An Honest Question

[Todger65]

Since I've revealed my medical issue I've been burned pretty hard. I feel like now I should just not say anything because when I do, people run. I've always felt that disclosing things that are important are just that. People seriously suck. Feeling rather emotional presently. I've always been very upfront about myself but am not sure if this is the right way to go now. Why are people such assholes?

Unfortunately MS is one of those conditions where outward signs are sometimes misread by others. You have bad days where you become unsteady and people not in the know think you are drunk, that type of thing.

I think basically that most people are afraid when confronted by medical conditions and disabilities in others. I see it all the time with my son. I’ve had kids who are curious enough to ask why he looks different or why he doesn’t walk, and their parent drag them off with comments about not talking to ‘someone like that’ that grows with that child and that’s where discrimination starts.

I think you and your Dom have the right idea. Clear communication by whatever means works for you both is important, and him being aware that today you may not react to his requests/actions the same as yesterday is not indicative of you not listening or choosing not to act the same, it is the condition taking over, therefore finding a means of communicating that is a priority. As your condition progresses you will need to constantly review that so you both understand and are on the same page.

I wish you both luck. My door is always open.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Unfortunately MS is one of those conditions where outward signs are sometimes misread by others. You have bad days where you become unsteady and people not in the know think you are drunk, that type of thing.

I think basically that most people are afraid when confronted by medical conditions and disabilities in others. I see it all the time with my son. I’ve had kids who are curious enough to ask why he looks different or why he doesn’t walk, and their parent drag them off with comments about not talking to ‘someone like that’ that grows with that child and that’s where discrimination starts.

I think you and your Dom have the right idea. Clear communication by whatever means works for you both is important, and him being aware that today you may not react to his requests/actions the same as yesterday is not indicative of you not listening or choosing not to act the same, it is the condition taking over, therefore finding a means of communicating that is a priority. As your condition progresses you will need to constantly review that so you both understand and are on the same page.

I wish you both luck. My door is always open.

Thank you. It didn't work it in the end but that's okay. I appreciate your reply and I agree, people fear what they do not understand or are unwilling to comprehend.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I just ran across this thread, Sally, I'm so glad that you did decide to be open and honest about medical things. Yes, people can decide to up and leave because of it, and it does hurt, but you made the right decision.
I am glad that he decided to stay and help you work through it. That takes a strong man, as much as you were a strong woman for saying it.

I wanted to address one thing though, unrelated to the specific situation, but related to the general concept... you are right to disclose, especially if it is something that could A) affect the dynamic or B) affect you in the longrun.
A partner of any type has the right to be aware of those things. The people who ran, though we may think it cowardly, it was actually well within their rights. Why? Because as much as we, as subs, get attached to our Doms they get attached to us too. It may well be that these people knew this all too well and did not want to face the knowledge that they may have to face a loss they were not prepared for. Yes, we all pass along in the end, but it is another matter entirely to know that someone you love has less time than you would have liked. The only time I cry foul is when someone promised to BE THERE, you counted on them to actually see it through, and then they up and adios. That is a jerk move.

Please let us know how you are getting on, and I hope with all my heart that you two have lots of wonderful joyful fulfilling time together with every day better and closer than the last.

If you ever need or want to talk, my inbox is open.
~Faith.

Thank you so much for your kind reply! I don't know how I missed this. I just wanted to let you know that your words mean a lot. Thank you

 

[Todger65]

Thank you. It didn't work it in the end but that's okay. I appreciate your reply and I agree, people fear what they do not understand or are unwilling to comprehend.

Sorry to hear that it didn’t work in the end.

As a Dom, I have 3 non negotiable conditions for any relationship. Total honesty, full confidentiality and reliability. If I accept a girl giving her submissiveness to me, I want to know during those first getting to know you sessions everything that would have an affect on the outcome of the relationship. That works both ways, by the way, as I’m no spring chicken at 70 and it has to be accepted, I won’t last forever.

I have never let a medical condition or need, or disability get in the way as long as everything else falls into place. I’ve never decided against a relationship based purely on this. It is about accepting the whole person. If however at a later date the girl said, by the way I have xzy then unless it is a new diagnosis it means they have broken one of my conditions. That means I have to seriously consider if I can trust them in the future.

I know this doesn’t help your current situation, but I just wanted to put over the view from a Dom’s point of view. I readily admit that I may be different to a lot of others, I do care about the total welfare of my submissive during and even after the dynamics have changed and we have mutually agreed break the bond for whatever reason, I still take an interest in them and their wellbeing.

 

[Scareltt]

Interesting topic.

After a few years of unknowing, I've finally (and not surprisingly) been diagnosed with MS. I've been out of the BDSM loop for over 10 years but have slowly eased my way back in knowing that it is a part of my life that I need fulfilled.

I have a very open dialogue with my Dom about it and he has asked me a ton of questions to make sure he understands how it affects me but I'm still nervous that something will happen to cause a problem. My main symptoms are forgetfulness, sometimes being unable to get my thoughts out verbally, and sometimes seeming like a total space cadet. All things I know can be upsetting when rules and control are main players.

His main concern is issuing punishment when it isn't warranted as me merely misbehaving. Ultimately, there isn't an easy way for him to know whether it's genuinely me trying and not being able to do what he asks, or if I'm being sassy.

Are there any Doms or subs who have experienced this, or does anyone have any thoughts, words of encouragement, or advice? I've considered leaving the D/s world but it truly feels like an empty void without it. At this point in time I'm just happy he is willing to work with me because I've talked to a few in the past who dropped off the face of the Earth after I've told them.

Thanks everyone, have a beautiful day

First I am so sorry about your illness. I do understand what it’s like to be on the other side of a denigrative disease.

My husband has a degenerative motion disorder, it also causes problems with his memory, plus depression, and a bunch of other stuff.

It’s not often that I have to punish, because he is such a pleaser. When he makes a mistake he is way harder on himself.

 

[sally_sparrow]

First I am so sorry about your illness. I do understand what it’s like to be on the other side of a denigrative disease.

My husband has a degenerative motion disorder, it also causes problems with his memory, plus depression, and a bunch of other stuff.

It’s not often that I have to punish, because he is such a pleaser. When he makes a mistake he is way harder on himself.

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner and am sorry for your husband and his condition. I am learning to manage my symptoms a little better and I realize now that the med trials I have done has my mood swinging up and down like crazy. It is such a lifestyle change that for most of last year, I could not accept. I realize this will never go away, so it is time to stop bitching and start healing so I can truly feel like myself again.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

I don’t have much to contribute in regards to your original post in the threads opening statement. But I did want to acknowledge reading your thread. it’s how we get to know each other a little better after all , isn’t it

Thxs for sharing
FF