An author's question: 'fantasy bdsm' fic vs 'real' bdsm fic

[bridgeburner]

Probably not many (if any) folks in here will be able to address this but what about BDSM-Lite of the sort that has become pretty mainstream particularly in paranormal romance these last few years?

Most of that stuff drives me up the wall at some point. Some alpha hero has this big bad repuatation for being a Dominant but the most he ever does is tie the love interest up gently and then maybe spank her or convince her to have anal sex. Big whoop. So-called VANILLA guys do that shit nowadays.

Of course, I'm not much of a BDSM reader and I don't live that life. I'm a pervert and a bottom, but don't really fall within most people's BDSM definition as I understand it.

 

[Homburg]

On specific topics - I liked The Secretary. Like most American movies, it told its story too quickly and ham-handedly, but it was a good, fun movie, and I could actually relate to the characters' emotions, even as time-condensed and melodramatic as they were.

I enjoyed it as well. I've heard people criticise it because of the flaws and weakness shown by the top. That boggles me. Tops are people too, with all the human foibles everyone else has, plus a few more.

O and Beauty - no chance in hell I'll ever read or watch. Seen too many criticisms of just how big a mountain of BS is contained in each, from the alphabet sex crowd and the 'nilla crowd, to ever want to subject myself to that kinda rubbish.

I was given both by a girl I had for a bit. I think she was both trying to get me to "understand" her, and to give me an idea of the sort of thing she wanted. Blech.

 

[Katiecat]

I've been spanked quite black and blue. And here I am to tell the tale and do it to other people.

Which is totally fine when it's completely consensual -- and not something for novices to jump into. Bruises fade, but scars can be permanent -- and should only occur if both parties are really ok with the permanence aspect. I read a BDSM scene where the sub was gagged with a ball gag, in pretty serious bondage, and there was some breath play going on. This is a very bad mix. There was no indication of any kind of safe word or way for the sub to communicate that things had gone too far. That's the kind of fantasy scene that I worry about people taking literally.

I liked Secretary, too...it was fun to see a non-vanilla relationship on screen in a non-porno movie, even though yes, the story was condensed and a bit rushed. It was almost more a neat series of vignettes, and I really loved the scene where he is non-judgementally examining her self-inflicted scars, and the brief scene of her in her black wedding gown up against the tree...

And did anyone see the Family Guy episode where Lois, in a leather teddy, puts Peter in a spiked collar and hood, and reminds him, "The safety word is banana"? It makes me wonder, out of all the the millions who watch the show...how many people really understood the concept and knew what she was talking about?

 

[FurryFury]

Yes I find that frustrating.

I also hate the whole, a female Dom has to be cruel and break her toys thing. Then again is the,

"You belong to me." bullshit. Why? Because I'm special (supernatural, superdom, whatever, and I just KNOW.) meanwhile the pyl is all, "No I don't. When s/he calls me "little one" I get weak in the knees." KWIM? I'd want to deck some arrogant fuck that started that shit non-consensually with me.

That being said, many must like it. So, yay for them!

Probably not many (if any) folks in here will be able to address this but what about BDSM-Lite of the sort that has become pretty mainstream particularly in paranormal romance these last few years?

Most of that stuff drives me up the wall at some point. Some alpha hero has this big bad repuatation for being a Dominant but the most he ever does is tie the love interest up gently and then maybe spank her or convince her to have anal sex. Big whoop. So-called VANILLA guys do that shit nowadays.

Of course, I'm not much of a BDSM reader and I don't live that life. I'm a pervert and a bottom, but don't really fall within most people's BDSM definition as I understand it.

 

[Hisscarlett]

Being spanked black and blue is pretty normal for a lot of folk - and I am referring to consensual relationships. Bruises and welts are very pretty if given and taken in love. But I agree entirely with the comment that it is not for novices.

A whip in the hand of a skilled practitioner is a beautiful thing, leaving marks that can fade with time or which never fade - depending on the choices of those involved - but which in the hands of a novice can scar and mark in ways that were never imagined.

I said that I dislike the Secretary because of the way the Master is depicted as being mentally unstable and the implication is that his mental instability is the cause of his need to dominate and not another aspect of his personality. I would never judge those with mental problems having had a serious nervous breakdown myself several years ago. I just don't feel the movie handled that part of the story at all well.

As to the scene where breath play and a gag where involved, in the hands of a Master well versed in his skills and very intimately aware of his slave this can be safe but I agree that writing it without some form of check - even as simple as having the slave hold a ball that they could drop if need be or descriptions of the body checks that would be automatically run by the Master during such a scene - could be seen as a problem if read by someone who doesn't understand the risks.