Anyone for limer(l)icks?

[PeterBilt]

Last one:

As interest hasn't been strong, I will retire this thread with the following:

He hated to sew, so young Ned
Rang the bell of his neighbor instead;
But her husband said, "Vi,
When you stitched his torn fly,
There was no need to bite off the thread."

 

[lovetoread]

Peterbilt,

There is a thread started about limericks on the General Board.

I put a link to this on there.

 

[PeterBilt]

Thanks

LovetoRead!

Of course, now I suppose I'll have to post some more ...

 

[PeterBilt]

There was a young fellow named Hatch
Who was fond of the music of Bach.
He said: "It's not fussy
Like Brahms and Debussy;
Sit down, and I'll play you a snatch."

 

[lovetoread]

Found one

A scandal involving an oyster
Sent the Countess of Clewes to a cloister.
She preferred it in bed
To the Count, so she said,
Being longer, and stronger, and moister.

 

[PeterBilt]

Good one!

Here is today's:

An authoress armed with a skewer
Once hunted a hostile reviewer;
"I'll teach him," she cried,
"When I've punctured his hide,
To call my last novel too pure."

 

[lovetoread]

There was a young man named Murray
Who made love to a girl in a surrey.
She started to sigh
But someone walked by,
So he buttoned his pants in a hurry.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Two for one

Most famous?

There once was a man from Nantuckett
who's dick was so long, he could suck it
he said with a grin
as he wiped off his chin
if my ear were a cunt, I would fuck-it!

****

My favorite -

There once was a man from far-rockaway
who could smell a cunt a block-away
he took a whiff
and caught the siff
and now it's eating his cock-away

****

There once was a caveman named Dave
who kept a dead whore in a cave
she had no left tit
he didn't give a shit
he just thought of the money he saved

****

There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep, in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he tickled his penis
and woke up with his hands full of goo



I'll end now before the fruit starts flying

 

[PeterBilt]

Thanks

to LTR and ShamelessFlirt for participating; any more lickers lurking?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

How many more do you want?

I can dig em up for days ....


There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

One last which deserves it's own space

Yesterday's Island Limerick Challenge 1998
Limerick Challenge
This series of limericks was discovered in a June 14, 1924 edition of a Nantucket newspaper. It all began when the "Princeton Tiger" revived the then well-known limerick printed below and the "Chicago Tribune" answered with the second limerick. The "New York Exchange" went one step further with the third rhyme, and the "Pawtucket Times" took over from there. We invite you to add to the trio's adventures.
A few years ago, "Yesterday's Island" encouraged readers to continue the saga. This year, because of repeated requests, we again challenge our readers to write their own "chapters." (Limericks should have five lines that follow the rhythm in the examples below.) Send the limericks to us at P.O. Box 626, Nantucket, MA 02554; we will be pleased to share it with our readers. You can also E-Mail your limerick to limerick@Nantucket.net


There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
-Princeton Tiger

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
-Chicago Tribune

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nant and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.
-Exchange

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man-
The cash and the bucket, Pawtucket.
-Pawtucket Times

There now is a man from Nantucket,
Who used to have cash in a bucket;
Today, sad but true,
He hasn't a sou,
Since the man who ran off with Nantucket.
-Linda Young, Osterville, MA

Nan decided to chuck it-
The adventure, the man, and Paw's bucket.
Whe opened a store
Three miles from a moor
And, delighted, grew rich in Nantucket.
-F. S. Trott, Wayne, New Jersey

Nan followed her Pa down to Wheeling,
The bucket of bills to be stealing.
But her Pa wasn't scared,
And became well-prepared,
He knew she'd be Wheeling and dealing.
-Margaret Dale, Longmeadow, MA

The scam about Nan running off with a man
Leaving Pa without cash or his bucket,
Tis unfair and untrue,
If you all only knew,
Nan, Pa, and bucket are all at Consue.
-C.E.T., Nantucket

Nan's tryst with the man soon turned rancid.
She could fend for herself while in transit,
So Nan on the lam
Told the man he could scram,
And they split when they reached Narraganset.

Nan returned to her home in Siasconset,
With the bucket for whoever wants it.
Bedecked in bright lace
She, not one to efface,
Said: "I gots it and I'm gonna flaunts it."
-P.J. Duffy, Manchester, NH

The bucket wound up in Kentucky,
Where Nan bought a horse named Nantucky.
When the Derby took place,
Nan's horse won the race
So she dumped Man and called herself lucky.
-Suzanne Hardin, Troy, OH

The Man first hid the cash when he tuck it,
But when grabbing it from where he stuck it,
Along came a cop.
He had no time to drop
It, to hide it, or simply to shuck it.
-Judith Huggins Balfe, Montclair, NJ

A modern-day Nan would have snuck it,
(The bucket, that is) from Nantucket.
Her Paw wouldn't guess
She had had UPS,
(For safety, she wanted to truck it).

She had it sent up to Alaska,
It's farther, she thought, than Nebraska.
Did she and her man
Fool her Paw with this plan?
Well, the next time I see her, Alaska!
-Margaret D. Dale, Longmeadow, MA

Nan's lover, named Kit, was from Madaket
And there he returned to be close to it
not the lost love of Nan
but Pa's gold, was his plan
But, now Nan and her Dad are both Madaket
-Tom Dobbins, Madison, CT

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose finger he pinched in a bucket.
As he roared and complained,
His distraught wife exclaimed
"Don't go on so, my dear, just go suck it!"
-Miriam A. Kilmer

Now, where in the Hell is that bucket?
Has it surfaced again in Nantucket?
I just can't keep track.
Did someone bring it back?
Is there cash left; perhaps just a Ducat?
-Matthew Kilmer, Ormond Beach, FL

While the bucket was stashed in Alaska,
It was found by a man named Prohaska.
He said with a grin,
I know it's a sin,
But I'll hide it in Lincoln, Nebraska.

When he tucked the bucket in Lincoln,
Prohaska started to thinkin,
Perhaps I'll call Nan
And be her new man
And up with her I'll be linkin'.

Now Paw was back in Nantucket,
Wondering where in the heck was his bucket.
He tried to call Nan,
But instead got a man,
Twas Prohaska from Nebraska in 'Sconset.

-Matthew Kilmer, Ormond Beach, FL

 

[lovetoread]

Re: How many more do you want?

I can dig em up for days ....


There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Bad....very bad.......lol

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

I spared you ...

the visual ...

 

[PeterBilt]

Great ones, Shameless!

Thanks for participating. And as far as that goes, stay in as long as it is fun ... thanks, PeterBilt.

 

[lovetoread]

John's testicles groaned and said, "Ouch!",
As he fondled young Jane on the couch.
Said the left, "I feel blue";
Said the right one, "Me too",
As they jiggled around in their pouch.

Contributed by
Larry M.

from the site... Limerick of the day..

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Original

There once was a gal named Love2read
to whom many men would beg and plead
after going through the motions
she caused some comotions
when she told them "This shit I don't need"

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

How could I forget ...

In the days of old
when men were very bold
and the scumbag wasn't invented
men wrapped their cocks
in wollen socks
and the baby was prevented


In the days of old
when men were very bold
and toilets weren't invented
men lay their load
on the side of the road
and walk away contented

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Original

There once was a gal named Love2read
to whom many men would beg and plead
after going through the motions
she caused some comotions
when she told them "This shit I don't need"

I loved it! Thanks.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Equal opportunity

Here's the legend of Peter Built
who's member filled women to the hilt
he'd pound away
through night into day
until he turned into Peter Wilt

 

[lovetoread]

That was good,now since I cannot write one to save my life, how about one with your name?

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

insert patented "Who me" look here

There once was a wise ass named Flirt
who tried dating women without getting hurt
his humor and charm
may have saved him from harm
but didn't stop them from being curt

 

[lovetoread]

Bravo...standing up and clapping for you....

 

[PeterBilt]

Re: Equal opportunity

Here's the legend of Peter Built
who's member filled women to the hilt
he'd pound away
through night into day
until he turned into Peter Wilt

Now, why does this sound familiar? LTR?

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Re: Equal opportunity

Now, why does this sound familiar? LTR?

Hey now...dont look at me....

 

[PeterBilt]

Beware! groaner ...

Such a flirt with the ladies was Shameless,
That they couldn't see how he was blameless,
But he played a clean game,
Winning love through the same,
Such that he never was one to be dame-less.