anyone like to self harm?

[Bondagebunni]

At least part of this has been said and others, i have no clue but I'm far to lazy to ready everything before posting and also too eager. So if it's been said, it could stand to be reiterrated (I have no clue how that's spelled).

The biggest problem with cutting yourself is that it's addictive. It's a drug that you start needing more and more of for that same feeling and it's probably one of the most difficult ones to quit. I've never met anyone who didn't relapse at least a few times after quitting and who don't always feel the urge when stressed out. Including myself.

Now I can understand a little blood play as part of a scene, that's one thing. But when you're doing it to yourself as a form of release. That's dangerous. Very few people who cut are suicidal but because of the increasing need for more, It often gets to that point because the person doing it is trying to get that same feeling and taking it too far.

Please, PLEASE get yourself evaluated by a psychiatrist. You're in some very dangerous territory.

 

[Pure]

Sunfox said,

But see, that's where our [SF and Etoile] paths diverge. I don't think everyone who is depressed is mentally ill, nor that everyone who is anxious is mentally ill. If they are of the constantly anxious or depressed variety, then yes. But I don't fall under that category... I get depressed when a family member dies, or a pet, or if things are going badly for me, but I'm far from depressed clinically.

I don't necessarily feel that it's true that an overwhelming majority of SI are mentally unstable.. think of the number of teenage girls who do it in that age frame, but are fine in adulthood. That would imply that the vast majority of the female sex is mentally unstable. Which some men might agree with, but that's neither here nor there.

And no, you didn't say all were, but it was implied that a lot are.. but since that's not the way it was meant, it's all good. I was just attempting to clarify in the earlier post, since it was coming across that way.
---------

I like your slant. You're saying ' Don't pathologize everthing.' It's pretty well known that somehow alleged 'women's problems' make it to DSM manuals far more often than men's (the old diagnosis of 'dependent personality' is one example; there was no corresponding pathologically 'independent' and disconnected from others diagnosis.)

I've been trying also to say that we don't exactly know of the risks jeffrey is taking; carrying out Etoile's example of the stuntman, they know what they're doing. the guy who just jumps in a barrel and goes over Niagara falls (ha!) into a different category. or course he may just be foolish, not crazy.

For those who don't know it, "Whose life is it anyway?" is a movie derived from a play. In it, a sculptor played by R. Dreyfuss is in an accident and paralyzed from the neck down, permanently. (More or less like the late C Reeve.) After some months of rehab, he decides that life is not worth living without use of his hands, and ability to do many other things. He is not in great physical pain. He asks to be unplugged from the kidney machine. {In other words, he cannot kill himself, unassisted. A not uncommon situation for certain diseases.} The heroic doctor, at that point, diagnoses depression, and starts sedating and force feeding him. The case goes to court, and the issue becomes -- does the wish to die, per se, count as a symptom of depression, or defining sign of it? Another issue is the dr's alleged 'duty' to preserve life, by any and all means; does this 'trump' the patients right to say, 'no more.'

The man wins the case and is unplugged from the kidney machine. Hence he'll die in a few days, after going into coma.

"Leaving Las Vegas" is about a fellow, played by Cage, who decides to drink himself to death, i'm not sure why; probably the usual despair thing as well as being incurably alcoholic. only the 'pro' is able to keep him company; honor the wish and respect the decision. friends and family cannot really stand the idea and refrain from interfering.

 

[Etoile]

We can chase this around in circles all day, or we can just move on. I choose the latter. Some of you might see this as an admission of defeat; rest assured that it is not. I simply recognize that I won't convince anybody else to understand my point of view, and I know that no amount of horse-beating will alter my opinion on this matter.

One thing I do appreciate is that this thread became more a discussion of mental illness than a connection between SI and BDSM. As I mentioned in my first reply, I didn't want to see that explored here, but I think the discussion that did take place was a good one.

Pure, thanks for the movie recommendations. Whose Life sounds like one I would definitely enjoy.

 

[sunfox]

I like your slant. You're saying ' Don't pathologize everthing.' It's pretty well known that somehow alleged 'women's problems' make it to DSM manuals far more often than men's (the old diagnosis of 'dependent personality' is one example; there was no corresponding pathologically 'independent' and disconnected from others diagnosis.)

I've been trying also to say that we don't exactly know of the risks jeffrey is taking; carrying out Etoile's example of the stuntman, they know what they're doing. the guy who just jumps in a barrel and goes over Niagara falls (ha!) into a different category. or course he may just be foolish, not crazy.

That's it in a nutshell. Everyone suffers depression at some point in their life.. usually a lot more than just once. Everyone is anxious over things. Everyone at some time thinks 'there must be a way to let this stress out other than flipping out at my loved ones'. Cutters cut. I'm not saying it's good, I'm not saying it's suicidal or mentally unstable. It is a coping mechanism that can either be therapeutic or dangerous, depending upon the underlying personality of the person doing the cutting. What is not dangerous for me, could be for someone else, and that's something I would never bother to deny.

But broadstroke generalizations pull the subject from the realm of choice into 'I'm nuts.. I can't help it'.. which I think is counterproductive. Too many people nowadays like to find excuses to justify whatever dangerous behavior they enjoy indulging in, and I think that's part of why it's so popular a thing.

Take away the excuses and the justifications, and SI is simply a symptom. But not only of depression, not of suicidal tendency, not of mental illness, not of a stress coping mechanism... because all of these things and none of these things can be a part of it.

**

Etoile, for the record, I'm not picking on you.. just choosing to answer yours and Pure's posts currently because I am interested in your point of view. So if it feels antagonistic, my apologies.. that is not the spirit in which my posts were intended. It's not a big deal if you don't convert me to your way of thinking. What fun would a discussion board be with a lot of head nodding and no differing viewpoints?

 

[Etoile]

Etoile, for the record, I'm not picking on you.. just choosing to answer yours and Pure's posts currently because I am interested in your point of view. So if it feels antagonistic, my apologies.. that is not the spirit in which my posts were intended. It's not a big deal if you don't convert me to your way of thinking. What fun would a discussion board be with a lot of head nodding and no differing viewpoints?

Good point.

I'm glad to hear you're interested in my point of view, thank you! I'm not bowing out of the discussion altogether, but I was starting to feel like that horse was getting pretty abused so I agree to disagree. We can certainly discuss other aspects of the issue - I'd be especially interested to see if jeffreysub ever comes back - but I need to give the "does SI = instability y/n" issue a rest.

Regarding my own recent SI: I don't think I realized while doing it just how severe I was being. I finally figured out to turn the mirror around and use the magnifying side, and I was quite surprised to see just what I'd done.

 

[robynwildchild]

mmmmmmm

I'm just currious to know if anyone besides myself like to cutt themselves? You know take a nice sharp blade and slash into their flesh, glorifying in the pleasure of despair. Feeling the blood wash down your arms and legs knowing that to feel the pain like you've never felt before and far more intimate than what another can possably give?

Your body the vehicle to wherever you want to go...

Just wondering if anyone here feels the same as me.

tattoos. i used to draw on myself with a pen....
picking at cuts/scabs and making myself bleed has always been a thing with me
i used to suck on my arms and give myself bruises when i as in first grade.. the teachers thought i was being abused... i've stapled my fingers..accidentally eletricuted myself once on a faulty electrical chord... not bad but i liked the feeling so i kept doin it.... lol.

 

[sunfox]

Regarding my own recent SI: I don't think I realized while doing it just how severe I was being. I finally figured out to turn the mirror around and use the magnifying side, and I was quite surprised to see just what I'd done.

That's when it's particularly dangerous.. but it's good that you realized how badly you'd hurt yourself.. some never do.

I've cut myself very badly only one time.. and while I didn't feel the pain at the time because I was so upset and angry with the situation that triggered the SI, it shocked me enough that I've never done it like that since, but the scar is still there.. fading, thankfully.

 

[Kirabeth]

Cutting

this subject has recently became of great interest to me, not on a Bdsm or D/s level but more of on a personel level as my daughter has started cutting herself.

She is 12 be 13 in a month, and bipolar, she has alot of anger built up, and she doesn't know how to release it so she, self directs it and has started cutting herself. The first few times I noticed it she would try to cover it up but she is in theropy and now comes to me first but its not always easy to find other outlets for her and she still eventually ends up cutting herself.

I don't have a problem with people who find cutting a pleasurable experince if it is what one truely wants, I just advice them to take a second look at themself and see if there is a deeper reason as to why they are doing it. If your reasons are justified then thats wonderful, but if you can't justify your reasons then step back reevaluate and get some help or find someone to talk to.

 

[Etoile]

Oh Kirabeth, I'm sorry to hear that. She is so young and I know it must be difficult for you each time she feels she has to resort to cutting. It sounds like you've already taken the right steps. Is she on medication for the bipolar disorder? That would likely help too.

 

[Kirabeth]

no she is not on medication at this time but her Doctor is considering putting her on it, she sees him once a week at this time.

We think that what has caused her to sink to thisl evel is the loss of her grandfather, he died of cancer, and when he was diagnosed she started withdrawing and then after his passing she got really depressed and really angry and she never really grieved for him, and then we found some lumps on her the base of her skull and had to have them removed and biopsied (spelling sucks I know) it came back negative but she reacted badly to it and her anger just built up and things went down hill for her from there. But We are working on them and she asked for help herself so it was a good thing.

Thank you for your concern, it does help having others who will talk, listen and offer advice from time to time.

 

[thedig]

no she is not on medication at this time but her Doctor is considering putting her on it, she sees him once a week at this time.

We think that what has caused her to sink to thisl evel is the loss of her grandfather, he died of cancer, and when he was diagnosed she started withdrawing and then after his passing she got really depressed and really angry and she never really grieved for him, and then we found some lumps on her the base of her skull and had to have them removed and biopsied (spelling sucks I know) it came back negative but she reacted badly to it and her anger just built up and things went down hill for her from there. But We are working on them and she asked for help herself so it was a good thing.

Thank you for your concern, it does help having others who will talk, listen and offer advice from time to time.

I am sorry to hear about that. I know what it feels like to go off the deep end when a loss of that magnitude happens. I have been there with losing my grandfather then several other people within a course of two funerals a yr for the past 6 yrs. It is hard to deal with and it caused a depression to come out in me. I am glad that I never did think about cutting myself b/c I don't think that would release any pain or hurt that I had, however I do work with people that do that and it makes me wonder what goes through their minc when they do that. One girl I work with has damaged herself so bad that she has to get plastic surgery now b/c of the damage she did to her skull. I also see people who have came in with cut marks all over them and wish I could do something to help them. I admire you for sticking by your daughter and wish you the best of luck. One bit of advice from a health proffessional, if she goes on medication which i suggest would be a good thing make sure she stays on the meds, b/c the more a person would happen to stop taking the the more they are suseptable to gaining tolerance to the type of meds they are on and will have to go to a different medicine.

 

[Ucellis]

You do self-harm, or you like to?

im sorry for the late reply, i like to.

 

[Etoile]

I find it hard to wrap my head around those who are chiming in on this thread with a simple "yes, I do" comment. I think in a discussion like this it's almost required that more explanation be provided to lend credence to jeffreysub's original theory. So for those of you who have mentioned that you like to do SI for its own sake and not because it provides you with release, excuse, or escape...WHY do you like it? WHY does it feel good? And on a related note, how do you feel about the discussion we've had about whether SI is a symptom of mental distress for many who do it?

 

[Ucellis]

I find it hard to wrap my head around those who are chiming in on this thread with a simple "yes, I do" comment.

Ahh.. alrighty then. I tend to try to stay away from these conversations because after awhile you get sick of those people who on their own terms decide that its bad for you, when they are not you.
I enjoy self harm yes. I do not do it alot now because of those first stated terms and I havn't gotten around to explaining to the current boyfriend so he would understand, instead of just finding these marks and blowing up.
For me, it is a release, its that soft pain across your skin that you can focus on for the rest of the day,or the night, that eases the nightmares in your mind.
... to further explain, personally so people don't lash out saying there are other ways to do this.. or that im a 'newbie' because of my 'number count'. When I was in highschool I was in a mental and physically abusive relationship that lasted for about a year and half. He did rape me and so did some of his friends.. ending with him trying to kill me by running me over with his car and getting booted out.

Not going into further detail of that.. I have nightmares now and then, my psychologist saying that, because I pushed the memories deep in the back of my mind, they are now coming out.

back to the point... the warm touch of pain is welcoming after waking up sweating and crying in the middle of the night and trying not to wake up a roommate...

is that a good explanation?

 

[Etoile]

Thank you for explaining your reasoning, Ucellis. I appreciate your candor.

 

[DarkLadyOfDeath]

I started cutting myself when I turned 11-12... I did it just about everyday on the bus-drive to school. I was mentally and physically abused at school by class-mates.. other females. I spent just about every lunch break at the nurses office they would torment me so bad I would throw up from teh nerves alone.

I continued cuttng into highschool where i soon developed anorexia.. I was always a skinny kids and it wasn't induced because I thought I was fat.. I just didn't eat. I delt with Mono for two years (sophmore-junior).. Junior year was worst.. started takeing no-doze, cutting my wrists(still scars), anorexia, tail end of Mono, almost daily beatings by my mother. yeah I know this is about cutting in specific.. but It'll all tie in I promise..

senior year dropped out of day-school.. went to night school... Anorexia pulled back abit.. I was over 100 lbs.. better 'n 80.. Cutt myself daily.. usually in my car right before class or right after work..3-6pm everyday.. It became a ritual of sorts...was diagnosed with Schelraderma that year too... Doctors told me if I was lucky I'de see another 5 years at that point..

And heres my point... Everyone has their own version of life.. the good and the bad.. Threw all that bad.. and trying to passively kill myself.. because the gods know a few times I would have.. not just once or twice.. Pills.. asphixiation.. slashing my wrists... I've done it all.. I'm not proud.. But I'm not ashamed.

I've been readign a few of these posts.. some more the once... And I can't agree with anyone.. and I can't disagree... really...

I can say.. This much.. Unless someone is "Seriousely" Chemically imbalanced in the brain.. I'de keep your counsil on takeing drugs.. speaking personally of my own trials.. when I was on Zoloft I was a Zombie.. I functioned.. and not much more... I'm not overexagerating .. or underexagerateing.. Thats simply how I was. I've been off the anti-depressants now for almost a year and a half.. When I first went off Zoloft.. and it was a slow process.. Was the last time I cut my wrists..and to tell the simply cut-paste version.. IT WAS HELL. I use to cut myself because I couldn't express my emotions in anyother way.. I cut myself when I went off the Zoloft.. because I was just empty.. and I was so tired of being empty..

I've got a Cousin now who's 17 battleing with cutting/anorexia ...

I'm a firm beliver in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

But I wouldn't have had my darling horse threw those years.. I Can Guarantee 100%.. I would not be here this moment. I'de have died long ago.

And I'm good and scared.. I begged for help for years... My mother had to sneak me under my father's nose to see a psychiatrist.. and then specialists...

Cutting all depends on the context..

I enjoy pain now in a sexual manner.. Does this mean It's because when I was young I was beaten by my classmates.. then later my mother?.. I don't believe so I've never been raped.. or abused in a sexual manner either. I never say my classmates in a sexual manner.. I didn't have sex until I was out of highschool.. I discovered I enjoyed pain in highschool.. did that stem from the endorphin rush of cutting?.. maybe?.. But I don't cut now.. so Is the SI I do while playing with myself a projection of the cutting I did in the past? btw.. SI.. never seen it short handed like that.. Yes I enjoy inflicting pain on myself to this day.. in a sexual setting only.. I don't like raw pain. But do those that like raw pain right out of the box any different then cutters truely?... It all depends on perspective I wager.

Do I still think about cutting when I start feeling helpless, cutting was a release of the internal pain as well as control.. I couldn't control the things around me.. but I could "control" my pain.... The answer.. of course.

The question to ask I don't think is.. Is this a healthy physical activity.. but Why are you doing it?.. what are your thoughts when your doing it.. are those healthy?

Now that I've rambled on..and everyone knows I'm a psycho now... and my mind is a whirling as usual.. bad brain.. no cookie... I'm thinking.. oh hell.. I can't remember now...

 

[Etoile]

Wow - that is a very powerful post, DarkLadyofDeath. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. It sounds like you've definitely been down, but you're definitely not out.

I've been in a similar situation myself - I know what you mean about "if I'd wanted to kill myself, I could have at any time."

I think "SI" is probably a term that arose on the internet. It's pretty common on sites that deal with this issue.

 

[Legendary Child]

Okay before I say anything else, I'll admit that I havent read the entire thread. So if I repeat what someone has already said I apologize. As for offending someone, sometimes you have to, but seeing the debate on this subject amazed me.

I am a cutter. Yes, there have been times when I have done it to release the pressures I am feeling and otherwise incapable of expressing. But most of the time it is done simply out of pleasure and gratification. The pain quickly subsiding into a form of bliss that only one who has done it for such purposes can understand. I wont say that it's for everyone, and it can be dangerous. The key to it is to know your body, your limits and more precisely what the hell you're doing when you cut. Such as, have the common sense not to slash a main artery. I have also done scarring, or carving, which for those that don't know is a form of body modifictaion and can be very beautiful. This also involves cutting.

And with the ones that think it is a form of illness, you are right. But as Iread in a previous post on here, not everyone who cuts is crazy, just like not everyone who sneezes has a cold. There are a lot of resources out there on this subject, both as an illness and as a fetish. I know several people who use cutting as a form of pleasure, both on themselves and on others.

So to the person who started the thread. I agree with you and do share the same behaviors. Thank you for starting this thread. Hopefully it will educate those who do not know about this rare art and birng everyone to an understanding of the saying "To each his own"

 

[Etoile]

There are a lot of resources out there on this subject, both as an illness and as a fetish. I know several people who use cutting as a form of pleasure, both on themselves and on others.

Perhaps the difference is in the details - that is, in the semantics. I tend to define "cutter" as someone who cuts for pathological reasons, not as someone who is into autoerotic knifeplay or bloodplay. I am quite familiar with scarification as a body modification art, and I've played with cutting in a sexual context (though not alone), but I don't see that as the same thing as "a cutter."

I'd like to point out that the title of this thread is about self harm. For jeffreysub, Legendary Child, and some others that manifests as cutting. For some other people it is burning, sometimes with cigarettes or car cigarette lighters. My own form of SI is something else altogether. But look at the words: self harm and self injury indicate, by their very nature, that something is wrong. Cutting for pleasure is not self harm or self injury. I think that is a major distinction, too: some of us in this thread seem to be talking about enjoying a specific act, while others are talking about the general term of "self harm" and whether or not that general idea can include pleasure or if it's only ever an indicator of distress.

 

[lil_elmo]

I had made a post about my SI and someone gave me the link. I did not read all of the posts as I found some of them triggering (for me).

1. I SI and have for years. In the beginning I thought I was trying to kill myself not realizing what I was doing etc. After conselling and reading on the web about it, I have come to realize that it is not about suicide. I SI when I have emotions and feelings that become overwhelming for me. I was never taught as a child how to deal with anger, joy etc. I am slowly learning what those emotions are.

2. SI at times helps me NOT try and commit suicide. It has given me a realease of emotions until I can get to my therapist and talk to her. Although the SI does not mean you want to die.

3. I HATE that I SI BUT at the moment it is the only coping mechanism that I have. I am slowly trying to learn other safer ways of coping. As I learn more and more ways I find my need to SI lessens. I now only SI infrequently. (yeah me)

4. I do know of a web site that offers support for SI'ers and friends and family. I will give it to people if they would like it. This is a site that talks about the feelings and emotions behind the SI, not the actual act.

lil elmo

 

[Carys]

My point is that it often leads to suicide, and as much of a pain as you have been thus far towards me and mine, no one deserves to be left adrift like that.

Most times SI does not lead to suicide. Most people who SI do not want to die, instead it is a coping mechanism. Of course, some who engage in SI will commit suicide, but it would be unusual from what I've studied that SI actively lead to the suicide, instead both the SI and the suicide would have been caused by the larger problem.

Yeah yeah, we're all mentally ill. But an interest in BDSM is no longer considered a mental illness, and SI is a symptom of mental illness. Any such bullshit about "expanding the mind" is just looking for an excuse to practice something that is an indication of help being needed.

SI is not necessarily a symptom of a mental illness. In many cases, it is, I know it is in my case. Lately though from what I understand, it's become a somewhat common coping mechanism among teenagers who have no other psychological illnesses. In the instance of the original poster, it sounds like he enjoys the physical rush of the pain, more so than the cathartic aspect many seek when they SI. Ordinarily I'd agree that SI as it's practiced by many would not fall under BDSM, however I could see it being recognized as a BDSM type activity if done purely for the physical sensation as I'd consider that a type of masochism.

It's a physical manifestation of the internal pain I feel.. a way to release the buildup of stress and frustration that I am incapable of showing in any other way. It's not pleasurable.. it hurts, but afterwards, I feel better... like releasing pressure slowly from a bottle of pop so it doesn't explode instead.

Well said. When I SI, I always swing to feelings of guilt quite shortly after the act, but while I'm doing it, it almost feels like all of the turmoil in me seeps out with the blood.

It's a me thing.. and there is nothing that C can do directly to ease it for me. I have to handle it personally. As Etoile mentioned.. I haven't cut in a very long time, though I will sometimes deliberately aggravate a bruise or a cut from a dog plowing into me outside to make it hurt worse when I'm feeling badly. But the need to SI is always there. I have just chosen not to directly give in to it for a while.

I'm wondering if this isn't true of most who SI, that the need never fully goes away. I've been doing my best not to SI lately, and it's been about two months since my last incident, but the urge is there frequently due to my high levels of stress. For me, I don't know if BDSM activity would help curb my need to SI as my husband is decidedly more vanilla than I am, and I'm still trying to find ways to communicate my needs/desires to him in a way that is non threatening/interesting to him, but I don't think that they would because I know where my SI comes from.

Just to add I'm extremely ashamed of the scars I have, they are nothing to be proud of.

Sorry to hear that. I try to look at my scars in a more positive light - I call them my battle scars. I know that SI is not a healty way of coping, but when I look at my scars I think of how I battled through whatever caused that incident and kept going, instead of just giving up. Having said that though, it was only the other day that I finally felt comfortable enough to wear a knee length skirt in public, as a particularly emotional period about three months back has left both my left and right calves covered in pink razor lines in 2-3 spots on each leg.

A bit sore from it, too. Ouch. See, hurting yourself out of despair is not fun. I enjoy pain play as much as the next person, but I don't get any joy from inflicting it on myself. I do it because I hate myself, not because it's pleasurable. I can't see how it would ever be.

I think it entirely depends on your frame of mind when whatever is causing the pain occurs. I find that I have difficulty responding sexually if pain is completely absent, yet I find nothing pleasurable about cutting myself, because they come from two very different places in my mind. I have been known to derive pleasure in the past from injuring myself however, when I was in the right frame of mind to do so.

I'd just like to add here in response to both Etoile and thedig...

Not every person who does SI intends to kill themselves, or is suicidal even in the smallest way, and I feel that's a rather important distinction to make. Cutting that is tension release, at least, in the method that I have done for a good portion of my life, is barely a few layers of skin deep in fleshy areas. Some pain, some blood... no possibility of nerve/muscle damage, and very little chance of nicking a vein or an artery. I don't take a huge meat cleaver and have at my limbs.. I take a razorblade and cut a line in an arm or leg that is thin and heals usually without a scar.

So while I agree with the above assertion, I don't feel it's necessarily relevant to all SI, or even to a large number of them, and shouldn't be assumed in every case.

Agreed. When I SI, I also use my razorblade, usually making multiple straight line cuts that bleed freely, but are not very deep and have never required stitches. They tend to leave scars for a couple of months and then fade, but my skin is such that it bruises and scars up easily anyway. I still have a scar on my hand from where my cat bit me 10 years ago, and that was a very minor bite.

Most people I've talked to, or information I've read on the subject indicates that for most who SI, it's about the release and not about suicidal thoughts at all. Suicidal thoughts may exist in a person who engages in SI, but I don't think one reinforces the other. Personally, my suicidal thoughts occured years before the instinct to SI occured. Suicidal thoughts I find are also common, and are not necessarily an indicator that one will in fact commit suicide. If I haven't chucked it all in yet at this point, I know I never will, yet I know the suicidal thoughts will always be there.

I've been trying also to say that we don't exactly know of the risks jeffrey is taking; carrying out Etoile's example of the stuntman, they know what they're doing. the guy who just jumps in a barrel and goes over Niagara falls (ha!) into a different category. or course he may just be foolish, not crazy.

I grew up in Niagara Falls, and worked across from those bloody water falls for two summers, and I tell ya, anyone who goes over them in a barrel is certifiable, heh. I know it's not relevant, heh, but just standing by the railing looking at the water rushing down like that makes my heart race. Probably my fear of heights, heh.

I can say.. This much.. Unless someone is "Seriousely" Chemically imbalanced in the brain.. I'de keep your counsil on takeing drugs.. speaking personally of my own trials.. when I was on Zoloft I was a Zombie.. I functioned.. and not much more... I'm not overexagerating .. or underexagerateing.. Thats simply how I was. I've been off the anti-depressants now for almost a year and a half.. When I first went off Zoloft.. and it was a slow process.. Was the last time I cut my wrists..and to tell the simply cut-paste version.. IT WAS HELL. I use to cut myself because I couldn't express my emotions in anyother way.. I cut myself when I went off the Zoloft.. because I was just empty.. and I was so tired of being empty..

Medication can often do more harm than good. Many doctors will prescribe a medication entirely too easily. Luckily, after finding a professional psychiatrist/therapist combination, I'm on the right medication for me, but I spent two hellish years on the wrong medication prior to this. I don't like pointing fingers, but to date I've not heard of anyone who had a good experience with Paxil, so I'd highly suggest seeking an alternative if one's doctor recommends Paxil... but that's just my experience speaking, ymmv. Medication is certainly not for everyone, it's not a quick fix, and many people are on medications that shouldn't be.

3. I HATE that I SI BUT at the moment it is the only coping mechanism that I have. I am slowly trying to learn other safer ways of coping. As I learn more and more ways I find my need to SI lessens. I now only SI infrequently. (yeah me)

4. I do know of a web site that offers support for SI'ers and friends and family. I will give it to people if they would like it. This is a site that talks about the feelings and emotions behind the SI, not the actual act.

lil elmo

Congrats on #3. Overcoming the need to SI is difficult, especially when it's your only real emotional outlet.

I'd be interested in the URL.

C.

 

[marieR19]

Hmmm. Yeah. Interesting. Skimmed through some of this topic, got to the last few posts, and just have to point out that my reason for skimming is the same as above: It triggers. A lot.
I have been a cutter since I was eleven years old, so that's..... seven years now. The longest I've ever gone without cutting was about four months. I do it to calm myself down, to take my mind off other, more mentally painful things, to "help" myself. I do consider it an illness, and I do take medication for it, and I am proof that medication can help certain people. I don't know if anyone else started this way, but my self-harm began as a way for me to get pain. I was a "pain slut" long before I'd ever heard that term, and I first started cutting and scratching in order to hurt myself, to get that feeling... And it changed. Within months it changed from a happy, feeling-good thing to something I had to do, something that was seriously harming me but I depended on it to help me deal.
I don't cut so much anymore, when I do self-harm I burn, but even then it's only once or twice a month. Wow, I can remember when it was every single day. Anyways, yeah.


Marie

 

[lil_elmo]

Here is the url as i said i would post if anyone wanted it. If you want to go to the bulletin board the link is on the left of the page.


http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html


lil elmo

 

[julieshining]

me too

when i was much younger (im now 25) i used to get turned on by the idea of cutting my genitals. sometimes i did so till they bled. i dont do that anymore.

Julie