Bistro Bijou

[GuiltyPleasure]

Joke for Annie (who may already know it)

New job!

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others whose boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimpanzee house, he is
attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps
with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked and stung by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.


Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion
and says, "What's the food like here?"







Wait for it....







The other lions say, "Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Rofllllllll *followed by* groannnnnnnnnnn!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

*pokes head in*

hmm.

My morning thoughts about poets and their tendencies have distilled over the last few hours into this: a survey.

Come. Tell me about yourself.

1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?


2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?


3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?


4. Write a little poem about a body part.


5. Pie. Want some? What kind?



Puts this on the jukebox. Warning: pop hip hop commercial crap. And here's another long rant distilled: I'm still looking for other audiosexuals. This song is, admittedly, sorta dumb. It's not the lyrics (though they're pretty funny). It's not the arrangement as such. It's just the chords themselves, their structure and progression. And it sends me completely over the edge.

So anyway. Enjoy.

 

[Shankara20]

*pokes head in*

ps - my panties today have a spider on the front....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

ps - my panties today have a spider on the front....

Eeeeek! Yay!

I do believe I know the ones.

You look way better in them than I ever did.

Though "itsy bitsy" seems hardly appropriate...

 

[Shankara20]

Though "itsy bitsy" seems hardly appropriate...

ok - now I feel better for the first time today....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

ok - now I feel better for the first time today....

Pauvre! How can we continue this trend?

Pie, maybe? That never hurts.

 

[champagne1982]

... a survey

1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?

Chauffering a loved one off to see an orthopedic specialist. Not much else, the roads should prove to be hell.

eta: I just realized that tomorrow is the 9th! anniversary of my very first open heart surgery.

2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?

Sex, my sex god and breakfast in bed

3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?

There's a short river joining 2 lakes nearby. Around its tumbling curves there's a bluff on a point as the river eddies into a shallow hollow. You can only get there by foot or by paddle craft and in the spring, the eagles' are sitting at the top of the birches, in the summer the berries and wild roses have bloomed and this wonderful scent fills the clearing, in fall, the world has turned to a gold setting for the sapphire of the sky and I've never been in winter, you can't get there from here unless I were to beg for a day long excursion on snow machines.

The other alternative is a polished marble floor about 5 feet away from the Mona Lisa, or Michaelangelo's David, or the Venus de Milo...

4. Write a little poem about a body part.


A right arm is a precious thing
to lose it, is not kind.
It's not all bad though, I suppose,
it could have been your mind.

5. Pie. Want some? What kind?

Humble with a side of crow...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Humble with a side of crow...

Hi sweetie! May your weekend be as kind as possible under the circumstances. Ordering that particular pie implies that you've already had more than enough. So.

Can I interest you in banana creme?


...pie?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Mixed up in a crazy charity thing that hits England every year called Red Nose Day and yes everyone wears red noses and do crazy and heroic things to raise millions of pounds

 

[Remec]

Come. Tell me about yourself.
1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?
2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?
3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?
4. Write a little poem about a body part.
5. Pie. Want some? What kind?

*yawn*
*shake head to clear it*
*sniff*

1. Dealing with a bit of a cold and prepping for going to Chicago next weekend.
2. Kissing, cuddling, and sex
3. Beautiful can mean so many things at so many different times...a few would be the side of a mountain in Boone, NC...a Spanish fort in St. Augustine, FL...the side of military housing in Georgia where no one but me can see the view in the window...
4.
Joints and muscles ache,
but not as badly as my
poor, underused heart
when it tells me of its wants
and I have to tell it, "Shhh."
5. Yes, please. Shoo-fly or blueberry, if you would. thanks.

 

[Homburg]

1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?

Having a stupendous time in the smallest hotel room I've ever been in.

2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?

1. viv
2. A bigger bed
3. A private beach. Or quiet stretch of woods.

3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?

My own house. It is not the place that matters, but the company with which you share it.

4. Write a little poem about a body part.

Don't have enough functional brain cells for poetry. They are stewed due to driving 8.5 hours only to hit two more hours of Long Island traffic, and, well, other activities. Any body part thoughts would inevitably be prurient, and NOBODY wants that around here.

5. Pie. Want some? What kind?

Hair, thanks.

 

[Homburg]

I had a moment this morning. I take my son tot he bus stop every morning. I am NOT a morning person, and regularly stay up past 2am. Getting up before 8am to drive him to the bus stop is not something I look forward to. Yet this morning I left to drive here to NY, and found myself missing that part of my morning.

This is something that I am entirely unused to. "Missing" someone is usually an abstract thing for me. It was very odd to actively miss that aspect of my morning, especially when it is something I would grumble about if you asked me after the alarm went off.

It is doubly strange when I realise that spending literally five to ten minutes or so each weekday morning carting him to the bus has done good things for our relationship, even though we're both usually bleary-eyed and quiet for the trip.

 

[sassynyc]

*pokes head in*

hmm.

My morning thoughts about poets and their tendencies have distilled over the last few hours into this: a survey.

Come. Tell me about yourself.

1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?

Making a birthday cake for a friend.

2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?

~ A lazy Sunday in bed with good company and classic tunes
~ Finding beauty in an unexpected place (that never gets old)
~ A pitcher of whiskey sours

3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?

Hard one to answer, but it probably involved rain or a sunset.

4. Write a little poem about a body part.

My eye is an open window
and so, I understand
you're not a Peeping Tom
rather, a student of human nature

5. Pie. Want some? What kind?

Apple or cherry. a la mode (butter pecan please)

Puts this on the jukebox. Warning: pop hip hop commercial crap. And here's another long rant distilled: I'm still looking for other audiosexuals. This song is, admittedly, sorta dumb. It's not the lyrics (though they're pretty funny). It's not the arrangement as such. It's just the chords themselves, their structure and progression. And it sends me completely over the edge.

I know, right? Damn commercial radio! I have no justification other than, "it's catchy". A shaky defense, I know...so is the flu. In your case, the reverb from the staccato syllabic breakdown prolly makes you all weak in the knees.

ps - my panties today have a spider on the front....

Leave it to you to make spiders utterly appealing. But then, you could dress up a root canal in nice undies, and I'd be inclined to at least shake hands with it. I'm so weak.

 

[sassynyc]

For the Audiosexual Files

Clubbing

Hypnotic

 

[Tzara]

My morning thoughts about poets and their tendencies have distilled over the last few hours into this: a survey.

Come. Tell me about yourself.

1. Whatcha doin' this weekend?

So far, listening to varied and odd music. Spun some old Renaissance LPs (yes, you read that right--vinyl) and am now listening to Robert Ashley.

Leaves me philosophical, with an itch for the late, great Warren Zevon, though he's neither Renaissance nor avant-garde.

Just clever as hell.​

2. What three things could be added to this weekend that would make it perfect?

1. A winning Powerball ticket.
2. Renée Fleming, en déshabillé.
3. Suddenly being gifted to play piano as well as Glenn Gould.

3. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever been?

That's a tough one, since there are so many beautiful places that I've been. One favorite is American Camp on San Juan Island:

4. Write a little poem about a body part.

Here in the dark, my fingertips
Become the eyes with which I read
The Braille of her lifted hips,
The corduroy of ribs. I weave
A curving path, which traces bone
Up sternum to her perfect breasts.
My fingers curl up there, at home
And, quieted at last, they rest.​

5. Pie. Want some? What kind?

I'm not all into pie, actually. Well, other than what Homburg said.

Can't exactly say I want a slice, though. Maybe just lick the plate a bit?​

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

wow. You know, I never thought people who read porn would be so judgmental.. that is, before writing stories on Lit. I wrote what I thought was just a fun story. A reader asked me to write it based on a fantasy he and his wife share. So far, the feedback and comments berate my characters for indulging in this fantasy and me for having the fantasy (even though I don't).

oh, well. fuck 'em. I think it's a fun story.

So, how is everyone else's day?

 

[Safe_Bet]

wow. You know, I never thought people who read porn would be so judgmental.. that is, before writing stories on Lit. I wrote what I thought was just a fun story. A reader asked me to write it based on a fantasy he and his wife share. So far, the feedback and comments berate my characters for indulging in this fantasy and me for having the fantasy (even though I don't).

oh, well. fuck 'em. I think it's a fun story.

So, how is everyone else's day?

Wrote a LW story did you????

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Wrote a LW story did you????

close...

An interracial story in which a white husband videotapes his white wife being fucked by 3 black men.

I knew it would not be popular with everyone, but I thought the response would be mixed. huh. I was wrong!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

just back from a hard days spending money in London! bought a gorgeous full length red velvet cloak ..... Bijou can you tell me anything about Peridots please?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

just back from a hard days spending money in London! bought a gorgeous full length red velvet cloak ..... Bijou can you tell me anything about Peridots please?

That cloak sounds very dramatic. Any chance of a modelling session?

In BJ's absence - peridot .

 

[UnderYourSpell]

That cloak sounds very dramatic. Any chance of a modelling session?

In BJ's absence - peridot .

Thanks for that 'Emerald of the evening' sounds fabulous, Ron bough me a a peridot ring today. Will have to see what I can do about the modelling lol It was made by the same person who made this cloak

 

[Safe_Bet]

close...

An interracial story in which a white husband videotapes his white wife being fucked by 3 black men.

I knew it would not be popular with everyone, but I thought the response would be mixed. huh. I was wrong!

Muahahaha! Just read it. You glutten for punishment, you. That is a freaking Interracial Loving Wives story. That's like cutting yourself all over and then going swimming with the sharks.

Congrats! You are the winner of the pretigious Safe_Bet Big Brass Ones Award for this week!

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Muahahaha! Just read it. You glutten for punishment, you. That is a freaking Interracial Loving Wives story. That's like cutting yourself all over and then going swimming with the sharks.

Congrats! You are the winner of the pretigious Safe_Bet Big Brass Ones Award for this week!

In accepting this award, I'd like to thank all the little people...
the readers who think that stories are based on reality or our personal fantasies or believe that fictional characters suffer consequences for their actions.. whether I write it that way or not. And special thanks to the readers of the Interracial category.. for without you, I would not have so many major what-the-fuck moments. As a writer who actually dates outside her race and scores fairly well in other categories, you continually keep this writer scratching her head.. I can only assume that most people who actually vote in the interracial category are racists who, like readers of the incest category, will read the stories before leaving ignorant comments or delivering 1-bombs based on moral judgment.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

In accepting this award, I'd like to thank all the little people...
the readers who think that stories are based on reality or our personal fantasies or believe that fictional characters suffer consequences for their actions.. whether I write it that way or not. And special thanks to the readers of the Interracial category.. for without you, I would not have so many major what-the-fuck moments. As a writer who actually dates outside her race and scores fairly well in other categories, you continually keep this writer scratching her head.. I can only assume that most people who actually vote in the interracial category are racists who, like readers of the incest category, will read the stories before leaving ignorant comments or delivering 1-bombs based on moral judgment.

I've put my comment on but I've just one question ...... who is Tina?