Attention Whore

[lil_slave_rose]

The subbies say their worst punishment is being ignored.

this is very true, and i'm glad Master does not punish me in this way, it would be emotionally devastating to me and not teach me any lessons other than He is a jerk who doesn't care about me or my emotional well being, but i've seen other submissives say they deserve to be ignored or allowed no contact with their Dom for x amount of days for something they've done wrong..it's just not for me.....

 

[catalina_francisco]

The subbies say their worst punishment is being ignored.

For me the only time it really bothers me is when I have asked him something important (and I mean important, not for my own needs) and he doesn't answer because he is deep into thought about something else, or worse, he imagines answering me and then thinks he really did! Becomes a little frustrating, but I am even learning to let go of that these days and just walk away or carry on doing what I was doing. Fortunately we are both too passionate for him to successfully employ it as a punishment so that doesn't become an issue.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I admit it, I am an attention slut. I daydream often about having my submissive needs met while at the mercy of a Dominant who understands my need for attention...and gives it to me.

Is this a common thread in the intricate pattern of D/S or BDSM? Comments please.

I'm a HUGE attention whore! I've tried to calm down a bit, but it's in me and that's all there is to it.

The best example I can give is the last time I saw one of my friends. Now we'd been playing around for a few hours, so it's not like he was ignoring me or anything. But I was kneeling on the couch leaning over the arm looking up at him, a huge grin on my face and wagging my imaginary tail.

"Yes, wenchie? What do you want?" he looks at me with a smirk.

I look him right in the eyes, the cutest look on my face and say "attention" in the most darling voice I can muster.

So he chuckles a bit and then dotes on me some more.

He was right there infront of me, looking at me, talking to me and that still wasn't enough in that moment for some reason.

I know I drive Jounar nuts with this. I wonder if he realizes how much worse I am in person.

 

[the captians wench]

this is very true, and i'm glad Master does not punish me in this way, it would be emotionally devastating to me and not teach me any lessons other than He is a jerk who doesn't care about me or my emotional well being, but i've seen other submissives say they deserve to be ignored or allowed no contact with their Dom for x amount of days for something they've done wrong..it's just not for me.....

I know what you mean.

Now I've done cornor time, or been left in a room by myself and told to hold a position for a certian about of time, (tho it wasn't Jounar that's used those punishments) but if I ever leaned that he was perpously ignoring me to teach me something I'd go mad! We get very limited and very presious time as it is. Besides, I don't think he could handle all the PMs, IMs, emails, and texts that I'd send....cause there'd be no way I could go with absolutely nothing.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I know what you mean.

Now I've done cornor time, or been left in a room by myself and told to hold a position for a certian about of time, (tho it wasn't Jounar that's used those punishments) but if I ever leaned that he was perpously ignoring me to teach me something I'd go mad! We get very limited and very presious time as it is. Besides, I don't think he could handle all the PMs, IMs, emails, and texts that I'd send....cause there'd be no way I could go with absolutely nothing.

exactly, and being left in a corner while He goes off to calm Himself down or whatever is different than not being allowed contact with Him for days, like i've seen some on this board and elsewhere say that their Dom's use for punishment..like i said, all it would teach me is that He's a jerk who couldn't care less about the way i feel....therefore making me lose most of my trust in Him.....

 

[Betticus]

Hi, my name is Betticus and I am an attention whore. I give lots of attention back though.

 

[FurryFury]

The subbies say their worst punishment is being ignored.

No shit!

I'd rather be beaten.

Well, yeah. of course I would, but you know what I mean. The opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference.

That is the MOST painful thing in the world from someone for whom you care IMO.

Fury

 

[titmouse]

Hi, my name is Betticus and I am an attention whore. I give lots of attention back though.

Interesting thought. Is that true for all attention whores, do you think?

I know I personally qualify on both ends of the equasion. Does that make one selfish and selfless at the same time, or is giving your partner lots of caring and attention just another way of fulfilling your own desire to be needed? I have very mixed feelings in this regard, so while not hijacking, I'd like to just throw the question out there and learn how others feel about it.

 

[FurryFury]

I almost consider giving attention to those I spend time with a sacred thing. I don't like to do things that will throw off my focus or dilute it.

Fury

 

[JupitersGirl]

Interesting thought. Is that true for all attention whores, do you think?

I know I personally qualify on both ends of the equasion. Does that make one selfish and selfless at the same time, or is giving your partner lots of caring and attention just another way of fulfilling your own desire to be needed? I have very mixed feelings in this regard, so while not hijacking, I'd like to just throw the question out there and learn how others feel about it.

Rather than making one selfish or selfless or manipulating, to me it means that attention is an expression of caring. I crave it from the person I care about while, at the same time, I lavish it on him because I care.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting thought. Is that true for all attention whores, do you think?

I know I personally qualify on both ends of the equasion. Does that make one selfish and selfless at the same time, or is giving your partner lots of caring and attention just another way of fulfilling your own desire to be needed? I have very mixed feelings in this regard, so while not hijacking, I'd like to just throw the question out there and learn how others feel about it.

I think this can have many answers depending where your motivation to submit derives from (as in what feeds your soul). For me it was not a desire to give care and attention to feed a desire to be needed....I had raised 2 children single handed and without the father ever taking them for those weekend visits or even seeing them, so I had already had my share of caring and being attentive, being needed, and honestly felt burnt out in that department. In serving F, it is not always a direct one on one way of serving, nor is it about being at his feet 24/7.

While I love that F does let me know how important I am to him and exactly what my being part of his life means for him, being adored and attended to was not the driving force behind my submission and nor was it something I had never had before, though it was the first time I felt the same for more than a short while and to such depths. Frankly, if he started showering me with attention, jumping to do whatever he thought would please me, avoiding anything he knew I would hate and even resent on occasion, needing me to the point it gave me the power in the relationship, he wouldn't be the Dominant I committed to, nor would it be the way of showing love I sought when looking for a 24/7 D/s relationship.

He shows his love in ways many would not relate to, and it moves beyond the singular romantic notion of wanting/needing me so much he will compromise his own position in an effort to ensure my continued presence in his life, or my needing him so much I feel compelled to obey because I don't have another choice. I do have a choice, or at least I did before fully committing to being his slave...I made the choice to stay because I wanted to, not because I needed to.


Catalina

 

[chris9]

What kind of attention are we discussing?
Physical attention, praise, punishment, listening are all different kinds of attention. So maybe some don't need much of the physical attention or of praise for a job well done, like I understood Catalina to say she doesn't. But the communication that's always preached here and that's essential to make a power exchange relationship work requires attention from the PYL for the pyl to find out what's going on, if there are problems, to listen to the pyl when s/he needs to talk about something.

 

[BiBunny]

If I'm with someone I don't really care about, just some random friends with benefits person, I couldn't care less about giving or receiving attention. As bad as this will probably make me sound, in that situation it's always more of a "fuck me and leave me alone" type thing. If, on the other hand, I'm with someone I care about, the exact opposite is true. I try not to be a pain in the ass about it, though. I have also learned that lavishing attention on someone else will alleviate my own need for attention, as strange as that sounds. A certain Master has learned to use this to his advantage!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Hi, my name is Betticus and I am an attention whore. I give lots of attention back though.

We know

 

[Blushing Bottom]

That can be so for many I'm thinking Fury but indifference is a behavior which requires thought and action. By this I mean one must actually make a conscious effore th act indifferently to someone they actually care for.

I myself have a certain amount of attraction for the aloof man and even negative attention is attention.


d

The opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference.

That is the MOST painful thing in the world from someone for whom you care IMO.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I find that in my relationships, if someone lavishes a lot of attention on me, (or craves it in abundance) I reach a point of "Back the fuck OFF and leave me ALONE!" I don't know where it comes from, but I enjoy a lot of solitude. I'm a very low-maintenance Dom when it comes right down to it.

I enjoy quiet, companionable silence. I do not have to talk all the time to fill the room with noise. I can go for hours with my head in her lap having my hair stroked, my chest touched, just the light physical contact that says "I'm here". OR watch TV or go to a movie with my arm around her shoulders or holding hands without a word passing between us.

But OMG, if she gets clingy, needy, demanding attention... That is EXACTLY the moment Mister Sadist throws up the wall and says "ignore". My partner will get attention, but on my schedule and at a level I am willing and able to give. If they need more than that, they are liable to find their attention directed to the door.

 

[serijules]

I struggle with attention issues. Because I am deaf, I need a more focused attention than most people. Holding a conversation requires more of an effort with me, so I'm not always involved in conversations with much ease. I just spent the last week with my kink family, and while I was around everyone often, I also often felt lonely and in need of a more direct and singular attention because I can't participate in general discussions without a lot of frustration coming up. I need time where attention and discussion is focused on me on a level that I can both comprehend and participate in, which I can't do very well in a group. I can spend hours being around Ma'am when others are present and not actually interact with her very much in those hours, so after a bit I start getting clingy and anxious.

So...I need a partner that is willing to understand those differences and understand why I need the focused attention that I do. It's extremely frustrating to be around people for hours on end and walk away from the gathering not being able to tell you what anyone was talking about, what the jokes were, what people were laughing at , what that fight between two people was about, why someone left early or came late, etc. I don't pick up any of that stuff.

Ma'am is great about this....she understands why physically I need to be close to her when around other people and that I need time spent one on one talking about things, having opportunities to ask questions and smooth over confusions, etc. She acts as my interpreter when I don't understand something, and her closeness helps me from feeling even more anxious and confused. I worry sometimes that my desire to sit by her, hold her hand or just generally be where she is will come across as too clingy, but we get so little time together that during those times, I just don't know any other way to be. I think it would be different if we were together 24/7ish and the need to be near her so much would be lessened, but in generaly I am a pretty clingy person just for different reasons than most people would think.

 

[FurryFury]

That can be so for many I'm thinking Fury but indifference is a behavior which requires thought and action. By this I mean one must actually make a conscious effore th act indifferently to someone they actually care for.

I myself have a certain amount of attraction for the aloof man and even negative attention is attention.


d

BB, we are clearly seeing things differently here.

See you are assuming that someone actually cares about you and is putting in a conscious effort to ignore you. That, in my past, wasn't necessarily so. It wasn't a game. The people I needed attention from weren't doing it to punish me. They were merely so self involved they didn't give a damn.

I do not like negative attention. I am not attracted to an aloof person. Someone who is able to entertain themselves is one thing. I like that.

Someone who really doesn't seem to give a shit about you, for a large part of the time you are together, well that's not something I crave or ever will. It's simply not okay. Why waste that person's time or mine? Ya know?

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Not just assuming Fury. I only crave attention from those who care about me but will reiterate, I do like a certain amount of aloofness in my man. It tends to make me try harder.

I am sorry that you have suffered in the past and from reading your posts believe that you no longer do so enjoy and do things your way this time.



d

BB, we are clearly seeing things differently here.

See you are assuming that someone actually cares about you and is putting in a conscious effort to ignore you. That, in my past, wasn't necessarily so. It wasn't a game. The people I needed attention from weren't doing it to punish me. They were merely so self involved they didn't give a damn.

I do not like negative attention. I am not attracted to an aloof person. Someone who is able to entertain themselves is one thing. I like that.

Someone who really doesn't seem to give a shit about you, for a large part of the time you are together, well that's not something I crave or ever will. It's simply not okay. Why waste that person's time or mine? Ya know?

Fury

 

[Exogenous]

Being punished by someone ignoring me was my mother’s way of life, she was great at it. She’d get her panties in a twist over anything (real or imagined), then not speak to the person who “slighted” her for a week or more. I couldn’t stand that and it was very difficult and confusing to understand how anyone who loved you could treat you like that, rather than talking or working things out.

In any case, her behavior made me experience so much self-doubt. I would hate my clingy behavior in relationships but I was always afraid of being ignored which, to my mind, equaled rejection and that I wasn’t worth their attention or affection. I often felt as if I was walking on egg shells, trying to be so “good”, whether it was in a work situation or personal relationship. Self induced stress to the max!

Oddly enough, in the last few years, I have come to focus on being ignored as an opportunity to re-think my actions and behaviors. Sometimes being ignored is completely unwarranted and then yes, that person is absolutely a jerk. Yet, sometimes I am ok with being ignored because it gives me time to step back and look at things from a different perspective. Often it has opened my eyes to human behavior.

I am a very affectionate and attentive person to my friends and loved ones and I have to admit that I thrive on being given affection or attention. But I have learned to curb that clingy nature. I also love my space and being left alone at times, I really need the peace and quite all to myself.

I still get anxious about being (purposefully) ignored. Yet, I am learning how to better control that anxiety and determine if the cause of being ignored was really about what I’d done or just the person who was/is ignoring me is behaving like a jerk. Being ignored has its pros and cons, I think.

I sure wish I could learn to say things in 10 words or less. Sorry for the rambling!

 

[Sprinkles22]

I find that in my relationships, if someone lavishes a lot of attention on me, (or craves it in abundance) I reach a point of "Back the fuck OFF and leave me ALONE!" I don't know where it comes from, but I enjoy a lot of solitude. I'm a very low-maintenance Dom when it comes right down to it.

I enjoy quiet, companionable silence. I do not have to talk all the time to fill the room with noise. I can go for hours with my head in her lap having my hair stroked, my chest touched, just the light physical contact that says "I'm here". OR watch TV or go to a movie with my arm around her shoulders or holding hands without a word passing between us.

But OMG, if she gets clingy, needy, demanding attention... That is EXACTLY the moment Mister Sadist throws up the wall and says "ignore". My partner will get attention, but on my schedule and at a level I am willing and able to give. If they need more than that, they are liable to find their attention directed to the door.

Geoff,

I see what you are saying about constant, demanding attention being a turn-off. I agree that the *quiet* moments together are wonderful. I consider that a true testament to the comfort of a relationship, when words aren't necessary, when simply being together is enough.

Now, let me admit .... I am an attention whore! No doubt about it; I am a spoiled, attention needy little girl most of the time. A few things contribute to that. One is a lifetime issue of insecurity, a deep rooted fear of being replaceable or easily forgotten. Attention to me says "I haven't been forgotten about".

But I can also admit that I am most attention needy only when I am separated from my Dom in our LDR. When I am with Him in person, I am a much calmer person, much more secure and at peace, much less *talkative* or clingy in those real life moments.

Raven and I have joked that I am emotionally *high maintenance*. We've joked, but it's true. Thank God He loves me anyway and recognizes it's a trait that contributes to my entire character which he adores.

 

[tenedaveslilslut]

Now, let me admit .... I am an attention whore! No doubt about it; I am a spoiled, attention needy little girl most of the time. A few things contribute to that. One is a lifetime issue of insecurity, a deep rooted fear of being replaceable or easily forgotten. Attention to me says "I haven't been forgotten about".

i agree.

Although i have not had a lifetime issue of insecurity, the last several years of my marriage contributed to my issues of insecurity. my ex for some reason, felt the need to seek out another relationship...why? no clue--i've moved on, but sometimes still wonder what i did wrong.

i too have that fear of being replaced or "released." i have a fear that if i don't please Master enough or that i frustrate Him too much that He will release me. i love my Master with all my heart and he knows that, but i can't help my feelings of insecurity sometimes. i can be very needy and sometimes so needy that i just cry, but that is because we are LDR at this time. He knows that I need/want attention. Just yesterday morning we were talking about me following Him around Lit because "you just want to be involved in as much of my life as possible” (His words) it is true. Because we can not be together yet, I want to be with him in any way I can…and sometimes, ok-A LOT of times, in order to feel close and be close to him I wear a butt plug and I enjoy it very much.

Am I an attention whore? Hell yes!

 

[the captians wench]

]

Now, let me admit .... I am an attention whore! No doubt about it; I am a spoiled, attention needy little girl most of the time. A few things contribute to that. One is a lifetime issue of insecurity, a deep rooted fear of being replaceable or easily forgotten. Attention to me says "I haven't been forgotten about".
.

This gets me too.

I've always been very quiet and shy. So much so that people would forget about me. I can remember instances where a teacher, or neighbor, was driving me home and would pass my house because they simply forgot I was in the car. I tended to get passed by when parties and such came up, and so on. I also have abandonment issuse that start with my dad moving to another state when I was 8, and then again later when my step dad died, and again when my husband left, and again when my mother kicked me out of her place, and again when my cousin moved out on me in the middle of the night while I was at work.

So yes I'm clingy and needy, and I'm upfront about it. I may not always need you talking to me, or even looking at me, but I do need to feel close to you in some way. When I'm with my kinky friends, I tend to pic a dom in the room and just sit at his feet all night. When people come over to my place, usually very small groups of 1 to 3, I tend to find one and cuddle with them all evening. I just need some sort of touch so that I know they are there and they are not leaving.

 

[the captians wench]

i agree.

Although i have not had a lifetime issue of insecurity, the last several years of my marriage contributed to my issues of insecurity. my ex for some reason, felt the need to seek out another relationship...why? no clue--i've moved on, but sometimes still wonder what i did wrong.

i too have that fear of being replaced or "released." i have a fear that if i don't please Master enough or that i frustrate Him too much that He will release me. i love my Master with all my heart and he knows that, but i can't help my feelings of insecurity sometimes. i can be very needy and sometimes so needy that i just cry, but that is because we are LDR at this time. He knows that I need/want attention. Just yesterday morning we were talking about me following Him around Lit because "you just want to be involved in as much of my life as possible” (His words) it is true. Because we can not be together yet, I want to be with him in any way I can…and sometimes, ok-A LOT of times, in order to feel close and be close to him I wear a butt plug and I enjoy it very much.

Am I an attention whore? Hell yes!

I tend to follow mine around here a lot too. That may be why he doesn't post as much.

[unrelated] Did you get your meet up? or did the date change?

 

[Master_n_Mentor]

Sits here looking at My subbie and I realize that one of the responsibilities I've assumed as her Master is that of properly giving her the RIGHT amount of attention, physically and emotionally.