Carreer vs submissive nature

[Irony_Sinclair]

I think there are two different conversations going on in this thread. One seems to be about the perceived and/or real conflict of being a submissive while holding an employment position of authority. The other seems to be about how to make the transition from that position of authority into the submissive role. Related yes, but different things. At least as how I am reading this thread.

First...Your career path or even your everyday life interactions can or cannot have anything to do with what end of the whip you land on. Contrary to what some might believe, dominants and submissives do not always carry out this role in all aspects of life. In fact, some of the most diabolical dominants might be quite reserved outside of their D/s journies and some of the most willing subserviants may be the most acclaimed people of responsibility. Now, those factors may be a motivator in their D/s roles or they may not.

Some people actively seek out the opposite of what they portray themselves as to the outside world. Think the quintessential, but hopefully not stereotypical, high-level executive who in, in a male case, craves being stuffed into panty hose and taken by a strong woman with a strap-on. Or, in the female case, desires to be bound and treated like a complete slut. On the flip side is the demure housewife who can become a raging torent of supression and control. And so on and so on...

I've led men in times of war. I've directed men under fire. I'm a natural leader. Be it a meeting, a party, or mass chaos, I have a natural ability to take control and direct others. It isn't something I really think about, it is just something I do. To the outside world, I'm very much the Alpha-Male. And in truth I am that person. But that is not all of me. That isn't all of who I am. That side of me is not my only defining charactertistic. I run deeper. I think my avatar might be hint.

This part of the discussion goes far deeper than that. I know for a fact that I can own many who claim themselves to be dominant. Perhaps they are dominant with those of a weaker and unchallenging character, but I can see through them and I can make them very uncomfortable. Men mostly. Women are tougher. I find a truly dominant woman is quite humbling indeed. I seek out weakness and will expoit it if I find it. I'm a sub who fights the bit. If you desire my submission you have to show you're able to handle it. Not all submissives are such in every facet of their lives. For some of us, it takes incredible trust and an almost indescrible connection to pull it from us. That doesn't make any kind of submission or any kind of sub any more or less genuine, it just means that D/s is NOT a one-size fits all thing.

Now, as to how to shed the "9 to 5" and fall into the role, that's tough for some of us. As this thread has pointed out. We do not live a "classic" 24/7 TPE life. But that doesn't mean that it isn't always there. Of course it is. And with my personality combined with my job stresses it can make me quite a pain in the ass.

I don't always have to instantly transition because of how we live our lives and I'm thankful for that. But, that doesn't mean I don't have to find my place. Someone mentioned slapping. Oh slapping...There are times when she can slap me and I fall right into my place. But there are times when she slaps me and all my fibers tense up for a fight, resistance. The key is how we handle those times. I have to swallow down my learned behavior and she has to see what I'm experiencing. It's a dance. A dance between knowing and loving partners.

I find just breathing and relaxing and telling myself that I don't have to be in charge any more the best way to make the transition. Kisses and reassurance from her help a ton and at some point, whatever point, I just go there.

 

[xseraphimx]

I strongly believe that it is harder for a submissive woman who is called upon to be a leader and to excel in business to actually pull it off. Of course, women have to work harder than men, in what was previously a man's domain, just to maintain the status quo. This is unfortunate, but I believe that society is changing in that regard.

Aye - therein lies the most urgent of my problems. I was raised to "compete" in a male dominated career arena, and compete I certainly do! Women in my feild do have to climb claw and drag themselves up over the males. Tis this surge of power that, for myself makes my career so rewarding. I have paid little regard to male or female roles in the workplace, and incidentally...got to thinking that perhaps this in and of itself is the root of my problem. I am thinking in gender specifics and associating (my) submissiveness with being female.

Has anyone else felt the same?

Perhaps a male submissives perspective would be nice at this point? Anyone?

I'm rambling...tis been a long tiring day and I hadn't been able to check this thread in a cpl days due to work commitments. I wanted to see the comments. I appreciate the insights You are all sharing with me and one another.

I have to go wind down - tis so long since I've felt in the slightest bit "used" as a submissive that the winding down from work seems to be taking longer each day....errgh!

 

[xseraphimx]

Eeek

Irony Sinclair - I didn't see Your post before I posted, I don't know why...perhaps the board/thread needed to flip over.

However, I've read it, and will re-read it again in my a.m as I'm afraid my tired fuddled brain is not processing the information too well at the moment.

From the few bits I've managed to read, gleaned and assimlated in my grey matter, Your post has hit a chord with me.

ThankYou ~ Night

 

[coy_one]

I think there are two different conversations going on in this thread. One seems to be about the perceived and/or real conflict of being a submissive while holding an employment position of authority. The other seems to be about how to make the transition from that position of authority into the submissive role. Related yes, but different things. At least as how I am reading this thread.

First...Your career path or even your everyday life interactions can or cannot have anything to do with what end of the whip you land on. Contrary to what some might believe, dominants and submissives do not always carry out this role in all aspects of life. In fact, some of the most diabolical dominants might be quite reserved outside of their D/s journies and some of the most willing subserviants may be the most acclaimed people of responsibility. Now, those factors may be a motivator in their D/s roles or they may not.

Some people actively seek out the opposite of what they portray themselves as to the outside world. Think the quintessential, but hopefully not stereotypical, high-level executive who in, in a male case, craves being stuffed into panty hose and taken by a strong woman with a strap-on. Or, in the female case, desires to be bound and treated like a complete slut. On the flip side is the demure housewife who can become a raging torent of supression and control. And so on and so on...

I've led men in times of war. I've directed men under fire. I'm a natural leader. Be it a meeting, a party, or mass chaos, I have a natural ability to take control and direct others. It isn't something I really think about, it is just something I do. To the outside world, I'm very much the Alpha-Male. And in truth I am that person. But that is not all of me. That isn't all of who I am. That side of me is not my only defining charactertistic. I run deeper. I think my avatar might be hint.

This part of the discussion goes far deeper than that. I know for a fact that I can own many who claim themselves to be dominant. Perhaps they are dominant with those of a weaker and unchallenging character, but I can see through them and I can make them very uncomfortable. Men mostly. Women are tougher. I find a truly dominant woman is quite humbling indeed. I seek out weakness and will expoit it if I find it. I'm a sub who fights the bit. If you desire my submission you have to show you're able to handle it. Not all submissives are such in every facet of their lives. For some of us, it takes incredible trust and an almost indescrible connection to pull it from us. That doesn't make any kind of submission or any kind of sub any more or less genuine, it just means that D/s is NOT a one-size fits all thing.

Now, as to how to shed the "9 to 5" and fall into the role, that's tough for some of us. As this thread has pointed out. We do not live a "classic" 24/7 TPE life. But that doesn't mean that it isn't always there. Of course it is. And with my personality combined with my job stresses it can make me quite a pain in the ass.

I don't always have to instantly transition because of how we live our lives and I'm thankful for that. But, that doesn't mean I don't have to find my place. Someone mentioned slapping. Oh slapping...There are times when she can slap me and I fall right into my place. But there are times when she slaps me and all my fibers tense up for a fight, resistance. The key is how we handle those times. I have to swallow down my learned behavior and she has to see what I'm experiencing. It's a dance. A dance between knowing and loving partners.

I find just breathing and relaxing and telling myself that I don't have to be in charge any more the best way to make the transition. Kisses and reassurance from her help a ton and at some point, whatever point, I just go there.

Well said!

I found that for me, to release the 9 to 5 skin, I go home and do yoga and meditation. That helps me to get rid of the work. That is a HUGE element for me. I can also switch my brains off - it has taken a lot of work for me to get to the point that I can do it, but it makes it easier for me to fall into sub role.
I am not always 100% able to, but definitely most of the time I can.

 

[Netzach]

I'll be completely honest here. I hate being the boss 99% of the time. If I could make the money I do now, or even better what I will be making here in a couple months and go back to being crew, I'd do it in a heart beat. Being forced into a position where I have to take the lead adds stress onto an already stressful environment. But then I think about it and even crew, to have any chance of not having a lot of people yelling at you, you still have a lot of responcibility, it's not all just following orders.

This is kind of my career synopsis, I didn't WANT to manage anyone but myself. I made really bizzare career choices so that could happen, and finally I'm seeing a profit. And, as we've covered, I'm a Domme.

I want to tell people what to do in my private life, I have no interest in having to manage them and be paid based on results of lack thereof.

Hats off to you - majorly!

 

[Netzach]

Aye - therein lies the most urgent of my problems. I was raised to "compete" in a male dominated career arena, and compete I certainly do! Women in my feild do have to climb claw and drag themselves up over the males. Tis this surge of power that, for myself makes my career so rewarding. I have paid little regard to male or female roles in the workplace, and incidentally...got to thinking that perhaps this in and of itself is the root of my problem. I am thinking in gender specifics and associating (my) submissiveness with being female.

Has anyone else felt the same?

Perhaps a male submissives perspective would be nice at this point? Anyone?

I'm rambling...tis been a long tiring day and I hadn't been able to check this thread in a cpl days due to work commitments. I wanted to see the comments. I appreciate the insights You are all sharing with me and one another.

I have to go wind down - tis so long since I've felt in the slightest bit "used" as a submissive that the winding down from work seems to be taking longer each day....errgh!

I'm not a male sub but I have experience with a wide variety, including a vast number of guys whose public life/career life was antithetical to submission. It wasn't really as much of an internal struggle. It was totally obvious to these guys that you are one way out in the workforce and another way at home, and neither is less genuine to who you are.

I think that's because of how we present men and women the whole notion of career. Women are constantly being barraged with "how are you going to balance work and home" messages, barraged with the notion that you're not *really* who you are at work, rather than thinking of it as a compartment or an aspect of who you are - leading to a kind of psycho feeling of "faking it" when you actually do attain some success.

I could go on.

The glass ceiling is alive and well, and even if the wage gap closed it would still be there.

 

[intothewoods]

Well, I'm not a male sub either, but my career life is certainly antithetical to submission. I don't butch up to compete or anything. I don't even think that works, at least in the offices in which I've worked. My area of the working world is still pretty old fashioned in a number of ways.

I don't have a problem managing people actually. I'm direct, but I'm also fair. It's not that I love being in charge of other people. I don't. But it's a necessary part of my job, so I just learned how to do it.

In any case...I liked how you put it, Irony Sinclair:

I find just breathing and relaxing and telling myself that I don't have to be in charge any more the best way to make the transition. Kisses and reassurance from her help a ton and at some point, whatever point, I just go there.

 

[JamesSD]

I often find myself feeling "torn" between both worlds - carreer woman vs submissive. I've wondered how others cope with this situation.

You sound a lot like my girlfriend, except it was her mother that pushed her.

Frankly, you sound like the classic sexual submissive. You career requires you to be strong and decisive, so could it possibly be releasing to you to give up control and submit behind the bedroom door?

 

[Baskin Robbins]

I don't know if that is what it is for them, but that is exactly what it is for me. I run my own business and got here by not letting anyone or anything get in my way. If there's an obstacle figure out a way to make it work. If someone is standing in your way drive over them.

It would be nice to be able to turn that off and be the one taken charge of at home, but my wife doesn't get it. It would relieve a great deal of pressure and stress. Otherwise I hold it in and it becomes destructive.

Don't really know what to do sometimes except be stressed... or drink. Cheers!

 

[PoeticMusings53]

I was raised by a very Dominant Father, I realise now that he pushed me hard in order for me to succeed in a male dominated career environment. I have always been a "server" and I am compelled to "acheive" whether that be in personal life, or careerwise. I absolutely MUST be the best at anything I undertake. Having said that, my carreer involves a great deal of responsibility to others, I manage a large staff and are called upon often to delegate, give orders and in general manage a large successful company. I have hidden my submissiveness largely due to the misconceptions of the vanilla world but also in deference to my Father. W/out putting to strong or a negative an emphasis on this, I believe my Father was my first Dominant, albeit that he never knew and in terms of this discussion, he would have been appalled to learn I am a natural submissive. I often find myself feeling "torn" between both worlds - carreer woman vs submissive. I've wondered how others cope with this situation.

Seems perfectly natural to me - the submissive BDSM play is release from the often absurd pressure for concrete achievement in our society.

Have no idea about how to balance the female issues. You could always find another career that doesn't require so much dominance - I'm currently in the process of finding another career because mine doesn't fit well with me psychologically. Nothing wrong with that.