And when it is over.....

[Ebonyfire]

Thank you, Shadowsdream.

I am keeping that in mind.

It is rather odd to call him by his given name but I am adjusting. It is harder for him, he cannot bring himself to call Me by My name yet.

I am taking some time to think about what I want and what kind of boy will best fit into My world. It will take time, but I will find another.


Thank you, MissT.


Helena

/hijack

Well, time is what we preach. Haste can be harmful in our lifestyle choice. We have seen that. So I see time as a dear friend, and not an enemy.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, time is what we preach. Haste can be harmful in our lifestyle choice. We have seen that. So I see time as a dear friend, and not an enemy.

Yes!

And how we use that time is what matters most.

Exploring ourselves, our needs, what our goals may be and readying ourselves to try again.

We learn from every relationship we have had and I value those lessons.

 

[A Desert Rose]

it is pretty bleak.

They say this passes, too.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: And when it is over.....

it is pretty bleak.

They say this passes, too.

It may pass, but sometimes you have to give it a drop kick!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: And when it is over.....

It may pass, but sometimes you have to give it a drop kick!

Today, I need a drop kick, I think. No wait... make it tomorrow instead.

 

[s'lara]

Wondering

Some time has passed on this thread. Nearly a month now. i hope those that were ending one path and beginning another are doing well.

What i was wondering is how do you break a connection that is so deeply ingrained? Where do you start when all you want is to keep that connection going because ... well frankly, that connection is the one thing that makes sense when all else doesn't? i am still struggling with that.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Wondering

Some time has passed on this thread. Nearly a month now. i hope those that were ending one path and beginning another are doing well.

What i was wondering is how do you break a connection that is so deeply ingrained? Where do you start when all you want is to keep that connection going because ... well frankly, that connection is the one thing that makes sense when all else doesn't? i am still struggling with that.

I think we call struggle with that, if you find the answer, please share.

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Wondering

I think we call struggle with that, if you find the answer, please share.

Only after i patent it and make the book/touring lecture deal.

oy vey angst. i could kick it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Wondering

Only after i patent it and make the book/touring lecture deal.

oy vey angst. i could kick it.

Of course, I could hardly expect any less. I am gonna want you to sign my copy of the book!

 

[Richard49]

Re: Thank You

Thank you for this thread.

As I have posted my wife and sub left me....it has been hard...
Each day I try to put one foot in front of the other ....however it is like .....while....a wheel is missing from a two wheel bycicle.

I have already learned much from this thread.

I have to agree with the statement that D/s relationships are much more intense........

Richard

and here I am a year later going through another break up

I do believe life is telling me that I am not relationship material

 

[Richard49]

Well, time is what we preach. Haste can be harmful in our lifestyle choice. We have seen that. So I see time as a dear friend, and not an enemy.

What do we do with the D/s type blue balls in the mean time?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: And when it is over.....

It may pass, but sometimes you have to give it a drop kick!

What is that ?
or is this a
"how do we do that"

 

[Richard49]

Re: Wondering

Some time has passed on this thread. Nearly a month now. i hope those that were ending one path and beginning another are doing well.

What i was wondering is how do you break a connection that is so deeply ingrained? Where do you start when all you want is to keep that connection going because ... well frankly, that connection is the one thing that makes sense when all else doesn't? i am still struggling with that.

make a list of every reward you "think" you get/got from the relationship.

Now look at each one carefully and see how much of it is REAL and how much is FANTASY

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Thank You

and here I am a year later going through another break up

I do believe life is telling me that I am not relationship material

Maybe life is telling you that the women who were in Your life didn't know what They had. Doesn't make You unfit for relationships ... just makes them unfit for You.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Thank You

Maybe life is telling you that the women who were in Your life didn't know what They had. Doesn't make You unfit for relationships ... just makes them unfit for You.

thank you

I have to remember it takes 2

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Thank You

thank you

I have to remember it takes 2

Yep or that tango would look pretty silly ...

 

[exiledmaster]

I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone for sharing in this thread.
I'm just in the throes of setting aside a vivid D?S cyber relationshp with someone I love dearly because she has a need to be in some kind of R/L relationship now, although of a vanilla form.
It's tough, we want to remain friends since we were friends before we ever pressed each other's cyber buttons. Simple things, like remembering not to say 'I'll spank you for that' when she takes the mickey on the phone, make life a little tough.
The sheer variety of each response here has reminded me of the variety of experience, and the things we have in common. Oddly, I'm smiling now...

thanks...

 

[s'lara]

I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone for sharing in this thread.
I'm just in the throes of setting aside a vivid D?S cyber relationshp with someone I love dearly because she has a need to be in some kind of R/L relationship now, although of a vanilla form.
It's tough, we want to remain friends since we were friends before we ever pressed each other's cyber buttons. Simple things, like remembering not to say 'I'll spank you for that' when she takes the mickey on the phone, make life a little tough.
The sheer variety of each response here has reminded me of the variety of experience, and the things we have in common. Oddly, I'm smiling now...

thanks...

Sorry to hear about Your recent ending. But i am glad You found some comfort here on the board. Reading the posts does tend to help.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Wondering

What i was wondering is how do you break a connection that is so deeply ingrained? Where do you start when all you want is to keep that connection going because ... well frankly, that connection is the one thing that makes sense when all else doesn't?

There's no easy answer to this one.

I admire people who can break up from such a deep relationship and remain friends. For me, I can't do that. I've only been in the situation you described once (thankfully!) -- that was around 6 years ago when I broke up with my ex-wife of 8 years who I still loved very much. But... she preferred women... can't do much with that.

Anyway, it got very messy, and my life turned into various episodes of "Friends". For example, I ended up breaking up with one women largely because I still wanted to be free to have sex with my ex-wife if she wanted it...

In the end, I had to ask her to get out of my life completely. It was tearing me apart, I didn't know how to deal with it, I was doing counselling, trying to hold my career together... and just falling apart.

Total lack of communication hurt -- it was the hardest thing I ever did. But, I got my life back, I got my space back, and eventually I got my head and my heart back.

I still have feelings for her, but I'm glad we moved on. In the end it was best for us both.

And perhaps that's the key -- recognising that your life will improve, that the pain is transitory, and that no matter how bleak it looks, life will get better.

So, my lesson for myself was not to make a break-up half-hearted, but to make a complete break. And perhaps some time in the future, I may be a friend to this woman again. But... I doubt it.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Thank You

I have to remember it takes 2

Patience is always the hardest lesson. And finding the right person/people always takes patience, a willingness to meet, make mistakes, get hurt, move on.

One thing I have learnt, Richard, is never to discount life. While it throws you some real hard curve balls at times... at other times, life is just "wow!" And usually the "wow" moments happen at the most surprising times.

So keep plugging.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The only way to get over the past is to look to the future..sounds so simple when written in one sentence...and perhaps it is in many ways...living in the past closes the door to the future.
Running to the next relationship to bury the last one may soothe the one that is running to it for a short time as an ego massager...BUT..it holds no fairness to the replacement partner.
I feel this applies most strongly in BDSM relationships where trust and honesty are the back bone of integrity. Desperation never finds the right partner.

 

[Ebonyfire]

<snip>Desperation never finds the right partner.

AMEN!

 

[Richard49]

The only way to get over the past is to look to the future..sounds so simple when written in one sentence...and perhaps it is in many ways...living in the past closes the door to the future.
Running to the next relationship to bury the last one may soothe the one that is running to it for a short time as an ego massager...BUT..it holds no fairness to the replacement partner.
I feel this applies most strongly in BDSM relationships where trust and honesty are the back bone of integrity. Desperation never finds the right partner.

and when you do not believe the future has anything positive to hold for you?

 

[Shadowsdream]

and when you do not believe the future has anything positive to hold for you?

You stop and ask Yourself how many times in the past You have felt this way before. If Your answer is even once Your honesty must tell You that the pain of the moment is clouding Your vision.

 

[lark sparrow]

Tenacity

That was brilliant in it's truth and simplicity, Shadowsdream.

It is truly a time of deep uncertainty and struggle on so many levels for so many people. Sometimes enduring is the best we can do until the next inevitable wave of change. As my German grandmother says "It's a good life, if you don't weaken."

And as harsh as that sounds, there's a bit of truth in it. We are all weak in some ways and life is uncertain, though when things are good we forget. Finding perspective, mutual support and utilizing resources (however little or hidden they may seem) is a good way to stay or become strong(er) to outlast the tough times.