Bistro Bijou

[sassynyc]

Awwwww you are all so kind and I do appreciate it I am aiming for the day that I will dance again

*saunters in with between my for Annie*

i'll be waiting to queue up the music when you're ready missy.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Less of the quick quick and more of the sloooooooow but I'm about ready to make sweet music with you!

 

[Homburg]

I need a quiet place where I can indulge in the need to feel very lost.
And where I can not feel silly because I'm mourning the death of a cat.
And where I can believe it when I tell myself that it just happened.
And that there was nothing I could do
And that he couldn't have been in pain.

And most of all, I need to figure out some way to help my kids. They loved that silly cat as much as I did.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I know how you feel - we've had to go thru the death of cats over the years.
And seemed to affect me more than either my wife or son.

 

[wildsweetone]

I need a quiet place where I can indulge in the need to feel very lost.
And where I can not feel silly because I'm mourning the death of a cat.
And where I can believe it when I tell myself that it just happened.
And that there was nothing I could do
And that he couldn't have been in pain.

And most of all, I need to figure out some way to help my kids. They loved that silly cat as much as I did.

*big hugs* be kind to yourself while your body and mind work through the grieving process. take a step back from your own expectations of your self.

it's good to know your kids loved the cat too. now they will have something with which to measure other loves. help them by loving them and by understanding that sometimes they don't grieve as we do.

adding you and your family to my prayers.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You never have to feel silly or lost for feeling grief whatever the reason it would be more worrying if you didn't. Talk to your children about all the funny things he did the joy he brought, show them your emotion they will love you all the more for it. Sending my love

 

[Homburg]

That is what I've been doing. Thinking of all the happy times, and that what literally almost everything. Kato was a singularly incredible animal. In nine years, he never scratched at a human. Literally never. Hit bit exactly once, and that was because I was holding him down trying to see if a cut on his flank was serious enough to take him to the vet. I lost count of the people that were avowed cat-haters that said they take Kato in a second. And he was hypo-allergenic.

It sounds like I'm talking nice about the dead, but, no, he really was an impressive cat. My mom is one of those cat-haters, and Kato changed her. She got a little choked up on the phone when I told her.

I think part of the problem with a cat is that there aren't physical artefacts. If a friend or loved one dies, you can lay hands on something they gave you, or that was important to them. Sure, some cats have a favourite stuffed animal or toy, but Kato didn't.He had favourite spots, and his absence makes it that much more clear.

 

[champagne1982]

Ask the family to draw a simple line drawing to represent their pet; write a story or poem about a memorable cat habit or happening. These will serve as your keepsakes and you can honour them as much as you would Gran's fave old tea cup. Take them out and handle and read each one, you'd be surprised at how treasured you can keep his memory.

Hugs to all...

 

[Homburg]

Cool idea. I'll give it a shot.

Youngest daughter has been hit the hardest. Well, hardest amongst the humans. Journey, the littlest cat is the one most affected. Kato was her buddy, and she is lost and frantic without him. It doesn't help that she's swinging into heat, and he was her occasional fuckbuddy. Well, sort of. Kato had been fixed for years and years, but would sometimes still get motivated enough to do a little bit of the old in-out. She's really desperate for attention like crazy right now, and you can tell that she knows something is very wrong. I feel for her.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Was it an accident? When my last old dog died the one left was frantic too until we showed her his body she sniffed him then she knew and settled after that.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

There were two old cats from across the street who over came over to visit and eat. The male we called 'Crooky' since he had some crooked teeth, while the female we called 'Crossy', since she was hopelessly cross-eyed. She was always with him, he was her guardian. She was lost for a while when he got hit by a car and they had to put him to sleep (he got hit becasue he didn't care - cars were supposed to drive around him if he was sitting in the street). Both my wife and I were quite sad for a long time afterwards as well. Crossy still comes by on occasion, but she remains shy.

 

[Homburg]

No, he apparently just died. No obvious cause. He'd thrown up a bit here and there, but not particularly more than times past with hairballs. As far as I can tell, he wasn't in any pain. I was in the same room with him, and heard nothing out of him, and he was laying like he'd gone to sleep in a spot that he liked to sleep in. So I don't think he was in distress.

 

[arielsgoddess]

Humbly sorry for the loss of furry family member:

All souls transcend the vessels that they appear in. When we feel that type of real connection with another living being, it does not matter what the vessel was. It seems to only make our grief more easily understood by others if it is one openly identified with, especially in society. I have lost children and other family members both human and animal, and it didn't matter which--people in the general pool have no idea what size the waves that rock your life after that are like. First, I would say to you as one who knows: forgive yourself; your loved pet was fortunate enough to pass-on in comfort and in the place where least troubled and most happy, and it was you that gave that gift. Next, I would recommend that you do something special about this. You said that there are no artifacts or personal mementos to keep & hold? I know that for me the pictures often only increase my grief--sometimes they are nice to share with those who did not have a chance to meet your loved one in person. If you have pix, they are nice for the kids to have & you can post one on the forum or elsewhere online (if you don't have a scanner, places like walmart do & it's easy to order prints & digital). For yourself, I hear you saying that you look around the house and feel the physical abscence of the sight of Kato. May I make a suggestion? Go out to the stores or ask friends to find you a clear glass statue--doesn't have to be of a cat--I often choose angels for people or something significant to a deeply good memory of the loved one passed-on or otherwise appealing. Then place the angel/statuette in one of their favorite places--perfect if that is on the back of the sofa or a windowledge or table beside the window where it is simple to secure the statue. The feelings of warmth and "rightness with your world" that you got from looking at Kato curled there as you passed through the room will be honored by the statue. If it is where the sunlight hits it, there is a real physical warmth generated by the statue, and the beauty of the glow (and some statues, the prism effect) will help bring you peace, while still reminding you of the love and closeness. As a plus, you can also touch it--although it does not feel like the one lost, it is still tangible, and the familiarity of touching it overtime runs very deep. For some people, too, it's like a "This Place Reserved" sign, both in the heart and in the world. Heaven knows that the older we get, the more crowded the places both inside and outside of us--as they say, "the broken heart always holds more". Many Blessings to you, and a prayer of love for Kato--Ariel

 

[Homburg]

All souls transcend the vessels that they appear in. When we feel that type of real connection with another living being, it does not matter what the vessel was.

This particular line stuck out. Yes, I agree. That cat was more than just a cat, and I'm not the only person to feel that way. Most people will express sympathy, but when I told a couple of my friends, I could hear the sadness in their voices. He touched many lives, it seems. And many, many people wanted his kittens. It was honestly a shame that we had him fixed. I wish I could've had one of them.

 

[arielsgoddess]

Homburg, perhaps I should ask your pardon....

...For saying this, but with the quality of man that you are, it would not matter if you were a sextuplet (although, there is an amusing banter hiding behind that word ) or if you were Father Abraham sowing enough oats to grow a field: the chances of your siblings or offspring having your qualities is rare. Your essence is not dividable, only attachable. That is why the feeling of being connected to Kato is still with those that knew it with him. That will never go away. Sometimes we get the feeling down to a comfortable sensation, but the conflict in us comes from needing the physical--the tangible--to go with what we know in our souls is still there. I think the cruelest thing one living being can do to another is to try and void that connection. The cruelest thing we can do to ourselves is to deny it, and what we need to do about it. Whether we are rended by the living who destructively leave us in their wake--or whether 'in wake' we remember the importance of living communicated by the one we love that passes--we need to share that with someone new, in order for our capacity to live and love to thrive. Again, throughout, I am speaking from experience, and this is just my advice. Do something special for the connection you share with Kato, whatever 'clicks' for you. Then, leave a path of opportunity. Notice boxes of kittens; call and offer a home to a male kitten with certain qualities to your local Humane Society group or begin cruising animal shelters. That way the next member of your family may find his way to you. When you feel that connection, you just know. A toast to Kato: for the best of what was, and his essence that will always be with you....and saving a bit in the glass for what is to come....Ariel

 

[Homburg]

You are perfectly correct on that front. I just figure his qualities would've made for wonderful kittens. Eh, I got nine and a half great years with him, and gave him a loving comfortable home. What more can I ask for?

I posted this to you in a PM, but I figured other people might be interested.

--

Watching Journey get more and more frantic lead us to hit the SPCA and see if we might find a little guy to adopt. Did we ever. MIS and viv both fell slam in love with different cats, both of which were precious. For no reason that I can really explain, I couldn't tell either to leave their little object of affection behind.

Tigger is a 5 month old silver tabby, and his two siblings were both adopted out yesterday. You could tell that the little guy was lonely just by looking at his body language. He's a precious little thing, old enough to be out of the bumbling clumsy kitten stage, but still a bundle of energy and curiosity.

Dudley was the odd one. He is a 1 year old orange long hair, looking somewhat like a maine coon. I dunno what it was about him, but he grabbed my attention solidly with his affection, sweet personality, and very communicative attitude. When I showed him to viv, she was just flat struck. Not only does Dudley look like her cat from her childhood, he reached out a paw all the way to shoulder, rolling over trying to get just a little farther out to reach her. As she said, "Heart. Melt."

So we brought em both home. I guess it like the saying that you shouldn't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. I obviously shouldn't have gone to the SPCA when I was emotional ragged, otherwise we might not have two more cats.

Eh, I can't really say that I mind. Cats aren't expensive to keep, and, honestly, the house is happy again.

Journey, however, is not. She is absolutely affronted at the appearance of two new cats, and has focused most of her ire on MIS. My only guess is that MIS was the person what she saw carrying in the littlest new cat, and MIS is supposed to be HER person. All I know is that she hisses at poor MIS almost as much as she hisses at poor innocent Tigger.

Cats. Pfft. ( )

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I've known you a fair old while and I still say your kindness and your heart is bigger than than you care to let on ..... hugs my friend

 

[Homburg]

Pfft, I'm a mean, old bastard

( *hugs* )

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Pfft, I'm a mean, old bastard

( *hugs* )

yeah yeah so I've heard

 

[arielsgoddess]

The Realm of Homburg is an intriguing place indeed..

As I said, Sir, you are of an unusual quality rarely matched in this world. You speak with deep affection and respect for the animals and humans in your world, alike. A good master is one that inherently understands the roles that we play in this life, and respects the littler realms of each of the players. You breathe the air of power but you never use it to abuse...which is in itself moving and admirable. Even though I am recent to the forum, and wholly new in your acquaintance, you are very high in my esteem, Sir. From the way you speak, and speak often, of Viv, I take it that she is your leading lady, and has been for some time. How very exceptional that you have found with each other someone that you share both of your extremes in harmony: both dark and bright, intrepid and ordinary--if anyone like you could ever be ordinary. But that is what we are here to celebrate, isn't it? -- Congratualtions on the merriness returning to your adventure

 

[Homburg]

I thank you for your kind words. viv and I have been together for quite a while now, and MIS has been in our life for about two years. I do consider myself to be especially fortunate. It is an unconventional life to say the least, but it works

 

[Homburg]

I miss this 'place'. I miss being able to visit this thread and see random conversation rollicking by. Now it seems I only visit it when I am feeling low, and need to be comforted by the ghosts of good times had, and ethereal dust motes floating through an imaginary space.

I can see it, dimly lit, cloths laid over battered fixtures and stools well-loved. I can smell the dust, the mustiness of a place shut down and disused. I can hear the echos of shouts and laughter.

It should make me sad to imagine such things, but, in their own way, it comforts me. Probably why I come back here.

Bijou, wherever you are, thank you for imagining his place into it's own ephemera in my oft-cluttered head. Would that I could visit such a place in the flesh.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I miss this 'place'. I miss being able to visit this thread and see random conversation rollicking by. Now it seems I only visit it when I am feeling low, and need to be comforted by the ghosts of good times had, and ethereal dust motes floating through an imaginary space.

I can see it, dimly lit, cloths laid over battered fixtures and stools well-loved. I can smell the dust, the mustiness of a place shut down and disused. I can hear the echos of shouts and laughter.

It should make me sad to imagine such things, but, in their own way, it comforts me. Probably why I come back here.

Bijou, wherever you are, thank you for imagining his place into it's own ephemera in my oft-cluttered head. Would that I could visit such a place in the flesh.

I miss you too Homb that other part of your world isn't really mine but in this place we could come together with a different set of words and gel and I am also sad that it has been lost

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I miss this 'place'. I miss being able to visit this thread and see random conversation rollicking by. Now it seems I only visit it when I am feeling low, and need to be comforted by the ghosts of good times had, and ethereal dust motes floating through an imaginary space.

I can see it, dimly lit, cloths laid over battered fixtures and stools well-loved. I can smell the dust, the mustiness of a place shut down and disused. I can hear the echos of shouts and laughter.

It should make me sad to imagine such things, but, in their own way, it comforts me. Probably why I come back here.

Bijou, wherever you are, thank you for imagining his place into it's own ephemera in my oft-cluttered head. Would that I could visit such a place in the flesh.

I miss you too Homb that other part of your world isn't really mine but in this place we could come together with a different set of words and gel and I am also sad that it has been lost

Well, then.

We can't have Homburg mourning alone.

Losing animals is often harder than losing people, because no matter how important the people are in our lives, we are usually more ambivalent, more three-dimensional in our love for them. Pets are a hundred percent love, all the time. No hesitation, no halfway.

I think a requiem challenge wouldn't be inappropriate. Anyone in?

*puts this on the jukebox, just to see what happens.*

It's not the official video, but I found it completely charming. Happy strangers, good times.

I'm around.

 

[Homburg]

I'm around.

This made my day