Another take on Disappointment

[Shadowsdream]

You are right, in all relationships people are sorted and stacked. I am usually dominate in many social, personal and professional situations, which is why I enjoy submission at home.

In another thread I explained my craving for for my master/husband to dominate more. What I don't understand is why he (or other dominates ??) can't see that to really show love for a submissive is to dominate them.

I am not trying to say we can't have other forms of affection but... as a sub I feel a great need that only he as my master can fufill and that is his primary role - just as mine should be to serve. My favorite time is after a scene or just anytime that I have really pleased him to be able to cuddle and hold each other - That to me is love and fufillment.

Am I totally off base?

Madi

you are TOTALLY on base for what I have tried to say...thank you for saying it from the sub in love side.
submission generally does NOT want to be coddled. They can begin to feel abandoned or taken for granted if the Domination they crave and need loses its punch.
Love can be heaven or hell in a BDSM relationship..it can and often does breed its own kind of guilt.
It can also be the glue that binds...the choice lies in the hands of the Dominant...
thank you for joining the conversation.
It looks like I have a lot of catching up to do in this thread.

 

[bored1]

Would individuals who are in a D/s relationship be considered co-dependent?

 

[Shadowsdream]

I agree with this statement. I think D/s is an inherent personality trait to people. I think those traits are stronger in some than in others.

I think some people are more dominate, and in turn more submissive, at certain times and under certain circumstances. In my job, I have to show more dominate traits, assertiveness for example. As a mom, I have to be more assertive.

But in my personal life I seek out Dominate men. I crave the opportunity to relinquish control to another and doing so sexually fills that need for me.

Yes and no...the no being that D/s is mental and not physical...to this Domme it is the entire enchilada.
The definitions fit the people in the relationship.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Would individuals who are in a D/s relationship be considered co-dependent?

Not a healthy relationship.

The purpose of a D/s relationship is the fulfillment of both parties. A codependency is a negative impact relationship, no one benefits.

Ebony

 

[bored1]

Not a healthy relationship.

The purpose of a D/s relationship is the fulfillment of both parties. A codependency is a negative impact relationship, no one benefits.

Ebony

I understand the fulfillment part, But, could it not be said that each person is dependent on the other to have that fulfillment? Am I making sense?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I understand the fulfillment part, But, could it not be said that each person is dependent on the other to have that fulfillment? Am I making sense?

I was thinking co-dependency as an addictive manifestation.

If you are meaning a symbiotic relationship, I would agree with you. Yin and yang.

Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

I understand the fulfillment part, But, could it not be said that each person is dependent on the other to have that fulfillment? Am I making sense?

Not co-dependent, but as Eb said balanced (yin and yang).

 

[maddi]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your advice.

Ebony- We have done a checklist and thanks to you I reminded him (gently) that he might want to revisit it. I also asked him to visit the boards here if he felt that he needed to learn more.

He does love me a great deal but I think he understands better now what I need in terms of love.

It is funny because so many of his hang ups had to do with traditional relationship stuff and not the D/s side of it, when you really got down to it.

Just my two cents on co-dependency, I feel I am not co-dependant because I can understand and articulate what I need and want healthily. I used to be co-dependant in an early relationship and that one was crazy; the person you are co-dependant on drags you into their messes and makes you responsible for their failures.

I willingly submit to my master/ husband and he is now responsible for my successes as well as my messes. This is achievement and improvement the other is depressing and trapping.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your advice.

Ebony- We have done a checklist and thanks to you I reminded him (gently) that he might want to revisit it. I also asked him to visit the boards here if he felt that he needed to learn more.

He does love me a great deal but I think he understands better now what I need in terms of love.

It is funny because so many of his hang ups had to do with traditional relationship stuff and not the D/s side of it, when you really got down to it.

Just my two cents on co-dependency, I feel I am not co-dependant because I can understand and articulate what I need and want healthily. I used to be co-dependant in an early relationship and that one was crazy; the person you are co-dependant on drags you into their messes and makes you responsible for their failures.

I willingly submit to my master/ husband and he is now responsible for my successes as well as my messes. This is achievement and improvement the other is depressing and trapping.

It seems to me you have started the journey very well together. There are ups and downs to be sure, but if you take it slowly, I am sure you will eventually get where to your destination.

Glad, to see you posting,

Eb