Am I being unreasonable?

[cumslut_kitten]

So, we've been talking to a potential sub for a couple weeks now, off and on. I get along great with him most of the time, and Holly got along with him pretty well when she talked to him last night (with one exception - we really shouldn't discuss politics some days). But the last 3 or 4 times that I have talked to him, he will say to me "can I tell you something I thought of?" or "can I tell you something I've fantasized about?" ... if I say no, then he will ask me later "please can I tell you" or "are you sure you don't want to hear it" ... I cannot get his mind off of it until he's said it, no matter how many times I tell him that I am not interested, no matter how many times I try to redirect the conversation. So eventually, just so I can get him to move on to a different topic, I say, "fine, just tell me" (and of course, the attitude that it's said with hasn't sunk in yet, obviously). He will go on and on at length with whatever fantasy he has come up with this time (and by now, they are pretty much just variations on the first 5 that he told me, so nothing of particular interest to me ... not that I was all that interested to begin with, but whatever). Then at the end, he will ask me "so does that turn you on?" or "would you like that?" ...

Now, this really pisses me off, for a number of reasons. First, just because of how I am wired, what does it for me one day will turn me to ice the next, so I don't commit to anything when it comes to what turns me on/off and I have told him that repeatedly. Second, it seems to me like he is trying to top from the bottom ... trying to bring the focus onto himself, but without seeming like it (since he does always ask if I would like it, or if it turns me on) ... Third, since we have only been talking to him for a short while, I still want to know if there is anything outside of D/s for us to talk about - we want this to be a long term, live in arrangement, and I can't live with someone who only talks about his fantasies with me.

Am I unreasonable for wanting him to stay off of the topic of his fantasies? Am I unreasonable for not wanting to answer his questions about whether or not I like his little scenarios?

I just want some feedback before I tell him that if he can't stay off the topic, I'm done with him. Holly really likes him so far, which makes it a little more difficult to just say that I'm tired of his shit. She also understands why he is getting frustrated with me (I answer his "would you like that" questions with "I don't know, I haven't done it" normally), so I feel like she thinks that I'm being unreasonable with this ... so I just want to see what others think.

Miss Karen

This sounds very sad.
Hopefully he can find someone who appreciates his sexual openness.

- kitten

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

* Just makes the over the head gesture..*

 

[Jelly123]

I am going to assume cumslut kitten is someone who has met a partner who accepts her sexual open-ness, nice one! and well done and all that!

Otherwise I would just like to point out that this thread is otherwise entirely lame.


My advice for SweetDommes would be as follows:

You are looking for someone who wont tell you all their fantasies hence find someone else who wont, infact find a Vanilla man then you pretty much know more about his sexuality b4 he can tell u.

 

[SweetDommes]

You are looking for someone who wont tell you all their fantasies hence find someone else who wont, infact find a Vanilla man then you pretty much know more about his sexuality b4 he can tell u.

Actually, we are looking for someone who can follow instructions, as this guy obviously could not. I don't mind sexual open-ness, I don't mind hearing fantasies - but I want it to be when I have requested to hear them ... or at least not when I have just said "no I don't want to hear them."

 

[cumslut_kitten]

I am going to assume cumslut kitten is someone who has met a partner who accepts her sexual open-ness, nice one! and well done and all that!

sometimes yes, sometimes no... those who aren't into it don't last long.

My advice for SweetDommes would be as follows:

You are looking for someone who wont tell you all their fantasies hence find someone else who wont, infact find a Vanilla man then you pretty much know more about his sexuality b4 he can tell u.

indeed

* Just makes the over the head gesture..*

it's ok if you don't understand, for the most part people here seem nice and willing to help.

 

[Desdemona]

Perhaps, cumslut_kitten and jelly, if you would re-read the thread, you would see that his sexual open-ness is not the issue. The issue is paying attention to when it's appropriate to share fantasies based on what the dominant partner wishes. It's about a submissive topping from the bottom by trying to control the direction of a conversation.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Perhaps, cumslut_kitten and jelly, if you would re-read the thread, you would see that his sexual open-ness is not the issue. The issue is paying attention to when it's appropriate to share fantasies based on what the dominant partner wishes. It's about a submissive topping from the bottom by trying to control the direction of a conversation.

Well... DOH


Now all we need is mwisdom to come draw them a diagram... he's a master at it. ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

I love these big ol' letters!
They sure are fun.

 

[Jelly123]

Oh well if hes not good enough for you then dump him. Im sure there are probably plenty of sub men out there that will do whatever you say when you say because they are desperate or something.

I know this may sound like a joke but maybe you should become a Pro Domme then you will meet men who are more needy due to the fact they are paying so much, they will all do EXACTLY what you say because they are so desperate.

LOL ok maybe that was a joke but Im sure there are plenty of women who want outdoors sex or something and their men are pretty cool with that and happy to be allowed into their mind.

Maybe its just that some Dommes dont have a sex drive at all so the only pleasure they can obtain is money and men doing things like wash their dildos. who knows!.

 

[Jelly123]

This whole thread is kafka anyway I mean theres a female saying that if her men arent into it, it wont last long anyway lol.

Then there is sweet Dommes who says he must do whatever I want him or hes out, which is probably worse.

Then again I dont really know much about the relationship with them and if the man is actually keen on having conversatations with her unrelated to BDSM. In which case he aint so bad.

 

[Jelly123]

I tend to think that some Dommes will interprit subs telling you their desires as topping from the bottom.

Surely the Cumslut lady tells her master her desires? but maybe thats not topping from the bottom cos shes not as desperate cos shes a woman hence not easy enough to control and be blamed for such a thing as topping from the bottom, lol.

 

[Jelly123]

Here are some more myths that many people think are true:


Fat can be turned into muscle

Intelligence and power is an indicator of integrity, good morals, and always means you are right.

 

[Bandit58]

I tend to think that some Dommes will interprit subs telling you their desires as topping from the bottom.

Surely the Cumslut lady tells her master her desires? but maybe thats not topping from the bottom cos shes not as desperate cos shes a woman hence not easy enough to control and be blamed for such a thing as topping from the bottom, lol.

There's a difference between telling someone of your desires and banging on about them ad nauseam especially after being told not to

I know if I kept saying "Please Master I want such-and such tonight" I probably would never get it again!

 

[Jelly123]

For Cumslut kitten :- Send me an EMail I would appreciate being allowed into your mind and all the perverse and wonderfull filth whithin.

Then I can learn more about what makes some women tick sexually so as to improve myself and how I can please them.

 

[Aeroil]

okay.... so much wrong with that, I'm just going to tell you to stop being an idiot jelly

 

[Jelly123]

Having said all this Im pretty sure that and I have when I tell a woman my mind I will ask them what I can do for them in return to please them. Its imperitive.

I cant stand the 'He wants from me more than I can give him and the same on his part in the sense she wants more than I want to give' attitude of this thread.

Its wholy pointless, SweetDommes needs to be more Dominant and put her foot down and tell the stipulations of her relationship no matter how selfish or altruistic they are percieved as.

At the end of the day I think that control is and should be an illusion. Other wise you have an unhealthy relationship. My argument for this and the fact I sometimes prefer to call myself a bottom is that, when one person has too much power in a relationship the relationship ends. thats why there are so many good D/s with sub woman and not nearly as many with sub men.

I also get pissed off with people who slag bottoms off as though bottoms should become sub just cos others say so.

 

[Jelly123]

OK what is it thats wrong Aeriol?

 

[Jelly123]

Arent some male subs told they are just desperate when they say 'Anything you wish for Mistress'?

 

[Jelly123]

I dont even like being submissive sometimes cos as soon as Im in some real pain I'll do anything asked to do, its lovely during the playing time but then I cant get out of it and end up a differnt person. I think its called 'white out'.

 

[Aeroil]

ugh.... for starters, stop quadruple posting. Second of all, your points are all extremely random, and vague, and whatever meaning they have is obscured by grammar errors. Finally, a lotta male subs are just plain wierd lol, as I'm sure Karen knows better than I, jefferysub, who was here a little while ago, certainly creeped me out, you're delving too much into this at the wrong angle.

 

[Jelly123]

Aeroil :- I think you are right with what you say about the wrong angle. The truth is that I dont really understand!!!

Anyway I think that basically most Vanilla woman would get annoyed with a man asking for some kind of sex act all the time anyway.

 

[Aeroil]

lol..... jelly, I just meant I think you're overanalying the situation, espically since Karen has said he's cut off communication and he's gone.

 

[SweetDommes]

Actually, I talked to him last night, and after talking to him, he's out of the running. This topic has served it's purpose, I stuck to my guns this time when talking to him, and the problem is solved. Thank you to everyone who had pertanent (sp?) input.

 

[Aeroil]

pertinent.
Lol, but glad you got it worked out, did he give a reason as to why he wasn't online?

 

[SweetDommes]

pertinent.
Lol, but glad you got it worked out, did he give a reason as to why he wasn't online?

Thanks, I knew it didn't look right, but couldn't figure out what was right

And he said he was just really busy with work (since he's a truck driver like rob, I understand).