all this topping from the bottom talk has got me thinking

[pierced_boy]

Indeed Eb

EB you said


Most of the male subs I know can overpower their Domme, but they refrain from it because they want to please, they want to submit, obey. They willingly transferred some of their power to their Domme and they are happy in their choice. The feelings that come over you when you look that them and see that they truly have no reservation, well it is truly a powerful thing.


Indeed by that action(of theirs and yours) they are pleased also. This is a transaction. If you (as the dominant) do not please them (the submissive) then further transactions are less likely. There are undoubtedly tolerances and forebearances but ulimately if the transaction process becomes onesided then it has little future, no?

This seems particularly true of the relationships you have described here.

For others in less defined d/s circumstances or hybrid relationships I guess it gets more complicated, no?

H

 

[T.J. Jackson]

I think this is an incredible thread that deserves to be bumped.

I've read through some of it but due to time constraints I'll have to come back to finish it later.

I wanted to bring up two quotes for further discussion. First one by zipman and the second quoted by Eb but I think it is from Shadowsdream.

The dynamic of "topping from the bottom" can be very detrimental to a BDSM relationship, especially in the long run. Once you establish a dynamic of telling your Dom/me what to do, they begin to rely on it. Later, when you crave greater control, you may well find that you what you have is a Dom/me waiting for your next "suggestion." By then, it is often too difficult to change this dynamic.

A Dom/me that does not understand Her/His self will be unable to be consistent, fair minded, honest, sincere, and in control.

A submissive without the depth of self knowledge or the sincere quest to be taken into the CARING control of a Dominant they feel is worthy of molding their future will continually question the obvious.

Both quotes struck me as being very important in a BDSM relationship. You have to have a pretty good understanding of yourself to participate in this lifestyle. You have to know what your limits are and what you can do. Those things you can do don't always have to be the easiest things in the world for you to do but if you really want them to happen, you will push yourself to do them.



For the Dom/mes, have you ever come across a submissive that says they want to do something, to please you, but they have a mental block about it for some reason? What have you done to get them past this block?

For submissives, have you ever had such a block? Were you able to get past it? How?

 

[Ebonyfire]

For the Dom/mes, have you ever come across a submissive that says they want to do something, to please you, but they have a mental block about it for some reason? What have you done to get them past this block?

First of all it is unlikely a sub will be able to do something to please me, because I have his checklist, and i know what he can do.

Since I have yet to meet a sub who is capable of mind reading, then unless I tell him I am pleased, he will not know.

My subs are free to ask me anything, but I tell them that I may choose not to answer their question, and the answer(s) I do give may not be quite what they expect.

So, it is unlikely I will experience any mental block.

 

[lark sparrow]

Both quotes struck me as being very important in a BDSM relationship. You have to have a pretty good understanding of yourself to participate in this lifestyle. You have to know what your limits are and what you can do. Those things you can do don't always have to be the easiest things in the world for you to do but if you really want them to happen, you will push yourself to do them.



For the Dom/mes, have you ever come across a submissive that says they want to do something, to please you, but they have a mental block about it for some reason? What have you done to get them past this block?

For submissives, have you ever had such a block? Were you able to get past it? How?

I have a curious question, T.J.. Do you consider this sort of mental block that you mention to be topping from the bottom, or did the topic just spur another line of thought?

Could you give an example of a mental block?

Is it a direct "command" if you will, that the submissive says they want to do but doesn't or can't? Or is it something casually discussed that would be pleasing to you and the submissive says they want to please you but can't seem to do it? Or is it something that they have decided would please you without a whole lot of prompting and strive for but can't ultimately do?

Again, just curious.

 

[JarringJoe]

Misbehaving Sluts...

If my sub Slut ever asked me to do anything other than, say, "Please, Master Joe, spank my worthless ass harder!" she would be given enough leather to outfit a troop of cavalry. And she knows it. "Tis not the mission of subs to reason why, or ask for things, but to take, gratefully, whatever Master decides should be done/for/with them.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Misbehaving Sluts...

If my sub Slut ever asked me to do anything other than, say, "Please, Master Joe, spank my worthless ass harder!" she would be given enough leather to outfit a troop of cavalry. <snip>

You say that like it's a bad thing! Never enough leather.

 

[D's mariposa]

I think this is an incredible thread that deserves to be bumped.


For the Dom/mes, have you ever come across a submissive that says they want to do something, to please you, but they have a mental block about it for some reason? What have you done to get them past this block?

For submissives, have you ever had such a block? Were you able to get past it? How?

From the sub side of the question. Yes there something I have a firm block about. I'm trying to work through it. We talk about it every now and then and I seem to be making some headway here.

 

[lark sparrow]

I think I have one too, and thought it was an interesting topic. The activity itself is not a primary, nor is it a hard limit, but it's something Mistress enjoys, that I am uncomfortable with... I will do it, but I don't enjoy it, and part of Her enjoyment in the activity includes me enjoying it. It's a small thing, but it can really cycle into a larger issue.

 

[SweetHoney]

my point is why do so many ("newer than me") subs feel that even bringing up a subject (forget asking for it) is out of line or topping from the bottom? it just doesn't make sense to me. if i am going to let somebody put a dagger inside my pussy or light fires on my chest, i am going to make damn sure that person knows what they're doing by more ways than just watching them do it to somebody else, i want to know all there is to know because i am the one that will end up in ER if something goes wrong.

I argee totally.. i research everything .. one reason im here.. but i dont think its topping from the bottom i think its playing it safe and knowing what it is you are doing. i also dont see the sulking someone mentioned as topping.. shoot isnt sulking and weedling sometimes a good way to a smacked bottom???? lol

ok my two cents are done ... ill be still

 

[sweetnpetite]

My question is: Is topping from the bottom *always* bad?




Not all subs find pleasure only in serving. Every one is different. If you are a bottom-topper, and your Top or Dom/me is ok with it, then who's to say that it is bad, wrong or not true?

 

[catalina_francisco]

My question is: Is topping from the bottom *always* bad?




Not all subs find pleasure only in serving. Every one is different. If you are a bottom-topper, and your Top or Dom/me is ok with it, then who's to say that it is bad, wrong or not true?

I agree everyone is different, but it is difficult to be submissive AND direct what you want from your Dominant...it tends to make the submissive the Dominant, thus the term and stigma attached to topping from the bottom.

C

 

[Tom Bishop]

I was told to post on lit to answer some questions I was asked over the past week .
I chose this thread it seemed to fit Please bare with me

I didn't go looing for a Bi relationship
BDSM wasn't even in my thoughts when we started

Now Boss Has showed me I am Bi , Sumissive, And a Slut.
We meet sometimes over coffee or a drink and when every one is out of ear shot we talke of our relationship
Doing this in a public place scares the Hell out of me.
When we meet like this we do not act like I am someone who is his toy We are just to guys One small thin and usurly in a suit Thats Boss Or ken I chose to call him Boss Cock The other tall slim in good shape usurly in construction work cloths Thats me the slut sub
He has me tell him in great detail how I liked our last play time What I liked most about it What I didn't like . He tells me what he would like to do with me or to me . what he want me to do for him This is when I make my choises
We have never went from one of these meeting to haveing a play time We Part usurly me feeling excited but sorry We Can't just go get a room and have all the fun I have going through my head at that time I am usurly hard as a steel rod Walking away trying to walk right with a boner .
When He dose want to get together so I can service him and he can play with me and my mind He calls days ahead Asks me If I can talk tells me What Time Where and a small discripton of what he wants to do He tells me what to wear or to bring to change into If I have to buy something I have to save the recipt He repays me He says a Servant should not have to spend his own money .
I called him once He made me beg to be allowed to come over and basicly perform for him and a big girl from Brzile Then After what I thought was a great nite He told me to never call again That He would decide when he wanted to use me . He made me wait almost six weeks I seen him on job sites Seen him at a resturant he was with a guy Then he called made me wimper and beg and tell him over the phone I wanted to suck his cock we met 20 Min. After his call I had clothes to change into in a bag He met me at his front door only wearing a robe He let me in closed the door I went to take my jacket off He said wait tell me Why your hear I started telling him I wanted to suck him he made me say it in many ways as I stood there fully dressed in work cloths holding an over nite bag with pantties stockings Low Heels and a teddy jacket All the time he was strocking his cock Then he said Oh well then Kneel down open Up and suck I did he got off then he said wipe your chin YOu have cum in your beard Then Leave I will call you if and when I want something from you He spun around retieing his robe saying let yourself out I wanted to Kill him Iwas total In shock feeling Angery , used ., totaly piss off but excited I wallked out side stood there stunned still tasteing his cum . My Cell Rang I almost didn.t Hear it do to the fact My mind was so screwed Up
I did answer it It was Boss He said come back up you didn't do Too Bad I will give you another try Well He had me I went back I dressed for him and we had a great night.

Last Thursday Boss Called Asked Me Mind You Asked Me If I wanted to spend a nite with him and another guy Being there Sex Butler If I did Rent a Tux With tails Buy a pair of crotch less panties black Black Stockings Bring your black Heels and Red Lipstick Be ready to leave lipstick tracks on both of our cocks Swollow some pee dribble if we have to go
You might even lose your ass cherry
if you do want this Post answer on lit boards monday
so we can be ready and be at my place at 7 monday nite

YES
Bishop