BDSM: Questions and Answers
- Thread starter cymbidia
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First off what is meant by a troll? Not that i really care! Second i simply can't believe how mean P/people can be....i mean i read all of the questions and replies in this post and some was just silly to even be asked...yet no one made fun of A/anyone..E/everyone just tried to answer the questions the best that T/they could.
The only thing{s} that i needed was for my questions to be answered....i listed them on the bottom but don't believe that A/anyone even noticed them. And the only reason that i listed anything of a personal nature about myself is so that E/eveyone who not answer that i needed to learn about the D/s lifestyle before even suggesting it my Husband.
Now someone mentioned that i should at least include details...fine. What would Y/you like to know? Here on the board or in email is fine...my email address is LastingLove@Bolt.Com and if anyone is interested i can share the email address of my last Master who lives in the Windy City...
So, do questions actually get answered around here OR do the new P/people simply get picked on????? just wondering!
PS: yes, before A/anyone mentions it...i do know that this reply doesn't sound the least bit subservent..but i tried and no O/one wanted to help in that matter so maybe this approach will work better.....i don't know.?.?.?.
The only thing{s} that i needed was for my questions to be answered....i listed them on the bottom but don't believe that A/anyone even noticed them. And the only reason that i listed anything of a personal nature about myself is so that E/eveyone who not answer that i needed to learn about the D/s lifestyle before even suggesting it my Husband.
Now someone mentioned that i should at least include details...fine. What would Y/you like to know? Here on the board or in email is fine...my email address is LastingLove@Bolt.Com and if anyone is interested i can share the email address of my last Master who lives in the Windy City...
So, do questions actually get answered around here OR do the new P/people simply get picked on????? just wondering!
PS: yes, before A/anyone mentions it...i do know that this reply doesn't sound the least bit subservent..but i tried and no O/one wanted to help in that matter so maybe this approach will work better.....i don't know.?.?.?.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
mrsmarried, a troll is someone who posts improbable things, at best, and hurtful, at worst, in a thread in order to confuse and make fun of those who are already there.
The reason some of the others might think you're a troll is because your story is so filled with contradictions, implausibilities, and downright incredulous circumstances that it's frankly unbelievable.
For instance, you profess to know very little about lifestyle BDSM but you left your husband to go live contractually to a Dom as a full time slave. That's a major inconsistency, don't you see?
Another thing that may cause some skepticism is your use of the very awkward "O/our" and "Y/you" and "P/people" and "Him". No one talks that way for real. Very few write that way for real. People who do that as a matter of course, seem to live this out as a fantasy in online BDSM relationships in chat rooms and on IRC. Real people who make this a part of their daily lives don't speak like that, mrsmarried.
There are more inconsistencies in your message to us, more of the same type thing. It is that which causes us to draw back from you in disbelief, not your questions. We simply doubt you've had the experiences you are claiming, a doubt that's based on the way you couched your message here, the words you choice, and the manner you chose to use them. In this place, mrsmarried, we *are* our words. We have no way to use the facial expressions or vocal tones or any of the other non-verbal clues that are aids to communication in our everyday lives. Here, we are our words. Your words have more than a quiet note of "something wrong" in them. It's that simple.
However, in the interests of fair play, i'll address one of your issues, the core question you came here with, as a possible help to people who might really be facing a few of the things you say you are facing.
Your questions all boil down to this, i think:
How can you change a nilla husband into your Master, a man who ardently desires the delivering the sensation and control that you crave, if that husband is reluctant to investigate BDSM? How can you transform a nilla marriage into a BDSM marriage without the willing cooperation of your marriage partner, the one who you want to take the Dom role?
Succinct answer to both questions:
You probably can't.
It probably can't be done.
Live with things as they are or leave him again for someone who does understand your needs.
Effecting this kind of life-altering (for him) change requires exquisite communication, long lengths of time, extraordinary patience, unbounded love, mutual respect, honorable intentions, wide open minds, and excessive tolerance for human frailties, and the ability to accept that he may never ever ever be just what you want - or even at all what you want with regard to this. Without even one of those, it's a dead deal.
Mostly, one cannot expect anyone to change so drastically.
Why should we?
Would i change to forever nilla because my spouse ardently desired it? I've tried that. It doesn't work. We're wired the way we're wired, from a sexual perspective, and nothing can really alter that to an appreciable extent.
If he wants to change then this whole scheme of yours has a chance. If not, you're going to be making him and you miserable over it for a long time to come.
I don't appreciate anyone trying to make a mockery of who we are or what we do. We're real people here, with real concerns and real experiences and real fears. Please take your fantastical yarns back to IRC, mrsmarried. No one has sold a 12-year-old child to a BDSM Master in a million years. We're all better people than that and we've been so for a very long time. Shame on you for coming here, of all places, with such repugnant stereotypes.
The reason some of the others might think you're a troll is because your story is so filled with contradictions, implausibilities, and downright incredulous circumstances that it's frankly unbelievable.
For instance, you profess to know very little about lifestyle BDSM but you left your husband to go live contractually to a Dom as a full time slave. That's a major inconsistency, don't you see?
Another thing that may cause some skepticism is your use of the very awkward "O/our" and "Y/you" and "P/people" and "Him". No one talks that way for real. Very few write that way for real. People who do that as a matter of course, seem to live this out as a fantasy in online BDSM relationships in chat rooms and on IRC. Real people who make this a part of their daily lives don't speak like that, mrsmarried.
There are more inconsistencies in your message to us, more of the same type thing. It is that which causes us to draw back from you in disbelief, not your questions. We simply doubt you've had the experiences you are claiming, a doubt that's based on the way you couched your message here, the words you choice, and the manner you chose to use them. In this place, mrsmarried, we *are* our words. We have no way to use the facial expressions or vocal tones or any of the other non-verbal clues that are aids to communication in our everyday lives. Here, we are our words. Your words have more than a quiet note of "something wrong" in them. It's that simple.
However, in the interests of fair play, i'll address one of your issues, the core question you came here with, as a possible help to people who might really be facing a few of the things you say you are facing.
Your questions all boil down to this, i think:
How can you change a nilla husband into your Master, a man who ardently desires the delivering the sensation and control that you crave, if that husband is reluctant to investigate BDSM? How can you transform a nilla marriage into a BDSM marriage without the willing cooperation of your marriage partner, the one who you want to take the Dom role?
Succinct answer to both questions:
You probably can't.
It probably can't be done.
Live with things as they are or leave him again for someone who does understand your needs.
Effecting this kind of life-altering (for him) change requires exquisite communication, long lengths of time, extraordinary patience, unbounded love, mutual respect, honorable intentions, wide open minds, and excessive tolerance for human frailties, and the ability to accept that he may never ever ever be just what you want - or even at all what you want with regard to this. Without even one of those, it's a dead deal.
Mostly, one cannot expect anyone to change so drastically.
Why should we?
Would i change to forever nilla because my spouse ardently desired it? I've tried that. It doesn't work. We're wired the way we're wired, from a sexual perspective, and nothing can really alter that to an appreciable extent.
If he wants to change then this whole scheme of yours has a chance. If not, you're going to be making him and you miserable over it for a long time to come.
I don't appreciate anyone trying to make a mockery of who we are or what we do. We're real people here, with real concerns and real experiences and real fears. Please take your fantastical yarns back to IRC, mrsmarried. No one has sold a 12-year-old child to a BDSM Master in a million years. We're all better people than that and we've been so for a very long time. Shame on you for coming here, of all places, with such repugnant stereotypes.
Last edited:
Hecate
Lady Hecate will do
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2000
- Posts
- 1,657
To whom it may concern
I have been asked this so many times - so I just jump on the soap box as the chance seems to present itself with yet another unfortunate couple...
Hello mrsmarried,
your initial post made me reflect about a few things that I have repeatedly been asked, so forgive me if I drift maybe into a more general response, which nevertheless I intend for you as well.
Fact is that for one reason or other D/s-inclined persons get stuck in relations / marriages with not so inclined people.
Fact is that hardly any of the D/s inclined people find happiness in a not so oriented relation.
Fact is that D/s inclined people can not simply switch off their desires for that kind of lifestyle/activity etc.
Why do people think this is not the same for the Non-D/s-inclined partners?
Why do we think the other part of “us” should change if we ourselves can’t? Why do we think they may be happy doing things they don’t feel like doing? Why do we think we have the right to ask them to change at all?
How come I hardly ever see someone ask: My partner is into BDSM – how do I get him/her to turn into a “vanilla” lover and enjoy it? How would we answer that? “You can’t! It is part of what he/she is and part of the person you love!”
So – why do we think we may ask our partners to change? Because we are “special”, different, the odd-balls, the freaks and maybe our partners are like us, right? They just don’t know it yet? And once they tried we are sure they will like it ! Crap – they are as aware and wise as each of us (at least we should give them the benefit of doubt) to know who and what they are.
Thinking about this I realize that I can adapt to a certain degree and find a place of “content” in a non-BDSM relation, for a while at least ... but the “real me” comes through and in the long run I get restless and unhappy. Asking to “become BDSM” from my partner may even be more of a stretch than it is for me to suppress it and will for sure lead to the same results in the long run - uneasiness, unhappiness.
That leads to next line of thought... finding a Dom/me or sub outside the basic relation to satisfy those desires.
Just one question: How would you feel if your partner told you that he really needed to go and see that “other person” to satisfy his craving for cuddly romantic totally non-BDSM 100% pain-free moments? I guess we would be VERY MUCH surprised and telling him that no way are we happy with this and there is nothing he/she can’t get from us, right? But are we being honest? No, we are not – cause we are not being 100% satisfied when sex and love only happen on that level and this is basically not fair towards our SO since it is not his/her fault.
On this same thought – what right do we have to ask our SO to allow us those out-of-relation contacts to get what we need but what is not being provided by our partners? (specially knowing how much closeness and “soul-stripping” is involved with a D/s relation it is hard for me to think my partner wouldn’t mind me sharing that special bond with someone else even if I tried to keep the sexual act itself out of it)
The answers to all the above questions may vary widely for each of us, depending on duration and depth of relation, depending on the specific needs we have in regards to BDSM and our own ways of “settling” for more or less. I can not answer them for anyone but me – and even with that I am having a damn hard time.
Back to the situation / circumstances that made me start on the subject, mrsmarried’s post.
All doubts aside, taking the situation at face value as I read it I have one initial question: Why did you remarry a man you KNEW would not provide you with what you so urgently seem to desire – a BDSM relation? You knew there was damn little chance he would change after basically that was what made your first time around a failure (and excuse me, but at age 50+ he is very likely to have a quite settled personality so that it doesn’t really come as a surprise to see him be true to his former self).
Anyway – you did remarry him, well aware of the “flaws”, and that I take to mean he has a whole bunch of excellent qualities that you appreciate and love about him. Or was it more a "convenience” agreement after you came back to the area when things went bad for you and your family? (I am not judging just trying to prompt some self reflection)
What strikes me odd in this context is your question as to how you can explain your needs / desires to your again-husband. Didn’t you discuss all that at length when things went down the drain the first time? Doesn’t he know about your past? Where you came from and where you spent all the time between marriages? In my (call me simple) imagination you should have covered all that ground before getting back together – anyway, sounds like you didn’t ...
A way to approach the subject is talk! (go figure ...)
Did you suggest a contract? And what was his reaction? Did he refuse – laugh .... ? And what kind of contract do you have in mind? (there are a whole lot of shades out there as far as contracts / marriage agreements etc. go, and I am not specifically talking BDSM here)
And WHY is it so very important to you to have a contract? (sorry – I can not see that urgent need at this stage – except for pinning him down to treat you the way you want to be treated against his basic inclination)
Getting approval for the things you do is something you can work on yourself – ask him! Ask him what he would like to have for dinner – how he would want you to wear your hair, what dress, what make-up – what he would like you to do around the house ... and don’t request answers cause you want them but because you want to serve him better (after all that is what submission is about – serve, put yourself back behind the wishes of your Dom/me! ) But if you ask him be prepared to act accordingly – even though you may not like the answers!
Put him in your mental place as your Dom and once he sees that it makes you happier he will hopefully adjust and jump the shadow of what most likely has been hammered in his head for all his life: respect your wife, spoil her, treat her like a treasure and an equal partner! Please be aware that you are asking things of him that may go against a lifetime of education and “conditioning”. Make him see that you ask his opinion to please him, NOT because you want him to dominate you!
Punishments and pain ...this is taking things quite a step further and if he is TOTALLY opposed to the whole D/s or BDSM concept there isn’t much chance for you I am afraid.
Seeing he did marry you again after all that has transpired between the two of you earlier I assume he too is madly in love with you (unless you are just the pretty young chick at the side of an older man to stroke his ego, which in this case I doubt). So chances are he will try to comply to your wishes as good as he can. Many men have a problem with physical pain (read: violence!) against women. So you better prepare to start light if you want to get anywhere – and a good bet is he will not be feeling comfortable in his own “persona”. Get a few stories – light BDSM ones – from the net, print and read together and tell him how that turns you on... and if you are lucky he may jump his shadow and try, maybe a simple light spanking, maybe he agrees to tie you up and blindfold you (even if he won’t hurt you but spoil you rotten with sweet caresses *g*) ... it is better than nothing at all, right?
Wherever it takes the two of you – please realize two things....
The chances are he starts feeling as shitty or worse as you do now for not getting BDSM if he only starts doing it to please you but doesn’t enjoy it himself. Are you ready to step back then or deal with the consequences?
Second – start serving him as good as you can without being “rewarded” (yes – punishments and pain are a reward at times!). See this relation as simply another form of a D/s relation for starters if you want to keep it and make it your main goal to make your “Master” happy – if this indeed is how you have been brought up that should be fairly easy. Nobody ever said that a D/s relation’s main purpose was to keep the slave happy!
I am not telling you to give up yourself – your desires and personality. But I do say that you and your hubby have to make a choice if your husband can’t come to peace with your BDSM side.
As for the other man you “could have in your life” ... why on earth should you even consider that if you love your husband? Specially seeing that he even less will scratch your BDSM-itch???
Well – long and rambly and most likely incoherent plus most has been said before (but I started to write this early this morning and now it is late afternoon and there are answers there that weren’t there when I started writing *lol*)... but I hope I got a few things across that have been on my mind lately.... which mainly is the reason to that longish post.
And one last though picked up from above ...
How come I hardly ever see someone ask: My partner is into BDSM – how do I get him/her to turn into a “vanilla” lover and enjoy it? How would we answer that? If anyone can answer that for me I shall gladly offer myself as a guinea pig! I sometimes really think life could be so much easier!
I have been asked this so many times - so I just jump on the soap box as the chance seems to present itself with yet another unfortunate couple...
Hello mrsmarried,
your initial post made me reflect about a few things that I have repeatedly been asked, so forgive me if I drift maybe into a more general response, which nevertheless I intend for you as well.
Fact is that for one reason or other D/s-inclined persons get stuck in relations / marriages with not so inclined people.
Fact is that hardly any of the D/s inclined people find happiness in a not so oriented relation.
Fact is that D/s inclined people can not simply switch off their desires for that kind of lifestyle/activity etc.
Why do people think this is not the same for the Non-D/s-inclined partners?
Why do we think the other part of “us” should change if we ourselves can’t? Why do we think they may be happy doing things they don’t feel like doing? Why do we think we have the right to ask them to change at all?
How come I hardly ever see someone ask: My partner is into BDSM – how do I get him/her to turn into a “vanilla” lover and enjoy it? How would we answer that? “You can’t! It is part of what he/she is and part of the person you love!”
So – why do we think we may ask our partners to change? Because we are “special”, different, the odd-balls, the freaks and maybe our partners are like us, right? They just don’t know it yet? And once they tried we are sure they will like it ! Crap – they are as aware and wise as each of us (at least we should give them the benefit of doubt) to know who and what they are.
Thinking about this I realize that I can adapt to a certain degree and find a place of “content” in a non-BDSM relation, for a while at least ... but the “real me” comes through and in the long run I get restless and unhappy. Asking to “become BDSM” from my partner may even be more of a stretch than it is for me to suppress it and will for sure lead to the same results in the long run - uneasiness, unhappiness.
That leads to next line of thought... finding a Dom/me or sub outside the basic relation to satisfy those desires.
Just one question: How would you feel if your partner told you that he really needed to go and see that “other person” to satisfy his craving for cuddly romantic totally non-BDSM 100% pain-free moments? I guess we would be VERY MUCH surprised and telling him that no way are we happy with this and there is nothing he/she can’t get from us, right? But are we being honest? No, we are not – cause we are not being 100% satisfied when sex and love only happen on that level and this is basically not fair towards our SO since it is not his/her fault.
On this same thought – what right do we have to ask our SO to allow us those out-of-relation contacts to get what we need but what is not being provided by our partners? (specially knowing how much closeness and “soul-stripping” is involved with a D/s relation it is hard for me to think my partner wouldn’t mind me sharing that special bond with someone else even if I tried to keep the sexual act itself out of it)
The answers to all the above questions may vary widely for each of us, depending on duration and depth of relation, depending on the specific needs we have in regards to BDSM and our own ways of “settling” for more or less. I can not answer them for anyone but me – and even with that I am having a damn hard time.
Back to the situation / circumstances that made me start on the subject, mrsmarried’s post.
All doubts aside, taking the situation at face value as I read it I have one initial question: Why did you remarry a man you KNEW would not provide you with what you so urgently seem to desire – a BDSM relation? You knew there was damn little chance he would change after basically that was what made your first time around a failure (and excuse me, but at age 50+ he is very likely to have a quite settled personality so that it doesn’t really come as a surprise to see him be true to his former self).
Anyway – you did remarry him, well aware of the “flaws”, and that I take to mean he has a whole bunch of excellent qualities that you appreciate and love about him. Or was it more a "convenience” agreement after you came back to the area when things went bad for you and your family? (I am not judging just trying to prompt some self reflection)
What strikes me odd in this context is your question as to how you can explain your needs / desires to your again-husband. Didn’t you discuss all that at length when things went down the drain the first time? Doesn’t he know about your past? Where you came from and where you spent all the time between marriages? In my (call me simple) imagination you should have covered all that ground before getting back together – anyway, sounds like you didn’t ...
A way to approach the subject is talk! (go figure ...)
Did you suggest a contract? And what was his reaction? Did he refuse – laugh .... ? And what kind of contract do you have in mind? (there are a whole lot of shades out there as far as contracts / marriage agreements etc. go, and I am not specifically talking BDSM here)
And WHY is it so very important to you to have a contract? (sorry – I can not see that urgent need at this stage – except for pinning him down to treat you the way you want to be treated against his basic inclination)
Getting approval for the things you do is something you can work on yourself – ask him! Ask him what he would like to have for dinner – how he would want you to wear your hair, what dress, what make-up – what he would like you to do around the house ... and don’t request answers cause you want them but because you want to serve him better (after all that is what submission is about – serve, put yourself back behind the wishes of your Dom/me! ) But if you ask him be prepared to act accordingly – even though you may not like the answers!
Put him in your mental place as your Dom and once he sees that it makes you happier he will hopefully adjust and jump the shadow of what most likely has been hammered in his head for all his life: respect your wife, spoil her, treat her like a treasure and an equal partner! Please be aware that you are asking things of him that may go against a lifetime of education and “conditioning”. Make him see that you ask his opinion to please him, NOT because you want him to dominate you!
Punishments and pain ...this is taking things quite a step further and if he is TOTALLY opposed to the whole D/s or BDSM concept there isn’t much chance for you I am afraid.
Seeing he did marry you again after all that has transpired between the two of you earlier I assume he too is madly in love with you (unless you are just the pretty young chick at the side of an older man to stroke his ego, which in this case I doubt). So chances are he will try to comply to your wishes as good as he can. Many men have a problem with physical pain (read: violence!) against women. So you better prepare to start light if you want to get anywhere – and a good bet is he will not be feeling comfortable in his own “persona”. Get a few stories – light BDSM ones – from the net, print and read together and tell him how that turns you on... and if you are lucky he may jump his shadow and try, maybe a simple light spanking, maybe he agrees to tie you up and blindfold you (even if he won’t hurt you but spoil you rotten with sweet caresses *g*) ... it is better than nothing at all, right?
Wherever it takes the two of you – please realize two things....
The chances are he starts feeling as shitty or worse as you do now for not getting BDSM if he only starts doing it to please you but doesn’t enjoy it himself. Are you ready to step back then or deal with the consequences?
Second – start serving him as good as you can without being “rewarded” (yes – punishments and pain are a reward at times!). See this relation as simply another form of a D/s relation for starters if you want to keep it and make it your main goal to make your “Master” happy – if this indeed is how you have been brought up that should be fairly easy. Nobody ever said that a D/s relation’s main purpose was to keep the slave happy!
I am not telling you to give up yourself – your desires and personality. But I do say that you and your hubby have to make a choice if your husband can’t come to peace with your BDSM side.
As for the other man you “could have in your life” ... why on earth should you even consider that if you love your husband? Specially seeing that he even less will scratch your BDSM-itch???
Well – long and rambly and most likely incoherent plus most has been said before (but I started to write this early this morning and now it is late afternoon and there are answers there that weren’t there when I started writing *lol*)... but I hope I got a few things across that have been on my mind lately.... which mainly is the reason to that longish post.
And one last though picked up from above ...
How come I hardly ever see someone ask: My partner is into BDSM – how do I get him/her to turn into a “vanilla” lover and enjoy it? How would we answer that? If anyone can answer that for me I shall gladly offer myself as a guinea pig! I sometimes really think life could be so much easier!
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
hey cym,
I got a great idea for the over-the-door hooks inspired by this drawing.
http://www.darknsecret.com/ds09.htm
All you need is a two chains. Just make sure they are long enough. By picking a link of chain to connect to the D ring, the height can be adjusted up or down. You can run the chain to wrist restraints as in this pic, or to ankles to lift the legs up while she lies on her back. In a hotel, your only option would be to use the floor. At home, a well positioned bed with no footboard would be perfect.
I got a great idea for the over-the-door hooks inspired by this drawing.
http://www.darknsecret.com/ds09.htm
All you need is a two chains. Just make sure they are long enough. By picking a link of chain to connect to the D ring, the height can be adjusted up or down. You can run the chain to wrist restraints as in this pic, or to ankles to lift the legs up while she lies on her back. In a hotel, your only option would be to use the floor. At home, a well positioned bed with no footboard would be perfect.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2001
- Posts
- 1,905
RisiaSkye said:Damn. Double damn. BB was here, and I missed it? GRRR...this week is not working out at all!
Lexie--sounds like you're being appropriately cautious. Good for you. And like WD and cym said, I'm available if you just want a second read on someone over at bondage.com. I *think* I'm trustworthy...at least, that seems to be the word on me. And who am I to argue?
I'm in the middle of rereading Exit to Eden. I don't know why, but this one works better for me than the Beauty books. Actually, scratch that...I do know why. It's the closest I've ever seen anyone come (in writing) to describing the total ambivalence of an equally divided Switch. It's a tricky thing to experience, much less write. It fails in some ways (such as suggesting that she *really* doesn't want to Domme Elliot so much as struggle without resolution of the power exchange), but it works remarkably well in others. Anyone got any other thoughts on this one?
RE: Lexie - what she said.
RE: Exit to Eden - Haven't read that one. I saw the movie, and wasn't sure I should bother reading it. You mean someone has actually come close to explaining what I once thought of as confusion and insecurity? I now have the vocabulary to say I thought I was a Dom, but it didn't feel quite right, and that my desire to guide, protect and play felt conflicted by my desire to serve and near-worship. I'd had enough of that to convince me I maybe wasn't a Dom after all, but a Sub, but that shoe didn't fit, either. Lots of shoes don't fit me.
That also confused the hell out of a couple of past girlfriends - my inner conflict, and how I didn't successfully deal with it because I didn't understand it any more than they did.
That's what I get by reading here and elsewhere about this lifestyle, and by asking questions when I have them - a better self-understanding.
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
morninggirl5 said:
Young sub, come crawl to my side
Young sub, a spanking for you to abide
Young sub, there's no need to feel down
Young sub, you'll be soon bound
It's fun to play at the B.D.S.M.
It's fun to play at the B.D.S.M.
They have every thing for young subs to enjoy
Doms and Dommes with bags full of toys
You can get your ass whipped
You can get your nips clipped
A place where floggers fall free
And where slaves drop to their knees
It's fun to play at the B.D.S.M.
It's fun to play at the B.D.S.M.
Frouwa_Aph
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2001
- Posts
- 178
Our new hymn?
ROFL
Just imagine... some subs... dressed up like the VPs in leather and latex... singing and dancing that song...
What a nice way to start a day, and now I'm off to work.
Monika
ROFL
Just imagine... some subs... dressed up like the VPs in leather and latex... singing and dancing that song...
What a nice way to start a day, and now I'm off to work.
Monika
Merelan
Lady's Love
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2000
- Posts
- 10,812
It's official... WriterDom has lost it. Though in a cute, hysterical image provoking way.
When does the single "cum out"?
And it is also official, I love Hecate. period. Her last post, so thoughtful and well witten answered questions for me I did not even know I had. Or wouldn't admit to at least.
Mrsmarried, read her post again, and again. She answers your every queston, honestly.
Thank you Hecate, for taking the time I know you don't have to spare right now to help her, and me.
When does the single "cum out"?
And it is also official, I love Hecate. period. Her last post, so thoughtful and well witten answered questions for me I did not even know I had. Or wouldn't admit to at least.
Mrsmarried, read her post again, and again. She answers your every queston, honestly.
Thank you Hecate, for taking the time I know you don't have to spare right now to help her, and me.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Hey WD,WriterDom said:
I've got an av made from this drawing! And your great idea sounds eminently workable, too. Have you made a prototype yet? Sounds right up your ally.
For BDSM/fetish/just plain sexy art, do you know of the Reb's Art site? It's a good one.
http://www.rebsart.com/PictureNav/index.asp
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
Haven't tried it out, but I already had the chain. You can get 15 feet of dog chain which is about the right size if you cut it in half. They come with clips on both ends which saves you a connector to the cuffs. Either that or Home Depot has a large selection of chain sold by the foot if you want something more decorative. I've got tons of those double sided connectors. They come in handy for lots of things.
It's one of the simplest and cheapest things you can make, and very useful for on the road play. Most motel rooms are very bdsm unfriendly. Can never find a place on the bed to tie.
It's one of the simplest and cheapest things you can make, and very useful for on the road play. Most motel rooms are very bdsm unfriendly. Can never find a place on the bed to tie.
seXieleXie
trouble
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2001
- Posts
- 8,509
alright, i've got a quandry. how do you set up a safe call when you don't have a cell phone? i'm not ready to meet anyone yet, but there is no harm in being prepared.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Lexie, don't go anywhere that doesn't have a phone.
You determine when you'll call, instead of someone calling you at a predetermined time. That way, you can tell the other peorson right upfront that you have to do a safe call at whatever time - and if there's probelms, you'll be back to some kinda civilization by then.
Also, ALWAYS get some real life info on the person ahead of time and give it to your safe call.
For instance, this morning Risia was a safe call for me, to my home, where i was with a new-to-me Dom. Yesterday or the day before, however, i'd emailed her with his whole name and address and driver's license number - all of which i'd verified, btw (don't just take their word for it).
If i *was* having a problem with him, she had that info to give to the authorities in my area.
If someone does not want you to have that info, or will not let you verify it after they give it to you (as in, they won't let you see thier driver's license or a bill with their name and address on it or somethinglike that), then i would be VERY VERY disinclined to go off anywhere too private with them.
If they are for real, they will not only give you that kinda info ahead of time, but will be glad you're taking such measures to protect your safety.
You determine when you'll call, instead of someone calling you at a predetermined time. That way, you can tell the other peorson right upfront that you have to do a safe call at whatever time - and if there's probelms, you'll be back to some kinda civilization by then.
Also, ALWAYS get some real life info on the person ahead of time and give it to your safe call.
For instance, this morning Risia was a safe call for me, to my home, where i was with a new-to-me Dom. Yesterday or the day before, however, i'd emailed her with his whole name and address and driver's license number - all of which i'd verified, btw (don't just take their word for it).
If i *was* having a problem with him, she had that info to give to the authorities in my area.
If someone does not want you to have that info, or will not let you verify it after they give it to you (as in, they won't let you see thier driver's license or a bill with their name and address on it or somethinglike that), then i would be VERY VERY disinclined to go off anywhere too private with them.
If they are for real, they will not only give you that kinda info ahead of time, but will be glad you're taking such measures to protect your safety.
RisiaSkye
Artistic
- Joined
- May 1, 2000
- Posts
- 4,387
You can also use the cell phone of the partner. Get the number first, call it to verify, give the number to your safe call. If there's no answer, follow your standard safety format...authorities, friends, etc.
Additionally, cell phones are easily traceable by police if it comes to that. So, using *their* cell phone can be an added help in the (cross your fingers and hope not) unlikely event that there IS a problem.
Oh, and WD: Why do you never share anything with me? You *bitch*!
Forgive me. I've been drinking. Heavily. For 5 hours.
Additionally, cell phones are easily traceable by police if it comes to that. So, using *their* cell phone can be an added help in the (cross your fingers and hope not) unlikely event that there IS a problem.
Oh, and WD: Why do you never share anything with me? You *bitch*!
Forgive me. I've been drinking. Heavily. For 5 hours.
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
cymbidia said:
All this "safe" talk brings me back to the time 5 years ago before I knew anything about bdsm, and the crazy chances women would take with me. There is a false sense of security about meeting someone from the net. After a few phone conversations, you feel like you know the person completely and can trust them. And I do believe you can trust the vast majority of people. But for a single women, it's like playing Russian roulette. You can't be too careful.
BlondGirl
Aim for the Bullseye ; )
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2000
- Posts
- 2,092
I have thought that using a false name for the safe - person would be good. A nickname, for example, and using the given name for less safe instances. As a paranoid person, I am inclined to be a bit excessive in my efforts at times.
Example: On the first call, things are going well and you greet the caller as Suzy.
On the 2nd call, you are still feeling great and have another brief conversation with Suzy.
On the 3rd conversation, you are intimidated and not sure if things are the way they should be and you call Suzy by her "real" name or her first and middle name (Think "Southern style")--enough to alert her but not the person you are with if you feel that would be more risky at the moment.
"Suzy" can then alert the hotel management.
You know what we need? We really need hotels in each major city that offer safe calls as a service. Does anyone know if there are any that already offer such a thing?
Example: On the first call, things are going well and you greet the caller as Suzy.
On the 2nd call, you are still feeling great and have another brief conversation with Suzy.
On the 3rd conversation, you are intimidated and not sure if things are the way they should be and you call Suzy by her "real" name or her first and middle name (Think "Southern style")--enough to alert her but not the person you are with if you feel that would be more risky at the moment.
"Suzy" can then alert the hotel management.
You know what we need? We really need hotels in each major city that offer safe calls as a service. Does anyone know if there are any that already offer such a thing?
Merelan
Lady's Love
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2000
- Posts
- 10,812
Somone earlier mentioned that hotel rooms are not equiped for our play. Wonder if we should pool our money and start one? From what I gather here we could make a fortune. Have the rooms equipped with the basic furniture we all prefer, and have safe calls too.
Hmmmm... digging in wallet. I have $1.87 to contribute.
On the other hand, I have a question. I swear, are there times when you get so wild and horny you are ready to jump and fuck the next person in the door? No matter who?
Just curious.
Hmmmm... digging in wallet. I have $1.87 to contribute.
On the other hand, I have a question. I swear, are there times when you get so wild and horny you are ready to jump and fuck the next person in the door? No matter who?
Just curious.
Frouwa_Aph
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2001
- Posts
- 178
Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2001
- Posts
- 5,740
