Bistro Bijou

[champagne1982]

Did you walk uphill both ways, Dolly?

I think you're right; kids have it a bit easier. But it's hard to be sad about that; I would like to think that no one has to go through the crap that I endured. My walk was about a mile, and weather didn't matter...

I was barefoot too. In the snow. And we had to make our own gym clothes out of old burlap sacks and shoeboxes.

LOL...

3 things I love:
1. Being able to take a burden on because the one who must carry it, had to set it down for a minute.
2. Knowing that I am unconditionally loved by those I love unconditionally.
3. Dogs and hot tea.

3 things I need:
1. Time
2. Tolerance
3. More unconditional love

3 things I'd like to get rid of:
1. Pain. It has no place in the world.
2. Fear. There is nothing more debillitating, in my view.
3. Anger. If we could rid the world of anger, then there'd be a lot fewer things to be afraid of.

3 things that are quite thoroughly on my mind, now:
1. I shouldn't be procrastinating about finishing my spreadsheets.
2. My beloved.
3. Sex with my beloved. :wicked:

 

[Homburg]

So. Catch me up. Tell me all about yourselves. Three things you love, three things you need, three things you'd like to get rid of, and three things that are quite thoroughly on your mind right now.

Three things I love:
1) Going to sleep at night with those I love.
2) Breaking my own records.
3) Music, and the effect it has on me.

Three things I need:
1) Those I love, family and pets and friends
2) Those things that keep my brain active, such as breaking my own records
3) Music

I am a simple chap when it comes to these things.

Three things thoroughly on my mind:
1) The weird situation in mine and my dad's business
2) My youngest son being sick and throwing up all evening
3) The suture on our littlest cat's hip opening up tonight after the stitches were removed yesterday

I am worried about both our littlest guys.

--

3 things I'd like to get rid of:
1. Pain. It has no place in the world.
2. Fear. There is nothing more debillitating, in my view.
3. Anger. If we could rid the world of anger, then there'd be a lot fewer things to be afraid of.

I disagree on all three of these. Each is an evolutionary response to external stimuli, and are, in their own way, responsible for most of the growth we've accomplished as a species.

Medicine is a response to pain, and the growth of science and learning were spurred in no small part by medicine. Fear motivated our coming together in societies larger than the basic family group, and is thus responsible for coming together to grow as a social animal. And anger is what has freed so very many from the shackles of slavery, motivated those to work tirelessly to struggle against unfair working conditions, and motivated so many to strive so hard to end tyranny in so many places.

The emotional states themselves are not the problem. The problem is the ill-conceived response some have to these states.

 

[champagne1982]

These 3 things are not the sole reasons for human evolution. So, still better phrased, perhaps:
I'd like to get rid of the causes of pain. If we had no cause for painful stimuli, then we'd have no cause for pain meds ...
I'd like to get rid of the causes of fear. If we had no cause to fear, then we'd be able to function as a healthy society ...
I'd like to get rid of the causes of anger. If we had no cause to be angry, then we'd be free of much of our causes for fear ...

 

[Homburg]

Eh, I am a firm believer that these things inform our passions. And life without passion is not life. So very much incredibly moving art and music was spawned by people writing out of pain, creating away fear, or screaming out their rage. I would no more wish to rid the world of that which inspired "When a Man Loves a Woman", "I will Survive", "Guns of Brixton", or "Politik Kills" than I would pluck out my own eyes. I don't want to live in that world.

That said, my relationship with pain is not an inimical one, so my views are skewed there. And, honestly, what fun would roller coasters be sans fear?

Anger? Well, I could do with less anger, but I see it's worth. Of the three, this is the one I disagree with least. I just do not believe that we can achieve the sort of world where there would be no causes for anger.

 

[sassynyc]

So. Catch me up. Tell me all about yourselves. Three things you love, three things you need, three things you'd like to get rid of, and three things that are quite thoroughly on your mind right now.

I don't have the complete list rounded out yet, but as for what is quite thoroughly on my mind at the moment: HAITI

It is quite heartbreaking, what's going on over there. Like the tsunami, and Katrina, these things humble me. I feel fully, just how small we all are. If anyone is interested, I came acrioss info provided by Wyclef Jean's organization. Every little bit helps.

Text 'Yele' to 501501, to donate $5. The $5 goes to the organization led by Wyclef Jean. The $5 is charged to your account so you don't have to worry about using your cards,etc. Anyone who can text can do it.

Read more....

 

[EroticOrogeny]

moooooooooore bloody snow! We are not used to it anymore! What I can't understand is why they close the schools at the first flake or two! Never did that when I went it's discrimination and agist and every other 'ist' I can remember having to get off the school bus and walk because it couldn't get up the hill and when we got there we had to play hockey in the snow wearing only shorts and T shirts while the sports mistress ran around in a cosy track suit exhorting us to more speed to warm ourselves up! The little darlings now aren't allowed to play in the snow in the school playground incase one gets a snowball in the gob and sues!

I always walked to school too, for all but 2 years, when I had to take a bus (the double decker the year I was in England was kinda fun). Get to see and play with a lot on the way (especially home, when don't have to worry about time). Once the school was closed on account of snow, but I went anyway. Made sure to go thru backyards so I could plow thru the biggest snowdrifts and be an arctic explorer.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I don't have the complete list rounded out yet, but as for what is quite thoroughly on my mind at the moment: HAITI

It is quite heartbreaking, what's going on over there. Like the tsunami, and Katrina, these things humble me. I feel fully, just how small we all are. If anyone is interested, I came acrioss info provided by Wyclef Jean's organization. Every little bit helps.

Text 'Yele' to 501501, to donate $5. The $5 goes to the organization led by Wyclef Jean. The $5 is charged to your account so you don't have to worry about using your cards,etc. Anyone who can text can do it.

Read more....

These natural disasters do help us realize how insignificant our pains and suffering are, and give us gratitude. It doesn't help much to know that they are inevitable, both on the natural side (that fault had been sticking for a long time and had to give) and human side (the poverty and other causes for the poor construction resulting in such heavy casualties).

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Well now, good morning everybody!

I'm only on my second cup of coffee, which means I'm not articulate enough yet to talk pain and anger. I'm loving the dialogue; I think you both have excellent points. Knowing your histories, at least a little, makes it that much more fascinating. I know how much pain Champy has been through, at least medically speaking, and I sure would like to make a wish to make that stop, for good, so you can be less distracted and much happier.

ar. not so much with the erudition yet. Maybe later, after I'm caffeinated.

3 things I love:

My Lit Inbox this morning
The phenomenal, the ridiculously beautiful, people in my life right now. Oh my yes.
--especially those who think I still look sexy in Carhartts.
Raspberry bismarcks


3 Things I need:

A new wall calendar. I haven't managed to find one yet that's as cool as last year's, which was covers of vintage sci-fi magazines. That will be a hard act to follow.
A load of gravel for the damn driveway.
More compassion for stupid people. (Perhaps I might begin to cultivate this by ceasing to call them "stupid people...". I dunno. )

3 things I'd like to get rid of:

Communication breakdowns. The separations between people that are primarily language based and prevent mutual understanding between those who would otherwise be in harmony.
The fricking construction in front of my shop.
Air travel. It needs to be replaced with instant transporters, like in Star Trek.

3 Things quite thoroughly on my mind right now.

1 - How much I love to make the people I love laugh, and how I can make that happen even more often.
2 - The next fundraiser, in February which was already going to be for the Red Cross, and how I can tweak it toward consciousness of Haiti.

Thirdly. I start to think about all the beautiful people in my life right now, and I get so blown away. I am fortunate beyond my wildest dreams. It's weird to say it, but it's hard not to actually feel guilty sometimes. What saves me from guilt is being polyamorous, oddly enough. It's not like I'm keeping all these people to myself, taking more than my share of the beautiful lovers in the world. I share well. So I guess it's okay. But I don't think a day goes by when I don't spend at least a moment or two being astounded by my wealth, the incredible feast of amazing, loving people around me.

Golly, that was pretty awkwardly phrased. I'm going to go have some more coffee now. Maybe I'll fix it later.

 

[Homburg]

Golly, that was pretty awkwardly phrased. I'm going to go have some more coffee now. Maybe I'll fix it later.

Eh, I got it. Then again, I have a similar perspective. I did not, however, quote it, so as to not prevent an edit.

Pain though, I experienced a shitload of it as a young kid. I won't go into needless details, but I saw the inside of far too many hospitals as a wee sprog. I don't look at it in the "Rawr, ten miles, uphill, both ways, it builds character," sense though. It was just part of my experience growing up. These days I just bear the scars and nerve damage, and that's life. Fortunately for me, and unlike Champy, said pain is part of my past.

That said, I wouldn't rid myself of that experience either. I like who I am, and where I am, and wouldn't want to change what brought me to that.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Pain has defined me, as it has of course defined many people, in some pretty extraordinary ways. I can't say I'd choose to go through it again, though, at least some of it.

Not to change the subject, but I'm going to sorta think of the Bistro as a blog space for a while, since there are so few customers. More like an open gallery where you can come and write stuff on the wall whenever you want.

Here's mine for today.

I like lovers with glasses.

I like, more to the point, lovers with slightly imperfect vision. There is something very sexy about that moment when someone finds that it's time to take the glasses off and set them aside, on the bedside table. That gesture is invariably followed by something really pleasant.

I also like the idea that someone is seeing me in slightly soft focus. Imperfect vision forgives those little errors I see in myself. It softens the lines of my face, makes dim lighting more artistic, makes my little imperfections less noticeable, or so I like to imagine. As I age, and struggle with the fact that I don't have a 22-year-old body any more, that I have a stretch mark or two, that my skin is occasionally imperfect, that I've got a little additional chunkiness around my waist, that there are a couple of lines on my forehead, it's soothing to my ego to think of someone seeing me slightly blurred. The camera of imperfect vision is more forgiving, more generous with me.

All my life I've been in contact with imperfect sight. My best friend in high school was legally blind. I remember being in the back seat of her boyfriend's truck on those nights when he let her "drive:" there was a short stretch, a couple of blocks, that went over a railroad track. He'd line up the truck, then let her get behind the wheel and hold the wheel straight, and she'd gun the engine and we'd fly over the track. She'd go so fast we'd get airborne and come down with a crash, and she'd squeal with excitement. In the backseat we'd bounce around and hit our heads on the ceiling, but it was worth it to see how happy she was. She learned how to time it just right; as soon as we landed she'd put on the brake, coast to a stop, and he'd get in the driver's seat again and turn the truck around so we could do it again.

She couldn't see enough to read, so when I spent the night at her house on weekends she'd steal her big sister's copy of "The Joy of Sex" and "Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex but were afraid to ask" and I'd read aloud to her.

Later on, in college, partly because of her, I got several different gigs working with the visually impaired. I was a personal aide for several people, or a textbook reader, or a driver, had a stint working with the National Federation for the Blind, and even a secretary for the DSS in the office for assistance to the blind. Extraordinary jobs, all of them.

It would appall you how many clerks in stores will look straight at someone with dark glasses and a white cane and ask to see their driver's license. My clients had various ways of dealing with this, most of them hilarious, and some of them quite cruel. I often also had to say to someone, "Don't talk to me, talk to her. She's blind, not deaf. I'm just her assistant."

I don't know why so much of this life has had the theme of vision for me, or why so many people I've loved have struggled with vision impairment. If the universe is merely hoping that I'll be grateful for my senses, then it has accomplished its goal a thousand fold.

And grateful for lovers with glasses. Oh yes.


.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Here are my 3's:
I love:

1. My wife and how we get along together
2. My job, where I can come up my own solutions
3. My health remains basically sound

I need:

1. Continuing loving relationship with my wife
2. Staying sober and participate in AA fellowship
3. Find my muse again

I want to get rid of:

1. Regrets over my first love
2. Our A/C - we need a new one
3. my smoking (may not do it, though)

Most on my mind:

1. That first, lost love
2. My wife
3. Current project at work

Some of the recent discussions mentioned pain. I might make a distinction between physical and emotional pain. The former tells us something is wrong and we should act (these days sometimes the smallest things will cause some part to hurt), but not sure of the value of emotional pain. Perhaps chronic vs sporadic is as important a distinction.
Likewise with fear. Some fears are justified, others are irrational. I've had my share of problems with the latter.
Wishing you all well.

 

[Homburg]

I am a big fan of glasses as well. My motivation is more towards aesthetics, but I still concur overall.

 

[Homburg]

Some of the recent discussions mentioned pain. I might make a distinction between physical and emotional pain. The former tells us something is wrong and we should act (these days sometimes the smallest things will cause some part to hurt), but not sure of the value of emotional pain. Perhaps chronic vs sporadic is as important a distinction.

Perhaps it is just my taste. The blues would not exist sans emotional pain, and neither would much of what makes Celtic Trad and Celtic Punk so incredible. Songs like this would not be. I like sad songs, sad art, tragedies, and the like as much as as love my comedy, angry music, etc.

The tapestry of my life would be less rich had Akira Kurosawa never filmed "Ran".

Maybe I'm just weird. I fully admit it. My relationship with pain is so very not mainstream. Okay, no, there's no "maybe" to it. I am officially weird. That said, man, how many people out there have cried their eyes out to Blind Lemon Jefferson or Lightning Hopkins, and felt so very much better afterwards?

Pain that crushes the soul, like what happened to the artist from the link above? That I would see stopped. All pain though? I like my pain. It is a reminder that I am alive, that I have a chance at a new dawn.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I am a big fan of glasses as well. My motivation is more towards aesthetics, but I still concur overall.

I'm grateful that I don't need glasses except for driving (and movies etc.). Still able to see fine detail without trouble, which seems to be an exception - some around me are jealous.

 

[Homburg]

I'm grateful that I don't need glasses except for driving (and movies etc.). Still able to see fine detail without trouble, which seems to be an exception - some around me are jealous.

I've worn them since I was about 8 years old. Nearsighted, and some astigmatism. The latter seems to be getting worse, which is a little disheartening.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Perhaps it is just my taste. The blues would not exist sans emotional pain, and neither would much of what makes Celtic Trad and Celtic Punk so incredible. Songs like this would not be. I like sad songs, sad art, tragedies, and the like as much as as love my comedy, angry music, etc.

The tapestry of my life would be less rich had Akira Kurosawa never filmed "Ran".

Maybe I'm just weird. I fully admit it. My relationship with pain is so very not mainstream. Okay, no, there's no "maybe" to it. I am officially weird. That said, man, how many people out there have cried their eyes out to Blind Lemon Jefferson or Lightning Hopkins, and felt so very much better afterwards?

Pain that crushes the soul, like what happened to the artist from the link above? That I would see stopped. All pain though? I like my pain. It is a reminder that I am alive, that I have a chance at a new dawn.

I've considered how emotional pain can drive or expression, perhaps its the chronic aspect which can become debilitating (or cause one to become a drunk to escape, which I used to do). Is that unrequited love and so forth necessary (but not sufficient) for being a poet or other artist?

 

[Homburg]

Could well be. I write awful, unreadable drek when I'm happy. Similarly, I write morose, unreadable drek when I'm really crushed. There's some odd strata going in and coming out that produces vaguely readable things, but it is a sliver of being.

Mostly I just write unreadable drek. That supports the "insufficient" part of your theorum.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Emotional pain? I've had enough to flood the world with the tears I have cried and I still cry for that child that was me with no defences ..... no child should seriously want to die because there is no other escape.
Physical pain? I've had enough of that too ..... another childhood thing ..... I wonder if it warped my mind?
I've worn glasses since I was 3 the pupil of my eye literally disappeared into the corner and I had to wear an awful patch over the other eye to make it work again. How's that for bullying material?! I know about the taking off of the glasses so they don't get in the way!!
But heyyyy I'm a survivor in less than 3 weeks I turn 60 funny that .... I can't seem to see me as that age in my head perhaps it's time I grew up!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Emotional pain? I've had enough to flood the world with the tears I have cried and I still cry for that child that was me with no defences ..... no child should seriously want to die because there is no other escape.
Physical pain? I've had enough of that too ..... another childhood thing ..... I wonder if it warped my mind?
I've worn glasses since I was 3 the pupil of my eye literally disappeared into the corner and I had to wear an awful patch over the other eye to make it work again. How's that for bullying material?! I know about the taking off of the glasses so they don't get in the way!!
But heyyyy I'm a survivor in less than 3 weeks I turn 60 funny that .... I can't seem to see me as that age in my head perhaps it's time I grew up!

Don't recall much in the way of either emotional or physical pain as a child (I was different to some extent, and teased, but by and large able to handle it). My emotional pain hit me as a young man, when my excessive 'girl-shyness' may have closed the door on an important relationship. Still often hard to leave in the past; continue to remind myself that my current love is all I need. Fortunately, physical pain has been due to various incidents and not chronic.

As you say, a survivor - this year I expect to celebrate 60 years of breathing, 30 years in the same job, 28 years of sobriety and 26 years of marriage.
(anniversaries in June, May, April, and March respectively).
"the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"

 

[UnderYourSpell]

What happens in America when you get to what is pensionable age over here? I have just scraped in under the wire for getting a pension at 60 because after April it goes up to 62 for women

 

[EroticOrogeny]

What happens in America when you get to what is pensionable age over here? I have just scraped in under the wire for getting a pension at 60 because after April it goes up to 62 for women

Social security starts in full at 65. One can start at 62, but payments are less. There's been talk of making it 68, since people are living longer. Benefits depend upon what you paid in as well. Pensions come from employer, who also helps with 401-k tax-deferred investments. Lots of student load debt, so no plans to retire anytime soon.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Homburg, you're way too cool to continue with this silly self-deprecation as regards your writing. Just own it. You're good, and you have valuable things to say. You're so ballsy in everything else; why be scared to admit you've got some talent?

/amiablescolding/

as to pain, I continue to hold what may be a rather Pollyanna-ish attitude that it has a reason, and that we aren't given more than we can handle. However, sometimes we can't handle it alone; there are times when pain, emotional pain particularly, has the purpose of forcing us to remember our tribes and support systems, and to turn to them and allow them to help.

People feel more valuable when they can do something good and useful for someone they love. Offering opportunities to help us is a gift we give those we care about.

Personally, I'm all on this Haiti and Pat Robertson thing. Here's the clip that made me laugh out loud and applaud today:

I love Keith Olbermann now.

 

[eastern sun]

I love Keith Olbermann now.

Can you imagine feeling free enough to say that in your public persona?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I got hell for commenting on the content of someobodies poem got told everyone has freedom of speech to say whatever they like well I stick by what I said in the first place freedom of speech is crap crap crappppppppp

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Can you imagine feeling free enough to say that in your public persona?

I'm lucky enough to be able to speak my mind on most contexts, including on the job and in classes. And hell, far as I'm concerned, that's what an op-ed segment is for. Which reminds me, I just watched "Good Night and Good Luck", which was a phenomenal movie about the media and the McCarthy era. Fine examples there of what sort of difference can be made by conscientious journalism.