BDSM Discussion: Do's and Don'ts

[Knoturnal]

...And it’s YOU’RE!!!

Glad you got that right.
You know when all you have to flame is a spelling mistake then you already lost the argument.

When you have someone on ignore all you have to do to read a post is click one time so not much of an ignore to me.
if you can see I posted in a thread and come back to make a comment then thats not much of a ignore either.

I thought I was on ignore a long time ago or at least that is what you said. No problems. Maybe i should put you on ignore lol I don't have half the site on ignore

 

[Moochienanu]

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink?

I don’t know if these are really the top top... or even in an order of any kind, but they’re what I thought of immediately.

Do’s:
1. consent from all parties for all the things - often this is implied or covered in the #2.
2. Discuss the bajeesus out of all the things with your partner
3. Safety, research, and practice

Don’ts:
1. Say you’re listening when you’re not - and coin flip, not say something that needs to be said
2. Do something you’re unsure of - everyone involved needs to be 100% or someone isn’t having fun and then what’s the point?
3. Be scared of using safe words or stopping when you need to

How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why?

Hmmm... I am an odd jumble of submissive, masochistic, exhibitionist, rope bunny, little girl. My philosophy would probably read something like: “if it’s not fun and it doesn’t hurt good, it’s the wrong kind of hurt and you should GTFO ASAP.”

I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc. Do these include your limits?

I think discussion of limits is certainly important... usually I am pushing my own limits as well as His (“Harder, Daddy. I can take it.”).

How did you learn these things about yourself?

I’m still learning, evolving. The subby bit has always been there. The other things? They have just fallen into place over time and with lots of self discovery/an open mind and a partner I feel safe and comfortable exploring with.

Do you wish you'd had these guideposts earlier?

Yes and no. I think a lot of BDSM is very personal and learning about myself and what I want helped mold my “practice” thus far.

How have these evolved over time?

Yes. And still changing.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink?

Previously posted the Do's. Don't, hrm? Off the top of my head -

1] Don't ever knock someone or pressure them for having used a safe word. It's their hide, their life - their decision, not yours. Just be sure you weren't the guilty party, going beyond the agreed-to boundaries for that scene.

2] If there's anything not clear, ASK before DO.

3] If you're the top, and you're not comfortable doing something, don't leave them expecting it in the negotiation. That may lose you some scenes, but trust me, you don't want those headaches. You too have limits, respect your own as much as the bottom's.

4] If some sub regrets a negotiated and mutually approved action after the fact, and they DIDN'T safe word, IMO it's a good thing to be explicit that they had the option to stop it but didn't. Yes, it can be hard to use a safe word, easy to get lost in the sensation - that's the negotiation before the scene, before subspace grabs your head & sex organs and makes you want to scream "YES".

5] Dom/mes can't read minds, so a sub being explicit that "I've never tried <action> but I'd like to - can you please doublecheck if you go there?" in the negotiation is IMO VERY valid and VERY important.

6] Practice the safe word/safe action at thevery start of the session, without using it. If your safe word is "Kumquat", then use "scumsquat" or something that has a similar sound. Similarly, if the safe word is opening both hands wide, have the sub open one, then close it, then open the other, then close it, and get them to state what happens if both open. Doublechecking later in the session may or may not be appropriate dpending on many factors, but I'd rather be paranoid about safewords than not.

That's 6, but they're all important to me.

How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc.

Whatever makes the two or more players happy. This explicitly excludes those outside the play session UNLESS that was included in the negotiation. "I'm <name>'s sub/spouse/date/mother's cousin's hairdresser's third best friend, and s/he doesn't want me to <action>" is a perfectly fine piece to bring up in negotiation. If you don't, how should I know? I'm psycho, not psychic!

Do these include your limits?

Hard limits, yes. Soft limits are soft, somewhat flexible and need to be brought out into the harsh light of introspection before each play session. "Do I feel right with <action approaching/crossing soft limit> in this scene?"

How did you learn these things about yourself?

Thinking. Reading. Talking. Doing and regretting. Doing and realizing I dodged a bullet/got lucky not having a problem. Having problems and soliving them.

Ya can't know everything before you dive in. Not even close. Take your best shot, talk it over with people you trust, people with different perspectives than yours, and take that shot. Just realize there WILL be mistakes, and be understanding when they happen. If the same mistake happens repeatedly, that's not a mistake, that's a pattern of misbehavior. This is a part of the reason why joint play spaces are good - you get to watch and learn from others' mistakes as well as they get to watch yours.

Do you wish you'd had these guideposts earlier? How have these evolved over time?

Yes and no - if I hadn't made the mistakes I have made, would I be the same person and recognize WHY they're important? I would have prefered to have never screwed up, true - but no one's dead or even scarred, so I'm lucky I guess.

They do change over time, as you realize new things, see new issues/styles of play/toys/etc that change assumptions of yours, hidden or explicit. At the very least, they shouldn't be written in stone and should be reevaluated regularly. IMO.

 

[Bramblethorn]

You have tried to shame me before and sorry if I
take it that way every time I'm talked to. Don't start it and i wont feel like responding to it.

This very thread proves that isn't true. Fara didn't "start anything" with you; she just replied to PLP's questions, and immediately you zoomed in to respond to something that was never about you.

Sorry but from what I can see your answering questions like your talking to someone and it doesn't matter to me who your “trying” to talk to.

That's exactly the problem. People can't even talk to their friends without you swooping in and trying to make it about you. (And then once you succeed in making the conversation about you, you complain about that too...)

And if you say you don't know what something is like RACK but you practice it even when you don't know what it actually means, how is that accomplished?

One doesn't have to know a catchy acronym to understand or practice the concept. Billions of people around the world who don't know what "anabolism" is nevertheless do it every moment of every day.

The terminology is useful as shorthand when talking to strangers, but it's not the only way to learn about, think about, or discuss these issues.

How is anyone to know what your talking about?

Nobody but you has a problem understanding what Fara's talking about. Knock off the gaslighting.

Get your own clues and try not acting like your such a bad ass because it sure looks like the opposite when you bring your friends to a thread to talk with you and try to gang up on someone like as I've seen you do in the past.

Fara doesn't need to "bring friends" to these threads. She's been in this forum for years and her friends are already here. She was talking to a friend here - the one who started this thread - when yet again you chose to swoop in and make it All About You.

If you dump on my friend when I'm watching, damn right I'm going to say something.

This program that runs the board is over 20 years old and even in the BDSM Library some things don't look like they have been updated for years.

...so by now you really ought to have learned how to see the difference between a post that's replying to you and one that isn't.

I thought I was on ignore a long time ago or at least that is what you said. No problems. Maybe i should put you on ignore lol

Probably a good idea, if it saves you from replying to stuff you haven't read. Case in point:

I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.)

My Do’s and Don't’s of kink. Im not sure i can describe this in 3 things. Do’s......1. Communication between Dom/sub is very important, 2. Consent of the submissive, or Dom is also very important to have, ....

Consent and communication are important, but we've discussed them a lot in other threads. It's not unreasonable for PLP to invite a discussion about other things. But the moment you checked into this thread, before Fara was even in the picture, you opened by completely ignoring what PLP had said. For somebody who believes "communication" is important you don't seem to understand that the first half of that is listening.

 

[Bramblethorn]

6] Practice the safe word/safe action at thevery start of the session, without using it. If your safe word is "Kumquat", then use "scumsquat" or something that has a similar sound. Similarly, if the safe word is opening both hands wide, have the sub open one, then close it, then open the other, then close it, and get them to state what happens if both open. Doublechecking later in the session may or may not be appropriate dpending on many factors, but I'd rather be paranoid about safewords than not.

I'm curious about the "without using it" part here. Is there a reason you don't just practice with the actual safe word?

 

[Bramblethorn]

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink? How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc. Do these include your limits? How did you learn these things about yourself? Do you wish you'd had these guideposts earlier? How have these evolved over time?

My style tends to be fairly informal/improvisational. We generally don't plan out a big scene in advance; it's more likely to be me improvising and my lover responding. For me, it's extremely rare that I'd get into sexual activity/BDSM with somebody I don't already know well, so usually I'd already have some idea of what they're into.

I don't think about my limits a lot, because mostly they're a long way from my fun zone so the issue is unlikely to arise. There are one or two areas e.g. humiliation play where "fun" and "uncomfortable" overlap, and I'd be interested in delineating that more clearly some day, but that's very partner-dependent and I'm not in a hurry.

(Only a partial answer, sorry; hard for me to answer the others.)

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I'm curious about the "without using it" part here. Is there a reason you don't just practice with the actual safe word?

I treat the safe word as a promise I won’t break. If I hear it we’re stopped, possibly done. So to help make it clear that the safe word *is* that important, I don’t wish to even potentially be thought of as having made the play partner say/do it.

Or at least, that’s my intent, and I know others will ask for it mid-scene.

There’s a second bit more subtle check there too. Are they thinking well enough to come up with a similar word? Or are they so into it they’re not really tracking? It’s not necessarily a halt to play, just more info on how they’re doing.

 

[Knoturnal]

This very thread proves that isn't true. Fara didn't "start anything" with you; she just replied to PLP's questions, and immediately you zoomed in to respond to something that was never about you.
I wasn't aware I could zoom anywhere but thanks for the assumption



That's exactly the problem. People can't even talk to their friends without you swooping in and trying to make it about you. (And then once you succeed in making the conversation about you, you complain about that too...)
I didn't know I was able to swoop either. yep its all about me just like this conversation seems to be all about you


One doesn't have to know a catchy acronym to understand or practice the concept. Billions of people around the world who don't know what "anabolism" is nevertheless do it every moment of every day.
Really a Bio Chemestry Lab Term? I seriously doubt very many people know not only what it means except for maybe a Biologist. How many Biologist are there here? I wouldn't begin to know what you do for a living but if you are one then that term should of stayed at work.

The terminology is useful as shorthand when talking to strangers, but it's not the only way to learn about, think about, or discuss these issues.
I seriously doubt many people would use the acronym your mentioning no matter what you say. RACK has been around for several years in the BDSM world and is used for people to understand not everything they might do is safe and sane, that everyone has has responsibility to know more about the actions they take and engage in.


Nobody but you has a problem understanding what Fara's talking about. Knock off the gaslighting.
Maybe you want to look up gaslighting yourself. I wasnt aware I was trying to get someone to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. But whatever you think



Fara doesn't need to "bring friends" to these threads. She's been in this forum for years and her friends are already here. She was talking to a friend here - the one who started this thread - when yet again you chose to swoop in and make it All About You.
If she didn't need to bring friends to to these threads did you need to be with her on Skype this morning?

If you dump on my friend when I'm watching, damn right I'm going to say something.
Sorry I'm not sure you were actually "Watching"if you were with your partners mom this morning. At least I hope you weren't. But to each his own.


...so by now you really ought to have learned how to see the difference between a post that's replying to you and one that isn't.
lets just say she doesn't need to be talking to me and I wont talk to her anymore. That should save you from swooping yourself. Ive seen her brag about all the people she has on ignore. I'm sure one more wont hurt.

You don't have to get weird about things and start talking about what you think the thread is about. I stated what was on my mind and.....I gave a solution I believe it will work for you too. Win, Win, and Win again. if not I don't know what else to tell you.

 

[LostGirlTink]

You don't have to get weird about things and start talking about what you think the thread is about. I stated what was on my mind and.....I gave a solution I believe it will work for you too. Win, Win, and Win again. if not I don't know what else to tell you.

Not to be argumentative... but....
You said,
"Really a Bio Chemestry Lab Term? I seriously doubt very many people know not only what it means except for maybe a Biologist. How many Biologist are there here? I wouldn't begin to know what you do for a living but if you are one then that term should of stayed at work."

As I stated in my interview with PLP earlier this week, biochemistry was my worst subject in school and I know all about biosynthesis... I think plenty of people probably do.
I mean I don't really want to talk about amino acids, or ATP or shall we move right into proteins, lipids and polysaccharides? I'm not sure it really fits in with the theme though but let's not assume that people can't hold their own on the subject.

Additionally, lots of us are on skype with each other in the mornings, or the afternoons or randomly throughout the day, and I can assure you, it's never to "call for backup"

I don't know why you seem to be having issues with a bunch of people that I know.. not my circus not my monkeys, but I've seen it a few times. Maybe consider that you seem to be rubbing people the wrong way?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Maybe you want to look up gaslighting yourself. I wasnt aware I was trying to get someone to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. But whatever you think

Yep. You were gaslighting.

Specifically, you've misread Fara multiple times because you're incapable of understanding standard message board conventions, so you keep reading stuff that has nothing to do with you as being directed as you. Instead of "whoops, I misunderstood that!" you've chosen to try to pretend that Fara's communication is at fault, even trying to suggest that English isn't her native language.

If she didn't need to bring friends to to these threads did you need to be with her on Skype this morning?

I keep saying this, but: not everything revolves around you.

Fara is a friend of mine. We chat a couple of times a week about family, hobbies, politics, attitudes towards BDSM, all sorts of things. Today we talked about how often/rarely our cats pee on the carpet.

And, yes, sometimes we discuss forum drama and roll our eyes together - but she has never, ever asked me to step into a thread on her behalf. Not once.

You keep trying to jam yourself into conversations between Fara and her friends that aren't your business. It's creepy. It's obsessive. STOP DOING IT.

Sorry I'm not sure you were actually "Watching"if you were with your partners mom this morning. At least I hope you weren't. But to each his own.

Not sure why you're assuming these things were simultaneous.

lets just say she doesn't need to be talking to me and I wont talk to her anymore.

Prove it. Prove it by NOT keeping on jamming yourself into Fara's interactions with her friends.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Not to be argumentative... but....
You said,
"Really a Bio Chemestry Lab Term? I seriously doubt very many people know not only what it means except for maybe a Biologist. How many Biologist are there here? I wouldn't begin to know what you do for a living but if you are one then that term should of stayed at work."

As I stated in my interview with PLP earlier this week, biochemistry was my worst subject in school and I know all about biosynthesis... I think plenty of people probably do.
I mean I don't really want to talk about amino acids, or ATP or shall we move right into proteins, lipids and polysaccharides? I'm not sure it really fits in with the theme though but let's not assume that people can't hold their own on the subject.

FWIW, my intended point, which I don't think I articulated very well, was that even people who've never heard of "anabolism" are still doing it all the time. It's possible to do a thing without knowing the terminology that somebody else attaches to it.

 

[LostGirlTink]

FWIW, my intended point, which I don't think I articulated very well, was that even people who've never heard of "anabolism" are still doing it all the time. It's possible to do a thing without knowing the terminology that somebody else attaches to it.

I know. I got it.

 

[Knoturnal]

Yep. You were gaslighting.
You can have your options but a better explanation should be stated if your going to state something like that

Specifically, you've misread Fara multiple times because you're incapable of understanding standard message board conventions, so you keep reading stuff that has nothing to do with you as being directed as you. Instead of "whoops, I misunderstood that!" you've chosen to try to pretend that Fara's communication is at fault, even trying to suggest that English isn't her native language.
If I misread Fara then i apologize. I did not pretend or suggest she had a different native language. That seems to come from YOUR understanding of it. I actually thought she did or may have. If that's not the case then i wll apologize for that also. I did not misread you however. This is now multiple conversations you have thought you had to insert yourself into. First with Cookiecat and then Fara and now with Fara again. If you are their Protector then state it other wise please let them fight their own battles without you unless you think them incapable of it.


I keep saying this, but: not everything revolves around you.
I seem to say that about you as you think you need to insert yourself in my conversations with your friends. Maybe you think everything rvolves around you?

Fara is a friend of mine. We chat a couple of times a week about family, hobbies, politics, attitudes towards BDSM, all sorts of things. Today we talked about how often/rarely our cats pee on the carpet.
I could care less what you two talk about just stay out of my conversations if you don't mind.


And, yes, sometimes we discuss forum drama and roll our eyes together - but she has never, ever asked me to step into a thread on her behalf. Not once.

You keep trying to jam yourself into conversations between Fara and her friends that aren't your business. It's creepy. It's obsessive. STOP DOING IT.
You seem to jam yourself into my conversations as i said before. Do you not think your friends are capable of putting me down themselves?


Not sure why you're assuming these things were simultaneous.
Sorry I clicked on thread accidentally and saw Fara talking about you and another friend at the same time. She mentioned you on Skype and then stated something that made me think she helped get you here. And I came back later and yep...you had been here.


Prove it. Prove it by NOT keeping on jamming yourself into Fara's interactions with her friends.

If you think you can stay out of my conversations with your friends even though you have inserted yourself into said conversations three and maybe more times now without any of my doing then I can certainly stay out of Faras conversations. Prove it yourself.

 

[Knoturnal]

FWIW, my intended point, which I don't think I articulated very well, was that even people who've never heard of "anabolism" are still doing it all the time. It's possible to do a thing without knowing the terminology that somebody else attaches to it.

If you dont wish to be argumentative then Please just dont keep bringing things up.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Well this thread has gotten off to a smashing start.

 

[Lothario1956]

Well this thread has gotten off to a smashing start.

my thoughts exactly! I hoped the drama would stay on the PG

 

[tolyk]

I thought the idea of a conversation was converse, not battle.

"a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged."

Oh, right... Yeah.

There shouldn't be any battles to fight "on their own" in a conversation. This is a conversational thread, not a debate thread.

Knoturnal, I read this entire thread and you come off as a massive, hostile dick. Several people have told you such, and you continue to push forward as if it's the only way to go. Maybe take a step back, analyse where your hostility is coming from. I've seen you interact in a few threads now and you want to appear knowledgable, helpful. But it isn't often how you come off. And no, it's not a language barrier, or a limitation of the written word.

 

[BadAmy]

What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink? How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc. Do these include your limits? How did you learn these things about yourself? Do you wish you'd had these guideposts earlier? How have these evolved over time?

First i need to identify which kink i am referring to in this case. I have many. But the biggest one is being submissive to Daddy. There are others that spin off of that, but that is the core of it. And its more than a kink. It is my identity. Within the woman y'all know.
So with that, and to avoid describing the general terms, i will try my best to comply with PLP's request.


Top 3 do's...
1. Obey.
2.question...then see #1.
3. Listen to my gut then see #2.

Top 3 don'ts...
1. Try really hard not to lose my shit
2. Count to 10 before reacting
3. Stop seeing it from only one perspective...my own


My personal philosophy to what I do....
I need to submit to Him because He feeds my soul.
I need to submit to Him because He is the one part of me that balances out everything else.
I need to submit to Him. Because he satisfies me completely. It is an exchange that closes the loop. An infinite loop perpetuated by our constant vigilant mindfulness of one another.
My limits? Lol. Next question....
My thoughts have pretty much stayed the same since i discovered being submissive. It evolved only in the sense that I have now found a Man who sees my weaknesses and takes full advantage of them, in concert with my strengths, of which he marvels and finely tunes.
I try my damnedest to be as good as possible, because now, I have someone else to be good for.

I feel this was more of an hommage to D. If it was...so be it. ❤❤
I hope this answered some of your questions.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Well this thread has gotten off to a smashing start.

Sanity smashing? Patience smashing? Ayep, I think you done did watch this one get launched out of the park.

Suggestion? Maybe two threads, one that is heavily moderated that has to follow a given pattern, in this case perhaps two lists of three items. Makes answers less flexible, but allows for info to be exchanged with less drama. Anything that doesn't fit the pattern or references people on the board outside of a personal relationship (spousal, D/s, etc) gets summarily deleted.

Questions/comments/drama about that base info goes in the 2nd thread.

Thoughts?

 

[AlwaysFara]

Sanity smashing? Patience smashing? Ayep, I think you done did watch this one get launched out of the park.

Suggestion? Maybe two threads, one that is heavily moderated that has to follow a given pattern, in this case perhaps two lists of three items. Makes answers less flexible, but allows for info to be exchanged with less drama. Anything that doesn't fit the pattern or references people on the board outside of a personal relationship (spousal, D/s, etc) gets summarily deleted.

Questions/comments/drama about that base info goes in the 2nd thread.

Thoughts?

You didn’t ask me, but no.
PLP isn’t going to delete our responses, nor should anyone unless they break the rules of the Forum.

 

[AlwaysFara]

First i need to identify which kink i am referring to in this case. I have many. But the biggest one is being submissive to Daddy. There are others that spin off of that, but that is the core of it. And its more than a kink. It is my identity. Within the woman y'all know.
So with that, and to avoid describing the general terms, i will try my best to comply with PLP's request.


Top 3 do's...
1. Obey.
2.question...then see #1.
3. Listen to my gut then see #2.

Top 3 don'ts...
1. Try really hard not to lose my shit
2. Count to 10 before reacting
3. Stop seeing it from only one perspective...my own


My personal philosophy to what I do....
I need to submit to Him because He feeds my soul.
I need to submit to Him because He is the one part of me that balances out everything else.
I need to submit to Him. Because he satisfies me completely. It is an exchange that closes the loop. An infinite loop perpetuated by our constant vigilant mindfulness of one another.
My limits? Lol. Next question....
My thoughts have pretty much stayed the same since i discovered being submissive. It evolved only in the sense that I have now found a Man who sees my weaknesses and takes full advantage of them, in concert with my strengths, of which he marvels and finely tunes.
I try my damnedest to be as good as possible, because now, I have someone else to be good for.

I feel this was more of an hommage to D. If it was...so be it. ❤❤
I hope this answered some of your questions.

I love your Do’s, Amy.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

You didn’t ask me, but no.
PLP isn’t going to delete our responses, nor should anyone unless they break the rules of the Forum.

And that's fine, I know I'm new here and still "learning the ropes" the way everyone uses the site. Just throwing out one potential solution as a straw man to get beat up.

 

[AlwaysFara]

And that's fine, I know I'm new here and still "learning the ropes" the way everyone uses the site. Just throwing out one potential solution as a straw man to get beat up.

Welcome.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

...And it’s YOU’RE!!!

I saw that and was waiting.

You’ve always been on mine. You’re sweet, and you handled yourself, and the crowd, beautifully on Honey’s “little” thread.

Yes she did.

Thanks, Lovely. I still feel a bit like I failed there, but at the same time, I feel good with what I said.

I have instant swoon for grammatically-minded humans. It’s a weakness I admit to rather openly.

You did great.

 

[cookiecat]

First i need to identify which kink i am referring to in this case. I have many. But the biggest one is being submissive to Daddy. There are others that spin off of that, but that is the core of it. And its more than a kink. It is my identity. Within the woman y'all know.
So with that, and to avoid describing the general terms, i will try my best to comply with PLP's request.


Top 3 do's...
1. Obey.
2.question...then see #1.
3. Listen to my gut then see #2.

Top 3 don'ts...
1. Try really hard not to lose my shit
2. Count to 10 before reacting
3. Stop seeing it from only one perspective...my own


My personal philosophy to what I do....
I need to submit to Him because He feeds my soul.
I need to submit to Him because He is the one part of me that balances out everything else.
I need to submit to Him. Because he satisfies me completely. It is an exchange that closes the loop. An infinite loop perpetuated by our constant vigilant mindfulness of one another.
My limits? Lol. Next question....
My thoughts have pretty much stayed the same since i discovered being submissive. It evolved only in the sense that I have now found a Man who sees my weaknesses and takes full advantage of them, in concert with my strengths, of which he marvels and finely tunes.
I try my damnedest to be as good as possible, because now, I have someone else to be good for.

I feel this was more of an hommage to D. If it was...so be it. ❤❤
I hope this answered some of your questions.

I love your Do’s, Amy.

Your "Dont's" are really good too. I saw this earlier today someplace else - I thought it's so true.

I've gotten myself twisted up in knots for misunderstandings, for really minor things. Counting to 10, even 20 is very very wise.

One of the reasons BDSM has been so appealing to me is it's opened up my brain to new ideas, different perspectives.

PS - I like that you mentioned your "constant mindfulness of one another."