Agressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

[bridgeburner]

Pure,

These are hysterical but oh-so-accurate!

I tend to follow the "Neither a fawner nor a fawnee be" philosophy. I don't like slutty little suck-ups and a man who prefers such to me would likely disappoint me in the long run anyway. I'm aware that there's a certain amount of arrogance in such a stance which is antithetical to the sub mindset for many.

As far as being pursued, I don't like to be importuned. I'd rather my affections be assumed as his due.

-B

Hi Lara,
As with the 'man-hunting' books, it seems times are indeed ripe for
"How to meet, pair with, and hang onto your ideal dom: Basic principles, strategies, and tactics"

Ch1 Being in the right place; the perils of the auction
Ch2 Catching his eye, and his...
Ch3 Turning him on; how to read the stiffening manhood
Ch4 Not seeming like a slut (like the others); showing labial
piercings in the first meeting?
Ch5 Can there be 'too much' submission? the question of
bootlicking (or worse!)-- or
Ch6 Will he appreciate spunk and 'attitude'? Will you appreciate
a slap in the face?
Ch7 The 'hard to crack' ones, not to be confused with
Ch8 The unreachable ones no one will ever get (nor would
they want to!)
Ch9 Join em? If all else fails, should you just get a sub,
yourself?

 

[DVS]

Like anything, else I express my interest and speak my mind ... it becomes clear very quickly whether or not there is a mutual spark which may be worth persuing

Ooh, baby! My kind of woman. You know...the strong willed subs are the most fun to torment. I hope I'm correct in assuming you're a submissive.

Actually, it is not uncommon for someone to be strong willed in their every day life, and be submissive in their sex life. I've met several.

 

[Safphyre]

You are right on DVS... I have always been in a postion of power when it comes to run of the mill (job, etc.) things ... however I am quite the opposite in my sexual and personal desires.

...and yes, I actually tremble at the thought of trying to keep my smart ass comments to myself when in service ....

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

Persistent pursuit earns silence.

Polite "No thank you," then direct "No thank you," and ending with silence.

And no, you silly cat, i'm not brushing you for the fourth time today.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I don't want to be bothered..either here or in R/L. On the rare occasion, some one from the boards catches my eye. I will PM them, giving them an open invitation to talk to me.

If they respond in a timely manner or with somthing that makes me smile, I engage in further learning. If they quip at me or slide right into the submissive *plea*, I have no more words for them.
(and to be honest, I feel the same way about most Dominant people I have spoken to as well)

It's not that I don't like aggressive people...but I don't see blatant lack of respect as being aggressive. The qualities I look for in a pet or Sadistic playmate are the ability to listen, the ability to learn what makes me tick. I don't want some one who is too busy showing themselves off to their best advantage.

(To be truthful, I would rather pursue..in my own gentle way, than to be pursued..)

Luna

 

[Pure]

well said, angelic.

 

[Netzach]

Submissive personalities are going to differ vastly. Some people are going to be shy, some extroverted, some annoying as FUCK, some delightful, some aggressively seductive, some passively pretty.

I, as a Domme, as a Top, and as a human....


... enjoy the hell out of being charmed.


Now not everyone can do that. A lot of people THINK they can but really can't.

Some people charm me by being ultrafemme or shy or sweet or quiet but alluring.

Some people charm me by being witty, cheeky, wise, a little smarmy in the way I'm smarmy, by showing that spark of interest before I do.

Persistance is tricky, it can be annoying. But it can also demonstrate sincerity, and I'm not the quickest to warm up IRL, it takes a little time before I'll soften enough to socialize.

I've been told I come across as aloofly bitchy until I'm talked to, when really I'm just more socially nervous than the other person.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Submissive personalities are going to differ vastly. Some people are going to be shy, some extroverted, some annoying as FUCK, some delightful, some aggressively seductive, some passively pretty.

I, as a Domme, as a Top, and as a human....


... enjoy the hell out of being charmed.


Now not everyone can do that. A lot of people THINK they can but really can't.

Some people charm me by being ultrafemme or shy or sweet or quiet but alluring.

Some people charm me by being witty, cheeky, wise, a little smarmy in the way I'm smarmy, by showing that spark of interest before I do.

Persistance is tricky, it can be annoying. But it can also demonstrate sincerity, and I'm not the quickest to warm up IRL, it takes a little time before I'll soften enough to socialize.

I've been told I come across as aloofly bitchy until I'm talked to, when really I'm just more socially nervous than the other person.

Yes, exactly. Every one is different, and can get my attention in different ways. Sometimes, coyly flirting is nice, sometimes an outright "I want to be your sub" in an appropriate manner, or by being funny but letting me know what s/he wants.

And I'm also the type to be a bit socially inervous, so many people in RL think I'm shy. But the truth is, I know I'm different from most people in several ways, and if I don't know them I tend to be reserved.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

well said, angelic.

Thank you Pure.

 

[tythisredheadup]

Ooh, apparently this is my thread for the day...

Having never submitted to someone, I am unfamilar with the protocol. But I am fastly learning. I am extremely aggressive anyway, so I thought persuing this relationship would be no different. Boy, was I wrong.

The Dom I want doesn't seem to want me. And if he does, he's got a funny way of showing it. I don't like the "waiting" to be called. It's very frustrating.

 

[Kajira Callista]

hmmm i have a question. Its kind of the opposite of what has been asked...but its something i would like to know.
Why do dominants assume that because you PM you are lookin for a Masta? *bats lashes as i snap my gum*

 

[A Desert Rose]

hmmm i have a question. Its kind of the opposite of what we has been asked...but its something i would like to know.
Why do dominants assume that because you PM you are lookin for a Masta? *bats lashes as i snap my gum*

You snap your gum? It might be a problem for you and I to be friends, dollface.



You know I'm kinda kidding, right?

 

[Kajira Callista]

You snap your gum? It might be a problem for you and I to be friends, dollface.



You know I'm kinda kidding, right?

lol

 

[s'lara]

Back to topic.

Thanks for the responses.

Aggressiveness has its place and so does restraint. If the reaction to aggressive behavior is met with irritation or outright dismissal, i'd have to question whether the initiator understood the cool reception. Engagement by the one pursued, even on a slight level, encourages those who need little encouragement.

A persistent approach and how it is perceived by those pursued is subjective; the difference in opinions in this thread lend support to that idea. However, there is a responsibility on the part of the pursuer to try and comprehend any indicators of non-interest.

There is merit in tenacity, even if it is on the aggressive side. If the basis of such persistence is well founded (i.e., the pursuer has clear indication that there is interest, but a slowness to respond), then i think a situation like that could benefit from a little aggressiveness on the part of the sub.

lara

 

[fallon2]

I like persistence

I like persistence. Several days ago a gal pm's me and wanted to meet even though we had never corresponded. She read my posts, I guess, and liked me! *smile*
I thanked her but said no. She became persistent and I blocked her on my e mail. But forgot to block her pm's here at Lit.
Since I have been gone my pm's have mounted up and I am replying as fast as I can and her's was in there.
Anyway, she had made me a very nice offer. I am in a quandry on whether or not to block her here at LIt, or respond.
I do have an interest elsewhere, though and hae to burn the candle at both ends!

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

Persistent pursuit earns silence.

Polite "No thank you," then direct "No thank you," and ending with silence.

And no, you silly cat, i'm not brushing you for the fourth time today.

Ah, Puhleeze?? prrrrrrrrrrr....

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I'm not an overt board flirt. It's not my style. Like Vix, I find it unbecoming and frankly, it's uncomfortable for me. And as I've said before, I only compete at cards and backgammon.

However, on occassion, I will privately make the first move. If He doesn't make the second, then that's that.

I won't make a fool of myself to stroke any man's ego, privately or publicaly. It's not hard to keep walking.

This caught my interest. I AM an overt board flirt -- but only because I'm Not serious. Frankly, I don't know how I'd feel if I was in that position for real. Judging by the far past, I'd be much shyer and tongue-tied and serious. Competitive flirting is only as a game-sport. Seems icky for an actual relationship. Either the other person responds to subtlety and senses something in common, or they don't.

But out of affection, I LOVE to make a fool of myself to stroke egos, male and female, public and private. But only when I sincerely mean it.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Re: Aggressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

Dom/me's - What is Your take on being aggressively pursued by submissive's? What are the limitations You set for how much aggression/persistence You will allow from a submissive who has set his/her cap for You?

First, I don't think every submissive who tries to make contact or interact with me on the forums is "pursuing" me for a relationship. But yes, some of them are and I don't think that makes them desperate or pathetic at all. I think they are just exploring their options. As has been said, I am not looking so if they want a chance of real time interaction they would do better to spend their energy elsewhere. But nothing hurts and it is fine!

Too aggressive? Sending me their nude pictures. Taking certain posts I have written and making overt sexual offers to do those things real life.

Too persistant? Writing to me three or more times in a row out of the blue without a single response from me. This excludes known penpals....and since we are trying to define stuff, receiving at least 5-10 messages from me over time means we are known to be penpals.

I am not shocked when this happens, but if I was looking then these subbies would have zero chance with me.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ah! Maybe this is what we need (put it in our sig lines): flirting/no flirting; serious only/fake only.

Mine would say Flirting: Please! Fake Only! (but please be Sincere in your fake flattery. )

Hey, Mr. Blonde -- wanna play? (Oh that's right, we Have been on the Lazy Dom thread. Btw, even my Sir Hubby thinks that thread very funny.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Re: Aggressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

Too aggressive? Sending me their nude pictures. Taking certain posts I have written and making overt sexual offers to do those things real life.

Too persistant? Writing to me three or more times in a row out of the blue without a single response from me. This excludes known penpals....and since we are trying to define stuff, receiving at least 5-10 messages from me over time means we are known to be penpals.

I am not shocked when this happens, but if I was looking then these subbies would have zero chance with me.

Wow! Subbies have really done that? I'm seriously behind in the aggressive- subby department. (Only pussy shot anyone's gotten from me is that one to the left. )

Do you find it's strangers who are generally more aggressive? The out-there stuff I've gotten was only at the beginning and from people who were strangers (ie. people I'd never posted to or even seen posts from on board). The known posters were either quite subtle and delicate, or just friendly and non-flirty.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Aggressive Pursuit - Do You Appreciate Submissive Persistence?

I don't really regard this board as a "hunting ground", other than to make friends and have fun conversation. b.com on the other hand... yeah, this would apply there.

So I'll see if I can add my own slant.

I don't believe it's about submissives competing, and whoever wins the competition thus in turn wins the Dominant. Instead, if you concentrate on making a connection with the Dominant, building a friendship and a basis for power exchange, then the Dominant will want YOU. And isn't that what you want?

Keep in mind that people aren't generalisations. So you need to think about what works for the particular Dominant you have in mind, and whether that also works for you. His/her personality and your own personality are really what matter, and the compatibility between them.

If, to win the heart and mind of a Dominant you have to be someone other than who you really are... then what is the point? Best to move on and find someone with whom you are compatible.

So, if you are in the situation where you and another submissive are "competing" for a Dominant, you need to ask yourself why. If you are monogamous, and the Dominant isn't... time to move on. That is a huge area of incompatibility that will blow a relationship apart in time.

On the other hand, if he is simply "playing the field" until such time as he meets "the one", then competing will probably drive him away -- you are best to just be yourself, and if you are compatible, something more will grow from there.

I know with myself, if someone starts competing for me, it's likely to lead to me shutting them off. I am not a possession to be won or controlled. I am a person that makes his own choices about who I associate with. And I like to make those choices freely. Not feel like I have been backed into a corner.

Are other Dominants the same? Well, as usual, your mileage will vary. But the whole thing about "competing" and hence "winning" a Dominant is anathema for me. The Dominant is the one in control, the one making the choice. If you are "competing", aren't you also trying to take away his/her control?

Now, I do view "competing" and "persuing" differently. If someone is keen on me, I have no objection to them saying so. Sometimes I may not know how to respond. Sometimes it just adds a certain flirtyness to a friendship, and a kind of "if only" (you know, the "if only she didn't live half way around the world from me, and have kids so she can't just come and be with me"... that sort of thing.) And sometimes, it leads to more.

The one submissive I have had any sort of relationship with over more than just a one-off encounter contacted me, not the other way around. She didn't "compete" for my attention, but neither was she shy about "persuing" me.

In terms of putting out the message that attention isn't wanted... just be blunt and honest. Yes, tempers can get frayed, people can get hurt. But better that upfront before anything serious starts building than dragging it out.

And if you have to tell 20 Dom/mes a day that "sorry, no, not interested"... well, just accept that you are attractive. Because that's all it really is at that point.

Any sucessful relationship is built on the people within it WANTING it. So if you don't want it, it's not going to work. So don't be shy saying so. Honesty gives you a much better chance of finding what you DO want, rather than being stuck with something that's not really suitable.

There ya go, my thoughts on the topic.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Female subbies greatly outnumber male dommies and it is a reasonable state of mind for women to feel they are in some sort of competition. I don't really think of it like that....but it is an understandable description. My best advice would be to "pursue" to the point where they have given their "best foot forward" and then the dom understands (1) she is interested plus (2) her basic qualities. It can feel like a job interview...I hate to sound so clinical. But a woman is not being over-aggressive by lingering long enough to know the "pass" has been "caught" by their prospective suitor. And if the guy gives her the oblivious act, that probably tells her what she needs to know anyway.

(Oh, and some guys fake acting oblivious. I do that a lot for my own reasons!)

Yes, Phoenix Stone, subbies really do that! I have been approached by some very aggressive subbies in the manner I described. It is usually strangers but not always; I think "established" posters sometimes establish themselves in part because they prefer the subtle technique to approaching dominants.

At some point I need to type up a story summarizing everything that has happened to my parody/troll character at bondage.com...it has been an adventure!