.

He's so cute with panties and stokings on:

 

[Netzach]

Too cute, the smoking one is insane cute I admit. I'm horrid for having such an unhealthy fixation, but CD's smoking is a "thing" for me.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Too cute, the smoking one is insane cute I admit. I'm horrid for having such an unhealthy fixation, but CD's smoking is a "thing" for me.

Same here. Something must have gone wrong in the way my brain has been processing malboro commercials.

 

[Homburg]

Same here. Something must have gone wrong in the way my brain has been processing malboro commercials.

I'm trying to reconcile cross-dressing and Marlboro commercials and all I get is a bizarre mental image of the Marlboro Man with his pants replaced by Shank's Hello Kitty panties.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I'm trying to reconcile cross-dressing and Marlboro commercials and all I get is a bizarre mental image of the Marlboro Man with his pants replaced by Shank's Hello Kitty panties.

Hehe. My point exactly.

 

[Homburg]

Hehe. My point exactly.

*blink*

Stop infecting my brain!

*wonders if Shanks has a cowboy hat and a duster, as it would make a great pic...*

 

[the captians wench]

This is very interesting.

Since being in "the scene" the smallest age difference I have delt with was the guy 5 years older than me, the largest 16. I tend to atract guys closer to my mom's age than my own for some reason. This has never bothered me, I never have put much thought into age, but that probably has a lot to do with the fact that my step father was 34 years older than my mom.

The ones that are on the older end of that scale have been some what serious relationships, tho the relationship is kind of well not what one would normally call a serious relationship but I'm rambling. I think part of why I enjoy(ed) them so much has to do with the power that a 13-16 year age difference gives them over me. They are asstablished, they have homes, a job they've worked at longer than I've been working, they've been where I've been, and I look to them for guidence. I'm 24, I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life, I'm not sure what I want out of a relationship long term, I'm not sure if I want to get married again or not, I'm not sure if I want kids any more or not, at this time in my life when there are so many things up in the air, it's nice to have some solid ground under me. But this is something I would only expect to recieve from some one I was involved with in more than just casual play time.

If we've agreed that this is just a play thing, no friendship or comitment of any kind, then I don't have the same feelings towards their age "athority" over me. Whip me, beat me, be there while I clean up, and you can be on your way. No attachment there, so I don't hold them in the same light.

 

[lapetitemorte]

If you are ok with his age, that is all that really matters, seeing as he IS legal.

 

[Shankara20]

I'm trying to reconcile cross-dressing and Marlboro commercials and all I get is a bizarre mental image of the Marlboro Man with his pants replaced by Shank's Hello Kitty panties.

silly

 

[Shankara20]

Update: second play-date with the boy very successful. DB is a happy Top right now.

He's so cute with panties and stokings on:

yummmmmmm

 

[DeservingBitch]

*blink*

Stop infecting my brain!

*wonders if Shanks has a cowboy hat and a duster, as it would make a great pic...*

DeservingBitch, the evil sadist, infecting the brains of domly straight dewds with images of hairy butt in panties. I like it.


*Shank: where's my money?*

 

[DeservingBitch]

yummmmmmm

Glad you like it!